Ch. [12]
Blue Tomorrow
It had been some nights already in which Kyuhyun stood awake at night, resting comfortably in his bed with closed eyes. He wasn’t sure if he was troubled because he didn’t know what his mother was planning or because he had become closer to Hyukjae and he once found himself laughing and smiling brightly by his side.
Kyuhyun had slightly forgotten how much he hated Hyukjae and slowly became something that he would somehow call ‘friend’. Or at least they were being decent with each other. “How’s Chaerin?” Kyuhyun asked as he rested comfortably on the couch, with Hyukjae doing something he had no idea what it was but he didn’t care either, in the other couch in front of him.
Hyukjae smiled weakly. “She has to assist with the psychologist, one hour after school,” he informed, biting his lower lip because it hurt to think his daughter was suffering that much. “The court determined that I can’t help her go through depression…,” he mumbled looking down and with a shaky voice.
Kyuhyun’s face softened. It was stupid, even ridiculous how outsiders thought Hyukjae couldn’t help Chaerin. It was extremely stupid because there was nothing better for the small girl.
“She’s my daughter Kyuhyun…,” Hyukjae said lowly, clenching the piece of paper in his hands. “If I can’t help her… what kind of mother am I? How can I be so useless even with my own flesh?”
Kyuhyun felt something heavy in his chest and he gulped, not even being able to articulate a word. He saw how a warm tear fell down to the floor and he stood up, walking towards Hyukjae and leaning down. “If it helps,” he said gently. “I think you’re a great mother,” he said smiling gently. “You might be a life ruiner for me and a terrible cooker, but you’re a good mother.”
Hyukjae looked up with his red and teary eyes, pouting at Kyuhyun’s words and hitting his shoulder playfully. “Shut up,” he said. “I’m serious… don’t you see how Chaerin is changing? Can’t you notice how sad she is? I can’t help her Kyuhyun… I just can’t and everyone notices it…”
Kyuhyun smiled. “It’s you the one who doesn’t notice how happy she is when she’s with you or how bright she smiles as soon as she sees you,” he said and ruffled Hyukjae’s hair.
The mere contact with each other made them both look at each other. Hyukjae was amazed while Kyuhyun was dying out of nervousness, wondering if he should had gone for the pat instead. Apart from the occasional fighting they went to, like slaps or such, they had never touched each other and much less with affection. It was also new for Kyuhyun, to realize that there was nothing wrong about it.
But Hyukjae smiled at him and Kyuhyun knew he did the right thing. He took his hand away and cleared his throat, standing up awkwardly. “Well, it’s late, I’ll go sleep…,” he said walking towards his room.
“Kyuhyun,” Hyukjae called when he was about to disappear and Kyuhyun simply turned around, only to be welcomed by a really bright smile in Hyukjae’s lips.
“What?” Kyuhyun asked trying to sound annoying.
Hyukjae chuckled. “I’m an awesome cooker,” he said and Kyuhyun chuckled before going into his room silently.
Kyuhyun had slightly forgotten how much he hated Hyukjae and slowly became something that he would somehow call ‘friend’. Or at least they were being decent with each other. “How’s Chaerin?” Kyuhyun asked as he rested comfortably on the couch, with Hyukjae doing something he had no idea what it was but he didn’t care either, in the other couch in front of him.
Hyukjae smiled weakly. “She has to assist with the psychologist, one hour after school,” he informed, biting his lower lip because it hurt to think his daughter was suffering that much. “The court determined that I can’t help her go through depression…,” he mumbled looking down and with a shaky voice.
Kyuhyun’s face softened. It was stupid, even ridiculous how outsiders thought Hyukjae couldn’t help Chaerin. It was extremely stupid because there was nothing better for the small girl.
“She’s my daughter Kyuhyun…,” Hyukjae said lowly, clenching the piece of paper in his hands. “If I can’t help her… what kind of mother am I? How can I be so useless even with my own flesh?”
Kyuhyun felt something heavy in his chest and he gulped, not even being able to articulate a word. He saw how a warm tear fell down to the floor and he stood up, walking towards Hyukjae and leaning down. “If it helps,” he said gently. “I think you’re a great mother,” he said smiling gently. “You might be a life ruiner for me and a terrible cooker, but you’re a good mother.”
Hyukjae looked up with his red and teary eyes, pouting at Kyuhyun’s words and hitting his shoulder playfully. “Shut up,” he said. “I’m serious… don’t you see how Chaerin is changing? Can’t you notice how sad she is? I can’t help her Kyuhyun… I just can’t and everyone notices it…”
Kyuhyun smiled. “It’s you the one who doesn’t notice how happy she is when she’s with you or how bright she smiles as soon as she sees you,” he said and ruffled Hyukjae’s hair.
The mere contact with each other made them both look at each other. Hyukjae was amazed while Kyuhyun was dying out of nervousness, wondering if he should had gone for the pat instead. Apart from the occasional fighting they went to, like slaps or such, they had never touched each other and much less with affection. It was also new for Kyuhyun, to realize that there was nothing wrong about it.
But Hyukjae smiled at him and Kyuhyun knew he did the right thing. He took his hand away and cleared his throat, standing up awkwardly. “Well, it’s late, I’ll go sleep…,” he said walking towards his room.
“Kyuhyun,” Hyukjae called when he was about to disappear and Kyuhyun simply turned around, only to be welcomed by a really bright smile in Hyukjae’s lips.
“What?” Kyuhyun asked trying to sound annoying.
Hyukjae chuckled. “I’m an awesome cooker,” he said and Kyuhyun chuckled before going into his room silently.
•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•
Kyuhyun opened his eyes widely, breathing heavily and looking at the nothingness. He tried to convince himself that he did not have a wet dream involving a certain small man that was probably just a few steps away from him. “No…,” he closed his eyes and breathed in and out deeply.
He regretted his decision though, because as soon as his eyes were closed, the image of a Hyukjae came to his mind and he shook his head violently, cursing himself because he didn’t like what he was seeing under his boxers.
Kyuhyun stood up and went to take a cold shower, relaxing himself and pronouncing the alphabet in English, Korean, Chinese and Japanese to distract himself from any other thought.
“This is not right,” Kyuhyun would mumble all the time. “It’s just that I’m ually frustrated…,” he stopped and nodded. “Yes, it’s only that,” he repeated for himself and went out of the bathroom, quickly dressing up casually to go out and look for some… help.
•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•
Hyukjae sighed as he walked to Kyuhyun’s house and opened the door. There was no need for him to go to work in his car since it was really close. He also had an hour to spare before picking Chaerin from that psychologist she was sent to.
He sighed as he opened the door and walked in silently. He stopped as soon as he heard some noises coming from Kyuhyun’s room and he knew what it was clearly. Hyukjae might have only been with Siwon but he definitely knew that men liked to satisfy their needs with and more . Himself had gone through that phase too, and Siwon would gladly help him all the time.
“Ahhh! Yes!” Hyukjae felt the need to open the door and drag the girl out of the house in which he lived. But another part of him wanted to yell and let go of a single tear, though he wasn’t sure why.
The moans became louder and at the end, Hyukjae decided it was better to just go out. He walked out and closed the door behind him, biting his lip hardly and looking down, blinking rapidly to prevent his tears from falling. “What the hell does he think he’s doing… Chaerin could have heard…,” he mumbled pouting and going to his car. He preferred staying there listening to good music than hearing or even imagine Kyuhyun ing a girl in the same house he was living in.
“Is she his girlfriend?” Hyukjae asked to himself, biting his lips because he wasn’t sure if he should feel happy for the other or simply ignore the fact and keep going with his life. “Not that I care…,” he blushed madly, even when he was all by himself.
After a few minutes, Hyukjae decided the wiser thing to do was to go and get Chaerin to the psychologist.
“Mommy!” Chaerin went out from the office and hugged Hyukjae tightly.
“Hey baby, how was today?” Hyukjae asked hugging back and carrying her up.
Chaerin smiled. “Doctor said you were a really good mom!” she chirped happily, contented because she liked it when someone else complimented her mother.
“Really? I’ll thank him later,” Hyukjae said taking Chaerin to the car.
When they reached Kyuhyun’s house, Hyukjae decided he should make Chaerin wait outside as he opened the door slightly and paid attention.
Soft moans and grunts could still be heard and Hyukjae was starting to get mad. He closed the door and went to Chaerin. “What about going to play at the park baby?” he asked gently and Chaerin smiled brightly, nodding furiously.
It took Hyukjae a lot of energy to make Chaerin getting tired. The girl seemed to have endless energy and Hyukjae was already exhausted from the day.
They ran after each other and Hyukjae swung Chaerin softly before going for an ice cream and then running again.
It took Hyukjae a while before Chaerin claimed to be tired and wanted to sleep. He sneaked inside the now silent house with Chaerin in his arms, sleeping deeply with that little angel face she had.
Hyukjae fixed the small girl in the bed and walked out to take some water. Everything seemed to be silent then, maybe they had already finished their activities.
Hyukjae pursed his lips. Just how did Kyuhyun dare to do so?
And just when Hyukjae was thinking on scolding Kyuhyun, the latter went out from his room with his bathrobe covering his body, stretching his body and walking to the kitchen where Hyukjae was. “Ah, you’re here,” Kyuhyun said carelessly as he took a glass and filled it with water.
“Well, it’s obvious since I live here,” Hyukjae answered coldly and turned around ready to leave.
Kyuhyun frowned, obviously he didn’t like the answer. “What-?”
“Ah so refreshing!” A beautiful girl came out from Kyuhyun’s room, dressing what seemed to be nice and expensive clothes. She walked with a sensual smile towards Kyuhyun and pecked his lips. “Call me anytime,” she said winking an eye and turning around, only to jump lightly when she saw Hyukjae standing there.
The girl turned to Kyuhyun and then to Hyukjae and she seemed to finally realized the tension in there.
“I-I…,” She didn’t say anything else. The girl just took her back and jacket and went out from the house.
“What are you thinking Kyuhyun?!” Hyukjae finally yelled. “There is a three year old girl living here!”
Kyuhyun frowned. “So what? is only natural,” he said and Hyukjae gasped.
“Not for a little girl!” Hyukjae exclaimed. “How unconscious can you be?!”
“This is my house Hyukjae, I can do whatever I want in here,” Kyuhyun said firmly. “You’re just-”
“It wasn’t my choice to stay here Kyuhyun,” Hyukjae said, not wanting to hear Kyuhyun’s insults. “If I could just go away and disappear from your life I would be glad, but I can’t and I must protect my daughter.”
Kyuhyun stepped ahead, angry that Hyukjae was talking to him like that. “Then why don’t you just leave?” he asked and he regretted his words when he saw how Hyukjae’s eyes were trembling with tears.
“As if you didn’t know the reason,” Hyukjae said looking up at Kyuhyun. “Do you think I want them to take my daughter away from me?”
“Maybe she would be happy for that,” Kyuhyun said. It was a lie, Chaerin wouldn’t be happy to be away from Hyukjae, he himself knew that. Even Kyuhyun wouldn’t be feeling alright if they weren’t together.
His words felt like a sword piercing his heart and Hyukjae gasped. “W-What?” he asked weakly.
Kyuhyun opened his mouth to apologize and say it was a lie but his brain didn’t cooperate. “What kind of child will be happy knowing what a her mother is?”
And Kyuhyun didn’t even get mad at the slap that landed in his cheek. “How can you say that Kyuhyun?!” Hyukjae asked with tears in his eyes. “How can you be so cruel?! How can you talk like that?!”
“Because you deserve it,” and Kyuhyun knew that it wasn’t like that. That Hyukjae didn’t deserve anything that was happening to him. The only one at fault there was Kyuhyun, because he insulted him when they were already in good terms; because he took a to the house they were all living; because he never took the time to meet Hyukjae before and realize he was a nice man. Kyuhyun was at fault for being lazy that one day and making Siwon go and get his cigarettes and mineral water.
Kyuhyun waited for another slap and he closed his eyes, anticipating the pain. But it didn’t come and when he opened his eyes there was Hyukjae, looking down with tears falling down the floor. “Do I?” Hyukjae asked lowly. “Do I really deserve it Kyuhyun?” he asked again looking up. “What did I do so bad to deserve all this?”
And Kyuhyun had no words. I’m always afraid when he cries. Siwon had told him once they were drinking together. I’m afraid I’m hurting him again when the only thing he does is trying to heal everyone else.
At that moment Kyuhyun didn’t understand. But now, watching Hyukjae crying because of him he did, he finally understood Siwon’s words.
Kyuhyun was breaking Hyukjae, who was already broken and only trying to go on for his daughter.
“You know what Kyuhyun?” Hyukjae suddenly chuckled bitterly. “I won’t care about what you think anymore,” he declared drying his tears. “You can say whatever you wish, you can whoever you want in your own house, I don’t care,” he said but Kyuhyun knew Hyukjae was getting even more hurt.
“I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun mumbled, not loud enough for Hyukjae to hear.
Hyukjae turned away and walked to his room silently, leaving Kyuhyun alone to curse at himself and run his fingers through his hair in frustration.
Kyuhyun wanted to scream in annoyance as the words Siwon had left him written wandered in his mind. “Kyuhyun; there is one thing I want to ask you, as a brother… and as a man. My last wish for you is to keep this treasure of mine, protected and loved.”
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