Soobin’s POV

One day, when I was flipping through channels of the television, There was a call. Not on my phone but on the house phone. Normally, no one calls Haemin’s house unless it’s Haemin or the other 2. But no one knows I’m here.

“You know what?” Haemin explained into the phone when I placed the receiver on my ear.

“You don’t need to scream.” I told her since I could hear her loud and clear even when I place the receiver 50cm away.

“This is big news.” She said, all serious.

“What’s the big news?” I asked. She sounded so excited to tell me, but is hanging me on a thread.

“It’s about Donghae.” She said and I felt my heart stop and my blood stop flowing. This name, a name that hasn’t been said for the past week, stirs back a familiar feeling in my body.

“What… about him?” I asked, trying to pull myself together.

“Taeri called and we talked and she told me that Donghae went to find her, looking for you.” Haemin said and I fell on the couch. Donghae looking for me? Am I dreaming? After hearing nothing from him, I came to know he is actually looking for me.

“Are you sure?” I asked. I don’t believe what I’m hearing. It can’t be true.

“Very sure. Taeri was shocked to see him. I’m trying to get more out of her. Do you want to let her know you’re here? Or meet up with her?” Haemin asked, but I’m not ready to hear all of it in the audience of so many people.

“You can keep me updated.” I said. Even though I really want to meet them. I didn’t have the chance to meet them. One day, when I’m ready, I will meet with them again.

When Haemin hung up, I was really tempted to call Donghae, tell him where I am and have him come and get me. After not seeing him for close to a month, I missed him so much. I feel so suffocated, like I’m running out of air to breathe. Maybe by just hearing his voice, maybe it can take away some of the pain.

I picked up my phone which contains a new number and dialed Donghae’s number, a number which I could remember by hard. It rang for some time, but no one answer. When I had wanted to give up, it got through.

“Yoboseyo.” He said. His voice sounded tired, hoarse, miserable. I wanted to speak, to tell him it’s me, to comfort him, but nothing came out of my mouth.

“Yoboseyo? Anyone there?” He said again. However, nothing was able to make me voice out anything.

“Soobin? Is that you?” He said suddenly, causing me to gasp. How did he know it’s me?

“It’s Soobin isn’t it?” Donghae’s voice change. It sounded hopeful, excited, eager.

“Y.. Yes” I answered, in a barely audible whisper.

“Soobin, I…” His voice broke and I could hear nothing, but suddenly, a deep and shaky intake of breath. Was he… crying?

It was silent between the both of us. There was nothing said. I could hear him trying to compose of himself. I don’t know what to do, what to say to make him feel better. When he spoke up, I felt my heart warming up once again.

“Soobin, I’m sorry, please come home.” I could tell from his voice he was truly sorry and he indeed was crying. It pains me to hear him so miserable.

“Donghae, I…” I don’t know what to say. Am I ready to go back to him now?

“Soobin, please.” He pleaded.

“Can we meet up and talk before deciding anything?” I asked. He was silent and after what seemed like hours, he let out a sigh and agreed.

“I want to show you something. Let’s meet at XXX at 12pm tomorrow.” He said and I agreed. What does he want to show me? I was curious, but I will find out tomorrow.

We didn’t talk much, but the feeling that is radiating through the receivers was heavy and real. For the first time, I felt that everything was real.

“Rest well Soobin. We’ll meet at 12.” He said as we have to hang up. Even though I don’t want to, we have to.

“You too.” I said and before I hung up, I heard those 3 words.

“I love you.”

I felt my heart pounding in my chest, as if it’s going to leap out of my body. Those three words. It’s what I feel for him too, but I’m just scared that it’s just at the heat of the moment, because I’ve been away for too long. I might just be his habit, someone whom he’s used to seeing in his room every day.

When Haemin came back, I didn’t tell her about the call, but she could tell I was troubled. However, she didn’t ask me anything, but gave me time alone. I want to see Donghae, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. What if I just agree to go back with him just because of my own heart and feelings for him? That night, I wasn’t able to sleep at all. From 12 midnight all the way till the sun rose, I lay on the bed wide awake.

Haemin left for work at 8am which leaves me home all alone. I remember the times where I would sit on the couch and wait for Donghae to return home. Being with Donghae actually made me stronger. I wasn’t very brave. I had always been afraid of being alone. When Donghae left me alone in the house on the first day, I was afraid, but work made me think of other things.

Time passed quickly and in no time, I was out of the house, on my way to meet Donghae. I was really nervous, more nervous than the time I went to his house to meet him. When Appa told me about it, I was a little nervous and scared, but now, it was as if I was meeting the President of some country.

When I got there, I realized it was a higher class living estate. Their houses looked so mordernised and so ecological. I saw Donghae from a distance. No matter how far he stood, I could recongise him. Women walking past him would always take a second look at him and sometime, I was happy he was my husband.

When he got closed, I noticed he looked more ragged, more tired and exhausted. It’s like he hasn’t being eating or sleeping well for the past month. His eyes lit when he saw me and when he was about to touch my arm, I stepped back. He looked slightly disappointed but recomposed himself before leading me up one building.

“I want to show you something.” He said as we made way into the lift of a certain highly secured building. I was puzzled why did the guard allow us in. We don’t live here. We got to the 13^th floor and he fished out a set of keys from his pocket. Don’t tell me…

He inserted the key into the keyhole and the door opened, revealing a beautifully decorated house and it looked familiar. I looked around to see it’s interior is designed exactly like the house Donghae lived in when I first went to Taiwan.

“This…” I was at a loss for words.

“This is our home.” He said and I turned to look at him. He looked so happy, so blissful. He bought this house?

“You bought it?” I asked and he nodded his head.

“This is our home country and I’ve requested to be transferred to Korea. I came to see how I’ve neglected you and how selfish I was. You were unhappy and I failed to notice that even though we live together. I don’t want you to feel guilty that you cannot do anything for me. I should be the one feeling that way. For a year that we’ve been married, I’ve never done anything to make you trust me, but you trusted me more than ever, but I doubted you. I neglected you when you first came to Taiwan, thinking you’ll be fine alone. I know you’re independent and strong, but I forgot that deep down inside, you’re still a girl who needs love and protection. I’m a very bad husband and I want you to be at ease. At least back in Korea, you have people to hang out with and you can visit your parents. I don’t want you to feel alone anymore. I want you to feel at ease, to feel loved and cherished. Soobin, I’m sorry for doubting you. Please come home.” He said and I see his eyes b with tears. This is the first time someone cried for me and he is a man. I placed my hand on his cheeks and he leaned his face towards my hand. I can tell he’s truly sorry.

“Donghae… It’s me who should be sorry.” I said as I wiped away the tear which escaped his eyes.

“No, It’s not, You’ve been such a good wife. It’s me who mistreated you.” He said as he stepped back.

“Oh Donghae, It’s never like that.” I said and he looked up at me, his eyes filed with remorse and sadness.

“I missed you.” He stepped forward and I remained in my position before he wrapped his arms round my waist and pulled me towards him. I am back into his arms, a place which I’ve missed. I wrapped my arms round his neck. I don’t think I can ever leave him.

We sat in our new house, treasuring the time we’re having with each other. He his thumb past my knuckles as I held onto his big warm hands. We just sat there, not speaking. However, without words, I can feel the difference in the atmosphere. Laying in his arms, I can hear his constant heartbeat, slowly, as if lulling me to sleep.

“Tired?” He asked as he my hair with his other free hand.

“A little.” I said and yawned. He is just so warm and comforting. However, I should not fall asleep. At least not now.

“Where had you been staying?” He asked and when I looked at him, he looked sad.

“I’ve been staying with Haemin. I didn’t expect you to went to look for Taeri.” I said since I didn’t think he had remember any of them.

“I only remember where she work. The others I don’t really remember.” He said.

“If you hadn’t went to look for her, maybe we won’t be here now.” I said and he nodded, looking lost and sad. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that However, what he said next caught me by surprise.

“Are you feeling better now?” I didn’t understand what he meant until a while later did I know he was asking about the baby.

“I don’t have morning sickness nowadays. But on occasions, I get muscle cramps and really bad cravings for food.” I said.

“I’ll take care of you.” His voice gentle and reassuring.

“Don’t you have to work?” I realized since he had been here for a month.

“Clearing my leave.” He said.

“How long more?”

“About 5 more months?” He smiled his cheeky smile.

“The past few years, I’ve never used any of my leaves and overtime a lot so this is the result. 6 months worth of leave.” He smile.

“You should make use of this time to rest.” I said.

“I want to, but I need to go back to Taiwan to settle all the things before moving back to Korea. If you still want me that is.” The smile disappeared and the atmosphere became tense again.

“Donghae…” I don’t know what to tell him. How do I fix this situation that we’re having? This trauma is too big for both of us.