Ch. [09]
Blue Tomorrow
Kyuhyun couldn’t help but glance from time to time to Hyukjae and Chaerin who were currently playing some kind of cards game in the living room, with him sitting in the small couch looking at some papers. He wanted to join them because they seemed to be having fun but Kyuhyun had never seen himself playing with a kid or being so childish.
“I won! I won!” Chaerin chirped happily and Hyukjae didn’t take even a millisecond to start congratulating the little girl. “Mommy~ will you give me my prize?” she asked innocently and Hyukjae laughed softly.
“Of course baby, let’s get it,” Hyukjae said with a big smile and stood up, reaching his hand for Chaerin to take. “Kyuhyun,” Hyukjae called and Kyuhyun jumped slightly at the mention of his name.
“What?” Kyuhyun asked faking annoyance, clearing his throat and not turning away from the papers in his hands.
“We’ll get some ice cream, why don’t you take a break from work and come with us?” Hyukjae asked and Kyuhyun didn’t remember that voice sounding that sweet.
“No thanks,” Kyuhyun said coldly, pursing his lips and still looking at his papers.
“Come on Kyuhyun,” Hyukjae insisted, suddenly appearing in front of him and taking away the papers from his hand. “Chaerin wants you to,” he said and Chaerin grinned, nodding eagerly.
“Come on Sr. President!” the small girl chirped and Kyuhyun frowned.
“No thanks,” Kyuhyun repeated, firmer than before and scratching his paper back from Hyukjae’s hands.
Hyukjae sighed and nodded. “I’ll bring you some then,” he said and went to the door.
Chaerin pouted as well and just nodded at her mother, waving good bye to what seemed to be a pretty busy Kyuhyun.
As soon as the couple was out of the house, Kyuhyun groaned and threw his papers to the table. He pursed his lips in irritation, it wasn’t that he suddenly thought Hyukjae was really nice, it was entirely different. He like the girl, she was his niece after all. But Hyukjae was another story. He was still the one ruining his family and taking his brother away. Hyukjae was still the same poor and greed man that stole part of their fortune.
“Maybe he’s just being nice so I won’t destroy him after…,” Kyuhyun wondered and frowned. Maybe it was like that, maybe Hyukjae was planning something as he planned with Siwon.
Kyuhyun stood up and walked around his living room, nodding at his own thoughts of simply keeping on ignoring Hyukjae but being nice to the girl. He jumped when he heard his phone ringing. “God dammit, who the hell is it?” he asked frustrated and sighed when he saw his mother’s picture in the screen. “Hello?” he asked trying to sound as soft as he could.
“Kyuhyunnie,” his mother cooed. “Why haven’t you come visit me? Don’t you know how sad and lonely I am?” she asked and Kyuhyun massaged his temple.
“I’m sorry mom, it’s just that I have a lot of work…,” Kyuhyun trailed throwing his body to the couch and resting his head at the back of it, suddenly tired.
“Are you sure it’s just work Kyuhyun?” Jihyun asked coldly. “It’s not that you got tangled by that snake right? Remember Kyuhyun, he’s dangerous for our family…”
Kyuhyun pursed his lips. “Of course not mother,” he said firmly. “But I’ve been thinking…,” he trailed after a few seconds.
“What?” Jihyun asked curious.
“I-,” Kyuhyun shook his head. “Nothing… it was nothing…,” he said sighing deeply.
Jihyun hummed in the other line. “If you say so,” she said. “Will you come this weekend?”
Kyuhyun nodded, even if his mother couldn’t see him. “Yeah…,” he said absent minded. “Mom, I need to go, I’ll call you later,” he said and hung his phone up. He turned up when he saw the door opening, revealing the two figures of Hyukjae and Chaerin entering his house.
Hyukjae looked at him and smiled slightly. “Ah Kyuhyun, we bought you some-”
“No thanks,” Kyuhyun said coldly and turned around, walking to his room to think clearly. Because he wanted to hate Hyukjae with all his might and he had reasons to do so, but why was he slowly changing his mind? “He’s manipulating me…,” he mumbled once in his room and went to rest on his bed, sighing loudly and closing his eyes to rest for a while.
•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•
It was darkening already. Hyukjae smiled as he helped Chaerin with some of the exercises to improve his pulse that the kindergarten asked for her. “Mommy…,” the girl suddenly called and Hyukjae smiled at her gently.
“What is it baby?” Hyukjae asked caressing his daughter’s hair softly.
“When is daddy coming back?” Chaerin asked pouting lightly and Hyukjae felt his heart breaking.
“I- baby… this…,” Hyukjae bit his lower lip, trying to restrain himself from crying. “He’s not coming back… never…,” he explained and he knew the girl was probably not understanding, that she was probably not relating the concepts, that she hasn’t understood that Siwon was dead and would never come back.
“When is never mommy?” Chaerin asked with an innocent look in her big and round eyes, exactly like Hyukjae’s.
“Chaerin…,” Hyukjae called softly. “Daddy is not here… daddy won’t come back… daddy has left…,” he explained again and by the tears forming in Chaerin’s eyes, he knew the little girl was understanding.
“He left?” Chaerin asked. “Why?” she asked with teary eyes.
Hyukjae smiled bitterly. “He just went ahead baby, we’ll go with him some day…”
Chaerin’s lower lip was trembling and silent tears slid down her cheek. “He left because of me?” she asked and that only made Hyukjae’s heart broken.
How was he supposed to explain the concept of death to such a little girl? How to make her understand that his most beloved person will never come back? Chaerin hadn’t assimilated it before, she probably thought it was Siwon’s business trips or something like that. Maybe Chaerin couldn’t process the fact that her father was gone forever.
“Of course not baby… Daddy loved us… you know he did, he loved you with all his heart and soul…,” Hyukjae explained, drying the tears away from Chaerin’s cheek and not noticing his own sliding down.
“No mommy…,” Chaerin shook her small face, biting her lower lip. “Where is daddy?!” she asked fiercely. “I want daddy to come back! Bring daddy back!”
Hyukjae tried to reach his daughter but the little girl stood up. “Chaerin… he’s not here… he’s in heaven…”
“I want daddy back!” Chaerin yelled. “BRING DADDY BACK!” she screamed closing her eyes tightly, as if trying to deny reality, her tears sliding down endlessly. “DADDY!” she called uselessly.
Hyukjae threw himself to his daughter, hugging her tightly as the little girl fought to be set free. “Chaerin… it’s okay baby… I miss him too…”
“I want daddy!” Chaerin sobbed hiding her little face against Hyukjae’s chest. “Mommy! Bring daddy back! I won’t be a bad girl anymore…”
Hyukjae bit his lower lip hardly, closing his eyes. “You have always been a good girl baby… daddy loved you so much…,” he said with shaky voice.
Chaerin cried even harder, shaking her head fiercely in denial. “I won’t pull his hair anymore! And I won’t ask for a puppy if he doesn’t want one! Tell him to come back mommy! I’ll be a good girl! I promise I will…”
Hyukjae cried hugging his daughter. He knew it wouldn’t take too long for the small girl to realize what was happening. He knew the girl hadn’t understood that Siwon would be gone forever and had left them alone. Hyukjae knew it wouldn’t be long until the small girl realized they were left alone in this world.
“Mommy… I want daddy here…,” Chaerin cried, gripping on Hyukjae’s shirt tightly. “Daddy…”
“I know baby… I want him here too… so bad…,” Hyukjae admitted, clinging on his daughter because she was the only one he had left and he was going to make sure she would be the happiest. “I would bring him back if only I could…”
Kyuhyun looked at the scene, ever since the beginning on it when he went out of his room to get some water. He had been frozen there, with warm tears streaming down his face. He looked down, his fangs covering his eyes because he was being vulnerable and he hated to feel that.
Kyuhyun had promised to himself that he wouldn’t cry, that he was strong and he could stand it. He tried to convince himself that death was not something to cry to because there were a lot of things to do for the present and future.
But in front of him was the wife and the daughter of his older brother. They were crying loudly, in his living room, wishing for Siwon to come back and he realized that him too, secretly, wished for him to come. And Kyuhyun would tell him that he’s sorry for not attending those dinners he was always invited to. He would go and spend more time with him and he would tell him how much he regretted not visiting the hospital when Chaerin was born but that he knows her now and the girl is lovely.
Kyuhyun silently wished for Siwon to come back too and maybe he was in the same state that Chaerin. Because Kyuhyun was slowly realizing that his older brother would never come back, that he will never receive an invitation for a dinner or that Siwon will never ask him to go and meet his family. Siwon was death and he felt the weight of reality falling on him dryly, crushing his body and making him unable to breathe.
“Daddy…,” Kyuhyun heard how Chaerin cried, calling for his brother.
Kyuhyun ran his hands through his hair, his eyes closed and his tears running down. He couldn’t move, the only thing he wished was for him not to realize how hard it was to know the concept of death. How much it pained him Chaerin’s ad Hyukjae’s cries. It was as if they were reflecting his own heart and that made Kyuhyun frustrated, mad even. He hated feeling vulnerable and lonely, it wasn’t his style and he loathed it.
The sobs faded slowly and when Kyuhyun turned up, with dried tears because, even if he didn’t realize, he stood there for at least an hour. An hour in which Chaerin couldn’t stop crying and Hyukjae didn’t let his daughter go. Kyuhyun looked at the two figures.
Hyukjae was holding his daughter steady, mumbling in his lap as she cried silently with her eyes closed. Hyukjae caressed her hair gently, his own tears falling down, seemingly endless.
And Kyuhyun touched his face, the path of tears clear in his cheeks, his eyes hurt and swollen, probably red from so much crying. He could only see how Chaerin drifted off to sleep slowly, hugging Hyukjae as if her life depended on it. But Hyukjae didn’t seem tired, he just kept caressing his daughter’s hair gently, whispering sweet words of love, telling her how much he loved her.
After almost another half an hour, Hyukjae lifted up his red and swollen eyes and locked them with Kyuhyun’s equally red ones. Neither of them dared to look away. They just looked at each other, as if finally understand everything. But it was until Hyukjae dedicated him one slight and weak smile that Kyuhyun felt his heart beat coming to life again.
Kyuhyun stepped ahead in silence, darting his eyes to the small girl now sleeping in her mother’s lap. “She just assimilated it…,” Hyukjae said slowly, almost in a whisper and Kyuhyun wanted to admit that he too, had just assimilated it. “It’ll be harder from now on…,” he said, smiling bitterly at his own misery.
“It must be hard already…,” Kyuhyun said and even he was surprised to hear himself so gentle.
“But she didn’t know it,” Hyukjae said looking down at the girl in his lap.
“I’ll take her,” Kyuhyun said as soon as he saw Hyukjae trying to stand up carefully.
Hyukjae smiled and nodded, watching how Kyuhyun lifted the little girl carefully, as if she would break from any movement.
When Kyuhyun came back to the living room, he found Hyukjae standing in front of one of the pictures of both brothers in one of the shields, he was covering his face with both hands, obviously shedding some more silent tears. “Won’t you stop crying?” Kyuhyun asked frustrated, feeling himself getting teary as well.
Hyukjae looked at Kyuhyun and bit his lower lip. “I just…,” he bit his lower lip and looked down at his feet. “I just can’t find a reason…”
Kyuhyun walked to Hyukjae’s side and looked at the picture. It was almost a year they took it in a business meeting when Siwon suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders and both laughed at the sudden action, the photo being taken with a great brother aura that Kyuhyun had missed so much. “Why did you take him away from me Hyukjae?” Kyuhyun asked and Hyukjae gasped slowly.
They looked at each other and Hyukjae shook his head. “I never did,” he said. “I was happy when he talked about you and your mom, it made me feel closer to a family that I never had… how much I have wished for you to be together more time Kyuhyun… I really do.”
They locked their eyes again and Hyukjae smiled faintly.
“I know you’re mad Kyuhyun… I’m also mad…,” Hyukjae said softly. “And I’m as broken as you... I know how it feels… I know how much regret you’re going through because I’m feeling it too. I know how much it hurts to lose him… I know it.”
“No Hyukjae, you don’t! You took him away from us! You ruined my family!” Kyuhyun almost yelled but Hyukjae could notice the shaky voice.
“I’m sorry Kyuhyun…,” Hyukjae simply said. “I deserve the worst for making that to you, I’m sorry… I really do…,” he said, a warm tear sliding down his cheek.
And Kyuhyun froze, a shameless tear going down as he looked at Hyukjae. He had always wanted him to apologized, it was as his goal in life and now Hyukjae was apologizing sincerely, repeating the same words all over again and he couldn’t help it when he finally broke down, crying loudly because he couldn’t stand it, not anymore.
Kyuhyun fell down his knees and Hyukjae cried with him, also kneeling down and slowly hugging Kyuhyun’s shoulders, trying to give him the warmth he was probably missing.
And Kyuhyun didn’t reject the hug, instead he hugged back desperately, crying loudly because his brother was dead, as well as his father, he was so young and with such responsibilities already. Everything stumbled down and Kyuhyun couldn’t take it. He gripped on Hyukjae’s shirt tightly, not wanting to let go and Hyukjae lent him his shoulder to cry, hugging him tightly as well.
That night, for the very first time, Kyuhyun showed his vulnerable side to someone.
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