09 Say I Love You
The Fool Who Loves You"Promise me, you are the only, my loveBecause I only love one womanBecause to me, that woman is you and only youEven if I keep begging for your love, don't hate meWon't you live as my woman for the rest of your life?Won't you tell me that there's no one else but me?To make me a me a bit less anxiousWon't you say it one more time?Say I love you, say I love you, say I love you"- Say I Love You, 4Men
YEON.
The stars are shining brightly, decorating the night sky with their beautiful lights. It's one of the reasons why I love the rooftop of our apartment at night time.
Ever since three of us moved here, it has became my favorite spot. Once in a while I will practice dance here or just gaze at the sky without doing anything.
Besides Yoseob will be a really good companion here since he often visits the rooftop as well.
After the long day of filming the music video and everything, I really want to sleep but my eyes betray me. More likely because I still feel uneasy after the kiss-on-cheek scene.
To be honest, if it's not because of Yoseob, I don't think I would pass the scene. He kept telling me to keep calm and everything would be alright, giving me a supportive smile.
It's simple and, perhaps, meant nothing for some people but for me the words 'everything will be alright' encouraged me a lot.
"Soneul, do you...," Yoseob's voice is full of hesitation. "Do you still has feelings for Junhyung?"
I look at him with surprise, not expecting that he would ask that question to me. Yoseob is the only person who knows about my history with Junhyung and he never asked this before to me.
For months three of us maintained a good teamwork as a group. Each of us shows that we can complete each other's flaw with what we have, standing tall as a good idol group.
Despite the fact that Junhyung and I played a silly, childish game of treating each other as if we're lovers, Yoseob pretends that three of us are just best friends and I'm glad he does that.
It would be awkward if he started to see us differently.
I respect Junhyung as a leader but that doesn't mean I can forget whatever we had before. I'm trying to move on but it's just difficult if we're always together.
Silly, isn't it, to reflect on the past just to wonder what would happen if we never played that little 'dare'.
"You're a good person, Yoseob," I tell Yoseob honestly. Those are not just sweet words because I really think he is a really good person. "Really. I bet your future girlfriend will be happy."
His next question makes my heart to skip a beat, causing me to think if my hearing just deceived me.
"Will you be happy then?" Yoseob looks at me with sharp gaze, a sign that he is not joking around. "If it's me and not Junhyung, will you be happy?"
For a second I really think that he is just teasing me but when I realize that he keeps silence, waiting for me to answer his question, I know that he is serious.
"I-It's late already!" I quickly look away, trying to avoid his eyes and walk pass him. "Let's return now! We still have schedules tomorrow!"
I thought he would just let me leave but he pulls my hand, making me to face him directly. His eyes show pain and, for an unknown reason, my heart clenches when I look at him.
"Don't...," he whispers sadly. "Don't leave without an answer, Soneul."
"I love you."
YANG.
For months I can only express my feeling towards Soneul as a groupmate. I don't want to burden her when we have a lot to think already.
All I want is her happiness.
Whenever I notice that she is looking at Junhyung, my heart starts to be engulfed with envy, knowing that Junhyung has everything that I don't.
I didn't plan to confess my feeling to Soneul. I never did. Three of us have developed a great teamwork together as if we're a real family and I think it's really good.
Yet I still want to be honest.
If Junhyung has made his choice to mark his relationship with Soneul as friends, then I need to make my choice as well and I don't want to be just friends with her.
When Soneul tries to avoid continuing our conversation, I stop her, wanting to hear what she has in mind and the next words just come without any thought.
It's weird how I can be patient for almost everything but not this one, as if my heart has its own will and it's longing for Soneul. My eyes are locked on her, my heart is beating for her, and my all is about her.
"I love you," I embrace her hand tighter. "I really love you, Soneul."
It's weird how I can be patient for almost everything but not this one, as if my heart has its own will and it's longing for Soneul. My eyes are locked on her, my heart is beating for her, and my all is about her.
"I love you," I embrace her hand tighter. "I really love you, Soneul."
Her face turns red as she tries to step backwards but I don't let her. I pull her into a hug, burying my face on her hair to inhale her sweet scent, "I'm sorry..."
I hugged her for the music video this afternoon but this time is different. All I want to do is to tell her how special she is for me, how I want her to be happy, and that I always be there for her.
If rejection is what she will give to me then I will face it.
The only thing that I'm scared of is if she tells me that she still loves Junhyung... because if she does, everything will never be the same anymore.
Silence creeps between us. No one of us talks and I let it be since I don't want to be separated from her yet... just a little bit longer.
"Why?" she clutches on my shirt, making my heart to beat faster. "Why are you sorry, Yoseob?"
"Because I keep loving you this long in silence...," I close my eyes, still don't have any courage to look at her face. "Because I'm afraid you will hate me if I tell you..."
Soneul pushes me slightly and I swear my heart almost jumps out from its place when I see her smile, "How can I hate you, Yang Yoseob? How can I hate someone who loves me?"
She touches my left cheek gently and murmurs the answer of my previous question, "Never compare yourself with Junhyung. You are you and no one can replace you."
Now tell me how can I don't love her.
I open my mouth to ask what she is trying to say but she shuts me with a kiss on my right cheek. Soneul pulls away with a shy, cute smile, "Who will not be happy to be with you?"
If this is just a dream, I don't think I want to wake up now.
YONG.
I stare at the small jewelry box that I always hide in my drawer. There is a silver ring inside, the one I wanted to give to Soneul on her birthday last year but she never knew it.
It's a month before our debut and I had prepared the present long before that. At first I thought it was a part of our little silly game, to act like lovers as our motivation.
Girls love beautiful things and I thought the silver ring was perfect for her. It's not expensive but I thought she would love it so I bought it.
However I never gave it to her.
When our CEO announced about my debut with two other persons, I was being warned about having a relationship. It's not forbidden but the agency recommended me to think about it.
My life would never be the same like before and I must dedicated my focus for my career if I was serious.
My pride took over and I said that I would never have a relationship with anyone until the right time. I denied my deal with Soneul, cutting it off withouy any further though.
In my mind, we're just going back to what we used to be, good friends who finally became groupmates but it eventually turned out to be more than that.
When I noticed that Yoseob treated her differently, I finally realized that I saw Soneul as a special girl, the one I wanted to look at me and not other guys.
I'm jealous with Yoseob.
I'm jealous because he shows his care towards Soneul and she doesn't look uncomfortable with it. Meanwhile she will draw distance with me if I give her special treat.
Maybe she thinks I'm just fooling around but I'm not.
"Yong Junhyung," I scoff, scolding myself, "what have you done?"
I wonder...
If I tell Soneul that I love her for real, will she tell me the same?
Can I do that when I know Yoseob also loves her?
"Aigoo," I mess my own hair with frustration. "This is so frustrating. What should I do?"
Maybe I just need to wait a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer so Soneul will notice me again.
So she will smile at me, look at me only, just like the way she did before.
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