Yeonhee

"Wowww look at you Mina! A new haircut? That's gorgeous!" I said excitedly the moment her face popped on the screen. I woke up early today because I promised Mina a facetime session. I miss her so badly. She seems so happy in Paris.

I haven't facetimed her since she arrived in Paris. I did reply to her text but I have been avoiding everytime she wanted a facetime session. If she ever knew about the accident and saw my head wrapped in a bandage, she'll worry too much and overreact. It has been two weeks since the accident so my wounds are almost completely healed, no bandage is needed anymore.

"I look better right?" she laughed cheeckily. "Everything feels so surreal here Yeonhee. I really like it here. If you were here with me that will be perfect. So how are you? Any new news?"

"Well... I don't remember if I already told you but I'm now an art instructor! It's so fun handling art workshops, especially with kids"

"You are always good with kids Yeonhee. You're gonna be a great mom one day"

"Ahahaha" I faked a laugh. "That would be a miracle Mina" I said jokingly to Mina. But deep inside I am not joking. I can see my relationship with Sehun is going nowhere, and my current health would not allow it to happen.

"You and Sehun are still not in good terms?" she asked.

I let her question unanswered but I ask her instead "Would you still be my friend if I decided to let go?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm tired Mina. And I know he's tired too. It doesn't do any of us good"

"No.... You can't give up Yeonhee. Who knows he'll fall for you one day"

"No... he won't Mina. I'm very sure he won't. I want to be happy Mina. And I want him to be happy too"

Silence hits both of us.

Mina then asks, "Do you think you can do it? Can you let him go? Can your heart do it?"

I look at my phone screen, staring at her and smile bitterly. Then I say, "Loving him is so hard Mina. Letting him go is even harder. But this is the best. For me and for him"

"I wish I were there with you right now Yeonhee. Now I wish I haven't come here"

"Don't be silly. You just have to be my ears. I'm okay here. As long as I know I have you, it doesn't matter even if you are on the other planet, I'll be okay"

Mina becomes quiet on the other side. Now I feel bad for making her sad.

"Okay enough about me. Let's not weep about my life. Show me your apartment. I need an apartment tour! Can you see the Eiffel Tower from your window?". I try my best to lighten up the mood. I don't want Mina to be sad. 

Seems like I manage to get rid of the sad atmosphere. Mina excitedly shows every part of her place. Her place is a bit tiny but I can tell it's a cosy place. The interior really suits her. And she also shows me a glimpse of the Eiffel Tower from her window. 

After an hour of talking and gossiping, we say our goodbyes. I need to get ready for a new day while she needs to get ready to sleep. This is what living-in-a-different-time-zone means.

I still haven't told her about the tumor. I wanted to. I don't keep secrets from Mina but I don't know how to tell her and when to tell her. Hopefully there will be a perfect time soon.

I take my shower and get ready for the day. Since I have an appointment with Dr Song, I take a day off today. And as expected, I got a message from Nam Joon oppa reminding me of my appointment. He is my best support now, the only support I have for now. He said to me he'll be with me in every check up, every step, or whatever procedure needed, he'll be there. Sometimes I wonder what have I done all my life to be bestowed a very good friend like Mina and Nam Joon oppa. 

I then walk to the kitchen to have my breakfast. As usual, I have my breakfast alone. While I'm eating my cereal, I hear the sound of water running in Sehun's bathroom. He's probably taking his shower. Getting over him isn't easy, because first, he is just around me, my world literally revolves around him. Second, obviously hating him is impossible. I can't bring myself to hate him. The only thing I can do is try to distance myself from him as much as I can. I don't totally avoid him because he'll sense something weird and I don't want that. I still smile at him everytime I see him, even though it really pains me. If I want this to work, I have to refrain myself from being too attached to him. I still care, I still do but I don't want to be hopeful anymore. Besides, I have a tumor to deal with. That thing is more important than anything else right now.

I am getting ready to leave when Sehun emerges from his room. He is ready with his office attire, looking handsome and sophisticated as always. The one that always captures my heart, and also the one that breaks my heart constantly.

"I leave first. Drive safe" I said to him with a smile and then I leave.

"Have you had your breakfast?" Nam Joon oppa asked as I arrived at the hospital lobby. 

"Just cereal. Light breakfast"

"Good. Let's settle your registration" he said then we walk to the counter.

After I settle my registration, he asks "Well..... your husband still no show?"

I laugh bitterly. "Don't blame him oppa. It's not a no show because he doesn't even know I'm here"

"I know it is none of my business but you are living an unhealthy relationship Yeonhee"

"I know... Thanks for your concern oppa but really, my marriage, my problem" I said with a light laugh at the end. 

He scoffs and punches my shoulder lightly. 

"Since you are alone, let me be your  today"

"My ? Don't you have patients to look after?"

"You are my patient today" he said with a wink. "It's my day off today Yeonhee, don't worry. Come on follow me, we need a new scan for your chest and abdomen. Then you'll need to do another blood test"

I follow him to the radiology department to do a CT Scan on my abdomen and chest. Since the pain is getting stronger day by day, the doctor needs a new scan to figure out what's wrong.

After about an hour, I'm done with the scan. The results will be delivered directly to Dr Song. Nam Joon oppa then brings me to another level for a blood test. While waiting for my turn, I notice a nurse keeps on stealing glances at us. Or perhaps at Nam Joon oppa.

I tap his shoulder and say "I think the nurse at the station is staring at you"

He turns his head to take a look at the station. Then he said to me in a slow tone "Put your hands around me please"

"Excuse me??"

"Please help me this once Yeonhee"

"What are you thinking? I'm a married woman" I retort.

"Just do it. Make sure she sees"

"Oh god please forgive me" I put my arm around him and act like his girlfriend. You owe me big time oppa.

"She has been pestering me since the first day I started working here. You know, asking for a date" he tried to explain.

"Awww, you have an admirer"

"It's not funny Yeonhee" he sighed. "I'm just not ready for a relationship for now"

"Why? What happened? Got a crazy ex?" I asked.

My question was left unanswered. He becomes quiet for a while. Then he lets out a big sigh and says "I'm just not ready, my fiancee died two years ago"

I gasp in surprise. "I'm sorry. I didn't know.... I shouldn't say..."

"It's okay. You didn't know" he calmly said. "She died in a car crash. She's a friend of Seulgi too. You remember Seulgi right?"

I nod but didn't utter a word. 

"We were supposed to go to a ski trip together. Me and her, with some other friends, Seulgi too. But Seulgi and I have to cancel it on the last minute. We have university stuff to deal with suddenly"

We both stay in silence for a while. I don't know what to say and wouldn't dare ask anything. "It was snowing heavily that day. A witness said the car lost control due to the slippery road. Then they crashed. None of them survived. Seulgi and I, we were both devastated, she lost a friend and I lost my love. It was hard for both of us"

I pat his back, hoping that it'll help. "I'm really sorry oppa. I'm sure she's at a better place now"

"Yeah... she is. She would be happy seeing me right now from up there, moved on with life. Knowing her, all she want is me to be happy. That's why I came back to Seoul right after I got my medical degree last year. I want to start anew. If it was the other way around, if I was the one who died, I would want her to move one with life too. I want her to be happy. So I know she would want the same.... I moved on for her. Not for myself, but for her. Hopefully she's happy up there. Well I'm happy now building my career here, but starting a new relationship may need some time. For that, I'm still not ready"

None of us talk for a few minutes. Then I say "You'll find someone one day, as amazing as she is" 

I smile at him and pat his hand. He is such a strong person. The things he said makes me realize that one will be happy when the person they love is happy. I love Sehun more than anything in this world.