Jonghyun was only a bit calmer outside. He wasn’t at the violent state anymore but more like the crying I-feel-so-sorry-for-myself side.

His body shook and he was crying silently. I pulled his head onto my lap and gently drew circles on his neck with my finger to calm him down.

The tears still streamed down his cheeks but after some time he looked calmer.

“Will you tell me what happened?” I asked him while I still drew mini drawings on his face.

Jonghyun let out a little sigh but he told me anyway. “You know my mum is sick right?”

I nodded with an awkward feeling. I kind of figured that out, after our huge fight.

“Her state keeps getting worse. All her treatments has some bad side effects. Her memory seems to lack more and more. She is even troubling remembering who I am sometimes. Last time I came home she called me my brother’s name”, Jonghyun said.

“It’s just… We all know she is going to die soon. It takes a miracle to heel her and no one dares to hope anymore. Even though I’ve known her end would happen soon it doesn’t hurt less. I normally push the thought away but when she enters the hospital I can’t help but break down”, Jonghyun said.

There was quiet for a while. I had never really experienced something like this before and I had no idea how to respond. I wanted to cheer him up, but I was not sure it was the right time. And “It will be alright”, seemed completely ridiculous in a situation like this. Because we both knew it probably wasn’t.

 I just wanted to be there for him. Show him my support and how much I cared. So I decided to go with the honest side.

“What if she dies in an hour, tomorrow or in a week? The thought that scares me the most is: what if I’m not by her side when she leaves this planet? What if I’m sitting by the river with you, like today, when she suddenly decides to go? I just get this urge to sit by her hospital bed all the time, all hours of the day and night. But I know I can’t miss out on everything else in life. If I was here all the time I’d lose you too. I just don’t know what to do anymore”, Jonghyun sighed.

“Jonghyun, I… Honestly I have no idea what to say now. I know I am supposed to because I’m your girlfriend and all. I just… never really experienced something like this before. I could just fill you up with empty words and promises but I know they won’t make a difference. I just want you to know that I will always be here no matter what happens.

And don’t even think about losing me. I’m not so coldhearted I would do that towards you. I understand what you go through and I will support you. I will happily join you for the hospital and I will stay away too, if that what you wish. Just don’t think that I don’t care and feel like you’re throwing our relationship away”, I said.

Jonghyun’s hand covered mine and his brown puppy eyes looked up at me. A weak smile formed on his lips. His arm reached up and he gently touched my hair.

“You really mean that?” He asked me and caught my eyes with his. It was impossible to look away but I didn’t want to either. I wanted him to know that I really meant what I was about to say.

“Yes I do. I want to support you in this. If you want me to join you for the hospital, I’ll happily do that. I promise you I will be nice to your family this time.” Jonghyun smiled a little by the memory of last time I met his family.

“If you want me to stay away from the hospital and your family, I will do that to. Don’t feel bad about whatever you ask me to. I won’t be offended nor sad because all  I only wish in a situation like this, is that you know how much I care for you and I don’t blame you for what aver you do. It’s your choice. I’m only waiting for your order and I will obey. What makes you feel better, I will do”, I said, still looking directly into Jonghyun’s brown eyes.

His brown eyes started to get a little teary again and I was afraid I might have offended him or he was getting upset again.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong”, I hurriedly apologized.

Jonghyun shook his head and blushed slightly. He embarrassed wiped the few tears rolling down his cheeks away.

“No you didn’t. It’s just… No one ever said something like that to me before. It really means a lot”, Jonghyun admitted.

“So… You’re crying of emotion?” I gently asked him. Jonghyun cheeks grew a little more red but he nodded.

“I cry too much, I know. But you have no idea of what you just said to me, means for me. I just think you got me to love you even more if possible”, Jonghyun said.

Jonghyun leant in and softly kissed my lips. “I don’t think I’ve met a girl like you before, Shin. You have such a big heart. Don’t think I not appreciate all your hard work for this relationship. I’m completely aware of how sweet, caring, loving and honest you are about us. I really love you for that”, Jonghyun said and send me a gorgeous eye-smile.

I tidal wave of guilt flushed over me when Jonghyun mentioned honesty. I’m not so sure he would love me so much if he knew how many games I had played with him. That it was just recently I actually began to think of us like a real couple, not just a bet.

I forced myself to send him back a little pathetic smile. I’m positive it looked weird but Jonghyun didn’t seem to notice.

Jonghyun got up from his position on my lap and stood up in front of me. He held out his hand. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at him.

“What ̶ ”

”You said that you just waited for me to tell you where to place yourself in this mess, right?”

I nodded and Jonghyun flashed me a smile. “Then I would like you to come meet my mother, who just seemed to wake up”, Jonghyun said and looked at the nurse who waved us over.

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God my updates seem so slow… -.- I’m so sorry. :(

But actually it’s not completely my fault. I was planning to use most of my vacation to write but then the weather suddenly decided to turn hot and nice (for once) so it’s a waste to just sit inside.

But I checked the weather for next week and guess what? It’s gonna rain! So that means more updates for you guys! :D

And I feel like I don’t thank you enough. But thank you so much for reading this! And commenting and subscribing! Really! <3

-I feel like this chapter is very boring but I can’t just skip to the fun things all the time right? xD