11 Excitement
The Fool Who Loves You"The whole world is filled with youI'm such a foolI love you, do you know?These are the words that my heart says several times a dayDo you know that I can't confess this to you?I worry that you'll break if I take a step toward youSo I stand still, do you know?Again today, these are the words I push backThe words that my heart saysI love you"- Excitement, Hello Venus
YONG.
I heave a sigh and knock the door again, growing out of patience but try my best not to raise the tone, "Soneul? Yah, Yeon Soneul. Open the door. I said I'm sorry, okay?"
Still no answer.
"Soneul," I rest my forehead against the door, holding the door handle weakly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scold Yoseob or you. I'm just not in a good mood today. Can you please open the door, Soneul?"
If this still doesn't work, I don't know what I can do anymore to apologize.
It is indeed my fault to speak like that, in such a cold way towards Yoseob. I know I'm the one to blame for this matter since I am the person who ordered the pizza to make her happy yet I am also the person who ruined her happiness.
My stupid pride eventually got me... or maybe it's actually what I should call jealousy.
Though I have convinced myself that I have no right to forbid Yoseob from being with Soneul, my heart denies it; I don't think I can be the person who agrees for them to be together.
The door suddenly cracks open slightly. Soneul pulls the handle from inside. She pouts cutely and mumbles, "You're so noisy, Yong Junhyung."
My lips turn into a smile once I see her face. I give her an apologetic grin, "Because our pretty maknae is sulking."
Soneul sticks out her tongue and opens the door wider. She leans against it and crosses her arms, "I still haven't forgiven you, you know."
"Then what should I do to make you forgive me?" I raise my eyebrow. Sometimes she can be really childish. "Candies? Chocolate? Another pizza?"
"So someone can say that I will need to go on a diet later? No, thank you," she says sarcastically. "Our leader is tricky!"
Soneul steps aside and tells me to go inside because she is making a hot milk chocolate for herself. She asks me in case I want a glass of it but I refuse her offer to have the drink.
"You're so moody, Jun," Soneul mumbles as she walks to the kitchen while I take a seat on the sofa in the main room. "What caused your bad mood today? Is it because you haven't finished lyrics again?"
How can I tell her that it's because of her and Yoseob?
"Kind of," I lie, resting my back against the comfortable sofa. "You're supposed to sleep earlier tonight. We're going to attend a meeting tomorrow."
"I know, I know," she walks out from the kitchen with a pink glass in her hand. "It's about a new variety show for us, right?"
I nod as the answer. Our manager has told us about the possibility of a new variety show for us since we're a rookie group and it's good to boost our popularity.
The concept is still in discussion but it will be finalized tomorrow.
"Soneul," I glance at her when she is taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "Is it just me or you and Yoseob look... too close today?"
"E-E-Eh?" she stops drinking immediately and avoids my gaze. "W-What are you talking about?"
She is just too easy to read.
"Is there something I don't know about you two?" I force a teasing smile though my heart is actually twisting in jealousy. "What is it? You two are a couple now?"
Please say no. Please.
There are seconds of silence before she shakes her head slowly. Excitement fills my heart immediately, feeling relieved that my assumption is wrong.
"But even if we are...," she puts down her cup on the table, still avoiding my gaze, "...nothing will change between us, right, Jun?"
My excitement vanishes to nowhere in a split of a second. If it's just a joke, it's really out of my senses. I don't like this kind of joke. Not when it comes from Soneul.
"Nothing?" I whisper the word. "Is that what you want?"
Soneul finally looks up at me with surprise in her eyes. She laughs nervously, "W-What? I'm just kidding, Jun!"
"Maybe you need something to cool yourself down," she stands up and turns around, heading to the kitchen again. "I'll get th-"
Without any warning, as if I can't control my body, I leave my seat and grab her wrist, spinning her around until we can see each other, face to face.
When our eyes meet, just like she has a spell to pull me, I lean closer to her, closing the gap between us by pressing my lips on hers.
Soneul flinches and tries to push me away but I deepen the kiss, hoping that she will understand my heart without me saying anything.
For more than half a year, I hid everything inside, acting as if I was okay when I was not. It's difficult to pretend that I didn't care about her when she's what I had in mind all the time.
Whenever Soneul smiles, I will unconsiously smile, feeling glad that she is happy. Whenever she is sad, I really hope that I can do whatever to make her happy again. For her it's because I am a caring leader but, for me, it's more than just that.
I love Soneul.
When I cut off the deal, I never though I would fall this deep for her. Being with her everyday, to be a part of her life, to know that I'm important for her...
...it's a real happiness.
However I'm too late to realize my feeling for her. I just realized it when Yoseob has told me that Soneul is special for her and I can't do a thing about it.
Soneul pushes me away as strong as she can and, the next thing I know, I feel the painful and stinging sensation on my left cheek; she just slapped me.
"Yah, Yong Junhyung!" she steps backwards, covering in shock. "Are you crazy?!"
I sigh in frustration, "Yes, I am. I am crazy. I am crazy in love with you, Yeon Soneul. Do you know that?"
There. I confessed to her.
Every morning when I woke up, I always told myself that I would never confess to her because I knew she would pull away from me.
So I just stood at my place, letting Yoseob to do whatever he wanted despite the fact I wanted to do the same....
...but when Soneul mentioned the possibility of them together, my heart just couldn't take it anymore.
"No...," she replies with trembling voice. "No, you don't... It's not funny, Junhyung. Kiss on cheek and everything... I let it slide but this... I can't take it as a joke."
"It's not a joke!" I raise my voice, staring back at her with aching heart. "How many times do I need to tell you? Ten times? Hundred times? Thousand times? Million times?"
"No!" she closes her eyes, pressing her hands to cover her ears. "I don't want to hear it!"
Soneul shakes her head in rejection, "Saying it's nothing when you stole my first kiss... Saying that we should just pretend nothing happened and now you throw the word of love so easily... You're unbelievable."
I was going to retort her but when I see tears roll down on her cheeks, I purse my lips immediately.
She never cried before. Not even when I decided to end our silly deal. Not even when we won our first award. She is a strong girl.
"Get out...," she murmurs vividly. "Please... I want to be alone..."
I clench my fists, ignoring how painful it is. I take a deep breath and walk to the door, just like what she wants me to do.
I open the door and stop for seconds, glancing at Soneul. She still shuts her eyes tight as if she doesn't want to look at me even for the slightest.
"I'm sorry," I tell her before I leave her apartment. "For everything."
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