“This is not real.” My vision was suddenly blurred by tears attempting to wet the paper that was almost crumpled. This is not real. This is not real. This is not real. My head was filled with various scenarios in an attempt to escape the reality that was, my sister loathed me. Exhibit A, my hater could have followed me and left the paper in front of our door for Krystal to pick it up and kept in her drawers. Exhibit B, I must have sleepwalked and unconsciously placed the paper in her drawer. There were flashes of hope. Ridiculous, yet one could be true.  

I left the paper the way it shouldn’t have been exposed for me to clearly realize who I am to Krystal. Apparently, she saw me not as a sister, but as a child who must be punished for stealing a candy. It was just a piece of paper, but why did the words cut so deep? 

I grew up without any sisters or brothers, but I never felt alone. The quotation posted on the wall of my favorite restaurant said, “Alone, but not lonely.” I had to admit that the usual customers didn’t come in pairs. I was one of them, alone. It was a good thing being alone, but somehow I felt hollow.

My father did his best to raise me and I was grateful for that. I wondered how it would feel to have someone to share intimate stuff on how you caught your middle school crush staring at your pretty seatmate. Close enough. If he’d just turn his head a little bit to the left, then he would have appreciated how stunning I looked with braces and nerdy glasses.

I only thought about the bright side. Life wasn’t always about glitters and rainbows. I never thought how one incredulous action could squeeze my heart so tight. It came as a shock, how an innocent and loveable sister could do such heart-wrenching thing.  

I was tempted to call Daehyun right away and tell him, but I needed to consider the feelings of Krystal. It was bad enough for me to share her mother and I didn’t know how awful she felt about this relationship between me and Daehyun that was form out of ruse.

Later that night, my father called for some family meeting regarding our vacation to Japan. He deemed this trip would even strengthen our bonds.

“Unnie and I should start planning for our itinerary,” Krystal linked her arms on mine. I shuddered to the thought of her faking all of these. All the moments we shared suddenly shattered into broken pieces. Did she force herself to actually talk to me because I was her new sister?

 I couldn’t look straight into her eyes, but I tried to act like it didn’t happen. “Uh, sure. We can, uh list all the nice places we can visit.”

“Are you okay, dear?” Father asked with a hint of concern in his eyes. You couldn’t lie in front of him, but today I’d try. He pressed the back of his hand on my forehead. “Your temperature is normal, but you look pale.”

I took further steps back away from him. Any minute now and I would start bawling like a baby. “I’m tired. That’s all. You don’t have to worry yourself.”

I excused myself from the family meeting and went straight to bed, hoping that everything would be okay tomorrow. I hoped that this misunderstanding between Krystal and me would be fixed... not tonight, some time, I really hoped. All I need was a good long rest.

That night, I forgot about Daehyun.

---

There were two types of people; the one who appeared on your doorsteps without ringing the bell and the other one who knocked at the wrong time. Everything started to unravel. I was disheartened how a relationship could end even though it hadn’t started yet.

The best thing to do was to confront him regarding this matter. We were sort of in a relationship or was that just a figment of my crazy imagination? According to the book “A Girl’s Guide to Hunting a Beast and How to Tame Them”, being a soon-to-be-his-real-girlfriend meant sharing the pain and telling him you were hurt or else you would wake the beast.

But I was a coward.

The next day, all I had on my agenda was to avoid Daehyun at all costs. Lately, I noticed that he had been wandering in the corridors near our room. I just had to figure out how to be invisible.

The teacher was boring me to death or did I just notice this now because I wanted time to quickly pass by so that I could go home and sleep? It was as if he was spitting each word carefully for it to sink in to our brains. I couldn’t concentrate because of the letter, Krystal, all the lies about my relationship with Daehyun and Daehyun himself.

The primitive root of all these problems was a simple lie, a lie that could ha