Simon was sitting on my doorstep with his head on his knees. He looked sad almost like he had cried. But I knew Simon, he didn’t cry for nothing. So unless it was very serious, it was very unlikely Simon had cried.

Simon looked up when I came and forced a smile on his face. But the smile turned into a weird grimace instead. “Hi”, he replied in a mood less voice.

“So…” I said. I hadn’t seen Simon since the party where he told me the truth about Jonghyun, and the time before that he begged me to go back to him. If he was here to declare his love for me, this would turn out very awkward.

After all this time with Jonghyun, I found out something about Simon’s and mine relationship. It was never really real. It was just a high school fling there should fly away with time. What I felt for Simon was nothing compared to what I felt for Jonghyun.

“I have to tell you something”, Simon said. I bit my lip and looked away. I had been wondering why Simon knew about Jonghyun’s reason and why he told me. Some part of me feared that he thought I was free for him, if I broke up with Jonghyun. And it sounded like he was about to tell me that.

“Why don’t you join me inside first?” I asked and pushed the moment further.

I placed two cups of tea in front of us a moment later. Simon looked very uncomfortable in my couch. I wondered why, but didn’t ask.

“Look, I’ve done something very stupid”, Simon told me. I furrowed my eyebrows. Simon and I hadn’t spoken for almost two years and now he was telling me about his stupid actions?

“You remember Kwan right?” Simon asked me. “Jonghyun’s enemy, yes”, I replied, unsure where he was going with this.

“See the thing is… I spend the last month trying to break you and Jonghyun up”, Simon said. He looked at me, searching for a reaction. I remained calm. Honestly, it didn’t surprise me that much. If someone wanted one back, it was normal to fight for the person.

“Kwan and I made a deal. I knew about your bet, and he knew about Jonghyun’s. So we agreed that we would tell you on the night Jonghyun was about to win the bet. Apparently you were supposed to be in love with him all the night. I just want to say I’m really sorry. If we hadn’t done what we did, maybe you and Jonghyun would have lived happily ever after”, Simon said.

None of this came as a surprise except the last part. If Simon wanted me back why was he talking about Jonghyun and I living happily ever after.

“This isn’t really a surprise”, I said. “It’s okay.”

Simon shook his head. “I’m not done. The really stupid thing I did started a long time ago. Actually when we first started dating”, he said.

I looked at him, waiting for him to continue. “First there’s a thing you have to know.” Simon hesitated for a moment. “I’m gay.”

His face was empty. Not a smirk or a teasing spark. Just pure empty waiting for me to react. If this was a joke, it was a bad one.

“Simon, this isn’t the time for jok—“ I got interrupted by Simon. “I’m not Shin. Completely honest, I like guys. I never like girls”, he said.

I almost choked my own salvia. Simon was not the joking type. He never was. I might have thought it was a joke the first time, but he did not say a joke twice. It was a miracle if he even said one.

“If you’re gay that means…” I thought half of my sentence out loud. That meant all the time Simon was with me he was never really in love with me.

“Then why…” Simon knew what my question was. “I used you. To avoid people getting suspicious I used you as a cover. If I had a girlfriend no one would suspect anything”, Simon told me.

“Then why did you want me back?” I asked. I don’t think I had been so confused before. “The guys at my university were starting to get suspicious about why I never had a girlfriend. I can’t tell them I’m gay”, Simon said.

My feelings were confusing. I was supposed to feel betrayed and used but somehow I didn’t. Our relationship belonged to the past now and I didn’t have any romantic feelings for Simon anymore. Our time was over and so were our fights. It would be plain stupid to get upset about this now. I had enough to worry about with Jonghyun.

“But why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. That was what bugged me the most. Simon glared at me. “Hey yeobo, I just want you to know that I’m gay and I’m not in love with you”, he smirked. “Wouldn’t that be kinda weird?”

“Yeah… Wait what’s the reason for you ignoring me at that time? Does it have something to do with this to?” I asked him.

Simon nodded. “At some point I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I couldn’t take advance of you. But I was a chicken and didn’t dare telling you the truth or even breaking up. I’m sorry that I just cut you off like that.”

“Do you… Have a boyfriend or something?” I asked him mostly to seem understanding towards him. I didn’t know how you were supposed to react when your ex told you he was gay.

Simon blushed and looked away. “Um… not really but I… I’m kinda in love with somebody”, he admitted.

“Oh.” This was very awkward. I had no idea where the privacy line went and what was off limit. So I didn’t ask further about who it was. I probably didn’t know him either.

“Does he know it?” I asked. Simon shook his head. His cheeks were still deeply read and he didn’t meet my eyes. “You should tell him then!” I encouraged him.

Simon suddenly looked up and shook his head. “No! No no no no no!” I am not going to do that!” Simon said. “Wae?” I asked and pouted.

“He’s not gay.”

“He’s not? But… Hey, how can you know? Did he tell you?” I asked Simon. “No but…” “But what? You haven’t told that many about your uality either, right? What if the guy hasn’t told it to anyone either?”

I suddenly felt a urge to make Simon confess to the guy. Now that my own love life was a mess, I might as well fix somebody else’s.

Simon shook his shoulders. “He doesn’t even like me as a friend”, he said. “I don’t believe that. Now come on. You go and tell him, end of discussion”, I firmly said and tried to push Simon out of the door.

Simon looked doubting for a second. “Only if you do a thing for me too”, he said. “Yes sure”, I said. “Get back together with Jonghyun. At least tell him how you feel”, Simon said.

I was silent for a moment. After all this, I knew waiting for Jonghyun wouldn’t get me anywhere and I knew I missed him like crazy. Then I sighed. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“He’s leaving for Japan tonight. He probably already left. There is no way I can catch him now”, I said without any hope. Simon just smiled.

“Why are you smiling over my misery?” I pouted. Simon just pointed behind me. “See you, you have a plane to catch”, he said and then he disappeared down the stairs.

I furrowed my eyebrows and turned in that direction Simon pointed. My eyes widened when I realized what he had pointed at.

On the top of my bag with my stuff from Jonghyun’s there laid a little white piece of paper.

It looked awfully a lot like a planeticket.

I grabbed the paper and read what there was written on it.

“KOREAN AIR
Flight 835: Seoul - Tokyo.                        
Departure: 7:56am                                  Arrival: 10:10 pm
Gate 8.                                Seat 74D “

In the corner there were drewn a little heart. It was Jonghyun’s hurriedly handwriting. You could see several deleted sentences on the paper he had tried to remove.

Dear Shin, I-
I love you, please join me
JOIN ME NOW!
I’m sorry…
Just get on that damn plane!
I smell of cheese without you

It looked like he had tried several times to figure out something clever to write. In the end he just drew a heart.

“Should I follow him?” I asked myself.
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So this chapter was kinda confusing to write and I'm not sure I got it all. If something confused you please just ask in the comments :)