Irene

On the day of the ceremony, the holy priest crowned Seulgi as the 6th saint of the empire, and now has the title of Grand Duchess. She now stands between the imperial family and the holy church. I can still see her – but only as empress. 

     The priest stood behind me with a crown in his hands, "Bae Joo-hyun, daughter of the Grand Duke of the Bae Dukedom, is hereby declared by God, the Holy Church, and his majesty—the emperor—as Regina. She will carry her second name “Irene” throughout her reign.” Then he placed a blue robe on my shoulders, "The Future Empress of the empire, the Crown Princess, Her Highness Irene! May the empire continue to flourish under your reign!" 

     And here I am, standing in front of the crowd – the nobles bowing their heads, while others greeted me with their cheers and the sound of their hands clapping. I turned my head to the emperor and the crown prince and they slightly bowed their heads – acknowledging me as Regina, the future empress. 

     I am now the crown princess. I fulfilled my duty as the daughter of the grand duke. I finally achieve the role that was bestowed upon me. 

     I look around with a smile on my face. I am now Regina. I can now be empress. And then... and then... and... I burst into tears still with a smile on my face. People think I am crying out of joy, or crying out of fulfillment, even Seulgi thinks I am crying because I am happy, but the truth is... the reason why I am crying, the reason why I cannot stop these tears from pouring, the reason why (instead of happiness) I am feeling pain in my chest is because I failed to tell Seulgi the love I secretly kept inside my heart. 

     My smile faded and changed with regret and lament. "My Regina," I whispered, tears overflowing. 

     Seulgi is in love with someone else – someone that isn't me. Someone I am not aware of. A soldier perhaps? Or maybe, a nobleman? A servant? Or, a prince from another country. I don't know. The feeling, the love, I have for her is tormenting me. Now that I am Regina I can no longer have her – I can't be with her. I am a coward who couldn't fight for her right to choose – let alone fight against my reputed destiny. I wasn't able to fight because I thought having Seulgi beside me was enough – just having her as a friend was enough. But I grew selfish, I want to stay by her side forever. My heart needs her – yearns for her. 

     I lost Seulgi all because I couldn't fight. Because I am a coward, I lost my queen.

     After the ceremony, the whole empire honoured the event. Entertainers were hired for the nobles and royal guests from other countries; and, gourmet food and expensive liquors were served for the prestige. The commoners bellowed their music and entertainment in the streets while drowning in cheap liquor and meat. 

     "Are you all right with this, Irene?" The emperor asked. I am sitting next to him, while the prince is conversing with the rest of the guests. "Do you have any regrets?" 

     Turning my head, the emperor's face divulged a story – a story of love that seems to have failed to reach another person's heart. The emperor knew. I don't know when, but looking at him, he already knew that his son doesn't own my heart. 

     "I am all right, your majesty." I answered, "Unfortunately, I do have regrets. Nevertheless, I will settle with this instead. This way, I can still find happiness by serving the empire. I hope this fact doesn't concern you too much. I vowed to serve this empire to the best of my abilities—and I have no intention of breaking it nor breaking the prince's trust and his heart. I can learn to love again, your majesty so—" 

     "But what about your heart? Will your heart be all right with this, my dear?" The emperor questioned. "It is true that you can learn to love again but the heart is different from the mind, Irene. Your heart yearns for this love you hold and it won't stop—it will only grow. If only I knew early on about the love you hold for Seulgi, I should have stopped this before things went astray." 

     I smiled. "I really can't hide anything from you, your majesty." Of course, the wise emperor will know about my love for Seulgi. 

     He laughed. "I am an old man. I can notice things better than I was young." He sighed, "You still have time, Irene. Don't lose your chance. Though I cannot tell what the outcome will be, it is better than staying silent after all this time." 

     Bewildered, I asked, "Pardon me, your majesty, but what do you mean by that?" 

     Instead of answering, his majesty excused himself to rest. I don't want to bother him any longer because of his health, so I ended up wondering about his sentence on my own. Regardless, I kept pondering about it; I cannot fathom what his majesty meant. 

     While the people dance, and the royals and nobles converse, I left the banquet hall. Staying at the ball wore me out, and I can no longer keep on drinking the wine, and the crown prince is involved with the rest of the guests so he cannot accompany me. I don't want to associate with my family after the scene I made back in the mansion – and I doubt father wants to speak to me - he never reached out since the outburst. Where else can I go? To the p