Chapter 49:  09:19– A Countdown to Third Death [2:41pm]

Mir POV

I felt fire beneath my fingers. Flames that against the bare skin of my arms as I encircled warm flesh, and cinders that tickled the curve of my ear as I pressed it eagerly to a firm chest, feeling my own heart race as I heard the sweet sound of heart pumping blood. As if by instinct my fingertips dug in, and skin resisted. All the sensations, so vivid, so tangible. This had to be real right?

Right?

“What’s wrong?” he asked gently, and there it was. His voice. The tones. The same lifts and falls in his pronunciation. There was no way such an imitation could mimic the details so finely. I shuddered as he bent his head down low, eyes blinking with worry, his hot breath fanning heat over the tips of my ear.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, pushing my head into his chest and it’s suffocating warmth. There was no way I could be dreaming this up. It was too real, too vivid, all my senses invaded by the being that had to be Changsun.

“That so?” Changsun said, sounding puzzled and amused simultaneously. One hand slid up by back where it soothingly rubbed up and down.  “Because you looked like you just saw a ghost or something.”

I blinked once, twice. “A ghost huh.” I echoed his words. They tasted bitter in my mouth.

“Yeah,” Changsun nodded. “You looked really pale. And you feel really cold. Why don’t we get back into the bath and warm up?”

I nodded silently and followed him, letting Changsun tug me deeper into the waters until we were shrouded by thick steam and piles of bubbles. Changsun began humming as he various taps and pulled out a large slab of soap, lathering up his hands and moving back to me.

“Turn around,” he said. “I’ll wash your back.”

Mouth dry, I did so.

He turned out to be surprisingly good at it, long, rhythmic motions that were slowly lulling me to sleep.  

“Mir,” he said softly, not pausing in his washing motions.

“Yeah?” I mumbled back sleepily, leaning against his warm body. At this rate I could definitely fall asleep right here.

“Do you ever wish you could stop time? And just stay exactly where you are?” He spoke in a wandering, wistful tone.

I stifled a yawn. “Not really, no.” Then a memory flicker, bright as a candle light. A sister. I had a sister. The only relative I could remember so far. In fact I couldn’t remember much of her face, just her back, strong and tall and always protecting me. To the very end. “I guess maybe there was one time…”

“Yeah?” Changsun hummed. “Remember something?”

“I must have been around ten. It was Christmas Eve, though we didn’t normally celebrate it. And…I had a sister. She always took care of me, leading me around by one hand.”

“So she was older,” Changsun said, sounding amused.

“What?” I complained, twisting to look at him. He nudged me back in position.

“I’m still washing you,” he chided, and I let out a small insufferable huff. “Continue.”

“Yeah,” I said. “She was my noona…I think… I’m not sure if we were blood related or not, but she was a noona to me.”

“And?  What happened on Christmas Eve?”

“Um.” I tried to recall it entirely, but all I got amongst the blank spaces was a tall tree, bright and decorated with festive red and gold. And atop it all, a gold star alit. “In a big house near ours there was a Christmas Tree. I don’t think we could afford our own, so my noona snuck us in so I could see it.”

It was something from a dream, all the bright lights amidst the dark, branches dripping with candy canes and small figurines with wings. It was beautiful. Glory I had never seen in my life before. Electricity lit up the fairy lights despite the constant lack of it in the streets. In fact I hadn’t seen proper lights for over two weeks now, what with the Peaks usurping all electricity for the festive seasons.

“What is it?” I whispered in hushed tones.

“It’s called a Christmas tree,” my noona replied, taking one hesitant step forwards to touch the closest branch. It was as if she too had never seen such a wonder.

“What does it do?” I asked.

My noona laughed at that. “It doesn’t do stuff, it’s just there to look pretty.”

“Eh?” I blinked. “Then what’s the use of having it around?”

She laughed again, leaning over to ruffle my head. “Not everything needs to have a function little bro,” she said. “Some things just exist because they look nice. And this is one of them.”

“Is that why you’re showing me it?”

She nodded. “It’s my Christmas present to you. Merry Christmas Cheolyang.”

I smiled and hugged her back and-

Cheolyang.

“Mir? What’s wrong?” Changsun asked, prodding me gently. I realized I had stiffened up. “Finish your story.”

“Ah,” I hedged. “Well it was such a nice moment, just us two and the tree and her wishing me merry Christmas, and I guess if there was ever a moment where I wanted time to stand still, it would be that.”

Changsun went back to washing my back. “That was really nice of your noona.”

“Yeah, it was,” I mumbled, dry-mouthed.

Cheolyang. Cheolyang. Cheolyang. She had called me Cheolyang. Was that…was that my real name?”

“I was asking you that question,” Changsun continued, unheeding of my internal turmoil. “Because I was going to say that if there was ever a moment where I wanted time to freeze, it would be now.”

“Huh?” I blinked and turned around to look at him. “Here? Now?”

Changsun laughed, a deep-throated thing, and wrapped his arms around me, forcing my head down. “Yes pabo, now. Because there’s never been a moment as much as this where I just want time to stand still and for us to…I don’t know…just exist. And for nothing else in the world to matter.”

I tugged the arm around my chest closer. “Back then I wanted time to stand still because it was probably the happy moment I had with my sister. But now? Now I just want you.” I pulled his arm up to my mouth, trying in vain to hide the rough red blush that was spreading over my neck and chest. Bones. Since when did I become this sappy?  

Changsun let out another laugh. “You’re surprisingly cute Cheolyang,” he chuckled, tugging me closer even though we were already skin on skin.

I froze.

“What did you just say?” I asked, hearing the question like it was a distant echo rather than words from my own lips.

“Hmm?” he asked, bending down to press a kiss to the nape of neck. “I said you were cute. Do you not like being called cute?”

“No. What did you say after that?”

He sounded puzzled. “That you were cute Cheolyang.”

The cold chill tingled at the back of my neck. “Tell me agaain, what’s your name?” I asked, feeling goosebumps prickle where he had kissed me. My hands felt sweaty despite the water that surrounded us all.

Changsun tilted his head, looking thoroughly confused. “Lee Changsun,” he said simply, looking puzzled but deciding that the best way would be to entertain my sudden need for twenty questions.

“Okay,” I said feverishly, hands twitching by my side. “And what did you used to call yourself?”

Changsun frowned. “Lee Joon?”

“Okay.” My breaths were slowing down, evening out. “And what is my name Changsun. What do you always call me?”

“Cheolyang,” he replied without hesitation. And my heart cracked.

“Changsun…” I said slowly and wriggled out of his grip. He let me go, clearly unsure of my sudden change of tone. But as I turned he reached out for me with one hand, water sluicing off firm muscle and dripping solemnly back into the bath. He looked so real.

“Really, what’s up with you Cheolyang?” he tried to smile, but it looked forced. I swallowed hard and felt myself instinctively inch away from his fingers. He sounded so real. “You still look like you’ve seen a ghost-“

“How did you know my name was Cheolyang,” I blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer. His fingers halted and twitched. “I’ve never told you my real name. Only the name that was on my door. I only just remembered that my real name is Cheolyang. So how did you know?”

He stared, unmovingly.

“Changsun?” I whispered, watching his statue-like stature. “How did you know something only I know?”

He did not move. Not even to blink. Not even to breath.

I reached out, this time with my own hand and touched my fingers to his outstretched ones. They felt real, solid beneath by touch. But there was no way he could be here: he was dead. That was right. He was dead. I let my hand slide past his fingers, trail down his arm and pause right above his chest. They trembled for a moment before I pressed down hard, palm flat against his chest, and I held my breath and waited.

There was no heartbeat.

I knew it.

“You’re not real are you Changsun?” I whispered to the statue.

So what did that make him?

I closed my eyes. Erased the sensation of touch beneath my fingers and the memory of his figure before my eyes.

Because you are not real Lee Changsun.

I opened my eyes, and he was gone. Literally, gone. My hands closed over thin air.

It was all a hallucination. I stared at my surroundings, felt the water swirl between my legs, and disbelief settle across my shoulders, heavy and despair drench. My laugher filled the air, harsh and brittle.

Applause accompanied it. I turned and glared at the shadowy appearance above the water’s surface.

[WELL DONE MIR,] the Ringmaster said. [TO THINK THAT THE FIRST PERSON TO REALIZE THE TRICK WOULD BE YOU. I AM PLEASENTLY SURPRISED]

“This floor was a level,” I hissed. “And you didn’t tell us.”

[CORRECT,] he said, without an ounce of shame. His shadowy outline flickered, but the amused smirk was still present. [THE FIFTH FLOOR, THE ROMAN BATHS. OR SHOULD I SAY, THE GAME OF TRUTH AND DARE. WHAT IS REAL AND WHAT IS NOT? THIS FLOOR GIVES PRIVY TO YOUR GREATEST WISHES AND DESIRES, AND ONCE CONFRONTED WITH THEM, DO YOU DARE TO BANISH THEM AND CONTINUE FORWARDS? EVIDENTLY ENOUGH YOU DO.]

“I did not banish Changsun,” I said in the beginnings of a snarl. “He never existed to begin with. He was just a product of a hallucination from…”

[FROM THE BATHS. THE SCENT CAUSES YOU TO HALLUCINATE. WHAT YOU SEE DEPENDS ON YOUR MEMORIES, ON YOUR DESIRES. EVERYTHING YOU SAW WAS A FICTION OF YOUR OWN IMAGINATION. IT WAS AS REAL AS YOU WANTED IT TO BE.]

Now that the Ringmaster mentioned it I could smell the bath fumes. They were thick, and honey sweet. It bordered on being sickly. The more I thought about the Ringmaster’s lies and his tricks and what I had seen and almost believed, the more nauseous I felt.

Changsun had nearly asked me to stay here forever. The Ringmaster didn’t need forever. All he needed was another twelve hours and we would have failed.

[DON’T INHALE TOO MUCH OR ELSE YOU MIGHT SLIP BACK INTO ANOTHER DREAM] the Ringmaster said, teasingly. 

“I won’t, thank you very much,” I snapped, feeling my anger rise again. This Ringmaster was toying with us again, using what we held dearest against us. And then I realized that if I was experiencing these hallucinations, then so were Thunder and Seungho-hyung.

The Ringmaster’s smirk deepened, as if he could read my mind.

I spun around, striding though the water as fast as I could. The Ringmaster could wait. Right now Thunder and Seungho were possibly in far more danger than this man behind me posed.