Taeyeon’s POV

It took me by surprise how well my parents handled the news, especially my mum. I had come up with many excuses to justify why I had not done well, such as ‘the paper was too difficult’ and ‘a lot of people failed too’. However, I did not have to use any of them as they thought that it was only because I had not gotten used to the rigor of college life. They had the confidence that I would be able to do well, seeing that I was only a few rank points short from passing. That was exactly what they told my teacher during the ‘meet the parents’ session yesterday. It was all I needed to hear to gain my confidence back, but it had also given me more pressure. I did not want to let them down.

I was walking hand in hand with my princess by the river on a Saturday night. We had met up in the afternoon to do our weekend assignments and had just finished our dinner in town. To say that Jessica looked so beautiful under the moonlight was an understatement. There were no better words to describe how wonderful she looked in my eyes right at that moment. She turned and our eyes met. Instead of looking away immediately like I would usually do whenever she caught me staring, I held her gaze this time. I looked deep into her dark brown orbs, putting all my emotions into it, hoping that she would understand all that I was feeling; she had told me before that my eyes spoke a thousand words. Jessica was the first to look away.

She dragged me to the steps by the river and we sat down. I had not let go of her hand once and it was now resting on my lap.

“Too bad we don’t get to see stars here.” She said, leaning into me, resting her head on my shoulder.

Ever since she kissed me on the cheek that one time, we had gotten a lot closer to each other, if that was even possible. ‘Why did she kiss me? To make me feel better? Or it was because she felt the same way that I do?’ It had been on my mind for the past few days, should I tell her about how I feel towards her or not?

“You know I love you right?” the words came out even before I could stop myself.

“Yea…”

“I love you.” I said again.

There was no response from her. 

“I really do.” Did she not get it?

“I know you do. Since when did you mellow out? It’s so not like you.”

She did not get it at all.

“Don’t you love me too?”

“I do, I’ve been saying it all these while.”

“I meant it. Every single time.”

“So do I.”

Since we were at it, I might as well go full out. There’s no turning back anymore. I had gone too far to be able to stop. It was now or never, and I had put our friendship at stake.

“I mean ‘I love you’ as in…a little…okay, it’s not a little.” I could not get the words out, so I tried again. “You know… ‘I love you’ as in…morethanabestfriendshould.” I mumbled the last part.

“I didn’t get that.” she was looking at me straight in the eyes.

I took a deep breath.

“More than best friends should. I love you, more than a friend should.” I finally said it.

I was waiting for her to pull away from me, probably from disgust, but she never did. She laid her head back on my shoulder and I could hear her sigh.

What was that supposed to mean?

“Hey, you know it’s fine if you don’t feel the same way as I do, and I totally understand ifmphh…” I was cut by her free hand, clamping over my mouth.

“You talk too much Taengoo ah. You’re so talkative tonight.” Seeing that I made no attempt to speak, she removed her hand.

“I knew about it a long time ago.”

Okay, so she knew. How?

“You kinda let it slipped. Sleep talking.”

Oh…I swear she could read my mind sometimes. But that was not the main point. I had just confessed, sort of, and she had not given me a response.

“I like you too, more than a friend.”

Like? Just like?

“I love you.”

That was better.

‘Wait. She loves me?’ My brain was still in the midst of processing the information that I just received.

“But…don’t you think we are processing a bit too fast? I mean, we’ve only just met 6 months ago.”

“6 months is long enough for me to fall in love with you.” I countered.

“I love you too Taeyeon, but…” I could sense the sincerity from her voice.

I know, but what?

“But I don’t think it’s time for us to get together now… What I mean is that we’ve got 3 months left till finals and you know that it’s important that we pass right?

‘She’s rejecting me.’ That was the only thought that went through my mind.

“I want to focus on my studies now.” She was being careful.

Okay, I got it.

“I love you. I really do. But let’s take things a little slower.” She tightened her grip on my hand, trying to reassure me of her feelings I presume.

I stood up, pulling her along with me.

“Come on, let’s go home. It’s getting late.”

Jessica’s POV

“Come on, let’s go home. It’s getting late.” Her face was void of any emotions.

Was she mad? I followed her like an obedient puppy.

‘What was wrong with me? I had wanted her to confess didn’t I?’

If she had told me a few weeks ago, I would have accepted her readily. But my priorities changed. I needed the time to study. I had passed my mid years, but the results were not what I had wanted. I was not satisfied, I needed better grades. Things were fine the way they were; Taeyeon being my best friend and all. I could not afford the time for dating right now; I would not be able to handle both studies and dating. Multitasking was not my forte and it will never be. I did not want to be a bad girlfriend to Taeyeon, she deserves better.

The train ride home was quite. She had let go of my hand and was busying herself over her phone. I was sure she was hurt, but was she mad? She had the right to be angry though, I had not given her the answer she wanted.

Taeyeon’s POV

“Bye. See you on Monday.” It was the first time I spoke in an hour, still not meeting her eyes, not wanting her to see the hurt masked behind them.

I turned and walk away, only to stop in my track after taking a few steps.

‘Should I or should I not?’ I was having a debate with my inner self. ‘Fine, just this once.’

I turned around again, noticing that there already was a distance between Jessica and me. I ran to catch up with her, grabbing her wrist. She looked back at me, surprised, maybe a little shocked as well.

“I’ll walk you home today.” I simply stated.

She did not protest. Her hand soon found mine; it felt good to feel her warmth again. The walk from the train station to her house was only 10 minutes away, but it was silent as nobody talked. Without knowing we were already in her neighborhood and I saw her all the way to her doorstep.

“Thanks for walking me home. Be safe, text me when you get back.”

“Okay…”

She was about to turned away from me when I stopped her.

“Wait.” She stopped and looked at me.

“Just wanna let you know that I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you till you’re ready, even if it means waiting for another year, till the A levels are over. I get you. I’ll respect your decision.” I had been thinking about it on our way home.

I understood where she was coming from and I would wait for her, just like she wanted; to take things slow. I could handle that much.

“I love you Taeng, just so you know. Thank you for everything.”

“Close your eyes.” She looked at me, confused. “Close your eyes, I wanna try something.” I repeated.

She complied this time.

‘Here goes nothing.’

I leaned forward, closing the gap between us, squeezing my eyes shut as well. Without any hesitation, I closed the gap between our lips.

Sparks flew, electric current coursed through my whole being, sending tingles down my spine. Her lips were soft. Just as I imagined it to be. She did not resist, which was a good thing. I pressed down on her lips a little harder before pulling away, keeping my gaze on the ground all the time, too embarrassed to meet her eyes.

"I love you, my princess."

"I love you too Taeng."

“Bye, see you on Monday.” I retreated backwards.

“Text me when you get home.”

“Kay.” I turned and left.

My first kiss was given to her and I had no regrets about it.

Right. At least I know that she loves me back. It was already more than I could ask for. For all I know, I could have lost her as my best friend that night with my reckless confession.

It was awkward seeing her back in school on Monday. We had shared a kiss but yet we were nothing more than best friends. What does that make us? Friends with benefits? That did not sound right either. Whatever.

"Taeng, where were you during break? Jess was looking for you." Sunny dumped her bag on the ground carelessly and took the seat beside me.

I had come to class earlier than usual, by myself.

"Was in the library. I wanted to borrow some books." I lied.

I hated reading and everybody knew about it. Sunny did not look convinced, but did not question me further. I was in the library during break, but I was not looking for a book to read. Truthfully, I was there as I knew Jessica would be looking for me at the study area and I was not ready to face her yet; I did not how to act around her anymore. I was starting to think that I had gone against my better judgments by kissing her.

Class was boring. It was Physics tutorial and my teacher was droning on and on about simple harmonic motion and how damping is important in our daily lives.

I stuffed everything into my bag as soon as class was over.

"Are you going to meet Jessica?" Sunny asked.

"Nope, I'll be going first. Tell her that I've got a dental appointment after school." I replied, rushing out of the classroom.

I left before they could question me but not before overhearing Sooyoung asking Sunny if I had a fight with Jessica.

In order to eliminate the chances of running into Jessica in the train, I had decided to take the bus instead, leaving by the side gate. I never liked the idea of taking the bus home but that day was an exception. I needed some 'alone time' for myself, away from her. It was then I realized my college life had been revolving solely around Jessica. We had spent too much time with each other; I was uneasy and fidgety the whole day, like something was off.

It went on like this for a whole week, looking for excuses to run off elsewhere whenever we had common break and leaving school before she could catch up with me. However, she put a stop to it one day, when she decided to ambush me on my way out from school.

“Where are you going?”

“...”

"You’re avoiding me." It was not a question.

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m busy.”

“You’re not. Where are you going now?”

“Home.”

“Since when did you take the bus?”

“Since a few days ago. I needed a change.”

“Look, we need to talk.”

“We are talking.”

“You know what I’m talking about, Taeyeon. Come on, talk to me. Don’t be so stubborn.”

“Fine. What do you want?” It came out harsher than I originally intended to.

She was shocked, and stopped walking. I halted as well.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Are you mad at me?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

I let out a sigh.

I wasn’t mad at her; I could never bring myself to be.

“You’re right. We need to talk.”

Ok, so chapter 5 is up, but it was kinda rushed. So yea, I don’t think it is a very good chapter but anyway, enjoy reading (: and please do comment!