Ch. [17]
Blue Tomorrow
It has been almost a week since Hyukjae just doesn’t even look at him. Kyuhyun should be feeling relieved of not having to take responsibility but truth was that it was all the way around. He walked side by side his studio and at the end, he decided he should really apologize.
Kyuhyun took his jacked and went out from his lonely house, Chaerin was at school and he was now going to go to the café Hyukjae worked in. He walked slowly, thinking what he was going to do but not reaching a conclusion. Kyuhyun sighed in frustration as he stood in front of the stylish doors of that place and he could see, through the glass walls, Hyukjae serving some cakes and smiling at the costumers.
Breathing in and out deeply, Kyuhyun dared himself to step inside, with his heart beating fiercely and his hands shaking slightly that he had to close them into a fit.
“Welcome sir,” a high school girl smiled and bowed. “How many in your table?” she asked politely and Kyuhyun could just look around for Hyukjae who was now not in sight. He sighed and looked at the girl.
“Just one,” Kyuhyun said and the girl nodded giving him a big smiled.
“This way please,” the girl said and signaled Kyuhyun to follow her. “Is the terrace alright?” she asked and Kyuhyun simply hummed absent minded. As soon as Kyuhyun sat in the corner of the terrace, where he had a really nice view of the park under the building, he received the menu. “Your waiter will be Hyukjae, he’ll come to take your order soon,” the girl said and Kyuhyun simply couldn’t believe his luck.
The girl went away after some other sentences that Kyuhyun didn’t mind paying attention to. He looked at the menu and felt how his hands were sweating for how nervous he felt. He had never been the one to take the initiative to talk to fix things, he was usually the one getting begged to. But this time he knew he had screwed and he really needed to talk to Hyukjae. Kyuhyun had a hard time accepting the fact that he missed talking to him or that he missed eating dinner together. Damn, Kyuhyun even missed watching him smile.
Kyuhyun turned up when he felt someone sitting in front of him and when he saw a woman with a flirty smile, he could only sigh in disappointment, somehow, he wished for that to be Hyukjae. “Hello handsome,” the woman greeted and Kyuhyun smiled politely.
“I’m sorry, but I’m waiting for my boyfriend,” Kyuhyun said and turned around, finally spotting Hyukjae turning to his table. “You see that man? That’s him,” he said and the woman laughed nervously.
“O-Ok… bye,” the woman said awkwardly and went away, passing by Hyukjae who was now walking to Kyuhyun’s table.
Kyuhyun smiled at his own tactics and he hoped for Hyukjae to never hear he used him as an excuse.
Finally Hyukjae reached Kyuhyun’s table and Kyuhyun was slightly surprised that he placed iced tea and a piece of cake in front of him. He felt his heart beating hardly against his chest and he turned up to Hyukjae who sat down in front of him. “Are you allowed to do this?” Kyuhyun asked even when he could feel himself being slightly happy that Hyukjae was paying him so much attention.
“I asked for a small break when I saw you coming in,” Hyukjae said. “You don’t like coffee so I brought you tea, you like that one right?” he asked with a soft smile and Kyuhyun smiled back.
“Hyukjae,” Kyuhyun called breathing in and out for himself. “I-”
“Let me talk first,” Hyukjae asked biting his lower lip and looking down. “I-I’m sorry Kyuhyun… truth is that even if I was drunk I knew what I was doing and I…,” he played with his fingers while Kyuhyun could only hold his breath. “I wanted to do it… I-It wasn’t the alcohol’s fault… I knew what I was doing and with whom I was doing it b-but I didn’t want to stop so-”
Hyukjae couldn’t realize when was it that Kyuhyun had stood up and walked to his side until the taller lifted his chin and smiled at him. “I’m sorry Hyukjae,” he said gently and Hyukjae’s blush was inevitable, as his biting lip habit that Kyuhyun liked so much and those bright eyes.
The kiss only made them feel electricity through their bodies once again. Hyukjae closed his eyes and clenched on the apron from work on his lap. He kissed back because he couldn’t help himself and Kyuhyun’s lips were sweet, sweeter than the strawberry for the week before.
They parted away from the kiss and Kyuhyun looked at Hyukjae’s eyes, so bright that Kyuhyun was sure the smaller wanted to cry. He smiled and caressed Hyukjae’s cheek. “Let’s start again,” he offered but Hyukjae looked down in shame.
“Kyuhyun…,” Hyukjae called and Kyuhyun panicked because Hyukjae let go of a single tear. “You’re my death husband’s brother… it’s not even been a year since he left and now I… just… I feel like a cheater like this.”
Kyuhyun felt his heart breaking. Was he being rejected? Just because of that? Of course, Hyukjae didn’t know that Siwon too, wanted them to be together. “If you say so…,” Kyuhyun said leaning down to look at Hyukjae’s eyes directly, kneeling by his side. “I’ll just give you time, that’s all you need right?” he asked and Hyukjae looked up at him.
Hyukjae smiled. “I have something for you,” he said and stood up, making Kyuhyun extremely curious.
Hyukjae walked back to the counter and Kyuhyun stood up to sit in his seat. He wasn’t sure what had happened or what to do. It had been extremely rare in him to be so sweet but he was patient enough and he knew that Hyukjae wanted him too, the same way he wished for Hyukjae to stay by his side.
In that moment in which Hyukjae was sitting there, Kyuhyun noticed he wasn’t wearing his ring anymore. He wasn’t sure why, but he liked to think that it was because Hyukjae was thinking on starting all again and let the past in the past.
Kyuhyun couldn’t help but smile at the possibilities. He smiled wider as a nervous Hyukjae sat in front of him with a shy smile and once again, biting his lower lip. Maybe that was the reason of why those were so red all the time.
“So umm… maybe you don’t remember but I do,” Hyukjae started shyly. “A while ago… when Chaerin was in the hospital I ruined one of your ties so umm… it took me a while to find one exactly the same but here,” he smiled and handed a small box towards Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun smiled and took it, chuckling when he opened it and saw that same tie he used more than a month ago. “Thanks,” he said sincerely, mainly because that was going to be his favorite tie forever and ever since that very moment.
Hyukjae smiled brightly. “I should go back to work…,” he said and stood up, turning around when he was just almost going out from the terrace. “I…,” he chuckled. “Let’s talk tonight,” he offered and he smiled brighter when Kyuhyun nodded at him.
•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•
That afternoon they ate dinner together and played with Chaerin. The little girl seemed to be happier than days before and Hyukjae was calmer because of that. After a few hours, when Chaerin fell asleep in Kyuhyun’s lap, the taller took her careful to the bed and came back to the living room where Hyukjae was cleaning everything.
Kyuhyun walked to get a glass of wine and when he was finally going to drink from it, he could feel his glass being replaced by a cup filled with hot chocolate. “Let’s be sober tonight,” Hyukjae said smiling at him and he couldn’t help but smile back.
Everything seemed to be so calm, even when they weren’t talking and just sitting side by side in the couch. Kyuhyun finally arranged his courage and opened his mouth to talk. “His name was Ryeowook,” he said and Hyukjae turned to him, confused by Kyuhyun’s words.
It took Hyukjae some seconds to realize what he was talking about and he gasped softly, feeling nervous even if it wasn’t him the one talking his heart out. “Your fiancé…,” he wondered and Kyuhyun nodded.
“I loved him… more than anything else in the world…,” Kyuhyun continued and Hyukjae looked down, a soft smile in his lips because they both had met love already. “No one knew because he didn’t want to confront my family… you did… when I first met you I was mad because you loved my brother enough as to confront us… but Ryeowook didn’t.”
Hyukjae gasped. “Maybe he-”
“No,” Kyuhyun rejected any idea, as if he had thought of any other possibility already and proved them wrong. “You married Siwon even knowing that we hated you, he didn’t even want to meet them.”
Hyukjae looked at Kyuhyun and gasped softly. “Is that why you hated me so much?” he asked carefully. “Because I did what he couldn’t do?”
Kyuhyun pursed his lips and nodded, sighing deeply. “Maybe,” he admitted and Hyukjae felt some kind of relief. Because Kyuhyun didn’t hate him for who he was but for a mere excuse. He felt like he could reach Kyuhyun’s heart that way.
“So you broke up?” Hyukjae asked and by then, he was resting half of his body against Kyuhyun’s chest, with the taller’s hand around his waist, holding him firmly.
“No,” Kyuhyun said after a few seconds of silence. “I would have never broken up with him,” he admitted. “I loved him and I was willing to let everything behind because of him.”
Hyukjae felt how his body tensed and he bit his lower lip, waiting for Kyuhyun to continue.
“And then he got pregnant with my baby…,” Kyuhyun’s voice cracked, Hyukjae’s heart stopped. Kyuhyun had a child, somewhere he had one. “But Ryeowook didn’t want a baby, he said he wasn’t ready… I tried to tell him that he was wrong and convince him that a baby would make our lives happier,” he couldn’t continue for some seconds and Hyukjae felt a warm tear landing on his shoulder before feeling how Kyuhyun hid his face against his neck.
Hyukjae gulped, feeling his own tears threatening to fall for Kyuhyun. He turned around and hugged Kyuhyun, who hugged him back tightly, as if not wanting to let go of him forever, sobbing slightly against Hyukjae’s shoulder.
They stayed like that for some minutes before Kyuhyun calmed down. He parted away slightly and looked at Hyukjae looking at him worriedly. How different Hyukjae and Ryeowook were.
“A week later,” Kyuhyun continued, this time taking the glass of wine he had neglected before. Hyukjae didn’t object to that. “One of his close friends called me to inform me that Ryeowook had gone through a procedure to get rid of my baby…,” he said and Hyukjae knew it was hard because even for him it was painful. “But something went wrong and his body couldn’t stand it…”
“Kyuhyun…,” Hyukjae called, panicked and hurt because Kyuhyun was now crying.
“I lost them Hyukjae…,” Kyuhyun said closing his eyes and running his hand through his hair. “I lost my fiancé and my baby at once…”
Hyukjae bit his lower lip and caressed Kyuhyun’s cheek softly, as if trying to calm him down. “I’m sorry Kyuhyun…” he said sincerely and Kyuhyun opened his eyes to look at him directly.
“That night I called Siwon to drink because I was devastated,” Kyuhyun said and Hyukjae opened his eyes widely, surely, Siwon didn’t know since he would have told him. “He told me about you being pregnant and how you were really happy and even planning how the room of the baby was going to be in case it was a girl or a boy,” and Kyuhyun pursed his lips. “I was so angry at you… How could you be so happy? How could Siwon be so blessed to have a strong partner that went against our family and even stronger to bear a baby and feel happy?”
Hyukjae gulped nervously. “K-Kyuhyun…”
Kyuhyun frowned and looked at Hyukjae intently. “I hated you… I still can’t believe how someone like you could do everything I wished for my life.”
Hyukjae gasped. “Kyuhyun, this is not time to compare…”
“How could you be so happy when you are nothing and how Ryeowook, that was so beautiful and perfect, was dead?” Kyuhyun asked and Hyukjae stood up.
“I don’t think this is the time to continue this conversation Kyuhyun,” Hyukjae said softly and carefully, fully knowing that Kyuhyun wasn’t being conscious of how much his words hurt him.
Kyuhyun didn’t say anything and just looked down. “Because you exist…,” he started after a few seconds. “Because you were yourself I find myself unhappy.”
Hyukjae gulped and stepped ahead. “I know it hurts Kyuhyun,” he said and smiled gently. “I know how much it hurts to lose someone you loved and I can’t imagine how painful it was for you to lose your baby… but Kyuhyun, no one is at fault in here…”
Kyuhyun hugged Hyukjae’s waist, hiding his face in the smaller’s tummy. “Help me,” he mumbled against Hyukjae’s body. “Please help me Hyukjae.”
Hyukjae wasn’t sure of what to do, but he was sure that leaning down and kiss Kyuhyun’s lips was the best he could have done because Kyuhyun kissed back instantly and pulled him down to his lap. It was a desperate kiss but it was what Kyuhyun needed.
That night they were sober when they did it again.
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