Ch. [28]
Blue Tomorrow
Kyuhyun ran through the halls, feeling his heart pounding hard and violently against his chest. He dodged the nurses and doctors walking around. He was panting hard already. But he felt nothing, he only wanted to see Hyukjae, to meet him and hold his hand. He wanted to see the doctor and hear that his fiancé was fine, that his baby was healthy and that they could go home because nothing wrong happened.
But Kyuhyun knew it wasn’t like that because as soon as he arrived at the hall Hyukjae was in, in the intensive care unit, he saw Chaerin crying outside, sitting down against the wall just a wall away from his mother.
Kyuhyun wanted to die, he wanted to scream and exclaim how much he hated what was happening. “Chaerin! Baby! Are you alright?” Kyuhyun asked panicked, his words stumbling out of his mouth because he barely could talk.
Chaerin cried and threw herself to Kyuhyun’s body, hiding her small face against his abdomen. “Oppa!” she cried clenching on his shirt. “They say mommy is sick!” she said and Kyuhyun felt his heart breaking, shaking in desperation.
Kyuhyun couldn’t say anything, he looked around, looking for someone to give him information, to tell him that Hyukjae was doing fine.
He leaned down and grabbed Chaerin from the shoulders, shaking her to calm her down and bring her back. “Chaerin, tell me what happened to Hyukjae,” he ordered and he was sure the fear and horror he was feeling was reflecting in his voice.
Chaerin panted from so much crying. “He fell…,” she bit her lips hardly. “From the stairs… mommy fell and my brother was screaming and crying…”
Kyuhyun gasped and shook his head in denial. No. Hyukjae had to be fine, his baby had to be healthy, they had to be okay because Kyuhyun didn’t know what he was going to do if it was otherwise. He couldn’t lose Hyukjae, not his baby. Kyuhyun wasn’t strong enough.
He stood up and looked around desperately. It was then that he spotted his mother, fidgeting nervously at the other side of the hall and he opened his eyes widely, feeling his heart stop for a moment as he left Chaerin crying and walked towards his mother silently.
Kyuhyun grabbed Jihyun by the shoulders, making the woman look at him with fear in her eyes. “What are you doing here?” Kyuhyun asked and it was the coldest tone he had ever used on her, making her horrified. “Why are you here?!” he demanded almost yelling, rage invading his tone.
Jihyun flinched, her tears forming once again in her eyes as he looked down in shame. “Kyuhyun… I’m sorry, It wasn’t my intention, I-”
Kyuhyun let go of her roughly, stepping back, as if he was afraid of hurting his own mother because of his rage. “You couldn’t leave him alone did you?!” he yelled with his tears finally going down his eyes in desperation and frustration. How useless he felt because he could do nothing, he knew nothing about what was happening. “You had to molest him even when he did nothing to you! Why can’t you accept that I love him?!”
Jihyun covered her face with her hands, crying loudly and falling on her knees. “I’m sorry…,” she mumbled between sobs.
Kyuhyun stepped back and shook his head, his eyes full of rage and fear. He ran his fingers through his hair in desperation. “How could you?!” he yelled again. “What are you?!”
“Oppa!” Chaerin cried scared. She had never seen Kyuhyun that angry, and much less with his own mother. “S-She didn’t do anything…,” she mumbled and Kyuhyun simply frowned, leaning down to hug Chaerin.
“Don’t worry pretty, let oppa manage this,” Kyuhyun said firmly and even Chaerin shivered at the coldness. The little girl simply nodded, biting her lower lip scared.
A doctor came out from the room, dressed in completely light blue, indicating that Hyukjae was in such a critical state as to take the risk of an infection.
Kyuhyun stumbled towards the doctor and looked at him pleadingly. “How is he?” he asked nervous, feeling his body trembling in fear.
The look the doctor gave him wasn’t even close to happy. Kyuhyun’s heart stopped, waiting for the doctor to tell him how Hyukjae was doing fine. Jihyun also stepped forward silently, fidgeting scared while Chaerin hugged Kyuhyun’s thigh and listened carefully.
“I’m afraid Hyukjae-shi is not doing well,” the doctor started and it was in that very moment that Kyuhyun swore to the heavens. “The trauma has caused a situation we know as placental abruption,” the doctor continued serious. “This is when the placenta separates from the uterus after traumatism, there are high risks for both, the mother and the baby, even more because the baby’s lungs are not mature enough as to perform a surgery,” he explained and by the way the doctor looked at him, Kyuhyun knew whatever was coming, it wasn’t going to be good.
“B-But you can save them right?” Kyuhyun asked nervously. “You can save both…”
The doctor looked at Kyuhyun, as if feeling pity. “In these cases,” he started as soft as he could. “The baby is in distress since he has no way to get oxygen or nutrients from its mother but it’s still not mature enough as to live. Hyukjae-shi is even worst, he has lost a lot of blood and his kidneys have collapsed. We are administrating glucocorticoids, a steroid, to help the baby’s lungs to develop extremely fast. These drugs… the steroids, are causing Hyukjae-shi’s liver to degenerate in a fast pace since his kidneys cannot work properly. We’re waiting for the last minute to get the baby out by surgery, we have to take advantage of any minute for the baby to grow,” he stopped for some seconds. “But I can’t assure the mother’s safety, while his body is keeping his baby alive, he’s dying faster than we can keep up to, the only way we can save him is by performing surgery…,” the doctor looked at Kyuhyun, feeling sympathy. “But if we do, the baby has almost no chance of surviving right now.”
Kyuhyun shook his head, not wanting to believe. “Almost, you said almost,” he said. “There’s a chance for my baby andHyukjae to live right? You can still save them both.”
The doctor’s eyes reflected the pain. “I’m sorry,” he said shaking his head. “But I must ask you, the guardian, what you want,” he said gently and Kyuhyun shook his head in denial. No, he wasn’t going to answer that question. “If we’re seen in such a situation,” the doctor said slowly.
“No,” Kyuhyun shook his head, tears storming out of his eyes.
“If the mother or the baby goes through so much distress…,” the doctor continued.
“No!” Kyuhyun exclaimed still in denial.
“Which one should be prioritized?” the doctor finally asked.
Kyuhyun felt that knot in his throat, that pain in his chest, that desperation building up in him because he was useless. Hyukjae and his baby were dying and he could do nothing.
Kyuhyun couldn’t choose, he wanted them both alive, none of them were less important, he loved them both. “I can’t…,” Kyuhyun mumbled with shaky voice, his tears storming out without him allowing them. “I can’t choose.”
“You have to,” the doctor said firmly. “And even when you choose, we can’t assure either will live.”
Kyuhyun fell down his knees, supporting his weight with his hands and letting his head fall. “No, I can’t choose…”
The doctor leaned down and patted Kyuhyun’s shoulder. “If we wait until the baby is ready, we won’t be able to save Hyukjae-shi. But if we stabilize Hyukjae-shi, the baby will probably die,” he said bluntly. “You have to choose.”
Kyuhyun cried loudly. “No!” he yelled and looked up, taking his hands to the doctor’s coat, gripping on it hardly. “Please save them both…,” he begged and fixed himself to beg on his knees. “Please… please don’t let them die… please keep them alive… I don’t know what will I do without them…”
The doctor gasped and looked into Kyuhyun’s eyes. “I-” he pursed his lips. “I’ll try…,” he finally gave up, giving the hope Kyuhyun needed. “But it will be extremely dangerous,” he said. “We can only wait longer for the baby to be mature enough and pray for the mother’s body to be strong as to support it, but Kyuhyun-shi,” he called with a serious tone. “They can both live, but there is a bigger chance that they will both die.”
Kyuhyun swallowed that know in his throat. “Save them,” he begged. “Please save them… Hyukjae is strong, he can do this…”
“Doctor! Hemorrhage!” a nurse yelled from Hyukjae’s room and the doctor quickly stood up, running into the room as fast as he could.
Kyuhyun turned up and he could see Hyukjae while the door closed slowly. He could see his biggest love lying lifeless in that bed stained with blood. He could see his hands connected to million of small tubes feeding him and his baby. Hyukjae was there, fighting to make his baby survive.
Kyuhyun cried and let out of his tears when finally the door closed. He could still hear the nurses yelling data he didn’t know about. He closed his eyes and pulled his hair from frustration. “AHHHH!” he yelled loudly, taking out all the rage he was feeling. He closed his eyes tightly and kept yelling, calling all the nurses and patients’ attention to him.
They all felt pity for the man, they all wanted to cry just looking at him without knowing what was happening.
Kyuhyun was crying, in the hospital’s hall while pulling out his hair in desperation and yelling loudly because it was painful, it was way more painful than anyone could imagine. He cried because it was happening again, his life was disappearing again just when he got it back, Hyukjae was leaving the same way Ryeowook did and Kyuhyun was sure he couldn’t take it anymore, he was sure he wasn’t going to have the will to leave if anything happened to Hyukjae and his baby.
“Oppa…,” Chaerin cried hugging Kyuhyun softly, trying to calm him down the same way her mother used to do with her when she was sad. She didn’t know what was happening but she was sure it wasn’t good.
Kyuhyun hugged Chaerin tightly, as if the small girl could make anything better. “He’s going to be alright,” he whispered like a mantra and Chaerin simply nodded, also letting out her tears. “Your mom will be fine and our baby will come out healthy,” he chanted closing his eyes and hugging Chaerin even tighter, hiding his face against her small neck while the little girl hugged his head and nodded at his words, truly wanting to believe them.
And Kyuhyun cried. He couldn’t help it. Was he cursed in some sick way? Was he destined to suffer forever? It had happened before, his baby and his fiancé were death.
But Hyukjae was different. Hyukjae was strong.
Kyuhyun wanted to believe that Hyukjae could make it, that Hyukjae was also doing his best to be alright and get together again with him. He wanted to think in a family portrait in which Hyukjae was holding a baby in his arms with a wide smile while Chaerin grinned and looked at the baby amused and he rounded Hyukjae’s waist with his hand and kissed his temple. That was what Kyuhyun wanted, there was nothing else he was wishing for.
Jihyun looked at his son, at how broken he was and she froze. She did that. She just broke her only son she had left and she was tearing him apart from her. Her tears fell down from her tired face and she cried silently, watching how Kyuhyun let out of his tears being hugged by such a small girl that now seemed stronger than him.
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