Life as it is...

Promise to still love me... even with my dark side

 

Hi! ^.^

A double update for today! 

I sincerely hope that the unveiling of Jae's character and past in this chapter will not be too confusing for everyone. You guise will finally know what he is after reading this chapter... or just read between the lines. Cheers! ^.^ V

Also... for the Yunjae deprived! And those who are constantly belittling Yunyun's drive and calling him a slowpoke *looks at sylvia14 and yoosulover4ever*, here is Yunho doing his thing! Ps: @Sylvia14, Yunyun is going to do alot more than just getting lucky with Jae. He is NEVER impervious when it comes to Jae. *winks*

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Special thanks to buffy501 and cloudicious for your comments! I thanked everyone before... so here is a segment to express my gratitude for your kind first comments for this fic!

Lastly, thank you all for your kind comments and also the subscriptions! *bows*

Signing off~ xoxo

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Watching Junho’s lone figure leave the vicinity via the window, Junsu does not notice Yoochun coming up from behind him. A strange feeling of relief is the only emotion he has at that moment, a sort of sweet release from the anxiety that burdened him all these time. Unable to fathom why he does not feel any other form of negativity towards the way Yoochun acted, the troubled boy rested his chin on the window sill and allowed the wind that came with dawn to caress his cheeks.

“I will not stop you two from catching up in future. After he is more sober.” Junsu is genuinely startled by the voice as a big pair of palms grazing onto his own small ones, the stinging pain jolted him out of his trance as it spreads to his wrist, from the lacerations he sustained when holding the sword with his bare hands earlier on. The boy spun around and came face to face with Yoochun, who wrapped his muscular arms around Junsu’s waist, half carrying the boy over to the table, where a dressing tray lay.

Sitting the stiff Junsu on a stool, Yoochun sat on the floor and started cleaning the boy’s lesion, speaking gently to help the tensed boy relax a little. The boy watched Yoochun silently, not daring to make a sound as the man concentrates on the procedure. Junsu sincerely wanted to behave more unbecomingly in front of Yoochun, but could not summon any hate or even the courage to hate. It’s as if he is numbed to everything else.

Grimacing at the pricking pain at his palms, the boy would look away every time the man smiles at him. Junsu just witnessed the side of Yoochun that he loathed so much a while ago, yet in front of him now, is a gentle man who treats him respectfully and tenderly. Allowing him room to breathe, allowing his brother to live even though the man deserved the death punishment. Junsu is well aware of the fact that the same man from almost a year ago would never have spared his brother or treated his wounds for him.

“Where did the real you go?” Junsu blurted out, immediately regretting what he just said, as Yoochun’s eyes rests on his quivering lips and nervously blinking eyes. He didn’t even phrase his question correctly since he meant to ask Yoochun what changed.

Baffled at first, the king’s eyes almost sparkled upon registering Junsu’s questions. Junsu is finally opening up to him. “There is someone who is able to control the monster inside of me.” “I don’t know how he does it, but I am sure that as long as he is around, the monster will never return.” Yoochun grinned, handsome face radiant. Junsu is enticed, but still not fully understanding what the man meant.

“Yunho sshi?” Junsu asked in a barely audible voice.

Yoochun is about to answer when the wailing of their son interrupted the rare connection between them. The king cursed under his breath as he watches Junsu scurry off to tend to baby Changmin. His son just destroyed the perfect moment he had with his queen, but he can wait. Not too long though.

Watching Junsu draw the partition, Yoochun knows what the boy is doing behind the curtains, and he could feel the aching need at his core again. The deprivation of bodily contact has been nagging at him for months, but it just got more excessive and a lot more intolerable as their relationship progresses. It’s as if ‘that’ is the one thing he is feels most enthusiastic about most of the time, especially when he sees Junsu and bed, but who can blame him?

Yoochun is proud that he can still rein himself in even though he spends so much time with the boy.

The proud father of one wish to take a step further and bring his relationship up a new level, instead of the standstill it has been stuck at for so long.

Waiting patiently for the boy to be finished with his three hourly chores, the man decided he want to get lucky, since Junsu seems so accepting of him. He understands why the saying ‘strike while the iron is hot’ exists. Without holding back, the man toughened up and parted the curtains, crawling in even though the boy is not done with re-dressing. Seeing that the baby is sleeping soundly, Yoochun reaches over; pulls Junsu into a bridal style cradle and ferries the boy back to his own make shift bed on the floor.

Squeaking at Yoochun’s direct approach, Junsu did not attempt to free himself.

“The answer to your question earlier… ‘Yunho’ is incorrect.” Yoochun got on top of Junsu as the boy stares into his own lustful eyes fearfully. “That person is you.” The king breathes and plants a kiss on the boy’s forehead, earning another terrified squeal from the boy.

“I promise it will not hurt this time.” Yoochun reassures the boy as he curls up into a ball beneath the big frame, trembling visibly as he held his still undone top close to his body, knuckles turning white.

Junsu squeezed his eyes shut as he feels a hand run along the side of his neck and a peck on his cheek, but then the warmth covering him disappeared right after. Opening a tightly closed eye to check out the situation, Junsu is surprised to find Yoochun just lying supine beside him, not attempting to try anything else. The man remained staring at the ceiling as Junsu looks at him through a small opening of his eyelids.

“You don’t have to peep at me. I won’t do anything to you as long as you are not ready.” The man said, rather bitterly. Junsu immediately gathers his clothes and rushes back to his personal space on his bed, burrowing under the sheets beside baby Changmin, still shaking a little from earlier.

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POV from Junsu

I think I am becoming weird.

It’s been weeks… and I am slowly starting to get used to his presence. Even when I still hated him for murdering hyung… he had always been around. For nine months. I didn’t want to feel that way, but my heart and everything else was telling me otherwise.

It’s becoming even clearer after what happened today.

So many emotions were taking turns at first… happening at the same time. I was ectastic to see hyung alive.  Truly! Then horror… and then finally relief, which came flooding in when he didn’t kill hyung… There is this jumbled up mess of everything… but one thing I am sure about. I didn’t feel the any urge to run off with hyung… not at all.

Why? I am so confused.

Just two week ago, I was planning on reuniting with hyung and trying to find out where hyung is… but when he miraculously appears in front of me, I am at a loss of what to do. I know a part of me wanted to leave with hyung… but there is also a part that did not.

It’s not to the extent of wanting to stay, but there is no longer this feeling of wanting to leave him. That man.

I didn’t feel any fear or detest when he told me to stay with him either. There was no other feeling. Am I numbed?! I don’t know what is happening to me…

What is happening to me?

For him, I would rather feel hate… But if not hate… then what else?!

Since when did this change of heart take place? When did I start thinking that I won’t mind staying with him for the rest of my life?! What changed?! He changed… did I?

I am scared. What is this that I feel so strongly for him whenever he smiles at me? I didn’t even dislike it when he held my hand just now. Maybe it’s when he tries to take off my clothes that I feel insecure… but other than that, I think I am perfectly fine with him brushing past me… or being near me.

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Meanwhile… back in the central plains

POV from Jaejoong

It’s been a little more than two weeks since I am stuck in this godforsaken place, locked up in this cage like structure. This place is not half as bad for a prison, but there are more important things that I need to attend to, besides wasting time cultivating herbs and watering the seedlings.

They must have realised that I am missing by now… and hopefully, not doing anything irrational. It’s regretful that I hadn’t had a chance to leave a message or any signs indicating that I am held prisoner somewhere far away… but there isn’t really a way to do it now either.

Desperate… is the word to describe how I feel now. My hopes are that they would have already proceeded with the making the final plans for the missions. If they stay domain for too long, we will have to rewrite the routes and methods we had been discussing for the past few months. Surely they will not be dysfunctional without me.

We don’t want the whole country… just the land that is rightfully ours… where we can live our lives freely… without exploitations or oppression.

The guards that are allocated to the northern region hadn’t given us a hard time to be honest, but they hadn’t given us a great time either. We often receive news of and even murder sometimes… and even the king did our prince like he is a property of sorts. That is an insult in its purest form. The way we are mistreated is not so obvious as to see people dying on the streets, but we will have hard time surviving harsh winters, which is approaching.

Our rations are limited. I have to constantly brave the mountains to get whatever I need, ever since the inflation started as a result of the united barter trade. I don’t see happiness on the people’s faces anymore. This mission is just a smaller form of rebellion. To get back what is ours to begin with.

We want our prince back. We want our palace back. We want our lives back. We don’t need a warlord, or his advisor. We will get by ourselves.

If only life can be reverted back to how it once was. The sorrow from the loss during the battles still lingers. I lost friends too… but that’s not the real reason I am so determined.

Appa had been the one defending this land, till the day he died. The north can flourish as an independent state because of him. I was a late child. Hyung took over when appa died… but hyung was never ready to be king. He was only 18 when appa fell ill… and 23 when he officially took over the throne. He always told appa he wanted to be free from the responsibities… but I was only 1. There was no one else… considering the constant threat Park Yoochun’s father poses for us.

Hyung became a father to me. I was able maintain a happy childhood because hyung is around. He also had a son two years older than I am, so the kid was kind of my playmate for a good decade of my life. My nephew is older than me. How laughable… but since hyung is 22 years older than me… that about explains it. Then I had another nephew when I was 9. The adorable creature I played with for 3 years.

I lived and played with them until I turned 12. Then hyung wanted to send me off to live with someone… so I can receive the necessary training to become the king after he is done. I was of course angry… and felt betrayed… but I was only a kid. I didn’t understand intensity of the situation hyung is forced to face. Hyung said he is tired, and he is fearful whenever he gets news that the west and east is conquerored. Hyung confided in the young me a lot…

The soothsayers that my appa was an 'avid fan' of claimed I am born to be his savior, and to save his people, destined to be king. I was even born when appa was sick. Everyone believed it was because of me that appa got to live another 5 years. It is just the proper use of medication that prolonged his life. People and their superstitions know no bounds.

The above said are just pure gibberish. I have no intentions whatsoever to step into the palace and play the political games. I have had a carefree life, and I intend to keep it that way.

I even made the teacher teach me medicine instead of politics. My teacher was a palace physician, and he was the best, so I am fortunate that he is willing to defy hyung’s orders. Also, because umma was ill, I wanted badly to help her. I didn’t manage to save her at the end… but I tried my best. I took up medicine because of my beloved mother… and I enjoyed healing people. That is what I do best.

I can fight because swords fight is huge part of what I am taught ever since I knew how to walk. I don’t usually use them. Violence doesn’t solve anything… though they do come in handy when you are in trouble.

Anyhow, appa’s empire did start crumbling after hyung took over. Mainly because of the strongest warlord of that time, Park Yoochun’s father, the man that successfully conquered all the states one by one… and united them. Hyung was able to hold out his frequent bombarding… but our kingdom’s army became weak eventually and we were’t even able to withstand any more attacks at first… until he stepped in. He was only 18 when he did become general. Junho.

Youthful, valiant, fearless, loyal… he had everything a warrior needed, and our army strengthened because of him. He is a very charismatic man too. All the soldiers admired and looked up to him… but he lacked a certain confidence… and that was probably due to his birth status. I have always felt that the particular missing aspect is the thing that brought him his downfall.

He made a very good commander… and he did make a very good king as well… except he just didn’t have it in him, what Park Yoochun had… the vision, the determination, and the adventurous spirit.

I intend to bring the qualities out and maximize them, allow him to forget that he no longer need to feel inferior about anything. Remind him that he can be just as powerful as Park Yoochun if he set his mind to it. His skills are worthy of praise, but they wouldn’t hold against that monster.

I tried to teach him what I know, but he still has a long way to go with speed. Brute force is only feasible under certain circumstances. Definitely not when sparring with Park Yoochun. I trained in speed and accuracy because I was smaller in stature. He has the natural advantage of height and weight. He can do much better than me.

I digressed since I have had wasted many hours thinking about my life.

TBC

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JYJxoxo
Just realised I can 'uncensor' chapters that are automatically censored by AFF. Please don't ban me tho! I promise to censor anything that needs to be! :)

Comments

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PawYoochun #1
I love this ff, it's like my 4th time reading it <3
SOOO__HOOO #2
Long time since I have read fanfic with yoosu couple
Banggukie
#3
Chapter 64: This is one of my favourite historical fanfic and I have reread it twice because it's so amazing!!
lalalemon #4
Damn was searching this for hours!!! I remember reading this way back when I ddt have an aff account so I couldn't subscribe. I forgot the title and all I did remember was Yoochun's scary eye haha... going to read it all night ^^...
PawYoochun #5
I am reading this again <3
w123j2 #6
I just wanted to tell you that this is one of my favorite Yoosu mpreg stories. I keep rereading it form time to time again and again. It is really brilliant. You are an awesome writer. I dont think ive commented ever before.
eveningskies #7
I love this omg
kimjaejoongg #8
great story :)
NekoYJ
#9
Chapter 64: Omg omg omg omg omg I love this story so much I am so glad I found this thank you sooo sooooo mich for this story gosh my otp feels *tears in my eyes*