12 Creating Love
The Fool Who Loves You"I love youI think this feeling is loveWithout him, I can not smileKnowing that he's my love, my heart keeps changing its mindMy mind is shiftingForget all of the cold wordsEven if I shed tears, I only need him, my loveI shed tears if I think he would ever go far awayI couldn't express nor did I knowI probably started to love you"- Creating Love, 4Minute
YEON.
I rest my arms on the fence and put my chin on top of my right arm, staring blankly, letting my mind to go anywhere it wants to. I don't really want to think about anything right now.
If there is one thing I need to be grateful for today, it's because the meeting for our new variety show is canceled. It's indeed a good news considering that I don't need to meet Junhyung today.
Who am I trying to fool? Of course I still meet him. We're in one group anyway.
When our manager called me this morning to inform about the meeting cancellation due to the producer's schedule, I sighed in relief, hoping that I could have one free day.
However our practice schedule for tomorrow was pushed onto today. We will perform two songs as the opening act for G.Na's solo concert in two months.
How is it possible to pretend like nothing happened after what Junhyung did last night?
He kissed me! On lips! On top of all, he said that he loved me. All the time I believed that he never loved me. Not even once but within just minutes, he made my world collided in disbelief.
"Yes, I am. I am crazy. I am crazy in love with you, Yeon Soneul. Do you know that?"
"How would I know?" I mumble to myself, feeling that I want to scream out loud. "Do you even know how much I endured your tease, thinking that you would never return my feeling?"
"I'm sorry for everything."
It's strange. He had confessed. He said the word I really wanted him to say. He had apologized. But why do I still feel unsatisfied?
Both of us screwed the dance practice. He was scolded since he is the leader and I couldn't escape from the scold as well since I am the main dancer.
Though after a while both of us managed to control ourselves and got the rhythm, none of us talked to each other unless it's necessary. I didn't even bother to look at him when we're having lunch.
It's awkward. Is this why I feel unsatisfied?
"I know you're here."
My heart skips a beat, knowing that he is on the very same rooftop with me now. I straighten my body and turn slowly to face the main vocal of YYY, smiling gently to me.
"It's almost midnight," both of us say in unison. We blink upon the coincidence. He laughs and I chuckle, feeling slightly better near the end of the day.
"How did you know that I'm here?" I ask him when he chooses to stand next to me. "I remember I didn't hang a message on my door. Do you implant GPS device on me?"
"I wish I could," he jokes with adorable laughter. Yoseob looks at me in the eyes and smiles, "I just knew that you'd be here. My heart told me so."
Blood rushes to my brain with abnormal speed. I look away unconsciously, feeling that my cheeks are burning just because of his simple answer.
"Did something happen?" Yoseob asks me calmly. He sratches his cheek with finger awkwardly, "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to but... If you need ears to listen, I'm ready, you know."
Yoseob is well known for his angelic smile but it's not just an act. Everyone in CUBE Entertainment knows how mature he is despite the fact that he looks really cute.
Perhaps his kindness towards everyone is one of the reasons why I never realized that he has feeling for me. Another reason is, probably, because I had build the unseen wall around me when it came to love.
"What made you think that I would be here?" I ask it out of curiosity. I know that it's his favorite spot from all the places in our apartment building but he actually mentioned that he knew that I would be here so...
...his reason to come here is me, right?
"E-Eh?" Yoseob's cheeks turn red and I think he looks really cute even if it's compared to his powerful cuteness during our live performances. "Ah... That's..."
"I'm listening," I grin widely and stare at him, waiting for him to give me his surprising answer.
His lips turn into a smile as he speaks, "I just knew. Just like how I remember that your favorite song is If I Let You Go by Westlife. Just like how I know that you love cheese and hate red onion. You love being here at night when you want to be alone as much as you love to see the full moon."
"Sounds silly, eh?" he laughs nervously, giving me a bashful grin. His grin changes into a sweet smile, "Being in love with someone who you always meet for almost everyday tells me those facts."
Love.
"Yoseob...," I call out his name, trying to ignore my rapid heartbeat. "Tell me something. Why do you love me?"
It's a really stupid question. I know. But I really want to know his answer.
Will he give me the cheesy answer like 'I don't know, I just do' or a long answer like 'I like the way you smile and more'?
However his answer is not included in my expectation.
"Do you remember the day of our audition?" he starts with a simple smile. He looks up at the night sky, "It's raining that day and I just returned from school."
I frown with confusion. There is something odd with his story. I am the first to have the audition and Yoseob passed the audition three months after me but he said 'our audition' instead of 'my audition'.
"I didn't have any confidence at all. I even wore a pair of glasses and a hat to hide my face. I believed in my voice but that's all I had," Yoseob continues. "When the judges asked me to show my skill in dance, I hesitated. Not to mention I actually screwed my score with my so-not-good skill dance."
"They told me that I wasn't good enough. I was disappointed but then...," Yoseob shifts his eyes to me, "...a girl appeared. She was the next participant and she was waiting for her turn. She didn't show up to show her skill though."
My eyes widen upon his words. Now I know where this story is going.
"She said that it's not fair. She said my voice was really good and it's not fair if I failed just because of my dance skill. I could train, she convinced the judges," Yoseob mutters. "The girl said that she would not pass the audition either if the judges wanted a person with both talents."
Without listening to the continuation, I know it already. The judges asked Yoseob to leave and wait for the announcement. They told the girl to calm down and do the audition because the results were not fixed yet.
That girl is me.
"I waited for a while just so I could hear her introduction," Yoseob confesses, giving me a happy smile. "I would never forget her name even if she had forgotten that day. When I met her again during trainee days, I just knew that I would fall in love with her, for her everything. She changed my life even up till this very moment. I thought she didn't need to know what I feel for her but, well, I guess I just want to be honest with her."
I remember. That rainy day where I witnessed how the judges said that a boy was not qualified enough. When I was waiting, I accidentally heard his voice and I thought he was really good.
That's why I didn't hold back to stand up for him even though I didn't know him. I just said what I had in mind and I thought I would be disqualified after that.
Eventually I passed the audition but I never knew what happened to the boy.
It's Yoseob. It's him, the one who has loved me in silence, even before I knew him.
"Ah, Soneul!" he gasps in surprise when a tear escapes my eyes. "W-What happened? I-I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong? I-"
I don't wait for him to say anything. I tiptoe and cup his cheeks to pull him close so our lips can meet. After two seconds that feel like forever, I break the sudden kiss with rapid heartbeat.
"Thank you...," I tell him honestly, having my lips turn into a curve. I caress his left cheek, "I don't think I could smile today if it's not because of you."
I feel his warm cheek under my hand and I stay still when he steps closer to me, putting his right hand on my waist while his left hand holds my neck gently. Our faces are only inches away that I can feel his hot breath.
"Can I?" he whisper softly, making me even more nervous.
Maybe Yoseob is the one who would break my wall of insecurity. Maybe Yoseob is the one who will create a happy love life with me. Maybe Yoseob is all I need.
I nod slightly and clutch onto his shirt, "All the time."
I will never forget how Yoseob kisses me that night. He holds me close as if he wants to tell me that he doesn't want tonight to end, as if he wants me to know that he wants us to be together.
Probably I have started to love him even before I realized it.
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