20 If
The Fool Who Loves You"If you were to goIf you were to leaveWhat should I do?I really don't knowBecause I am a foolI can only look at you from the distanceMaybe your heart will turn awayAnd so like that, we would become distand againBecause I'm really foolishI can't say 'I love you'Maybe waiting for meeting again would be painfulAnd I'm afraid my days would become sad"- If, Kim Taeyeon
YONG.
I stood in front of the burning old building, waiting for the fire to die within minutes. The crowd started to gather around the safety zone, whispering about what happened. Some of them recognized me as the main rapper of YYY but their voice didn't reach me.
It's too long. Already too long. Why didn't Yoseob get out from the house? Where was he? What was he doing inside? He should be here now; no, he should be with me at the hospital, waiting for Soneul to wake up.
"Yang Yoseob...," I gritted my teeth, clenching my fists tight, ignoring the pain I caused for myself. "Get out from there now! Yah! Yang Yoseob!"
It was futile. I fell on my knees when I realized that maybe whatever I did would mean nothing now. That maybe he couldn't hear me anymore. That maybe I couldn't do anything anymore.
My tears fell down and the rain, as if the sky was crying along with me, poured down, hitting the Earth coldly.
I wanted to scream, begging someone to tell me that this was just a nightmare. When I opened my eyes, I was on my bed; Soneul and Yoseob would greet me, telling me to get up and prepare for our schedule.
"We found a body!" I heard one of the firefighters shouted in the middle of the rain which had helped them to calm down the fire. "Help here, please!"
Ignoring the warning, I stood up and rushed to see the body. The firefighters tried to stop me but I struggled to see the burning body which definitely made him unidentified now. My heartbeat fastened as I tried to tell myself that it's impossible to be my best friend.
However my eyes widened in disbelief when I saw the golden ring he wore, the one Yoseob always wore because Soneul and I gave it to him on his last birthday, the one he never took off even when we performed on stage.
"No...," I groaned in rage. "No! It's impossible! No!"
But my cries would do nothing that could make me feel good now.
During the trainee days, I always thought the worst thing that could happen to me is I couldn't be an artist like what I always dreamt of. I thought being an ordinary person that couldn't reach my biggest dream is the worst nightmare ever.
But I was wrong.
Living this kind of life now is even worse.
My tired eyes glance at the sleeping girl. She doesn't look like she is sleeping in ease. In fact she is crying even in her sleep and I can't blame her for that.
My heart aches as if someone just stabbed a knife on my chest and didn't want to bother pulling it away just so the pain would stay.
The life when I am still living my dream as an artist but I lost everything else. My best friend is gone and the girl I love the most doesn't show any spirit to continue living after everything she treasures has been taken away as well.
Soneul loves Yoseob and I can't even imagine how heartbroken she is just to imagine that Yoseob's luck has ended in the fire accident. And for her to know that she can't dance anymore is just too cruel...
"I'm so sorry, Mr Yong," the doctor muttered slowly with sympathy in his tone. "We have checked it thrice and it's positive that the bone fracture due to the accident is too serious."
I looked up at him, ready to yell at him for lying to me but my power had gone to nowhere. Soneul was still sleeping. Her parents were filling the administration form and I was waiting for her to wake up.
I never expected the doctor to send another bad news to me. I was not ready to hear that Yoseob was already gone but the doctor just told me that Soneul's dream had been crushed because of the bone fracture.
Her talent was dancing. Her motivation in everything was to move her body, showing the world how beautiful life could be with her moves. And now she had nothing since her legs were betraying her dream.
She cried and cried and cried when I told her everything. That the unidentified body they found is Yoseob. That she can't dance anymore. That this is all not a dream.
Everything is a mess.
Her parents are really worried. Soneul will always wake up with short breath; she always has nightmare. When she is awake, her eyes don't show any sign that she wants to continue living.
She refuses to eat or drink. There is no more smile on her beautiful face. No one ever hear her laughter even after days passed. She is just like a doll now.
My life has been spent in the hospital ward. I don't want to care about anything else now. Not even like where Hyunjoo is right now, how much apology Hyunmi tries to say, or what kind of future YYY will face.
It's not important anymore.
I close my ears from the whisper I hear whenever I walk around the hospital corridor. I close my eyes from the news about the fire accident and possibility of YYY to break up after losing a member. I close my mouth when people ask me about everything.
There is no official announcement from CUBE about YYY nor Yoseob yet. The President chose to ignore the roaring fans until both Soneul and I are ready.
But when will we be ready to face the reality like this?
"Yoseob!" Soneul gasps suddenly. She opens her eyes and sweat trickles down from her forehead. "Yo... Seob..."
It's almost midnight and I am half asleep. I quickly straighten my body and wipe her sweat quickly, "Soneul. It's me, Junhyung. Jun, remember?"
"Yoseob...," she grabs my sleeve and a tear rolls down on her cheek. "Where is he? He was just here... He just... Where is he... Jun... Where is he?"
It keeps repeating like this and my heart feels like it is breaking into pieces. My heart is hurting for her, for myself because I can't be the one to ease her pain.
"Soneul...," I hug her tight, fighting back my tears. "I'm here... I'm here..."
But I'm not the one she needs. The word of love coming from me is not what she wants to hear.
If I can throw away my life as an artist, even if I need to throw away my dream just to have Yoseob back to life, I would do that. I would do everything to see Yoseob again, to let him be happy with Soneul.
If only.
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