Seulgi

After the incident, I wasn't able to have a good wink of sleep. The scene and the sensation kept coming back at me – it's driving me crazy. I wasn't even able to eat my meal well, and Wendy even mentioned that I am always on a stupor. I wasn't able to focus when I am meeting the prince, and ended up having to make excuses that I am tired when I am not. I would bump into pillars or soldiers and maids when I walk. My strange actions are concerning my attendants and the prince that they even had to call for the imperial physician. Aside from that, I can no longer look at Irene the same way I used to. I flinch whenever she calls my name, or even just felt her touch. Her presence alone is setting my heart on fire. 

      "What is going on with me?" I asked myself. I touched the surface of my lips, and the moment I did... I remembered the scene in the greenhouse again. My heart burned, "This is strange..." 

      A voice followed, "What is strange?" 

      I flinched, surprised. "Wendy! You scared me." 

      Wendy tilted her head out of confusion, "I've been calling for you, your highness. You didn't respond. Are you perhaps unwell?" 

      "W-Were you? I'm sorry. No, no. I am fine. Just... lost in thought." 

      "I see. His majesty, the emperor, summoned you to the throne room." 

      "I see. Begin preparations." 

      I need to get a hold of myself. If I act foolishly in front of his majesty, my head and my family will be at stake. 

      Walking to the throne room, I noticed the Irene's room is left slightly ajar. Her escorts are not around, nor her attendants. I decided to take a peek to see how she was doing. 

      That was a mistake.

       When my eyes landed on the image of Suho embracing Irene, I felt a piercing and antagonizing pain in my chest. 

      How come I cannot breathe? I am breathing through my nose yet... why am I suffocating? I clenched the surface of my chest – hoping to ease the pain but it didn't do anything. It hurts. Why does it hurt? It feels like a pair of hands grabbed me by the necks and grasped it tight – blocking my airways. 

     Suho and Irene are meant to be together. I should be happy seeing the prince embracing his betrothed… but why? Tell me, oh gods, why does my heart ache?

      I ended up collapsing on the floor gasping for air, while my hands clenched the surface of my chest. It alarmed my attendants causing them to scream. I can fully remember the voices of my attendants, the crown prince calling for the imperial physician, and Irene's concerned face looking at me before passing out. 

      I am scared that this feeling in my chest is something that will ruin my relationship with Irene. 

      After resting, the imperial doctor came by to check on me. He couldn't give me a full diagnosis, and it enraged the crown prince but Irene eased his anger. 

      It pains me to I see them together. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this since they are both engaged, yet I cannot stop this. I don't know why it upsets me to see them getting along.

      I even had the emperor visit me instead of me coming to him. The reason why he wanted to see me was to give me his blessing – already knowing the ending result of the second stage of the selection.