I stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my head. Minhyuk was no longer sitting on my bed. I looked around the room and saw the door was shut as well. Did he leave? My bed looked like no one had sat in it in the first place; everything looked neat. He probably left right away. 

 

I pulled my outfit out of the closet for tonight's dinner. I laid my pink turtle neck sweater and black leggings on my bed. I slipped on my leggings and threw my sweater on before applying makeup or fixing my hair. I brought all my hair to my right shoulder and pinned the loose ends on the other side. I plugged in my hair curler to get it heated while I did light makeup. I curled the ends of my hair to give it a casual and lose curl. Once I finished, I fixed my collar one more time and put on my boots before leaving the room. 

 

"Hyunji-ah!" Someone called my name down the hall as I shut my door quietly.

"Hi Eunkwang-sshi." I smiled at the group of boys who started coming my way. 

"You look nice." He commented with a warm smile. I looked at myself shyly. 

"Thanks," I said. "Are you guys my escorts?" I joked. The six boys each bowed one by one, starting with Eunkwang then ending with Sungjae. 

"Your brother was busy." Eunkwang explained to me. I gave him an understanding nod then linked arms with him as all of us left together. 

 

 

 

The cabin we were eating dinner at was very similar to the one earlier at the ski mountain. The only difference was that it was smaller, more private. As soon as BTOB and I walked in, the room became noisier. My parents and my brother looked in our direction after BTOB's commotion. I caught Minhyuk's eye and smiled cutely to him. He acknowledged me but didn't show any emotion and returned to helping my parents set the table for dinner. I felt a bit rejected but didn't take any offense to it since he looked busy anyways.

 

Dinner was lonely. I had a feeling Minhyuk was giving me the cold shoulder. No, it wasn't just a feeling; I knew he was giving me the cold shoulder. At the beginning of dinner during the prayer he looked like he was in some sort of daze. My mom had to get his attention in order to get him to eat. 

 

"Haha. Are you okay oppa?" I laughed. Minhyuk's eyes glanced toward me for a split second then looked away. I saw his lips tug upward to one side, looking like a half smile. Conversations were empty all dinner and the rest of the night. Literally empty...

 

 

 

 

The same night I visited Minhyuk's room after everyone had left to their own. I knocked on his door quietly. Minhyuk opened the door slowly, irritated. 

 

"Hyunji? What are you doing?" He left the door open slightly with his hand. He was only wearing pajama pants and a tank top. 

"Can we talk oppa?" I asked. Minhyuk looked at me with a sort of dejection. He didn't say anything but only sighed as he opened the door to let me in. I walked in and stood in front of his dresser next to the tv. I didn't feel comfortable sitting by him on his bed, because I assumed he didn't want me there. Minhyuk sat at his bed putting on some socks to keep his feet warm. 

 

"Talk." He said without looking at me. I was startled at his tone of voice while I was just staring at him on his bed. 

"Uh," 

"Sit down." Minhyuk commanded. I looked for some empty chair nearby but there wasn't. Not even for the dresser. There was a desk chair by the window, but my brother's wet towel was using it to dry. "Sit here." Minhyuk said motioning over to the side of his bed, opposite from him. I did what I was told and sat on his bed, but away from him. 

"Why are you so awkward?" He asked. 

I looked at my brother feeling confused.

 

"Because you're being so...distant." I said honestly. Minhyuk looked at me dumbfounded by my answer. 

"I'm distant?" He said incredulously. "Am I the one not coming home often? Visiting my family? Calling my family?"

"I'm in school." I said. Minhyuk was starting to raise his voice as he spoke. 

"You're not in school all the time Hyunji." He said.

"Where else would I be oppa?" I tried not to to give my brother any attitude before the conversation would turn ugly. I didn't even know why things were getting like this. 

"Don't even lie to me Hyunji." Minhyuk stood up from the bed and walked toward his closet wall. He put his arm against it and sighed in frustration. 

"Lie to you about what? What are you even talking about?" I asked completely confused. Minhyuk turned around. 

 

"Jung Daehyun! Jung Daehyun!" He yelled. His face was furious. But his eyes were red, like he hadn't slept in days. I stood up and walked toward him but stopped. Minhyuk looked like he would murder someone. He always looked like that when he got really angry. I don't even remember the last time that was. Maybe when I was younger. 

 

"Why Hyunji..." His voice cracked. He hung his head low and didn't move. His hands were balled up into fists. I was too scared to approach him. "You promised me.." He mumbled. I stayed in my spot. 

"Do you know Jung Daehyun oppa?" I uttered. Minhyuk shook his head. He shook it continuously. 

"I don't know anything anymore Hyunji." I heard Minhyuk sniffle as he turned away. His hands were on his hips and his head was staring at the ceiling.

"Who is Jung Daehyun? I don't mean a guy, a classmate, a friend, some guy at school. Who is he to you? And why is he calling you?" Minhyuk's voice rose again at his last question. I stayed calm even though I was nervous of the situation. I didn't come to argue. I came to find out what was on Minhyuk's mind this whole night, and I just found out.

 

Minhyuk was staring at me, waiting for answers, with my cell phone in his hand. 

"Why do you have my phone oppa?" I asked. Minhyuk scoffed at my first response. 

"Who is Jung Daehyun?" He asked again. I let out a tired sigh. 

"He's my boyfriend." I said. Minhyuk's face heated up again and he slammed his hand against the wall. His hand gave off a loud thud, making me almost scream. After a moment, he sighed. 

 

"Dump him." He said. I blinked once at his words. Dump him? I was speechless. "Yeah, just...just break up with him and everything will be okay again." I scoffed lightly to myself. My brother heard me and looked at me with empty eyes.

"Okay? Everything will be okay? What exactly would be okay oppa?"

 

"Breaking up with Daehyun...I wouldn't even think of doing that. I...really like him-" 

"That's the problem! You let him get to your heart. You promised me you'd focus on school. Remember that Hyunji? When I was in the hospital-"

"But you're not in the hospital! You're not as sick. You're not dying! You're fine." 

"Are you saying that if I was dying you'd keep the promise?" 

"No oppa. I'm saying that while you were dying I was dying!" My voice cracked in the middle of our argument. Both of our voices escalated in volume as the conversation continued. 

 

"Oppa, when you were in the hospital, I thought about you everyday. I prayed for you everyday. I worried about you, every day." Minhyuk stared at me, not uttering a word and listened to me intently. "I was worried that...what if you never did get better? What if you stayed in that hospital bed forever?" I paused. 

 

"I didn't think of our promise all the time because I felt I didn't need to worry about it." I thought about Daehyun. A smile started to creep on my face. "I met Daehyun, and yes, he did make his way into my heart. But I didn't make it easy for him oppa, because I always thought about you." I remembered when I pulled my test date trick, hurting Daehyun. Every time I thought about it, it hurt me. I regret it a million times over. "He helped push away my negative thoughts. I'm more relaxed and at ease and...comfortable with Daehyun." Minhyuk started shaking his head and looked away from me again. "If you're worried about my grades, I'm doing fine. I study everyday, ace all my tests, and I'm one of the top in all my classes." He seemed to have relaxed after a few moments of gathering my information and faced me again. Minhyuk walked towards me and held my shoulders.

 

"Hyunji, I'm sorry that I made you worry so much. I'm sorry that I put so much stress on you." He gave my shoulders a small squeeze and started rubbing his thumbs along them. "I am grateful to this Daehyun guy now that you told me how much he's helped you. I really am. But..." Tears started to full the brim of my eyes. He wasn't...

 

"But I can't accept him." A tear escaped my eye but I chose to ignore it. 

"Why not?" I asked anxiously. Minhyuk sighed and pulled me into a hug to calm me down. But I couldn't. Minhyuk was only making it worse. I didn't cry into his shirt, I refused to. 

"Just listen to me okay?" He started the back of my head, smoothing my hair. I didn't respond and Minhyuk pulled away. My eyes were dry when his shirt up my loose tears. I looked my brother in the eyes. "Go to sleep." He said. Minhyuk pulled my hand then walked me to the door and faced me. "Sleep well sis," were his last words before he handed my cell phone back and gave me a soft kiss on my forehead. 

 

As soon as his door shut, I hurried into my own room. I sat in my bed quietly, my knees brought to my face. I wasn't crying. I didn't feel there was a need to. I felt more disappointed than sad. 

 

If only there was some way I could change my brother's thinking. Some way to get him to approve of Daehyun. I wasn't prepared to just let Daehyun go. I couldn't. I wouldn't. 

 

I looked at my phone. It was still blinking. The notification that there was a voicemail still hadn't been read or heard. I brought my phone to my ear and listened to Daehyun's voice. In the end, he sang me to sleep. 

 

I love you secretly. I think of you secretly...

 

 

 

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