Ch. [22]
Blue Tomorrow
Kyuhyun looked at his phone, he was just a button away from hearing Hyukjae’s voice, from knowing how he was and how Chaerin was doing.
It was had been a month. A month already that he hasn’t been able to get near Hyukjae. He was supposed to not call him either but that was the only thing that was stopping him from doing so. If Hyukjae called him, then he would be gladly answering.
But it seemed like Hyukjae was determined on getting away from his family for real.
Kyuhyun threw his phone to the couch in front of him. He had to get rid of temptation because he was a weak man and sooner or later, he was sure he would fall for it.
Kyuhyun promised himself he wouldn’t cry for Hyukjae, but he wasn’t giving up either. He was also determined on finding a way to get them together once more. Kyuhyun talked to lawyers for his own already. He was told the restriction order could only be removed by a judge but that it would be easier for him than his mother since he actually never did anything to the other. It would be impossible though, for him to do it silently since at least Hyukjae would hear. He just hoped his mother didn’t.
Kyuhyun stood up and walked side to side the living room. There were so many things he wanted to do after he could finally get close to Hyukjae that he couldn’t help but think all of it at once. He would kiss Hyukjae endlessly. He would lift Chaerin up to his arms and play with the little girl. He was going to ask Hyukjae to live with him again, this time they would stay in the same room and Chaerin would have her own room decorated at her taste.
It was going to be nice.
As soon as the restriction order was lifted.
•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•
Hyukjae leaned down to the toilet even more, feeling his breakfast going out from his mouth and making his throat hurt deeply. He was exhausted, grabbing the toilet with all his strength, that wasn’t much, because he felt he would fall in any minute.
“Mommy…,” Chaerin cried nervously, scared of what was happening to Hyukjae.
Hyukjae smiled weakly. “I’m fine baby…,” he said gently and stood up to wash his face as he flushed the toilet and the small girl hugged his abdomen gently.
Hyukjae took Chaerin to school. The girl was still getting used to her new teachers and friends but she never complained and Hyukjae hoped she was doing fine. He greeted goodbye and walked to his morning job, a cafeteria that Shindong also owned but in the other way of the city. He bit his lower lip remembering the accident that morning.
It’s been like that for weeks already and Hyukjae wasn’t stupid. He knew what was happening and he found himself standing in front of a pharmacy, going in and buying three different pregnancy tests.
When finally Hyukjae arrived to his job, he worked hard as usual and took his time in his break to sit in the toilet, biting his lower lip nervously and feeling his heart almost jumping out from his heart.
In front of him were three different tests, all of them positive and Hyukjae smiled, taking his hands to his tummy and caressing it slowly. He was bearing Kyuhyun’s child. He felt happy, he couldn’t believe he would be pregnant again.
But happiness didn’t last long. What was he going to do? Social services was always there to remind Hyukjae he couldn’t take care of Chaerin and he needed to keep his two jobs in order to give Chaerin everything she needed. What would happen then, when, because of pregnancy, he can’t go to work? Or even worst, when the baby is born, he will have to stay at home to take care of it and there’s no way he can allow social services know about that.
It was an illusion, a beautiful illusion to be pregnant again, to be carrying Kyuhyun’s baby.
“Oh honey… you surely don’t know where you came to,” Hyukjae said lovingly, caressing his own tummy with a weak smile.
He didn’t know how he was going to do it. He had no idea what his future was going to give him.
But Hyukjae knew he was going to give his all to Chaerin and his new baby.
A warm tear went down Hyukjae’s eyes and a soft smile plastered in his face. In that moment, Hyukjae couldn’t stop crying. He was scared, he was horrified for his future. But a baby was a blessing and Hyukjae smiled at the thought that it could actually be something God sent him to give all his love to.
“Hyukjae? Are you there?” Hyukjae heard the door of the bathroom knock and he looked up, drying his tears and clearing his throat. “Are you alright? Break is almost over.”
“I-I’m fine…,” and Hyukjae scolded himself for his weak voice. “I’ll go in a few seconds,” he assured.
There was a second of silence before his co-worker spoke again, probably wondering if Hyukjae was being honest. “Okay then, don’t take too long,” he said and Hyukjae simply hummed as a response, not trusting his shaky voice.
Sighing loudly, Hyukjae went out from the cubicle and washed his swollen face. He smiled at the thought of another baby and he bit his lower lip, his cheeks were blushing out of nowhere, his heart pounding hard and his hands shaking slightly for how nervous he was at the news.
If Hyukjae had to be honest with himself. He would say he was happier than he expected him to be in such situation.
When Hyukjae walked to go and get Chaerin back from school, he couldn’t help but to be even more nervous. How was he going to explain that he was going to give birth to another baby but that it wasn’t Siwon’s? His hands were shaking even more and he had to stop and sit down in a bench because he didn’t know how he was going to confront his own daughter. What would she say? What if she felt jealous or disgusted? Certainly, Hyukjae would die if his own daughter rejected him too.
•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•
“And how will we call him?” Chaerin asked excited, even more than Hyukjae himself. “I want it to be a boy because I want a brother!” she exclaimed happily, squealing from happiness.
Hyukjae gaped. He couldn’t believe he was blessed with such a good girl as a daughter.
“And I’ll teach him to read and write! And we can buy him cute clothes and dress him all the time!” Chaerin grinned widely. “Mommy! When will he be ready?”
Hyukjae chuckled and hugged Hyukjae softly. “Oh baby… thank you so much…”
Chaerin titled her head confused. “Why me?” she asked. “You’re the one giving me a brother!” she said smiling widely and hugging his mother tightly.
The little girl gasped and pouted when he heard Hyukjae crying softly, still hugging her.
“Mommy… Does it hurt somewhere?” the small girl asked worriedly. “Mommy… is he okay?”
Hyukjae chuckled and dried his tears. “It’s just that I’m happy baby,” he explained smiling gently. “He? You know it’s going to be a boy?”
Chaerin grinned smugly. “I know,” she said confident.
“What if it’s a girl?” Hyukjae asked chuckling lightly and watching how Chaerin pursed her lips in concentration.
“Then I’ll teach her how to be pretty like me,” Chaerin said flipping her short hair and making Hyukjae laugh.
“My girl is so self centered,” Hyukjae mumbled and Chaerin pouted.
“I’m not!” Chaerin defended. “But if it’s a girl then we’ll be the prettiest!”
Hyukjae laughed. “Baby, what about going out for ice cream?” he asked and he smiled at how Chaerin’s face brightened up.
“You have to eat two mommy! Because my brother is eating too!” Chaerin exclaimed already holding Hyukjae’s hand. “And eat twice and use twice as clothes!”
Hyukjae chuckled. “The baby is still small baby, he has enough with what I do, when he grows I’ll give him some,” he explained and Chaerin nodded in understanding.
Chaerin was still having small episodes of short convulsions. Sometimes just a leg would shake or just an arm, the same convulsion from before hadn’t happened.
Hyukjae had taken her to the nutriologist and keeps going with her doctor who insists that even when her glucose is normal, she should eat better. Hyukjae didn’t trust him entirely but he could not change because the court had determined the doctor.
That night Hyukjae couldn’t sleep, wondering what would happen if he told Kyuhyun. “I would ruin his life…,” he mumbled as he felt Chaerin hugging his tummy even tighter, sleeping peacefully. “More than I already did…,” he added remembering Kyuhyun’s broken eyes.
When he finally slept, not even his slumber made his warn tears slide down his cheeks.
•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•
“What?” Hyukjae asked as he gasped and felt his stomach clenching tightly into a knot.
“He’s the girl’s uncle, it’s his right to see her. He has from his part that he never did anything to you,” Mr. Park said from the other line. “I’ll try my best to stop this but I can’t promise anything, he was too many good points on his favor.”
Hyukjae bit his lower lip. He couldn’t just give up and let Kyuhyun go to him, or himself go to Kyuhyun. He knew it because Jihyun would never approve and Kyuhyun loved his mother too much.
If Hyukjae had had a mother, he was sure he would give everything up just for her. He couldn’t understand Kyuhyun, tore between him and his mother, but he tried his best and it was obvious family was first. He should let Kyuhyun go and find someone who would give him the love he deserved. “Would it take long?” he asked worriedly. If the court knew he was pregnant with Kyuhyun’s child they would most definitely lift the restriction order. He would be the father, he has the right to know how the pregnancy is going and probably even fight the custody. But Hyukjae knew Kyuhyun was too kind as to do that.
“If I’m not mistaken, the court will be determining this case next week,” Mr. Park said and Hyukjae bit his lower lip, taking one of his hands to his tummy, as if telling his baby everything was going to be alright.
When the call ended Hyukjae sat down. What would he do? He wouldn’t be able to pretend he wasn’t pregnant if Kyuhyun goes to him. And worst, Hyukjae would just jump into Kyuhyun’s arms and kiss him deeply, showing him how much he loved him.
Hyukjae looked at Chaerin taking a nap in their shared bed and he bit his lower lip nervously. Thinking how stupid he was being trying to fix everything for himself and trying to get the almost gone dignity he had left. It was obvious he needed the money Siwon had left him to survive and even more obvious that he wished to be by Kyuhyun’s side forever.
A knock in his door made Hyukjae flinch lightly and he turned around, sighing loudly and going to open the door.
He looked down and greeted when he saw the woman from social services. “I just came for a routine check up,” the woman said and Hyukjae was now glad that this one wasn’t as horrible as the one in the office.
After a long interview, just like the month before, a check up on the house and a some questions to a sleepy Chaerin, the woman determined that Chaerin was living under good conditions and she was being well raised.
Hyukjae sighed in relief, at least they weren’t threatening to take her away anymore. “I’ll also pay a visit someday next month or week, we never know,” the woman said when she was at the door.
Hyukjae simply nodded. After everything he had thought, he could only reach one conclusion: he was an idiot making stupid decisions in his life.
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