"So, have you consider my offer?"

I looked up to my uncle's face, a.k.a my boss. Yes, I've been working for him since 10 months ago as the vice president, taking over his daughter's position as she wished to continue her studies in United Kingdom.

"But uncle, why thereeeee?" I asked and pouted at him.

"The company in Japan is doing well already, Shuhua. I need you to handle the new headquarter in Seoul for me. Please?"

It's not that I don't want. I like Japan, I really like it here. It's a place where I find peace. I like Seoul too but it's Korea. Sigh. Will I be able to stay sane if I go back there?

"Besides, you know how to speak in korean. That's a plus for you." Uncle said again.

"I... I'll think about it."

"Will 2 days be enough for you? Because I'm afraid I've booked a ticket and prepared everything for you already."

"..."

My jaw dropped the moment I heard what my uncle just told me while there he was, looking at me with his innocent smile. 

"Uncle!! You can't just do this without me saying yes!" I whined. I don't care if we are at the restaurant now. This uncle is too much.

"Hey! You leave me no choice. I've asked your parents about it and they also thought it's a good idea." He said, defended himself.

"Good idea???! Now tell me why is it a good idea???"

"Well you've been there and know alot about the country. You are very reliable. You know the language there. Oh! You got friends there too. Yuqi! Yeah, Yuqi is there as well." He said.

I slumped on the chair and crossed my arms.

"I haven't talk to Yuqi for ages." I mumbled.

"Then don't you think it's time to reach out to her again? It has been... Around a year, wasn't it?" He asked me.

I let out a heavy sigh as I look outside the window. 

Yeah. It's been a year. A year since I had left my friends. A year since I cut off my contact with them including Yuqi. And also A year since I left her, the love of my life.

I wonder if she's doing alright there without me. I wonder if she's happier now. I wonder if she's living a good life. I just wonder... If she likes her life now more than before when I was still there with her. 

A part of me wish that she will be happy there but another part of me still wish that she's sad that I'm not there anymore. Because I am happier when I'm with her.

"Shuhua? You're thinking about her again, are you? Is it because of her that you don't want to go there?" Uncle asked me, I can tell that he's worried about me.

"What makes you think that I will stop thinking about her, uncle?" I asked with a sad smile.

"From the day I left, even until now, I have never stop thinking about her." I said without waiting for him to reply.

"And no, it's not because of her that I don't want to go there. It's because of me." I continued.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Everyday, I am struggling to hold myself from flying there and running back to her. It's hard to stop myself from coming back just to be in her arms again. Because I still love her with all of my heart, and I still want her that much." I said and sighed heavily.

"So I'm afraid, if I cross path with her again, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from going back to her." I whispered.

Because I know my heart, it never stops calling out for her name. The name that had been tattooed permanently in my heart. The name that had been constantly running in my head. The name that I will always remember wherever I go. Seo Soojin, the name of the only love of my life.

... 

After having lunch with uncle, we both part ways as he will go back to the office while I need to meet a client in an hour somewhere else.

"Byebye uncle, see you later." I said and he smiled at me before driving away.

"Shuhua?"

My smile was gone as soon as I heard someone called my name. I turned behind slowly and was shocked to see my friends. 

"U-Unnie..."

"Oh my god, it's really you!"

They hugged me and was bawling their eyes as they keep saying that they missed me. I looked around and see people were looking at us with weird stares. 

"Uhm, unnie. I'm fine. I uh..." I patted their back awkwardly as I'm confused of what to do now.

"Where did you go?! Did you know how worried we were??? Why you didn't even update us!" Miyeon unnie suddenly scolded me as she wipe she tears harshly.

"Shuhua ya. Did you not love us anymore?" Minnie unnie asked, still sobbing.

"You have a long explanation to do, Yeh Shuhua. A year is not short." Miyeon unnie said, glaring at me.

Of all times, I had to bump into them today and it's even in Japan. 

"Look. I'm sorry for everything, really. I promise I will explain everything but not now. I need to go." I told them.

"And what if you run away and we'll never get to see you for another year again?" Miyeon unnie asked.

"I won't. Ok? Here, this is my card. That's my contact. Let's set the time and place to meet again. But I really need to go now." I said as I gave minnie unnie my business card. They hesitated but ended up letting me go and warned me not to avoid them if they call which I just nodded before I finally left.

So fast forward to dinner time, Miyeon unnie and Minnie unnie asked me to meet them for dinner so here I am now at this restaurant that they told me.

I saw them sitting near the corner as soon as I entered so I went towards their table right away.

"Hi unnies." I greeted them.

"Oh, hi Shuhua!" Minnie unnie greeted me excitedly and I just nodded as I sat down.

"Should we order first?" Minnie unnie asked. Me and Miyeon unnie agreed and we called a waiter nearby to take our orders.

"How are you?" Miyeon unnie asked after the waiter left. I looked at the two of them, they're leaning on the table a little to hear me properly.

"I'm good and healthy, as you can see. Thank you for asking. How about you unnies?"

"Same here. So... Vice president huh."

I smiled and nodded. 

"We are happy for you. We are very proud, Shuhua ya." Miyeon unnie said and her eyes got teary again while Minnie unnie looked down to hold back her tears again.

"Are you sure you're happy to see me? Why you two still want to cry then?" I asked them innocently.

"Did you expect us to not cry after a year not seeing you?" Miyeon unnie asked me back and glared again.

"Why did you leave, Shuhua? Why didn't you keep in touch with us?" Minnie unnie asked. I can tell she's worried by the tone of her voice. I hummed and looked at them calmly.

"I..." I started to tell them everything from the start.

​​​​​​Flashback:

It's been for few weeks that my relationship with Soojin seemed to be worse as days passed by. We kept arguing and I ended up sleeping in my room instead of sleeping together in her room like we usually do. 

I kept telling her that I don't like that she's close with the new male staff she works with at her department, she told me there's nothing to worry about. I mean, how can I not? I've seen the way he look at her. It's how I look at Soojin. Eyes filled with admiration and love. 

I tried not to care much as Soojin kept telling me he's just a mere co-worker. But seeing how closer they were, I asked Soojin if we can be how we're supposed to be in public because I don't want to hide the fact that we're together anymore. 

I agreed to Soojin to hide our relationship from public as she said she's not ready yet. I understand. I do. I tried to. But that one time, I have finally lost it. I saw the guy sent her back home, to our apartment right to the door directly. I was the one who opened the door anyways. 

"You're home. And who is this?" I asked while squinting my eyes to the awkward guy. 

"You must be Soojin's housemate. Hi, I'm Hui. Her colleague from office." He said, introducing himself to me. But no, that's not what I'm focusing at. Housemate. So she told him that I am her housemate. 

"I just want to make sure Soojin reached home safely so yeah." He explained himself without me asking. 

"Well, you're done here right? She is home now, safely." I said coldly. He gulped and nodded his head. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Soojin." He talked to Soojin now. 

"Yeah. Thanks Hui." Soojin replied and I closed the door before he gets to say more. 

"So now he's sending you home." I said and turned to Soojin. 

"He insisted. I don't have a choice." Soojin said as she walked away to her room. 

"But Soojin, that guy is clearly interested in you." I told her. 

"Shuhua. Are we seriously talking about the same thing again here?" She asked and massage her temple. 

"I'm tired, I will wash up first ok then we'll see what's for dinner." 

Before she enter her room, I stopped her by asking a question. 

"When can we make our relationship official in public?" 

"Not this again please." 

"It has been almost 2 years of our relationship, we've known each other for 5 years. Don't you think it's time to let your friends and family know?"

"Shuhua I'm not ready yet."

"Then when will you be? Jin ah, I don't want people to keep thinking that I'm just your best friend. I don't want people to see me as a close sister to you." 

"I know, I know but please give me some time." 

"Are you not happy with me? Don't you want to make everyone know that we're together? That you're mine and I'm yours?"

"What are you saying? Of course I am happy with you. We've talked about this Shuhua. You said you will wait for me."

She approached me and sighed. 

"Look. Hui is just a friend. A colleague that want to get to know me. Nothing more than that. We're fine and happy the way we are Shuhua. Aren't we?" 

"But I don't want to hide our relationship anymore now Jin ah." I told her. 

"Let's... We'll talk about it later. I go wash up now." She said then left to take a shower. 

But then, we never talk about it again for the rest of the night until the next day and the next day and so on. I tried to forget it and just go with the flow. I keep telling myself that it's ok, she's still with me. 

One day when we went out together for lunch, suddenly another girl named Somi came to say hi to her. She's literally fangirling over her and kept telling her beautiful. When she finally noticed my presence, she asked who I was but Soojin as usual, only said that I'm just a friend, her housemate. 

I ignored them and just finished up my food until she finally leave us alone. 

"So you'll think about it?" I asked Soojin who finally paid attention to me now. 

"Oh. I thought you weren't listening." She said. 

I listen to everything, including the part where Somi asked her out for a movie. 

"If you're worrying about it, don't. I just said that not to hurt her. At least I make her think that I'm thinking about it. I'll give her excuse that I can't go with her." Soojin told me. 

"Hm." I just hummed. 

"Hey, are you ok?" She asked me. I lifted up my head to see her face. How can I be mad for so long to this woman? I can't. She's my weakness. 

"I am. Don't worry." I replied and she just smiled at me before continue eating. 

We are still doing ok after that. We kissed, we hugged, telling each other that we love one another. But it's not the same as before. I can feel that she's slowly slipping away from me. We became less affectionate. To the point that we never update each other about where we go or when we're coming home when we're out for work or going out with colleagues or friends. 

I was just a simple girl who worked full time at this mini market to help out the aunt who had been a great help for me when I first came to Korea to finish my studies. I had graduated and decided to work for her for a while as she tried to hire someone else before I can leave the job. While Soojin had been working under marketing department in a good company. 

I tried to just see and let it be when people flirt with her, colleagues to be exact. Like Hui and Somi. I gave up to ask her to make our relationship not a secret anymore as it'll only lead us to argument. 

But then, I also want to stop getting hurt again and again. So I talked about it for one last time before I'm making my final decision. 

"Are you happy that I stop asking you to tell everyone that I'm your girlfriend?" I asked when she came home late one night, I don't know where she went as she never told me and I stopped asking her for an update everytime. 

"You're still awake." She mumbled and took off her heels and her coat. 

"Soojin ah. Let's talk." I said. 

"Shuhua. I'm tired. Please." I can feel the tiredness from her weak voice. 

"Will you be happier if I don't have to talk about the same thing all over again? Will you be better if I just stop?" I asked. 

"Shuhua..." 

"Just answer me!" I shouted as I felt frustrated already. 

"Fine! Yes. I'm too tired already Shuhua!" 

"Don't you think I know that? But you don't know that I'm tired too." 

"Then why can't we just be happy like before and stop talking about it?" 

"Because I don't want uncertain future with you Jin ah. I don't want to be hidden in the dark. I don't want to be your secret anymore." 

"Shuhua..."

"Just tell me Soojin, what should I do? We're both tired. But I can't continue if it's like this. Be with me, privately or not."

"Shu-"

"If its really hard for you then would it be better for me to leave instead?" I asked. 

She sighed and looked at me. 

"Whatever makes you happy then. I'll wash up." She left me alone in the living room. 

I closed my eyes, trying to hold back my tears. That night, I went into my room and pretend to be asleep when she knocked, asked me out to eat dinner. I stayed in my room till the next morning. 

I woke up after she left for work. I looked at my luggage and sighed. 

Dear Seo Soojin, 

Jagiya, I will surely miss calling you that. By the time you got this letter, I won't be here anymore. For the past few weeks, it was hard for the both of us. Why do we keep fighting, love? It's honestly make me sad. Or maybe it was all because of me? 

I just want to say sorry for failing to understand you. I'm sorry I always make you tired with my jealousy and constant request of wanting us to not be in a secret relationship anymore. I'm really sorry for pressuring you the whole time. 

But well, you don't have to worry about it anymore. I will stop now. Jin ah, I decided to let you go. This way, we wouldn't have to talk about it again. You don't have to feel pressured about coming out anymore. I don't want to be a burden to you anymore so I'm letting you go. 

Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for showering me with lots of love. Thank you for making me happy by being with me. Thank you for being mine even if we had to end it now. I cherish all of our memories together. 

I just want you to know that this is not your fault, ok? You've been a great girlfriend. You're always the best. I'm happy when I'm with you. And I hope you do too. But now, I hope that you'll be happier without me. Please be happy, Soojin ah. I'm letting you go for you to be free and happy now. 

I'm sorry for breaking up with you like this but I don't think I will be able to do it face to face knowing that I love you so much. I'm a coward, right? I'm truly sorry. 

Don't blame yourself for what's happening. I want you to enjoy your life freely and be happy. Take care, Jagiya. 

I love you. I'm sorry. 

-Yeh Shuhua. 

I put down the letter on her bed and looked around. I will miss sleeping here, cuddling with her. I dragged my luggage as I opened the door, I took a deep breath before I leave our apartment. 

'Goodbye, My love' 

End of flashback. 

I finished telling the unnies about the reason why I decided to leave. 

"I wanted to keep in touch with you but I'm having a hard time to move on. So I tried to not keep contact with anyone close with her too." I told them.

"I'm sorry for leaving without notice like that. I'll accept it if you hate me or angry with me." I added.

"Instead of feeling angry, we're feeling sad actually." Miyeon unnie said.

"We missed you. We all did." She said.

"I missed you too. I'm sorry again unnies."

"It's ok. We understand."

I wipe off my tears and smiled at them. I didn't realise that I was crying as I told them what happened. 

"But Shuhua, do you really think Soojin is happy without you?" Miyeon unnie asked me.

"I... I don't know. I just hope she is." I lied. I hope she's not happy. I hope she still think of me. I hope she still love me. I hope she miss me too. I want her to be happy, I really want her to but I can't help but to hope that she's feeling sad that I left.

"Then, are you happy now?"

"..." I don't answer because I think they know already.

"Shuhua, if I tell you that she's been struggling like you do. Will you come back?" Miyeon unnie asked. I frowned and looked at her.

"Listen carefully to what I'm going to say, ok? After this, you can decide what you want to do and I won't be stopping you if you still want to leave everything behind." Miyeon unnie told me so I just nodded my head.