I felt disgusted over myself. How could I be that rude? Sure it was for the acting, but to involve his family was stepping way over the line. I didn’t even mean to make him that mad.

He looked so hurt. Like he wanted to cry but at the same time scream at me. He looked at me like he was really disappointed in me. Like all hope for me was out.

I was disappointed in myself too. I never thought I would say such mean things to people. Even if this was a bet it was still far from okay. No game should ever come so far.

I mostly wanted to disappear and bury myself in a hole under the ground. So Jonghyun never had to face me again. I understand if he never wanted to see me anymore. I would prefer not seeing myself anymore too. I didn’t like the person who I was becoming.

“Yeobo, where have you been?” A girl around my age asked a guy who was walking to her with an ice cream in his hand.

“I just brought and ice cream”, the guy excused himself and hold the ice up.

“You didn’t buy one for me?” The girl pouted. “Should I?” The guy asked. The girl pouted even more and didn’t even notice how her boyfriend smiled at her.

“Silly, this is for you”, the guy smiled and handed the girl the ice cream. The girl smiled brightly when she saw how the guy handed the girl the ice cream. “Aw, that’s so sweet!” the girl said and tasted the ice cream.

“You didn’t buy one for yourself?” She asked. The boy shrugged his shoulders. “The only thing that mattered was my love got one”, the guy said being really cheesy. I smiled as it reminded me of Jonghyun and mines first meeting with our cheesy pick-up lines. (A/N remember?)

At the same time my heart crashed into even more pieces. “Will I ever experience such a moment with Jonghyun again?” I thought to myself. I shrugged my head as a no. He would never forgive me.

I slowly got up from the ground to go home for my apartment and cry even more. I couldn’t sit here in the public crying my heart out. I didn’t even have the rights to cry. I was the and I did deserve this.

When I started to slowly walking towards my own home I realized something. My key to my apartment was upstairs. In Jonghyun’s apartment whom I still was to ashamed and scared to face.

I considered just sitting back down at the ground for a moment. But I knew that it would end wrongly. Some policemen might find me and believe I was a homeless. Or even worse an old erted man and think I was some sort of .

I quickly got up from the street by my thoughts. Facing Jonghyun was at least better than that.

I took a deep breath when I pressed the door knob down. The apartment was completely dark and silent as I entered. I walked as silent as I could, reaching for my purse. If I was silent enough Jonghyun might not here me and he could leave his life peacefully without such a brat like me.

I shook my head over I just called myself a brat. My thoughts of myself had nosedived since the thing with Jonghyun’s family.

I stopped tiptoeing when I heard sniffles coming from the floor behind the couch. My eyes widened in fear. “Did I make Jonghyun cry?” I thought.

I walked behind the couch to find Jonghyun leaning against it. He had buried his face in his knees and he was crying silently. I could almost see the bitter smoke in the air after the war.

“Omo! Jonghyun, I had no idea this would affect you so much. I feel so disgusted over myself right now. I’m so unbearable sorry”, I said as it would matter at all. In fact I felt a little bit surprised. I knew what I did was really bad, but wasn’t he overreacting just a tiny bit?

Jonghyun didn’t react on my presence at all. He just continued to stare at his knees with a few tears rolling down from his cheeks.

“I-I’ll just go pack my things then”, I whispered. It was clear he just wanted me to go away. Just when I started to walk away Jonghyun’s hand caught my wrist. I looked down at him, surprised. “D-Don’t leave”, he whispered while stuttering.

We froze in that position. Jonghyun’s cold and yet sweaty hand still caught my wrist with a firm grip. Like he was afraid I could disappear any moment. The only sound in the room was our heartbeats there beat in a rhythmic measure.

“P-please”, he begged this time with a louder voice. I did not understand him at all. After all I had done he still wanted me to stay? In spite of my confused feelings I still placed my body next to his. I made sure there were exactly enough space between us so I did not risk pushing his limit.

We just sat there. Two silent people besides each other. If you saw it from no one’s point of view it would probably look like we really despised each other. Which I was unsure if we did. I did not despise Jonghyun at all but I did not know about Jonghyun’s feelings about me.

Once again it was Jonghyun there broke the silence. “She is dying”, he whispered. My head jerked towards his.

“What?” I asked completely aware of what he just said. I just had the naïve thought that if he repeated it, it would come out differently.

“Her time is limited”, he whispered.

I didn’t know what to respond. That was the reason she looked so foggy, so pale. His mum was sick. She was dying.   I mostly wanted to vomit over myself.  What I just did, what I just said. If I only had known what that one sentence really meant to them. I cut out the reality they didn’t want to face for them.

“How long?” I just asked.

“Maybe a year, maybe a week”, Jonghyun responded with a voice there sounded emotionless, but I knew for sure it wasn’t.

We sat in silence again, both deep in thoughts. Jonghyun’s sniffles broke the empty atmosphere. The sniffles turned to loud crying out burst. Without even thinking about his limit I tugged him nearer. I gently placed his head on my lap and his hair. His outburst now turned to a constant crying, loud and tearing. For every cry each and every time my heart broke a little more. I broke him. I made him cry. I could never forgive myself this.

 I kept his hair and Jonghyun kept crying. His tears made my trousers soaking wet but it didn’t matter at all. In fact he could make a tidal wave and it wouldn’t matter. To be there for him was the least thing I could do.

I didn’t say anything.  Not a word and neither did Jonghyun. He just cried. His crying had become more silent now. But it was still there. The only thing moving in the room was my hand there kept on Jonghyun’s silky hair.

The only thought there existed in my head in that moment was:

“I should tell him.”

_________________________________

So I decided they are not quite done with each other anyway. Bad or good? I would really like some feedback at this chapter. It took me a long while to write. I kept on opening word start to write. Then delete it all and start over until I finally got it where I wanted it to be. Thank you for all of your wonderful support! <3

Oh, and by the way I have a blondie question. Can anyone tell me what "Create label" means?? I feel so stupid right now, kekeke :3