Here I am, waking up to the empty space beside me on this lonely huge bed. I used to wake up to your beautiful sleeping face. I'd stared at your face and you would grab my hand before I get to slip out of the bed.

"Don't go." You said with your sleepy voice. 

I'll just pat your arm and told you to go back to sleep. I'll prepare our breakfast and wait till you finally awake and join me in the kitchen. 

But now, I'm alone. I'm left all alone. I woke up alone everyday but I'm still not used to not having you around. So instead of preparing for one portion, I always ended up prepare for two. 

Just like right now, tears started to roll down on my cheeks as I looked at the two plates of food in front of me. I slowly sat down and buried my face into my palms.

After calming down, I started to eat little by little and wrapped up the food that's not finished. I did the dishes and couldn't help but to remember how bright my morning was in the past.

"Jagiyaaaaaaa. The food was delicious as always. You're awesome!! Hehehe I love youuuu!" 

You would always compliment me in every way you can think of. You would backhug me as I do the dishes and keep me company. 

I sighed as I looked up to prevent my tears from falling. I sniffed and finished up the dishes faster before I went to my room to change my clothes. I promised to meet my friends today. 

"You always look good in anything. So don't think too much about what you should wear." 

I clutched on the shirt I'm holding and hold myself from crying again. After changing, I walked towards the door but stopped when my hand touched the doorknob. 

​​​​​​"Hey, would you turn around for me for a while?" 

​​​"Why?" 

You smiled and stepped closer while staring into my eyes. You caressed my cheek gently and smiled lovingly at me which melted my heart. 

"You're so beautiful. I'm so lucky to have you." You said. 

"Ah. What are you saying. Let's go." I said and turned around to open the door. You giggled at my reaction. 

I took a deep breath before finally going out of my apartment. I walked out with my mind still thinking of you.

... 

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" 

"I don't know." 

"Won't you ask me?" 

"Mm just tell me." 

"I still picture us together, being in love with each other and we both will be living the life we've been dreaming of and spend the rest of our life together, always." 

I just chuckled and nodded my head as you told me that. You grinned and kept on telling me about your dreams, mostly your future and you always include me in everything. 

​​​​​​"Because there won't be a future without you. I need you, Jagiya." You said. 

I wish. How I wish. But now you're not here with me. I thought, I thought you said that you need me. 

"Hey. Did you wait for us for long?" 

I stopped daydreaming and looked up to my friends, our friends. I smiled a little and told them it's ok. 

"Yuqi just wouldn't wake up that's why we're late." Soyeon said as she sat down. 

"What? So it's my fault?" 

"Yes it is." 

"Fiiineee." 

I only smiled seeing Yuqi's pouting at Soyeon who were not even looking at her. 

"Miyeon and Minnie will be here soon. They just came back from Japan." Yuqi said. 

"Ah. Ok." 

"I wonder what will they bring for us." Yuqi said tapping her chin. 

"So, how are you?" Soyeon asked me. 

"Hm. Same old." I answered and shrugged my shoulders. My finger playing with my coffee cup. 

"Do you still blame yourself?" 

"It's true, isn't it? It is my fault." I whispered. 

"You know she wouldn't like it." Yuqi said. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows. 

"She wouldn't like that you blame yourself. She make it clear to you that it's not your fault. She said it in the letters. She even told all of us the same thing. So stop blaming yourself." Yuqi said. 

"How can I not? When I'm the only reason why she left. Who else to blame if not me?" 

"No one. There's no one to blame." Soyeon said. 

I looked away and tried to hold my tears again. 

"It has been a year. Don't you think it's time to let go?" Soyeon asked. 

"How can I let go? Tell me, How do I do that? When my heart is still yearning for her. I'm still longing for her." I looked at them with my teary eyes.

No matter how many times they said it's not my fault, I would still think it really is my fault. If only, if only I treat her right, she wouldn't leave me. She would've stayed.

"I miss her. I miss her so much that it hurts." I whispered and sobbed.

My heart aches everytime I remember her. Not even a day that I stop thinking about her. It was too late for me. I was too late to realise how special she is to me. 

"Hey. It's ok. Just cry it out." Soyeon said and went to my side to hug me. Yuqi sighed and hold my hand as she caressed my hand with her thumb.

"I miss her, Soyeon ah. I really miss her." I finally cried, not even care that I'm in public right now. I just want the pain to go away by crying it out.

"Shuhua ya" I cried out her name as I can't stand it anymore. Since the day she left, my heart kept screaming for her name. Yearning and longing for her. Since then, I've been in a miserable state. I don't even know what's my purpose of life anymore.