My father taught me music.

* part 1 of 2 update*

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

I just remember the lights, brightly shining down on me. The cameras directed at me, the people looking at me with concerned expressions. My best friend at the piano, calling out to me, but for some reason, I couldn’t hear.

Then everything came to a blur.

Oh yeah.

I was crying.

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

5 months prior...

“I need truth, I need truth...dan hanbeonmanirado (Just once)...I need truth --”

‘Wow, for sure she is going to get in.’ He thought as he peeked through from the sidelines. He started to fan himself, considering he was nervous for round one. After all he would be meeting with the three judges for the first time.

“Yitao,” as he heard his name, and felt the touch on his shoulder, he jumped, “oh...dude, I’m sorry.”

“Jongsoo…,” Yitao patted his own chest, “my bad, you just scared me is all.” He said, looking back at the contestant, before looking at his best friend, Jongsoo.

“Are you ready?”

Both Wu Yitao and Kim Jongsoo, best friends since Jr. High school, and both avid singers and musicians, entered a singing survival competition, Seoul Rising Star, in becoming the next voice in music. Instead of being a duo, they decided to enter separately. If either of them wins, they promised to help one another in the music industry. Luckily for them, they were able to pass the preliminaries. Now onto round one, it would be the talent audition.

Though, for Yitao, it wasn’t one of the reasons why he joined. Of course, his dream was to be a singer, but his goal was to let the world hear his father’s self composed songs, and hopefully his mother will hear them.

“Yitao,” Jongsoo called him out, patting his back, “did you hear me?”

“Y-Yeah, I’m sorry Jongsoo...I guess I’m nervous…”

“Dude, relax...you have to relax,” Jongsoo said, “this is like performing back in high school. This is no different...well, actually, the judges are the CEOs of BYG NATION, CARAMEL CUPPO Entertainment, and HZT Empire.”

‘HZT Empire...’ Yitao slowly nodded, “Right.”

“Wu Yitao, calling for Wu Yitao, number 13...Wu Yitao!” The coordinator called out for him, once the contestant who sang ‘Truth’ started to come down from the stage, “calling for Wu Yitao!”

“He is right here!” Jongsoo waved at the coordinator, motioning him that his best friend was here.

“Oh, well, then please hurry up. We are on break right now, so refresh yourself, or whatever you need to do to be prepared mentally and emotionally.”

Yitao nodded, pushing up his sleeves, only to put them down again. His nerves was going to get the best of him. Jongsoo grabbed his hand, and placed them down on his side. “Calm yourself.”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

“How many more of the contestants are we going to be seeing today?” The CEO of BYG NATION, Bang Yongguk, asked as he leaned back in his seat. The assistant responded, saying that the upcoming contestant will be the last one of the day. “Ah, great.” He turned around, seeing his fellow friends, the CEO of CARAMEL CUPPO Entertainment, Im Kwangseon, and the CEO of HZT Empire, Huang Zitao.

“Here you go,” Kwangseon placed a cup of coffee right in front of Yongguk, “no cream right?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Zitao took his place, sitting right in the middle, while Kwangseon sat beside him. “Is this the last one of the day?” Zitao asked Yongguk, in which he nodded, “Ah okay.” He nodded, as he organized his papers that were in front of him.

“Sirs, we are about to resume now.” The coordinator said.

“Okay,” Kwangseon smiled  brightly, “we are all ready.”

With a nod from the coordinator, he started to inform his assistant to get the contestant ready, and for the cameramen to be prepared to start rolling. “Okay, we are all set...Hyojoo, camera is to you first...starting on three, two...and go.”

Hyojoo, the host of the show, gestured for Yitao to step forth. “Okay, this is your moment...you got this, okay?” She said, encouraging him to do well. Yitao smiled, and nodded. “Fighting.”

Yitao bowed in thanks, and started to approach to the front of the stage. It was a fancy stage, just for round one. Blue tinted glass floors, with three large, panel televisions behind him showing the judges in each panel. In front were the judges sitting at the large table, and just behind them were the contestants that performed on the previous days.

Mesmerized with everything, his thoughts were broken when he heard a deep voice call out to him, that he jumped in place.

“Ah, erm, you...you passed the mark.” Yongguk said, “You almost fell off stage.”

“H-Huh,” Yitao turned his head, just to back up, “s-sorry.” Yitao bowed, and made his way to the maker that was on the floor. He stood at his place, holding onto the microphone in his hands tightly.

Kwangseon saw how tense Yitao was being, that he was about to speak, just to ease him, but Zitao was just one step quicker.

“What’s your name?” He asked, leaning in closer as if he didn’t want to miss any syllables.

“My n-name…”

“Yes.”

Yitao his lips. “It’s…,” he started to stumble in his words, “Yitao...W-Wu Yitao,” he bowed quickly, “nice to meet you all.”

Kwangseon spoke. “Well, welcome, and congratulations on passing the preliminaries. Please, what will you be showing us today?”

“Um, s-singing. I’m going to sing.”

“Sing what?” Yongguk asked.

“I-It’s a self-composed song. Well, my father wrote it...and it is in Chinese, I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s fine,” Yongguk said, “Zitao and Kwangseon will probably enjoy the song more since they understand it better than I can, but music is music. It is a universal language. I’ll feel it as long as you deliver it,” Yitao nodded, “do your best. Have fun and good luck.” Yongguk placed the microphone down, gesturing for him to begin.

Yitao nodded, and within seconds, the music started to play. The stage started to be filled with piano playing. It was a wonderful tune. Yitao placed the microphone up near his lips; he closed his eyes.

“Fēngchuī yǔ chéng huā…” (Raindrops are blown into flowers by wind...)

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

“Whatcha doing papa?” Yitao blinked, as he looked up at his father.

His father turned away from his grand piano, and smiled at the younger. He picked him up, and placed him right beside him. “Papa is making a song for work.”

Yitao smiled; he turned towards the front, seeing many papers with notes and scribbles on them. “Papa is working hard all the time...no play…” He gave a slight frown, “papa has no time for me…”

“Don’t say that Yitao, papa is working hard,” he leaned over, playing his head on top of the younger’s, “after papa is done we will play...okay?”

Yitao beamed, “okay!!”

“For now, can you sit right next to me as I write,” His father said, grabbing a pencil from the small, side table, “papa is working on a song. Ah...‘Time boils the Rain’, and I think it will be a great song for the upcoming drama.” He said as he started to write his classic signature on the paper. Yitao started to squint his eyes, since it wasn’t Chinese. He glanced at his son, and chuckled. “I’m writing my name on it...it’s a pseudonym...I mean...like a fake name, or a stage name if you will.”

Yitao pursed his lips. “It looks weird…”

“Well, yeah, because it is in English,” he pointed at the name with his pencil, “it says ‘Kris’.”

“Hm…”

“Kris.”

“Kreese.” Yitao said proudly, as if he got it.

“Ah, close enough.” Kris smiled, ruffling his son on the head, “for a 3 year old, you are doing well.” He placed his pencil beside the paper and started to play.

Yitao watched as his father’s long, fingers glided through the keys gracefully. He looked up, seeing his father’s eyes closed, and intuned with his piano playing. He watched until he heard his father started to sing.

“Fēngchuī yǔ chéng huā...shíjiān zhuī bù shàng báimǎ...nǐ niánshào zhǎngxīn de mènghuà,” Kris opened his eyes, glancing at his son; he smiled, “yīrán jǐn wòzhe ma…” (Raindrops are blown into flowers by wind...Flowing time cannot catch up with the galloping white horse...Those teenage dreams of yours, Do you still hold them tightly in your palms?)

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

“...jīnxī hé xī...qīngcǎo lí lí...míngyuè yè sòng jūn qiānlǐ,” Yitao slowly opened his eyes, staring right at the ceiling’s lights, “děng lái nián qiūfēng qǐ…” (What date is it today?...Green grasses are thick...The bright moon accompanies you a thousand miles away...I am waiting for next year’s autumn wind)

As Yitao finished, he continued to stare right up at the ceiling lights, despite them being so bright. He closed his eyes, and deeply inhaled. As he opened his eyes, he could see all the judges faces in ‘awe’, as well as the contestants; some even in tears.

Nervous as he was, Yitao bit his lips.

With neither Kwangseon and Yongguk saying anything, Zitao grabbed his microphone. “That...was a beautiful song...I have to admit that. How old were you when your father wrote that song?”

“I was...probably three or four...I can’t remember.”

“Your age now?”

“I...I’m 25 right now.” Yitao stared right at the other, before glancing down at the ground.

“W-Well,” Kwangseon said, “I have to say that your voice...is beautiful. I was, to be honest, shocked, because your voice is husky when you were introducing yourself, but for you sing a song like that, and for your voice to come out like an angel,” he chuckled, “...it was just beautiful. Honest, I’m almost in the verge of crying right now. And kudos to your father. He is an amazing composer.”

“I agree with Kwangseon,” Yongguk said, “the way you sang, and for someone who can’t understand Chinese,” he pointed to himself, “it was phenomenal. I appreciated the song...I could feel you putting everything into it. It was soothing, and...and your tone of voice while you sang was just amazing. I can’t even express how interesting it is.”

Yitao gave a weak smile. “Thank you. Thank you very much.” ‘Dad...they like it...’

Zitao leaned back in his seat. “Great as it is, your voice was a bit shaky. And I can still see you are still nervous. True, your father is an amazing writer, but the singing was a bit...dull and not perfect for me. I could hear your shaky tone in some of the parts. In this industry, being nervous doesn’t slide. All nerves have to be out of the door.”

Taken back at the comment, Yitao started to feel his palms sweat. His weak smile started to die down.

“Well, regardless,” Yongguk said, “of the nerves...people are human too, so I’m sure you can bypass that,” he smiled, “you have a pass from me, Mr. Wu.”

‘H-Huh?!’

“And from me,” smiled, “two passes...congratulations, Mr. Wu, you qualified to the next round.”

Yitao smiled; he bowed. “Thank you so much,” as he stood up straight, he saw Zitao’s stare right at him. He knew that the CEO wasn’t impressed. Yitao’s smile faltered and he started to feel his heart dropped, “thank you so much…” He said softly.

He quickly exited the stage, and the coordinator counted off the camera rolling. Yitao made it off stage, but quickly covered his mouth with his hand, with widening eyes. Jongsoo went over to him immediately, wanting to congratulate him, but only to find his friend in such a state. “Dude, Yitao, what’s wrong?!”

Yitao glanced up; as he blinked, tears ran down his cheeks.

“M-My mom didn’t even recognize me…”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

Zitao was about to walk out of the station, when Yongguk caught up with him. “Hey, Zitao.”

“Hm?” He turned to look over his shoulder.

“You were a bit harsh...well, more harsh than usual.”

“I’m just doing my job. After all, it is the truth, no? We have to be real with these kids about the industry and critique their singing and dancing like what we do from time to time with our artists.”

“Well, yeah, but the kid was nervous.”

“Tough love.”

Yongguk sighed. “Well, anyway, the kid though, Mr. Wu...he…”

“He what?”

“He kinda looked like you...in a way. I was like, wow...a mirror image...well, almost.”

Zitao stopped in his tracks, before looking over his shoulder once again. “I see no resemblance.”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

“Dude are you serious,” Jongsoo leaned in as he asked the same question once again for the ninth time that night. Back in their apartment, the two were in the living room, eating their late dinner. However, Yitao didn’t feel like eating; he was replaying what happened that morning. He was so close. He was face to face with his own mother, but he what shocked him the most is that the CEO of HZT Empire was staring right at his own son, and he didn’t even realize it. “Yitao!”

“What?”

“Are you serious? That...that Mr. Huang is your...well, mom? I mean, come on...its been years already...how can you remember?”

Yitao stared at him, before getting up. He walked towards his room. He came back with a photo of his parents. “Here.”

Jongsoo took the photo, seeing that it was Huang Zitao when he was younger, with a baby in his arms. “It’s...it’s him...wow, I couldn't even recall what he looked like,” Jongsoo shook his head, “I can’t believe this...the CEO is your mother…”

“Even though I was young...I can never forget my own mother’s face…” Yitao wiped his eyes, “he didn’t even recognize me, Jongsoo…”

“Yitao,” he placed the photo on the table, “I’m sorry, man…”

“It hurts, you know...your own parent doesn’t recognize you. Wouldn’t you think that a parent...a mother, would recognize their own flesh and blood?” He covered his face with his hands, not wanting his best friend to see his tears roll out.

“Well, you, “Jongsoo sighed, “Yitao, tch, I dunno man, you can’t let this be in your head.” He said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, yes, it is sad...but if you keep thinking about this, and keep on feeling sad, it is going to affect your performance in the competition. You and I are getting there. We are going to make our dreams come true remember? Yitao, you can’t make a mistake and get eliminated. Besides, you really want to have your mom back?”

“H-Huh?”

“You told me yourself, he left you and your father to “work in Korea”...and on top of that, he cheated on your father with someone else. You are really going to bring someone like that in your life again? Someone that literally hurt your father and you? The gods know that I won’t.”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

“Papa, I’m home!” the young and happy, 7 year old, closed the door, hearing his father calling him from the kitchen. He hummed in happiness, knowing that his father got his favorite afternoon snack. Quickly throwing his shoes off, and putting his backpack on the floor, he rushed off to the kitchen to see his father placing his steam buns on his plate.

“Yay!!” Yitao rushed over, sitting down at the table. “Mine!”

“Wait, did you wash your hands?” The younger pouted; he got off from his chair, and started to make his way over to the bathroom to wash his hands. “While you are at it, change out of your uniform.”

“Argh!!” Yitao said loudly from the bathroom, causing his father to laugh out loud.

Yitao did just that, changing out of his uniform and into his play clothes. He rushed out, quickly sitting back down on his seat. Before he could grab his steamed bun, he glanced at his father, wondering if it would be okay now to eat.

Kris chuckled. “Yes, it is okay now. Go ahead.” Yitao beamed; he started to eat happily. “Did you have a good day at school?”

“Hm!” He nodded.

“That's good.” Kris sat down across from him, grabbing the remote to the small television that was on the kitchen counter. He turned it on, right on the news.

“And for the weekly entertainment news of today is,” the reporter said, “After 3 year hiatus, and some alone time to himself, the 25 year old singer-rapper, Huang Zitao, safely made it to Incheon International Airport for a concert held in the Olympic Gymnastics Arena. --”

“Oh! Mama!” Yitao pointed at the television. Kris nodded, happy to know that Zitao made it to Korea safely.

“ -- along with his significant other.”

“Hm?” Yitao titled his head; he turned to his father wanting to ask what the reporter meant by ‘significant other’, but instead he saw his father in shock.

“P-Papa?”

Kris’ eyes widen; he started to shake. He wanted to turn off the television, but just as he was about to, the interview started to ask Zitao about his companion.

“Oh, this is Zhu Nianzu...he is the new guitarist in our band, and yes, he is my significant other.” Zitao said with a smile. “Might as well say it, we got married in secret two months ago,” he beamed, as he patted Nianzu on the cheek, lightly, “somewhat newly weds. We hope none of the fans will be angry about this being kept in secret,” he faced towards the camera, and bowed, “we just didn’t it to be blown right then and there...but please enjoy the concert!”

Yitao glanced over at his father, seeing him stand up from his chair abruptly. He started to make his way over to his room, and closed the door loudly. Yitao got down from his chair, and quickly made his way to his father’s door. “Papa! Papa!!,” he pounded on the door, “papa?!”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

“Yitao.”

The said person slowly opened his eyes, looking up from his thumbs. In front of him were his two group mates, Miran and Dohui, for the round 2 of the competition. “Sorry, w-what was that?”

“I was saying that we should start practicing for the performance...erm, we were going to do this song. It is a bit out of our comfort zone...what do you think?”

Yitao glanced at the singing sheet again. It was rap song, that he knew well, and it was definitely out of his comfort zone. Regardless, he agreed to it. “BTS Cypher Triptych, yeah okay, let's do it. It will really surprise the judges you know. It will show that we are diverse.”

“Definitely out of our comfort zone” Dohui asked, as she took out her ear bud that was connected to her ipod, “but a challenge is always good. Yitao is right.”

“Alright then, let's get started!” Miran smiled, as she gave a ‘fighting’ pose.

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

The CEOs watched at the next group started to make their way to the stage with Dohui leading the way.

“Round 2, team mission” Yongguk smiled at them, “congratulations to the three of you for passing onto round 2. Which song will you three be singing?”

Miran glanced over at her teammates, in which Yitao and Dohui nodded their heads. “We will be performing the song BTS Cypher Triptych from the group Bangtan Boys.”

Zitao scrunched up his face, as if he found that the song choice was a bit odd. He knew the song well, and it a song that didn’t fit any of them, in terms of singing styles. Kwangseon nodded his head, “Well, good luck to you three. Have fun with it.”

The three nodded. Once they were in position, they music started to play. Immediately, Dohui started her lyrics.

“Nugu ttaemune? Dohui ttaemune...nugu ttaemune? Miran ttaemune...dasi nugu ttaemune? Yitao ttaemune!” (Because of who? Because of Dohui. Because of who? Because of Miran. Again, because of who? Because of Yitao.)

The CEOs were amazed at Dohui and Miran’s raps, but very impressed with Yitao’s when he did BTS’ Yoongi’s part. It was as if it was made just for him. He kept up with the pace, as well as diction was clear as clean water. Even at the end, it looked at if he wasn’t exhausted from the fast-paced rap. It was perfect. Perfect enough to leave Zitao in shock. Who knew that the nervous singer, was also a beast at rapping.

“A-Amazing,” Kwangseon said softly as he looked over towards the other two CEOs, “whoa…” The CEOs talked among themselves first, which felt forever for the three contestants. Yitao glanced at both Dohui and Miran, smiling at them. He gave a ‘fighting’ pose, and the two girls nodded their heads towards the older.

Yongguk, still in shock, slowly grabbed the microphone from the table. “That…was...wow. For people...have you three rapped before?”

“Hm,” Dohui gave a ‘somewhat’ type of response, “kinda...I mean, I’ve done it before, but I’m not so comfortable with it. So this was out of my comfort zone.”

“Same here.” Miran raised her hand.

“Rapping came naturally for me when I was younger,” Yitao said, “Erm, Jongsoo and I went to the same high school together, and we’ve done some rap shows for our school. So, I’ve done it plenty of times, but like Dohui, it is something that I’m not comfortable doing...yet, I guess you can say.”

Yongguk nodded. “I have to say, and I’m sure that my fellow friends here would have to agree, you three surprised us. Your singing styles are the same, which is why we put you three together, but to pick a rap song, was an interesting choice.”

“I thought that you three were going to sing a calming song of sorts. Like a ballad.” Kwangseon said, “but this was a good strategy. You three are showing diversity in terms of singing. It gives us an idea if how well verse you three are.”

Zitao nodded, but made no comment. Yongguk looked over, nudging him to say something. “Well,” he started to say, “I have to say it was very impressive. I’m actually still in shock right now.” He said, glancing more so on Yitao.

Kwangseon sighed. “As you know, we can only pick two of you to advance to the next round, the battle auditions,” he gave a weak smile, “though, we made the decision…,” with a deep inhale, he called out the names, “Miran...and Yitao.”

Both Miran and Yitao’s eyes widen; they turned towards Dohui, giving her a hug. As any other contestant, Dohui started to tear up. Kwangseon tried to ease her loss, but encouraged her keep on singing. “We can tell that this is your passion. Please keep working hard, and we, for sure, know that we will be seeing you again on stage. This right here, is a stepping stone.”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

Yitao sat in his room, looking through his one of many binders. All of which were composed songs by his father, and some of his own and Jongsoo’s work. Alphabetically arranged, Yitao searched for one of his father’s songs. Once he found it, he carefully slid it out from his sheet protectant.

---

“You know,” Kris said, “this is the song...that I made for your mother...on our first anniversary.” Kris said, pointing at the sheet.

9 year old, Yitao glanced at it with disapproving eyes. “Aren’t you going to toss it away…” He mumbled, “if that is the song made for mom, it is going to remind us of what he did...it’s not healthy to be keeping stuff like that dad.” He turned away, back to his homework that was on the coffee table in their living room. As much as he hated his mother, deep down, he wished that he could have him back. Weren’t they enough?

Kris nodded, agreeing with his son, but it was something that he couldn’t just toss away. “Besides, this song, in a way, depend on how you look at it, can be seen as a love for their child, ya know?”

The younger raised his eyebrow. “Oh yeah?” He watched his weary father got up from the floor, carefully to not step over his papers that were scattered all around. As he made it to the grand piano, Yitao followed. He stood behind his father, resting his chin on top of his father’s shoulder. Kris started to play, letting his fingers glide through the keys.

As he started to sing, Yitao closed his eyes, letting his ears be filled with his father’s voice.

It warmed his heart.

---

“Yitao.”

He opened his eyes.

“Yitao,” he looked up seeing Jongsoo standing over him, “dude, what are you doing?”

Yitao blinked before showing Jongsoo the song sheet. “I think I want to sing this song...when we make it to the finals...as my song choice.”

Jongsoo glanced at it, and smiled. “I like this song...you know that?”

“You told me millions of times.”

He softly chuckled. “That means that I would have to find a better song to beat you with.” Yitao broke into a smile. A genuine one. Jongsoo was a ease, knowing that his best friend's smile was warm; he gave the sheet back. Jongsoo informed the other that he would be heading down to the convenience store to get some snacks. “I’ll be back.”

“Alright.”

With that he left.

Yitao glanced at the sheet again. He inhaled deeply. “As long as the whole world hear this song...I’ll be happy…,” he started to put it back in its place in the binder, “will mom even remember it?”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

As months passed, it was down to the final four of the competition. It was among the Byeon triplets of Daegu, Kyunghee, Kyungja, and Kyunggu, the youngest contestants and jazz singers, Cha Dongjun, the 17 year old rapper from New York, United States, Kim Jongsoo, the 26 year old guitarist from Seoul, and finally, the 25 year old, singer Wu Yitao from Seoul.

With their performance together, it boosted up massive views from all over the world, creating the most views entirely among any singing survival program so far. With just 3 more episodes to go, Yitao knew that he just needed to stay a float up until he is in the finals. As promised to himself, he wanted to sing his father’s song.

Yitao watched as the Byeon triplets doing their performance while being backstage with the others. They watched from the monitor, cheering them on.

Yitao stood up, catching Jongsoo’s attention. “Where are you going?”

“To the restroom, plus I want to prepare myself.”

“Well, alright. Just be here 5 minutes before you go.”

“Wow,” Dongjun said, while looking back and forth at the two, “you two really care for each other. I wish my older brother was like that.” He said with a laugh.

Yitao chuckled. “Jongsoo...is a great older brother.” With that, he excused himself, leaving the room to use the restroom. Dongjun continued.

“I gotta say that I’m seriously jealous of your guys’ friendship.”

“We’ve been friends since Jr. High school.”

“Wow! That long?”

“Yeah,” Jongsoo slowly started to nod his head, “yeah.” He said softly. "He is from China, but moved to Korea with me and my family..." 'my parents were good friends with his father....'

“Yitao is lucky to have a friend like you...and, of course, vice versa.”

Jongsoo smiled. ‘Yeah.’ He thought before his smile slowly started to die down.

---

“Yitao.”

The said person looked up with eyes showing no happiness or energy. It was dull. The adult knelt down, placing his hand on Yitao’s cheek. He smiled, “Yitao, if you ever need anything...we are here. You know that.” He stood up, letting his son, Jongsoo, peek through his father’s legs.

Without a doubt, Jongsoo went over and hugged his best friend tightly. “You have me too, Yitao!” The young child’s eyes, started to water, “you know that your best friend would be here too!!”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

Yitao glanced at his cellphone, reviewing the lyrics for his performance. He started to feel a bit confident in his rap skills, that he wanted to try again considering it being risky to do a rap song. He pulled up his sleeve, staring down at a dark brown bracelet with a simple design of a dragon on it. Yitao smiled. ‘Dad...I’m in the final four…,’ he bit the inside of his cheek, ‘I’m so happy...I can’t even believe it…Jongsoo and I are working really hard dad.’ With a deep inhale, and a slow exhale out. He looked up up seeing a red light that was in the middle of the hallway light up. He remembered that the assistants telling them that the lit up red light meant that they were on commercial break.

“Excuse me,” Yitao turned his attention to the person on the right, looking down a bit, seeing one of the staff members, “I was wondering...if...if it wouldn’t be too much trouble to sign this.” The staff member brought his hand in front of him, showing 5 by 7 photo picture of Yitao himself on his ‘17th episode’ attire and when his hair was, for the first and last time, in a pompadour hairstyle. He just remembered how embarrassed he was with it.

Taken back, Yitao wasn’t sure how to even respond to the staff’s request. The staff member continued. “My son...well, is a big fan of yours. It would mean a lot if you could sign this?”

“I have a fan?” He asked, before cursing mentally when he realized that he said it out loud. The staff member chuckled.

“Yeah...my son downloaded all the songs that you sang so far in the competition...and he won’t stop repeating them. I do have to say you are really talented.”

“Thank you...thank you so much.” Yitao bowed towards the other, “and I would love to sign it for your son.”

“R-Really? T-Thank you so much!” The staff member handed him a pen, and Yitao took it. He started to sign, ‘Thank you for the support! I will definitely do my best! Happy singing!’ “Erm, what is your son’s name?”

“Oh, his name is Baekyeol.”

“Oh okay, ‘Baek’...’Yeol’,” he smiled, “there!” Yitao smiled, as he returned the photo back to the staff member.

“Again, thank you so much. Good luck with the competition!” With that, the staff member nodded his head, and started to head back to work. Yitao watched as the other left, smiling to himself.

‘I have a fan...’ “Jongsoo will go crazy about this.” He chuckled softly. He turned around, only to jump a bit when he saw the CEO of HZT Empire, walking down the hallway. Yitao’s heart started to beat; he backed up towards the wall, giving the other space to walk by. They exchanged glances, and Zitao started to slow his steps down.

“Yitao.”

“H-Hello.” Yitao bowed towards the other. As he stood up straight, Zitao kept his gaze on him, as if he is trying to study him. For the younger, he started to feel a bit uncomfortable, but then again, this was probably the longest time, his own mother was looking at him. “Do you not know who I am yet…” He glanced down at the floor as he mumbled.

Taken back, Zitao was about to ask Yitao to repeat himself, when Jongsoo came for the other. “Yitao!”

The said person looked over, nodding his head. He bowed once more to the CEO, “excuse me.” With that, he left, trotting his way over to Jongsoo.

“The assistants want to ask you something,” Jongsoo said, as he placed his arm around Yitao’s shoulder. Yitao nodded, mumbling okay, while Jongsoo looked over his shoulder at the CEO, giving a worried look as the two started to walk away. Zitao raised his eyebrow at the other, before turning around to walk towards his fitting room.

‘Weird…,’ Zitao thought, ‘he gave me a look.’ Once he entered his room, he closed the door, and started to relax. However, his mind was on Yitao. Throughout the competition, he couldn’t help, but wonder why his mind was heavily preoccupied with the other. His mind occupied, while his heart beats.

He turned towards the mirror, glancing at himself. He tilted his head to the left, then to the right. ‘I don’t see any resemblance…’ Zitao thought, as he continued to look at himself in the mirror. Yongguk, every now and then, would say that Yitao looks like him, but Zitao couldn't see himself in the other. ‘I can’t see anything…’ With a deep breath, he turned around in his seat. He was about to stand up when a thought struck him. He slowly sat back down, now gently rubbing his stomach. ‘I only had one child…,’ “my son would be that age, but he for sure he isn’t here.” He said softly to himself.

He remembered it clearly, the day that he left his former love and their child together. Young and crazy, and definitely not ready to be a parent at all. He thought leaving the child with the other was the best choice, taking into consideration that his former lover was more responsible than he was and older by a few years.

Now that Zitao was thinking about it, he wondered how his son was back in China. It never once crossed his mind about finding the two, or returning back. He considered that his former lover for sure hated him by now, and that their child would not even know who he was. ‘He probably forgot by now.’

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

“Lets all congratulate our top four!” Hyojoo, the host, smiled brightly as she gestured towards the final four. It was now the elimination round, and only two would pass to the finale.

As the claps and cheers filled the contestants’ ears, Yitao kept his head lowered. He did well in his performance, and was happy that he judges thought so too, yet, anything could happen. This could be his last time he be standing right on stage.

‘Please let me be on stage for the final time,' he closed his eyes, as he bit his lip, ‘I want to sing papa’s song, please let me.’

“Now, lets begin…,” Hyojoo glanced at her plaque cards, “the first one to be advancing is…”

Yitao closed his eyes tightly.

“...Cha Dongjun!”

The audience cheered and clapped as the light shined down on Dongjun. Yitao turned his head and smiled, giving him a thumbs up. Yet, deep down, he knew that neither him and Jongsoo could compete with each like how they wanted it to be. He hoped that the final two would have been him and Jongsoo.

‘Now one more…’ Yitao gulped.

“The 2nd person to advance is…” The audience held their breath, as the contestants did. Hyojoo nodded her head, and raised the mic close to her lips. “Congratulations...Wu Yitao!”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

At the end of the night, Yitao kept on hugging his best friend tightly crying on his shoulder. He was happy that he was able to advance to the final round, but his best friend wasn’t beside him.

“God, Yitao, such a crybaby.” Jongsoo chuckled, as he tried to ease the other; his smile started to fade, “don’t cry.” Yitao mumbled, saying that it was their plan to be the final two. “I know, but maybe it wasn’t my time to be there. At least you’ve made it, and I’m happy.” He gently pushed Yitao back, wiping the other’s tears with his own sleeve. “Tch, now look at your eyes. So puffy.”

“I promise, that I’ll win for the both of us.”

“No, don’t do that. I’m not part of it...I want you to sing your best. I want you to give your 200 percent. Make sure that you don’t leave any regrets on the stage.”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

As the week passed, the two finalists came back on Sunday to rehearse for their final performance. Despite only having a week to practice and prepare, the two were ready as ever. Just like those months ago, Yitao already prepared the song that he wanted to sing in front of everyone. His favorite song that his father composed. He even asked Jongsoo to play the piano for it. If Jongsoo can’t compete against him, at least he can have him by his side playing the piano.

“Are you ready?” Jongsoo asked, as he fixed his tie. During the first half of the show, idol guests were performing to warm up the crowd. As Jongsoo lowered the volume from the television that had the program on, he smoothed out the black suit that he was wearing wanting to look presentable for the finale. He turned around, seeing his best friend in a snowy-white suit, contrasting his.

Yitao slowly exhaled; he nodded his head. He practiced, memorizing every word and feeling of the song. “Yeah, I’m ready.” He replied, as he was about to scratch his head.

“Don’t. You’re going to ruin your hair,” Jongsoo said, “you don’t want to redo it do you?”

The other glanced in the mirror, shaking his head, “no...but now that I look at this again it kinda looks like how my dad used to style it.”

 He smiled. “Good. Remember --”

“No regrets,” Yitao nodded, “I know.”

The door knocked, and both turned. It was Dongjun, who peeked his head in. “Hey, I’m not interrupting am I?”

“No,” Yitao stood up from his seat, gesturing for the other to come in, “we were just relaxing.”

“Ah,” Dongjun opened the door more, "well...I just wanted to say good luck tonight.”

“Same here,” Yitao smiled towards the other, “let’s just go out there and have fun right?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh there you all are,” the crew member said as she back tracked, now facing the three, “the show is about to start in 10 minutes. Dongjun we need you up on stage now...and you’re parents and friends are here. They would like to see you before you before the show resumes back.”

“Oh?! They are here? Alright.” He turned towards the the two, nodding his head. “I’ll head out first then.

“Do your best!” Jongsoo cheered.

Dongjun beamed, giving a fighting pose. As the door closed, Yitao sat back down on the armrest of the chair. “He is lucky that his parents and even his friends are here.”

“Hey,” Jongsoo puffed his cheeks out, “and what am I?! Dust?”

Yitao chuckled. “Sorry, you’re my best friend...but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” the other slowly nodded his head, “I know...but hey, you have me.”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

Yitao and Jongsoo watched Dongjun in the middle of his performance from the sidelines. Both were amazed to see such a strong performance and energy on the stage. Yitao could even feel himself getting hyped, just by his competitor’s skills.

Right when the performance ended, Dongjun smiled as he tried to catch his breath. He bowed and waved happily towards the audience. “Thank you!” He said, as he bowed once more. He exited off the stage as instructed before he went on.

“You did great!” Jongsoo said, high fiving the other as he came close.

“Thanks. I was nervous this time. Maybe because it's the finals, but...wow, I’m just glad that it’s over!” Dongjun placed his hand over his heart, feeling it thump rapidly out of nerves.

“Yitao,” the stage assistant called out, “we are on commercial break right now, so you have 10 minutes to prepare...fix yourself up, a little internal pep talk whatever.”

“O-Oh okay.” Yitao let out a small exhale, inhaling deeply to calm himself. It was his time now. He felt Jongsoo pat him on the back. “I know that I can do this...I got this.”

Jongsoo chuckled. “I know you do.”

 --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

“Okay, now I’m feeling nervous,” Jongsoo started to say as he looked down at his hands, “dude, I’m shaking right now.”

The duo were now on the big stage, in position like how they have been rehearsing for days. Yitao looked over his shoulder at the grand piano right behind him. His father had one. ‘Just like that one.’

“Dude! Are you freaking’ out?! Because I am!”

“2 Minutes ‘till show is back on!” The assistant said in his mic, causing Jongsoo to panic more. He just wanted to make sure that he played perfectly for his best friend during the finals, but his mind started to trick him.

“You aren’t going to mess up Jongsoo, you will be fine.” Yitao assured, as he held his mic in his hand, “wow, how did this happen...I was the one nervous a while ago, but now here you are.”

“Why is this happening to me?!”

“Sir, please,” one of the staff members  said, “we are going to start. Everybody! Places! After Hyojoo does the introduction, wait a bit after the audience is done with clapping and wait till the lights are on alright? It will shine on you first, then Yitao will do his cue.”

“I’m gunna throw up.”

“Jongsoo, stop it.” Yitao started to wave his free hand, trying to calm the other. Just as Jongsoo started to respond back, the lights started to dim.

“And welcome back,” the host, Hyojoo, said as the cameras panned towards her, “ we will now listen to our final performance of the night. He as warmed us with his singing, and even surprised us with his talent for rapping. Please welcome, Yitao!”

Zitao leaned back in his seat, curious as what the other is going to sing.

The audience clapped and cheered, wishing the contestant good luck. As the claps started to slowly die down, Jongsoo knew it was his cue. He started to play, gently letting his fingers glide on the keys. Yitao let out a small exhale, before placing his mic on his lips. The lights started shine. He closed his eyes.

“Wǒ néng kànjiàn nǐ de shuāngyǎn tiàowàngzhe tiānbiān (I can see your eyes gazing at the horizon)...wú rén jiējiǎo wúshēng yǒngbào jìng jìng de ài zài ránshāo (An empty street corner, a silent embrace, love is quietly ablaze)...,” Yitao slowly opened his eyes, glancing right at the audience, “Woo~ I can hear your voice...Woo~ I can hear you in my mind...”

Zitao widen his eyes. “I know this song.” He whispered to himself. Yongguk turned his head, thinking that he heard his friend said something, but instead came across the other shocked.

Yitao continued to sing, he slowly got up from the chair that he was sitting at and making his way over to the center stage, where he continued to sing his father’s song. The audience were at an ‘awe’ with his voice. Some even were at the point of wanting to cry. As for Zitao, he was having the same experience, just much more.

He knew this song. He remembered how it was composed, the keys, the tone of the voice and even the atmosphere; he remembered everything. By then he started to cry.

“...wǒ xiǎngqǐ shúxī de jiēdào (I think back to those familiar streets)...xiǎngqǐ shìqù dì měihǎo (Think back to the beautiful days that flew away) yǒu yīgè dìfāng (There is a place) zhǐyǒu nǐ hé wǒ zhīdào (Only you and I know).” Yitao let out the note longer than rehearsed, causing the people sitting almost to the edge of their seats and some to let tears fall. Yitao turned his head slightly towards the right, only to have his eyes slightly widen.

He saw his father, worn out and dejected, yet smiling brightly at him.

‘D-Dad --’ Yitao started to shake. He wanted to stop and run over to him; he wanted hug him tightly as he could. Instead, he started to feel himself tighten his throat, and his eyes watering. His voice started to crack.

Jongsoo looked up at his best friend immediately as he heard the other’s voice cracking and shaking. ‘What in the world?’ Yet, he continued to play. ‘what should I do?!’ Jongsoo wanted to stop, but Yitao continued, still fixated at a certain spot in the crowd. He tried to follow his friend’s eyes, but wasn’t able to turn fully around. ‘What is he looking at?’

The crowd were in shock, seeing the singer started to weep right in front of them. The emotion from the singer started to affect the audience; they started to weep.

Yitao wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, struggling to keep his posture, but it was hard for the singer. His emotions started to get to him that he was unable to sing properly at all, destroying his performance.

As the last note played, the song ended with an unpleasing feeling coming from the singer himself.  He glanced up at the lights, brightly shining down on him. The cameras directed at him, the people looking at him with concerned expressions. His best friend at the piano, calling out to me, but for some reason, he couldn’t hear.

Then everything came to a blur.

He was crying.

He shook his head and quickly started to walk off stage. Not even giving Hyojoo a chance to come up to him.

“Yitao.” Jongsoo stood up immediately and quickly bowed towards the audience twice. Zitao stood up himself, and quickly excused himself, leaving Yongguk and Kwangseon confused. “Where are you going?” Kwangseon called out for the other, but Zitao completely ignored him.

Jongsoo followed his best friend backstage, weaving through the stage crew. He finally caught up with the other, seeing his best friend sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. Yitao was crying. As Yitao looked up, letting his eyes lock with his best friend’s, he started to shake his head. “What happened Yitao?” He asked softly.

The singer roughly wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “I...I saw my dad in the crowd.”

“Wait, what?!”

“My...m-my dad...he was in the crowd...and I...I wanted so much to go to the audience and hug him...b-but --” by then, Yitao started to break down again, shaking in his spot. Jongsoo knelt down, hugging the other, trying his best to calm him.

“Yitao, it’s okay, breath.”

Yet, every breath Yitao took, the more he started to let his tears fall.

Jongsoo continue to hug the other, until Yitao tired himself out. He looked up to his left, seeing Zitao standing right in front of them. Jongsoo quickly went into protective mode, looking at Zitao as if telling him to leave them be.

Zitao stepped back, and quietly left the two.

 --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

The show immediately went on a longer commercial break, giving Yitao time to calm himself. Once he was composed, Yitao apologized to the stage crew, Hyojoo, the judges, the other singers for his unanticipated behavior, during and after his performance. The staff and singers told him it was fine, thinking that the song that he sang had a strong and emotional story behind it that he was able to relate to it very well.

“You are fine, sweetheart,” Hyojoo patted Yitao on the back, “the song...was beautifully sung. That is what matters. I felt the emotion.”

Yitao gave a weak smile. “Thank you…”

“Commerical is almost over,” one of the stage crew members said, “let finish up this last 15 minutes of the show. You think you will be able to...you know...do it.”

“Yeah...I’m okay now.”

“Alright,” the stage crew turned towards the other crew members, “everybody back to their place.”

As everyone started to disperse, getting ready for the last minutes of the show, Zitao was hesitant in speaking with the other. He wanted to ask how he knew about it the song. If he knew about the person he was thinking about. ‘How do you know about that song.’

“Zitao, we have to get back on stage,” Yongguk said, “Zitao?”

“Huh?”

“We have to go back on stage.”

“Uh...r-right.” He gave one last glance at Yitao before turning around to walk back on stage. Yongguk raised his eyebrow, glancing at singer that was behind them. He felt bad for Yitao. As a musician himself, he knew the feeling of not giving the perfect performance. The feeling of ‘I messed up, I ruined it’. But despite all of that, the song Yitao sang was beautiful. He felt himself tighten up, wanting to hold on the tears in his eyes, but the song felt emotional that he couldn’t hold it in much longer. Yongguk turned around, and started to head back on stage.

He bid him good luck.

 --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

Back on stage, Yitao bit his lip and his head lowered, not wanting to see the judges or the audience in front of him. He choked on his performance, he couldn’t properly deliver his father's song.

“Congratulations to the two finalists and their amazing performances,” Hyojoo smiled, as the two finalists were right beside her, “of course, there could only be one winner.” The audience clapped and even cheered for the two.

“We have added the votes from the audience, and the votes from you viewers at home,” Hyojoo glanced down at her cue cards, “your new winner...is… --”

The name can out slow in Yitao’s ears; he looked up, and turned his head towards Dongjun. He smiled towards him. He went over, and gave Dongjun a hug. “Congratulations, Dongjun.” Yitao said towards the winner of the competition.

 --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

As the show ended, Yitao and Jongsoo were back in the changing room, getting ready to change back in their normal clothes. Yitao sighed, as he sat on the chair behind him. He shook his head and started to lower his head towards his hands. He didn’t want to be sour about it, but it hurt. Due to his choked up moment, it cost him.

Jongsoo turned around, sighing himself. “Hey...you know...2nd place isn’t that bad. You are still on the top.”

“I know,” Yitao let out a breath, before he stood up, “I really don’t want to be sour about it. I mean, I was the one who messed up...so...yeah.” Yitao tried to smile.  “Hm, yeah.”

“I guess it is back to normal lives?”

“JY duo back to their shenanigans” Yitao chuckled as he fist pounded his best friend.

A knock was made, and the door opened. It was Bang Yongguk. He nodded his heads, as the two bowed towards the CEO. “Evening boys.”

“Sir,” Jongsoo said, “what brings you here?”

“Well,” Yongguk said, as he closed the door behind him, “I wanted to talk to you both.”

“About…?”

“A contract. I would like to sign both of you to my company.” Both Jongsoo and Yitao dropped their jaws in sync, that caused Yongguk to laugh. “Wow, you two are definitely good friends.”

“He is basically like my brother, sir!” Jongsoo pulled Yitao close, hugging his arm, “b-but are you serious? Wanting both of us in your company?”

Yongguk nodded. “I do...I’m very impressed with both of your guys performance throughout the competition. I think you two will be a great addition to my company.”

Yitao could feel his eyes water. “No way…”

“We will talk more about this next week,” Yongguk gave both of them his card, “you two should rest. I’m sure you both are exhausted from the competition.”

“Thank you, sir.” Jongsoo and Yitao bowed.

Yongguk smiled, and nodded his head. He bid farewell, and exited their room. He chuckled, as he heard the two started to scream in excitement. "Ah, they will be great additions.”

He started to walk down the hallway, and ended up bumping into Zitao. “Oh...Zitao --”

“Have those two left?”

“Yitao and Jongsoo? They haven’t yet...I just spoke with them.”

“For…?”

“Well, I asked them to join my company.”

“You what?”

Yongguk was taken back, but nodded. “Y-Yeah? I asked them...Zitao what’s wrong?”

“I...that song...that Yitao sang…”

“What about it?”

“I...erm,” Zitao shook his head, “nevermind,” he stepped back, “I’ll just talk to you later, alright?”

“Sure?”

With that, Zitao started to turn his heel, and started to quickly walk away.

 --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

Two months passed, and the CEO of BYG NATION proudly presented his two newly added artists to his company during a press conference. Yongguk announced Jongsoo and Yitao, along with two other trainees from the company will be a R&B and hip-hop quartet under the name, TOPMAN, and that their debut date will be towards the end of November, early December. He even announced that Yitao would be composing their debut song.

“As of now, all four are taking a rest from their busy schedules to relax.” Yongguk answered, nodding his head.

---

Yitao closed the door quietly as he exited his and Jongsoo’s apartment. It was early in the morning on a friday. He adjusted his arms, holding a big bouquet of roses. ‘Let's not drop these, Yitao.’  He started to walk towards the stairs, descending from its steps. Just as he turned to descend from the last flight of stairs, he saw Huang Zitao at the bottom. He froze.

‘M-Mom…’

They locked eyes; Zitao gave a small and weak smile towards the other. Yitao slowly exhaled as he started to go down. Before he knew it, he was right in front of the other.

“Um…” Yitao couldn’t think of any other words to say. He was confused as to why the other was here. “Wait...how did you know that I live in this area?”

“Well...Yongguk and I are good friends. I pestered him…”

“Uh...that is not creepy at all.”

Zitao softly chuckled. His eyes directed towards the bouquet. “Oh...you’re going to visit your girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend? Oh,” he glanced at the flowers in his arms, and quickly shook his head, “no...I’m visiting...someone.”

“M-Mother?”

Yitao tighten his lips; he shook his head. “No,” He said a bit too quietly, “I’m visiting my dad.”

‘His...dad is here?? His dad --’ “I can drive you.” He said, “s-so you won’t have to take the bus...save you money you know.”

Yitao was a bit hesitant, but was definitely the closest distance he could get with his own mother that forgot about him. His heart started to ache.

Yet, he agreed.

 --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

Zitao, personally drove his own car, was a bit confused as to why he and Yitao were at this kind of certain location. A churchyard.

“I just need to stop by to see someone first...is that okay?”

‘A relative maybe? Or a friend?’

As Zitao parked the car, and the two go out. He started to get an odd feeling in his stomach. He turned his head towards Yitao, seeing how he already started to head towards the gate. “Whoa, w-wait for me.” Zitao pressed his key, automatically locking it. He caught up with the other, and started to follow him.

Not within 5 minutes of walking, Yitao stopped and turned towards his left. Zitao followed his direction. His eyes widen.

‘Don’t mourn my loss, whatever you do
My leaving brings you closer to the loved ones
I have left behind and all the joys the future holds
In Loving Memory of Wu Yifan.
A devoted father, a best friend to all, and a composer that struck our hearts with music..’

Zitao felt his heart drop.

“H-He...He is --”

Yitao bit his lips hard, trying his best not to cry. He knelt down, placing the bouquet down in front of his father’s gravestone.

Tears started to fall. Yitao leaned forward, letting his head rest against the cold, head stone. “Happy birthday dad…”

Zitao backed up, covering his mouth with his hands. He was shaking. He continued staring right at the headstone of his former lover. “He is...dead? B-But how...”

Yitao looked over his shoulder, tears trailing down his cheeks. “Since I was 11.” His throat started to close up. He sat down, facing forward the tombstone. “His heart...couldn't take it...”

 --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

Zitao felt his heart aching much then before. Yitao explained he is their son, and how his father was deeply hurt and heartbroken about Zitao leaving them. Everyday, Yitao had to watch his father struggle in hiding his feelings and his behavior from him. Just being a child, he didn’t know what to do.

Eventually, his father’s heart started to be drastically weak.

In the end, his father’s heart couldn’t take it.

Zitao covered his eyes, but it didn’t stop the tears to fall from his eyes. He couldn’t believe his former lover passed from a broken heart. ‘It’s my fault…?’ He looked up at his grown up son. His only son.

Now just sitting inside Zitao’s car, the two still couldn’t even talk at one another. Zitao sighed and started to rub his stomach. ‘So Yongguk was right all along then. We did look alike,’ he glanced at the other, ‘of course.’ It was silent once more, until finally Yitao spoke.

“Like any other kid…,” he said softly, “why did you leave me and dad.” Despite knowing what happened, he wanted to ask and hear it come from his mother’s mouth.

Zitao swallowed a lump in his throat. How can he tell him that what he had with his father was, what he thought, a short-lived relationship. He did love Kris at one point. He truly did. However, once he got pregnant with the younger, that is when started to register that his career could end right there. He was still young, and his career was just starting to flourish.

Upon remember his reason, he started to feel disgusted with himself. He hesitated in responding his answer. “I...I-I fell in love with my career more than your father and especially you…”

Yitao bit his lips, before letting out a faint, chuckle; droplets started to drop from his eyes. “I see. Okay. I understand.” He said in a hush tone.

“But you have to believe me that I did love your father, but...we were still young at that time. I wanted to do more with what I had going with my career...and --”

“And having a child...I know. I know how this goes.” 'We are in the way.'

“I’m not saying you were a mistake.”

“And I’m not going to say I was, because I wasn’t,” Yitao nodded, “I tried to fulfill your spot to the best I can. I tried my best to make dad happy. He had me. His kid.” He wiped his tears with his hand. “But I do blame myself for not saving him...or making him happy enough.” He shook his head; he sighed. “He loved you too much,” Yitao turned his head towards the other, “and I don’t know why he couldn’t move on from you.” He his now dry lips, wiping his cheek. “I grew up with no mom...no dad...but I did have a best friend and his family and they were the best step-parents I could ask for. They were there at the right time and I thank all the gods for that.”

“Yitao…”

“But you know...that was in the past,” Yitao tried to calm his voice, but could feel his throat aching considering he was tightening it, “I’m already in my mid-20’s...I’ve survived.”

Zitao grabbed the other’s hand, holding it tight in his. “I promise you, Yitao...I want to make up for everything that I have done...the time wasted...I want to be there for you now.”

Touched with the comment, Yitao gave a weak smile; he shook his head. “You don’t have to do that...in fact, you don’t need to…,” he gently pulled his hand away, “to be honest...for me, it is too late.”

“No it’s not Yitao...I’m still here for you. We can --”

“No matter how much I forced myself to hate you,” Yitao started to say, “my heart was aching for you. I hoped that you would come through our door, and hug me, hug dad...and everything would have been better. Sadly, that is only in fairytales.” He sighed. “I’m sorry...but I don’t...I don’t want you part of my life. I don’t think I can forget everything that you did...” Just listening to his own words, he was surprised that he was saying all of this. He was taking Jongsoo's advice.

Hearing words coming from his child’s mouth, it was a parent’s nightmare. It was karma hitting him right in the face, and laughing at him. A former lover dead, and a child that doesn’t need you in his life. His heart started to ache.

It was silent.

Rain started to pour.

Yitao started to unbuckle himself, and Zitao caught him before he got out. “It’s raining!”

“I know...but I just can’t stay in here.”

“Then let me drive you...I won’t let you walk in the rain like that.” Yitao sighed, but Zitao’s eyes pleaded for him to take the offer. The last offer. “At least let me do this for you.”

The younger sighed, bit he nodded. He turned to sit properly in his seat, slowly buckling himself once again. “Can you please take me back home…”

“S-Sure...whatever you want.” Zitao didn’t hesitate, and started the car. He placed his hands on the wheel, and started to back up. They rode in silence, as Yitao’s head was turned to face the window. The travel back to the apartment felt long, despite being only 15 minutes away. The closer they got, the more Zitao felt discomfort in his heart.

Zitao pulled up to the apartment complex, and turned off his engine. He leaned back, letting out an exhale. His eyes glanced up at the complex, thinking to himself that he could provide so much for Yitao. He could repair their relationship, create new memories with him, and just be there for the other.

The door opened, and Yitao was about to get out, but waited for abit. He sat back down, closing the door. He turned to face the older with pleading eyes. He asked for one favor.

“Please...don’t come back here again…”

“Wha --”

“Please don’t be in contact with me anymore," Two favors, "as much as you want to repair and create new memories...I don’t think I can. I think it would be best not to interact with each other anymore…,” with a sigh, “this would be the greatest favor or gift you can possibly give me.”

“To...not...to not even --”

“If you can just give me that...I would be happy. This maybe considered rude...or a rude closure...but I’m sorry...I can’t make peace with you.”

“Y-Yitao --”

“So...with that,” Yitao extended out his hand, ready to give a handshake, “this will be our last meeting...Mr. Huang.”

Zitao stared at his son’s hand. He didn’t want to take it. He didn’t want to end what could possibly be repaired. He hesitated, but slowly started to take Yitao’s hand. As they held hands, Zitao felt his heart tearing into pieces. Once they let go, it will be over.

He didn’t want to let go. He wanted to make things right.

Yitao’s eyes widen, seeing his mother lowering his head and placing Yitao hand against his forehead, crying once again in front of him. For Yitao, he had to do what he thought was right, and with his mother returning back in his life he had to push himself away. Regardless of what Zitao said, how was Yitao sure that he wouldn’t do anything like that again.

He wanted to be strong.

He wanted Zitao out of his life.

However…

His child-self dreamed of his mother returning back into his arms, happy and glad that he returned. And now that Zitao is back, asking for forgiveness, his adult-self is refusing any kindness from the other.

Yitao sighed.

He can’t give his child-self that one little moment.

“I have to go,” Yitao gently pulled his hand away from Zitao’s grasp, “please drive safe.”

Yitao got out of the car, and before he closed it, Zitao looked up to him with tears still on his face. He gave a weak smile, “All I want is you to be happy and safe. I’m truly sorry for what I did...leaving you and your father…”

‘Why do you cry when mentioning him…’

Yitao closed it behind him. He ran to the stairway, and up the steps. He didn’t even look back.

As he made it to his door, he stood in place to catch his breath. Droplets fell from his eyes; he covered them with his hands letting his tears run over his cheeks. He jumped in place when the door opened, revealing Jongsoo.

“God, Yitao,” he patted his own heart, “what the hell...you scared me -- why are you crying?!”

“U-Uh...it’s...it’s,” Yitao wiped his reddened eyes with his sleeve, “it’s my dad’s birthday remember…”

“Oh shi -- sorry, right,” Jongsoo stepped forward and hugged Yitao tightly. He mentally kicked himself. How could he forget. He looked passed Yitao’s shoulder, seeing it rain, “damn, at least you are home now...it’s raining hard.”

“Hm.”

Yitao calmed himself, and started to make his way in. Jongsoo closed the door behind him. “Are you...alright?” He asked, following him to the kitchen.

“I will be...I have to move on right? That's life.”

Jongsoo perched his elbow on the kitchen counter. “And...your mother?”

“People always say forgiveness is the way to go. Forgiveness helps you feel better, and that you will be able to move on with life. I’m that type of person that can’t do that. Call me bitter, but...how can I forgive someone who left my father, and left me. And has the audacity to cry in front of me and right in front of my dad’s grave as if he was really married to him. As if he really cared for him. He didn’t care back then...why would he care now…”

Jongsoo raised his eyebrow, "did...you...meet him?"

"I-I...he came here...and drove me. So he knows...about dad...and he cried in front of his grave...as if he was the widower." Yitao crossed his arms. "I told him not to visit me anymore...or talk to me...I basically said that I didn't want to be associated with him..."

“You’re so...brutal…”

“I’ll make sure I won’t be at a loss in the future. When my time comes that I get married...I’ll make damn sure that I love him or her to the very best...I’ll never leave them. When I get kids, I’ll love them to death and be there for them. Every sports game, every talent show...every competition they enter...”

Jongsoo chuckled. “You will be one over-loving parent.”

“That's my plan,” Yitao gave a soft smile, “at least I’ll be there for them.” Yitao glanced down at his hands, before closing them.

‘This is reality...and I’ll be fine...and I’m sure...m-mo -- Mr. Huang...w-will be okay too. I mean he has been...for so many years...’

“Well...then...um…,” Jongsoo started, “did you finish the song for the mini debut album?”

Yitao blinked; he nodded. “Almost...it’s almost done.”

“Have you given a title yet?

“Not yet...I was thinking…’Time in this Place’. A combo of two of dad’s songs together…Honestly...I dedicate the song to dad since he was the one that literally taught me music.”

--- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) --- (YITAO) ---

{ END }

*mistakes are probably there -- sorry about those*

note(s)

HA:TFELT
Truth [x]

Wu Yifan
Time Boils the Rain [x]
There is a Place [x]

BTS
Triptych [x] *changed J-Hope, RapMon, and Suga’s names with Dohui, Miran, and Yitao of course. personally, when Suga’s does his rap, i swear it’s like fast whenever i hear it. lol thats me though.

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy aka Broken heart syndrome [x]