10 I Shouldn't Have Said It
The Fool Who Loves You"I am a lacking person to you, I know it wellEven when I give you my all, I'm lackingLike a fool, I want you like thisI shouldn't have, I shouldn't have said anythingI knew I was going to regret it, but I did it anywayIt isn't working, it isn't working as I plannedBecause of my stupid prideSorry but I love you, love you, love you, love you, baby"- I Shouldn't Have Said It, MBLAQ
YEON.
Yoseob's confession was a really huge shock for me. I knew he was really caring towards me but I never thought he would ever confess that he loved me.
"I'm sorry," Yoseob whispered to me as he hugged me gently. I could sense hurt in his voice and I felt my heart broke into pieces just because of that.
It took seconds before my voice returned from nowhere. I clutched his shirt, an attempt to gather my courage, "Why? Why are you sorry, Yoseob?"
He didn't let me go when he answered, "Because I keep loving you this long in silence... Because I'm afraid you will hate me if I tell you..."
His answer made my heart flutter. Not only he told me that he loved me, his confession also made me realized how long he had been hiding his feeling just so I would not know.
Wasn't it painful to hide your feeling when the person you loved was always right in front of you?
I knew it.
"How can I hate you, Yang Yoseob?" I pulled away to look at his face. "How can I hate someone who loves me?"
I meant it. It's not easy to surpress the feeling of loving someone and it took courage to confess. I was touched by his sincerity.
For an unknown reason, I had a feeling that he never told me before this because of Junhyung. Yoseob was confident about his voice but he never felt the same for his other skills.
For him, Junhyung was more talented. I felt exactly the same.
"Never compare yourself with Junhyung," I reached out my hand to touch his face. "You are you and no one can replace you."
I stood on my toes and gave him a kiss on cheek, a sign that I was happy because of his confession. I bit my bottom lip nervously as I pulled away, "Who will not be happy to be with you?"
The way my heart beat for Yoseob when I looked at him right now was strange...
...but I liked it.
"Pizza!" I clasp my hands with excitement, staring at the food on the table. "Extra cheese! Thank you, leader!"
After our long schedule, three of us gathered in Junhyung and Yoseob's apartment to order a large pan pizza, just like what Junhyung promised to me yesterday at the music video filming.
"Yah, yah," Yoseob laughs at me when I have finished a slice of the delicious pizza. "Slow down, Soneul. The pizza is not going anywhere."
He takes a tissue and helps me to wipe the sauce at the edge of my lips, "Our visual looks like a cute little girl when she is eating pizza."
I start to blush upon his statement. Not to mention that he gives me an angelic smile, the one he always gave to me everyday but I never noticed how special it was for me before.
Now it's more than enough to make me blush like crazy.
YANG.
Soneul looks really cute when she is enjoying the pizza. I can't help but to chuckle at her excitement over her favorite food.
When she blushes because I wipe the sauce for her, I swear I really want to hug her, feeling that happiness is overflowing inside of me.
Maybe she has no idea how fast my heart beats against my chest just by looking at her. I try my best not to look nervous or awkward since Junhyung is with us but it's really difficult.
Whenever I see Soneul, everything happened last night fills my mind once again.
"Thank you, Yoseob," Soneul spoke, giving me a shy smile. "I'm really happy... I really am. I never, never, never thought that you... Well..."
"That I would fall in love with you," I continued her words. I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, "I... I wanted to hide it a little bit longer. I was afraid that I would ruin our friendship..."
It's true. Fear got into me when I thought that YYY would be awkward because I confessed to her. If she rejected me because she still had feeling for Junhyung when Junhyung didn't show the same, what would we be?
However I wanted to be honest. I wanted her to know that I would always be here for her, no matter what happened...
...because I loved her.
"Your fans are going to kill me if they know about your confession," Soneul chuckled. "But, Yoseob, you know that we... Relationship is not good for our career..."
That was one of other reasons why I stopped myself from confessing to her. She was right. Our CEO always warned us about having a relationship since we're still a rookie group.
The exactly same reason why Junhyung ended the silly, dangerous deal between him and Soneul.
"Status doesn't matter to me," I carressed her cheek. "As long as you let me make you happy."
"I'm always happy because of you," she teased, lightening the awkward atmosphere. "I'm a happy maknae with a wonderful senior."
I took a step closer to her and leaned closer to kiss her forehead, leaving a unforgettable moment at night for her.
"Then let me make you happy as my lady."
YONG.
I closed the door behind me and heaved a sigh. I just had a private conversation with the CEO, discussing about preparation for our debut within next month.
He questioned me about whether I was in a romantic relationship with Soneul or not since it would be an important issue for him to think about.
Soneul and I would be debuted in one group along with Yoseob as the main vocalist. The CEO noticed how close I was with Soneul lately and he became curious.
It's not like he forbid his fellow artists to had love life or else but it's not good for a couple to debut in one group. Public would not think it's a good idea.
"Ah, Jun," Soneul greeted me with a bright smile, just like what she always did. "It must be Yoseob's turn now then."
We're currently at the backyard of CUBE Entertainment building. No one was there and we could talk about whatever we wanted to here.
Yoseob was in the CEO's office room now. Soneul would be the next and I had a feeling the CEO would ask the same question to Soneul: about our real relationship.
It's been our dreams to debut as artists and I couldn't risk our future just because of my proposal for childish deal, could I?
"Jun?" she tilted her head, looking at me with worried eyes. "Are you alright?"
I looked into her eyes, thinking about everything we had been through together since four months ago. We became really close just like a real couple.
"Yah, Jun, wh-" she was going to ask me the same question but I cut her words with a kiss.
Yes. A kiss on lips.
I cupped her left cheek and leaned to press my lips on hers.
It was our first kiss.
"Tell me why we should be together," I murmured after I parted the kiss, glancing at the blushing girl in front of me. "There is no reason for us to continue the deal, isn't it?"
"Eh?" Soneul blinked in confusion. "What are you talking?"
"Do you feel anything just now, Soneul?" I replied as calm as possible. "Because I don't and I know why. We're just friends."
Soneul looked at me with disbelief, "You mean... You want an end?"
"We never started anything so why should we call it an end?" I laughed nervously, avoiding her gaze. "It's okay, isn't it, Soneul?"
She stood up and gave me a weak smile before she walked away, "So we just need to pretend nothing happened. Sure. It's okay."
Jealousy fills my heart when I see Soneul's pink cheeks. To see how comfortable and shy she is around Yoseob makes me clench my fists to surpress my emotion.
They look so close today and I have a bad feeling about it. The way Soneul smiles at Yoseob is just so different than the usual smile.
"You know," I close the pizza box and stand up. "You shouldn't eat too much. Hyunjoo Hyung will scold me if you need to go on a diet."
"Eh? It's just pizza!" Soneul complaints and tries to take the pizza back. "I want another slice!"
Yoseob smiles and says, "Come on, Junhyung, just another slice won't hurt. Besides Son-"
"I don't ask for your comment," I hiss coldly, causing both Soneul and Yoseob to look at me with wide eyes.
Aish, what did I just say? I lost my patience over jealousy.
"What is wrong with you?" Soneul can't hide her disappointment. "If you are mad with me, don't throw it on Yoseob."
She takes her jacket and storms out from our apartment, "I'm leaving. I need to rest anyway. Good night."
"S-Soneul!" Yoseob tries to stop her but it's futile. He turns to face me and asks if he just did something wrong, which I don't answer.
When I hear the sound of slammed door, I slap myself mentally. Regret engulfs my mind and heart.
My stupid pride that day turned everything this way. Why did I tell her that I felt nothing about the kiss? Why did I say that we're just friends?
I shouldn't have said it.
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