“What?” he asks me while sitting down on one of the chairs by my desk, sounding completely taken aback. As he should.

            “I don’t think it’s right,” I say. I don’t even know how to follow up a statement like this. I should have thought it through better. I take a seat on a chair facing him.

            “What are you talking about?”

            “Do you know how much I have received from all of you since I have come here?” I ask. “You guys might not know what money is but I do. I wasn’t rich before I came here and now the amount of clothing and material items I own given to me by you alone could be sold to buy my Mom a house,” I know I am exaggerating, but in actuality, I’m not far from the truth right now. God knows how much this gown cost.

            “So? What’s so bad about that?” he asks, almost sounding hurt. He looks very concerned.

            “What is so bad about that?! Seunghyun! Do you guys remember that YG is paying me to live here? He is paying me to live here for free, to take expensive gifts from you, to eat your food, to follow you around, to be your girlfriend-“ he cuts me off.

            “We hired you to be here for us,”

            “To be honest Seunghyun, I have worked maybe once or twice since I got here, everything else has just been fun and games. Daesung spoke to me a couple times-but that was it. I don’t know why you guys needed someone like me around because other then him, none of you seem to have any issues,” I am starting to speak bluntly and it’s awful because I sound ungrateful, but in reality I just feel awful for taking so much from them without giving back in return.

            He puts his hands on my thighs, leans in and looks me directly in the eyes. “_______-ah. We want you here. Do you know how much everyone is changed since you have coming here?”

            “You aren’t single anymore, that’s about all I can tell,” I say. Oh God that was awful, why am I being so mean?
            “Stop it! No! Everyone is so much happiness having you around. We going from being robots to actually enjoying lives. You don’t see that because you not being here before!” he doesn’t sound angry as much as he sounds frantic. He is talking to me as if I am going to jump off a bridge and he is trying to tell me how important it is for me to live. He is almost pleading with me. How did I change their lives so much?

            “Honest?”

            “Honest,”

            “Still. YG isn’t paying me to be a friend. I would do that for free! I love you guys! Do you honestly think that I deserve one hundred thousand dollars a year and all of these gifts just to be a live-in friend? Because honestly Seunghyun-“

            “Stop it! Don’t call me that,” he says while pushing himself up and off of his chair quickly. He looks pained. He takes one of his hands and forms a fist and places it firmly against his forehead.

            “It’s your name!” He looks down at me from underneath his fist and he looks so hurt, I immediately regret saying anything. “Oh God, please forgive me Seu-Oppa. Please, I didn’t mean it,” I say.

            “Please. Just…put on shoes. Meet me in the living room when ready to leave,”

            “Okay,” is all I say. He goes to leave the room and I find myself stumbling over my dress to catch him. “Wait!” I wrap my arms around his waist from behind. He tries to shrug me off gently but my grip on him gets tighter. I slide my way to the front of him and look up at his face. He’s looking straight at the door. “Miane Oppa, really. I didn’t mean it. Well I mean, I did…but…not the thing about you. I love you Oppa,” I plead. His lips turn up slightly. It’s working but it’s going to take some time.

            “We will talk more about everything when arrived home tonight” he says, and leaves me in my room.

                                                .                       .                       .

            I’m not even a celebrity and I already have to pretend like everything is fine on the outside for the public-where’s my vent machine? We walk down the red carpet in a row. Daesung and Seungri are by my sides. Taeyang is by Seungri and TOP is next to Taeyang. G-dragon is on Daesung’s side. My peach colored dress stands out in the middle of the group of men in black tuxs’. Everyone is hushed and talking about us as we make our way down, it’s all in Korean but they sound like they half approve and half want to know who the hell I am.

            I have a bright smile on my face and so does the rest of Big Bang. They are waving to the crowds on either side of the carpet. I bow my head and wave every now and then because I know I am not what they came here for even though I can tell I am all they are talking about currently.

            The camera flashes go off constantly and the band and I stop every couple feet to pose for photos. I have always dreamt of a moment like this. Being an actress on the red carpet for the Oscars has been a dream of mine since I was born practically. I came out of my Mom and I know my tears were because I had asked myself “What is my motivation in this scene?”

            Here it is, and though it’s not quite the Oscars-it’s pretty damn close. It’s a shame I have other things on my mind. I keep a smile on my face as I turn to look at Seunghyun at the end of the line we have created. His hair is slicked back with gel and it shines in the camera flashes. He looks like a 1920’s gangster. He is keeping his face turned to the left side of the carpet. His face is stoic and luckily it works for him. He’s practically smoldering at the photographers. They eat it up.

            Eventually we made it inside where we were seated in the third row from the stage.

            “Enjoy self tonight,” Seungri actually whispers for once.

            “I will,” I say to him. I don’t know if the other members are aware of what has happened between Seunghyun and I or between myself and the entire band for that matter. Seunghyun and I didn’t speak the entire way here, nor did either of us speak to any of the other members for that matter. I don’t know if they noticed or not though because they were all babbling to each other. It was my first time riding in a limo too.

            It was awkward because I sat next to Seunghyun. He didn’t hold my hand, and I don’t blame him. I don’t know if he is still upset because of what I said or if he just feels as awkward as I do at this point. Regardless, I don’t think anyone noticed-even when he didn’t walk next to me. They probably assumed that he didn’t want to be obvious.

            The awards show was like a blur to me. The awards came and went, and all I know is that Big Bang cleaned them up. They even took Record of the Year and their album doesn’t even release until next week. It was said that the reviewers reviewed their album and it was just that good or something like that. This is apparently the first time in history this has ever been done.

            Big Bang had left me alone mid show to change into their outfits for their performance. They