Hi! ^.^

A double update! I apologise for the delay as I didn't think these two chapters were ready yet... until I edited some parts again. Hopefully they do not disappoint!

Thank you all for your kind comments and also the subscriptions! *bows*

Special thanks to @StarAWings and @inNOcent_SungJong for your first comments on this fic! They are greatly appreciated! *bows*

I promise to finish up this fic soon! Please allow me to get over this disconnected feeling though, since I haven't had the time to cope with the school assignments and writing! This lackluster work will be improved as much as possible! *bows bows*

Do stay and read... and also do comment if there are any queries or anything lacking.

**There will be mainly Yunjae parts from the next update onwards... and I will be more or less done with this fic. I swear not to leave Yoosu out though!

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POV from Junho

Flashback…

Imagine this. Waking up to find a letter on the table… saying that the two most important people in your live, which in my case will be my brother… and my… uncle, had decided to leave you and go travel around the world while you clean up the mess you have created.

Point accepted. I was the person who screwed up right? So I need to clean up my act… so that point is also noted. I was even glad that Jae took the initiative to bring Junsu away and hide him somewhere safe, since battles tend to get messy… plus I don’t want them to witness my defeat… which I think is highly likely. But it seems to me like I was too relieved too soon.

Then I get a knock on my door the day one followed by shocking news. Apparent… both of them hadn’t made it to their intended location. Instead… they just ended up in the worse places possible.

I was mighty pissed when my midget came back to me telling me things like how he is reconciled with that bastard… and how he wants to go back to that man who ruined him. I simply cannot fathom why he is acting like this! How does one fall in love with the person who undoubtedly mistreated them the most?!

Then… he was telling me to run… and saying that he needs to return to that bastard… instead of leaving with me. He didn’t tell me anything like that when I kidnapped him earlier!! What happened?! I sense a conspiracy! Anyhow, he just doesn’t say a thing… so it’s frustrating when I cannot understand him like how I used to.

I suspect that he going back to that slimy bastard because of me. If so, I have to end this! Why is he being so damn considerate?!

It is also likely that he is going back for the sake of the baby?! If so, I can take care of both the baby and him together. I swear I will eventually find a little love in my heart for that baby! Isn’t this good enough?! NO?

There is also the last possibility… which is also the worst… and that is him being in love?! NO WAY!! There is no way I can accept that!! I don’t think he knows what he wants yet! He is still a kid. There is still a long way for him to go. He does not know what he wants… and I don’t want him to regret his decisions. Am I being too hard on him? I don’t think so.

How would I know how he really feels when he doesn’t say a thing anyway?!

Then… out of the blue, he confirms with me that he is in love… and I blew my top. He must have been really desperate to say that.

I decided that it will be wiser to lock him up in the meantime, while he sorts out his thoughts.

Also, he told me that Jae has left with that bastard Jung too… and I can only say that I have no idea what he meant. Jae is a thousand times more lucid than the all of us combined together! Junsu seems confused too… so what do I do next? Anyhow, my hands are tied. I can anticipate that the bastard will come soon, so I can’t leave for the capital to save Jae right?

I WANT to bring Jae away from that bastard Jung’s side too… but I have absolutely NO idea how to do that now. I have no resources, no time, no capability… nothing! I can’t even keep my own brother safe!!

After that… everything became a blur. A blood bath…I remember telling Junsu that he has to leave by the back door when we are engaged in the battle outside… trusting that he will just escape, since the baby is in the way as well… but I was mistaken. Like the last time, when he had sneaked off the ship to join me, he never left either. HE NEVER LISTENS TO MY INSTRUCTIONS!!

I spotted him hiding in my personal quarter… just standing there like a lost little boy that he is. He is being ridiculous!! SO freaking ridiculous… yet I am already jumping that bastard and cannot walk away from the fight. I simply can’t persuade him to just leave.

I wanted to take that bastard down and end it once and for all… but no matter how hard I fight, he will not falter… nor flinch. My nose broke… my back is sore… my arms are sore… and even my knuckles are fractured and disfigured after punching that monster all over. He is like a blob of… fleshy steel? I can’t even make him hurt without hurting myself. What does one do to become like that? I pride myself on being pretty able to withstand harsh blows… but he is way better.

I almost died too… had my midget not intervened. AGAIN. But how the hell am I supposed to feel thankful?! AGAIN. This is the exact same scenario as the one from before!! I survived the first time because Junsu came to my rescue… and then he was abducted by that bastard. Then I escaped death even after sneaking into the fortress because of the midget… but this time… it’s different.

That monster hurt him instead… in front of me. He literally cracked my brother’s skull with the thing he was going to kill me with. After that, everything just got hazier.

Before I can snap out of it, he had my poor Junsu… and he was going somewhere with him while I remained trapped and bounded by the enemies. There are just too many of them. I should have run with the boys when we had the chance… but we didn’t because we can’t run forever. We all have a certain hate for that man… and that is our driving force… but we also know we did fail eventually. How laughable.

Should I have listened to Jae? Definitely. But I function on emotions… so I failed him.

Should I have listened to Junsu and fled? Definitely. But again, I allowed my emotions to run the show. I could not bring myself to hand Junsu over to him… so I fought back… resulting in all this.

Who is to blame for all this? Park Yoochun. Jung Yunho. Me. Especially me.

I dragged everyone down the road of no return… and now… I am paying the price...

Junsu and Jae are paying the price for my action… and that is more tormenting than death itself. How does fate know this? How I hate fate.

Junsu yah! Please wake up!! If you do, hyungie will allow you to do whatever you want, even if you want to be with him!! I can accept!! Just don’t leave me without any parting words!!

I can’t… you know that.

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Following the defeat of the rebel troops, the king’s troops have captured the survivors and brought them back to the fortress to be kept prisoner. Junho too, is locked away.

Not bothering to let the depressed brother to see his brother first, Yoochun had brought Junsu back to the fort as well, locking himself and the boy away from all outsiders except the physicians. Yoochun himself isn’t taking the fact that he just hurt Junsu very well.

Junsu had defied his brother’s orders to run and stayed to ensure that neither Yoochun nor Junho will get hurt. He was then discovered by the king’s invading soldiers and left Changmin with them before stepping forward to stop the two man’s brawl, ending up with a head contusion so serious that it robbed him of his consciousness. Yoochun hadn’t hit him on purpose, but he did hit Junsu after all.

Unable to forgive himself, the king could only wallow in regret and wonder to himself, the reason why he was being so heedless earlier.

“Your majesty… we have dressed the injuries… but we will have to wait for him to wake… since we cannot give a definite answer.” The physicians cowered together as they spoke to a disconsolate Yoochun. "His highness might wake... if we try hard enough." They offered their subtle 'condolences'.The king does not respond. He simply points his finger to the door, indicating for them to get out, which they gladly did.

Then, getting up from the stool he is sitting on, the man headed for the bed and parted the curtains, sitting down beside the unconscious Junsu. Reaching over to hold Junsu’s cold palms in his own, the man bent his head down to kiss the smooth skin there. With lips trembling as the cool palm does not warm up no matter how hard he is massages them, the man then pressed his lips there desperately, tears streaming down his grubby cheeks.

“Junsu yah! Wake up! Let’s go home.” The man reaches a hand out to caress the boy’s forehead, where it is now wrapped up with a thick wade of bandage. The boy’s good eye, as well as the purplish swollen eyelid remains tightly shut.

“Minnie and I need you. Please!” The man implored the unresponsive being, hands cupping his pallid cool cheeks, transferring some warmth from his palms to the skin there.

Hearing the baby crying in another room, the devastated man’s heart sank even further. Yoochun knows how much the baby boy is bonded to his mother, and the fact that the person is lying there, comatose, is not helping. The nanny is obviously having a hard time, and Yoochun isn’t having it well either. “I’m sorry. Please wake up…” The man apologized, for the very first time in his life, combing the other’s soft brownish hair lovingly.

Unwilling to do anything else until Junsu wakes, the man carries the boy up and makes his way over to his own make shift bed, strip himself of his armour and lies beside the unconscious boy, wrapping his big warm frame around the blankets that contains Junsu.

Drifting off to sleep, not even bathed or having his own injuries tended to, the man concussed for a long dreamless night.

Waking the next morning to find his lover still lifeless in his arms, the man wanted to just sleep his life away as well, but knowing that he can’t do that, the man finally parted from his beloved to arrange their transportation back to the capital, where they will possibly have better physicians and treatment options.

“We will leave for the capital after breakfast.” The king instructed general Choi to see to it while he washes up and checks on his son.

The baby is awake, unusual since he wouldn’t be in the early mornings. Huge eyes watching Yoochun, as if accusing the man of hurting his mother, the man reaches down and carries the baby up, bringing him to his mother’s side and leaving the baby there while he prepares for their journey. The infant never cried or made a single sound when lying beside his mother.

After returning from his activities of daily living, Yoochun cheered himself up by telling himself that Junsu will be up and tending to their son, but his hopes are dashes. Sighing, the man wraps Junsu and Changmin together in a single thick woolen cape, cradling the boy and his son with ease, before making his way to the carriage waiting for them outside.

Yoochun is aware that if Junsu were to continue staying in this state of unconsciousness for too long, he and Changmin will eventually lose him. That thought shook him up pretty badly, bringing tears to his eyes even though he has never cried more than once over a single person, even when his father had passed away.

Trying to appear strong despite the unfortunate circumstances, the man entered the carriage and tried to keep himself together while he they embark on the journey back home.

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POV from Yoochun

I am so torn inside. I truly deserve death.

How can I do this to him?! I love him so much… yet all I ever did was hurt him again and again!! Now... he might never wake again... what do I do?

He must have been really upset when he saw me and his hyungie fight. I was too selfish to care!! At the end of it all, I am still the same moron who couldn't refrain from violence. A loser.

He does not deserve to hurt!! I am the one who deserves to be punished, yet I believe the heavens know that the worse punishment is having him taken away from me! Is this karma? Have I sinned beyond the humane limit? Retributions can come… but why not directly at me? This is too unfair!

All I can think about is now. The moment that he is still beside me! The moment when he is still breathing! I don’t want this moment to end even though he is like this… I don’t even want tomorrow to come!! Please don’t come!!

I can wait forever for the next morning to arrive! I can!! Please let it be forever!!

I can’t live without him! At least he is breathing now… What if he stops?

If he dies, I am not going to live either. I will go with him.

I will accompany him. Definitely!

I have a few days before he withers without food or water. I have to make full use of every moment… to try to wake him… I have to! I will!! We still have Minnie… and even though Minnie will be in the good hands of Yun if ever we are gone… I still wish to be there for him the best that I can.

TBC

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