Taeyeon’s POV

 

The wind is breezing as it hits my face briefly. I was sitting down beside the river which is just not very far away from my house. I’ve been back to my hometown for a few weeks already. I got my heavy heart which is filled with loss, regret, and embarrassment.

 

I took my lighter as I lighted my cigarette. I have been smoking back to relief my stress. I was staring at the smoke which came out from my mouth as I smiled painfully. As I closed my eyes, all the memories came back as a painful movie. Why do you have to come back? Why do I need to see you again?

 

I passed out after kissing Tiffany that day. So, I left the house as soon as I woke up. I left the note for Tiffany not to be worried and I am sorry. She texted me and called me several times but I didn’t pick up.

 

‘I am sorry, Tae. You know how much we loved each other, right? Can we talk?’ – Minah

 

I am reading back the text which I didn’t reply to but read every day. If you know how much we loved each other then why did you leave? I didn’t change my phone number just in case you would call but you never did and then you suddenly texted me after that day. Is it because I look so pathetic? I know I do look pathetic. But…

 

“Hey”

 

I heart the familiar voice from the back as I turned around and saw Yuri, my best friend.

 

“Do you think running away can solve everything?”

 

I saw the beautiful smile which made me smile along weakly. I’ve been losing weight these days. I couldn’t eat or sleep well. I am just locking myself in my room or sitting at this river. Yuri walked to me as I hugged her.

 

“I messed up”

 

I mumbled as she patted my back gently. She always makes me feel safe and loved. She is really kind and gentle.

 

“Can I get one too?”

 

She said as she was staring at the pack of cigarettes in my hand.

 

“Hey…I am not letting you smoke”

 

I hid the cigarette quickly.

 

“But you can?”

 

She asked as I realized what she is trying to say.

 

“I am sorry”

 

“You don’t need to be sorry. I know how stressful you are”

 

She said with a smile which made me feel emotional as I started to cry.

 

“What do I do? Why did she have to come back? She texted me that she wanted to meet up. And I hurt her that day. It’s so painful to see her again especially when she is with a guy holding hands and laughing together. What do I do?”

 

I cried as she passed me a tissue and held my hands.

 

“Don’t you need closure? Didn’t you say your grieving period is so long because you don’t have closure? Now that you are running away because you don’t want to face the reality”

 

She said calmly as I kept sobbing.

 

“But I don’t think I am ready for that yet emotionally. You know how much I loved her”

 

She nodded at my words that l can feel that she knows how I am feeling.

 

“And I kissed Tiffany that night. I ruined the friendship. I don’t know how to face her”

 

She looked a little surprised, but she didn’t really show it.

 

“Just talk to her. She will be fine. She is worried about you too. Honestly, everyone is worried about you. Come back with me. Let’s clean up the mess. Everyone makes mistakes”

 

I agreed with her. I shouldn’t be that weak.

 

“Thank you for getting me”

 

“Everyone is waiting. Let’s go”

 

She said as she grabbed my hands and dragged me. I went into my room to pack up my thing while Yuri is talking to my mom. She is good with old people too. My mom really loves her. Why is she so perfect? Jessica sure is so lucky.

 

“Can you drop me off at café near Minah’s old place?”

 

I said as soon as she started driving. She smiled at me as she nodded.

 

“You are right. I need closure”

 

I texted Minah to meet me at the café we used to go, and she agreed to it. I am so excited, nervous, and sad at the same time. I don’t know how to face her. I am in front of the café. She said she’s already inside. I walked into the café as I saw the pale girl with very cute eyes smile sitting at the corner which is where we used to sit. I walked toward her as I sat in front.

 

“Tae”

 

She smiled at me. She looks nervous and emotional as I am. She is wearing a long jean today. A girl who likes to wear short. She must be covering her wound on the knee.

 

“How’s your knee?”

 

I asked worriedly as she smiled. She looks mature now.

 

“Don’t worry. It’s nothing. Are you okay?”

 

She asked me worriedly. I think I am the one who is mature. But I realize how immature I act in front of the girl who is 3 years younger than me.

 

“I am fine now”

 

I answered avoiding her eyes.

 

“I ordered lemon tea for you”

 

She said as waiter put the lemon tea glasses in front of me. I checked her cup. She’s drinking her favorite latte.

 

“Thank you”

 

“I didn’t know that I hurt you that much. Thank you for loving me a lot”

 

She started to talk as I just kept drinking my lemon tea avoiding eyes contact with her. I don’t think I can hold on to my tears if I see her face.

 

“My parents knew about our relationship, so they took me back and locked me in. I know that you will be looking for me. But I just couldn’t do anything. And we were so young. I didn’t have courage to do anything”

 

She shed tears. I tried my best to hold on.

 

“Sorry that I run away”

 

“Is he your boyfriend?”

 

My first question after my long silence. I stared at her. She is crying. I don’t think she’s crying because she wants me back. I think it’s all memories now. But at least I got to know the reason. She nodded my question.

 

“I’ve been with him for 2 years now”

 

I felt like someone stubbed my heart. It’s so painful. She really seems to love him.

 

“Let’s do a proper break up. It’s been a long time, right? Don’t worry. I already move on”

 

I said as she didn’t respond anything.

 

“Minah ah…Take care. I wish you all the best. Thank you for everything and I am sorry. I will always cherish the girl who I had in my mind. I love you”

 

I said I love you for the last time as I stood up from the chair.

 

“Are you leaving? Just like that?”

 

She asked while crying. I don’t know what more I need to do, or I can do.

 

“Take care and be happy”

 

I said with a smile. Of course, it’s a forced smile. I only know how painful it is. She suddenly grabbed my hand as I stopped myself from walking.

 

“At least give me the last hug”

 

She stood up from the seat as she hugged me. My heart is burning inside. It’s so hot. I feel suffocated. I wanted to cry but I tried my best to hold on. She’s crying. Taeyeon, you can’t cry.

 

“Thank you…for loving me”

 

She mumbled as she let go of me.