Life. 

What is life?

I've been living for over two decades but the definition of life is still blurry to me. It can be simple to describe what life is but it can be hard too when you're thinking more about it. 

Life is like a mystery. A mystery puzzle. One day you thought how life can be so good. One day you thought how life can be so hard. There were time where I feel how life has brought me so much pain yet so much amazing feelings too. 

It's scary how life can give different meaning to you. It's because one time you thought "Oh. Life have never been this good. I love my life" but then at one point life suddenly knocked you down which make you think "Why is this happening to me? Life is hard."

Try. People said to keep trying your best to live your best life. But if you try your best and still feel not happy, then is that the best life that you want?

They keep asking me what do I want for my life if I don't want to listen to them. How can I answer that question? Because if I tell them that I just want to be happy, they wouldn't understand. They will still keep telling me, pushing me, pressuring me to do what they want me to do, which they thought is best for me and good for my future.

Funny how they keep asking me to listen to them but they never try to listen to me. When I keep it all to myself, they said it'll just kill me inside and I need to let it out. But when I try to talk to them, they don't get me. Why is it so hard for them to at least listen to my lonely thoughts?

I tried hard to forget what people said. I tried hard to move on and ignored what they said. I tried hard to avoid feeling down and hurt by what they said. But at one point, it all keep coming back to me again and crushed me into pieces all over again. That's how fragile my heart is. 

I wish I was born heartless but no, but again... Its-

"Jin ah!! What took you so long??" 

Then she came into my life when I don't expect for anyone. She came into my life unexpectedly. She came into my life without warning. She came into my life, to be a reminder to me that I deserve to be happy too.

So it's ok. It's ok if life is painful. It's ok if I feel so much pain. Because I have her now. Someone I can talk to about all my worries. Someone who finally willing to listen to me. Someone who try to understand me even if I can't understand myself too sometimes. 

"Jin ah. I was worried when you're still not home. So I came to look for you."

I broke down. I fell down. I was knocked down by life. When I tried to find the last piece of strength I have left, she came to me and give me that. She give me the strength that I needed. She give me the support to keep me going. 

"Hey. What's wrong? Is everything alright?"

People said to love yourself first before you want to love someone. And I did. I refused to give up no matter how many time life keep knocking me down. I tried to learn and love myself, thinking of doing what can make me feel better and happy. But I'm not doing it alone, because I have her now with me and she told me that she will be with me through it all. 

"Jin ah. Please say something. You're making me scared."

I closed my eyes and stopped thinking as soon as she cupped my face, feeling the warmth from her palms on my cheek and leaned against her touch. 

"Are you ok? Uh. Not a good question. You don't look ok to me. But hey, I'm here. You can tell me whenever you're ready." She said with her worried tone.

I opened my eyes just to look at her concern face. Sometimes I wonder, what do I do to deserve someone like her. She makes me feel like I'm all that matters to her and it honestly feel good to have someone that care alot about me. 

I was about to reply to her when she put her finger on my lips and smiled softly at me.

"It's ok, Jin ah. You don't have to tell me right away. I just want to make you feel better right now. I want to give you a hug that you need after a long day and all those messy thoughts you have in mind. So please, don't be sad. It breaks my heart to see you sad." She said and caressed my cheek.

Right there and then, I burst out into tears and let her pull me into a tight and warm hug. 

"I'm not ok but I want to feel ok. I want to be ok." I cried.

She tightened her hold around me and rubs my back gently. 

"I know, my love. I know. You will be. I know you will. You're stronger than you thought, don't you forget that. Even if you forget, I'll always be here to remind you. Because Seo Soojin, you are a strong woman. You can go through all of this. Have faith, remember?"

I cried harder but nodded as I hugged her tighter.

Yeh Shuhua, a precious human being that she is. She give me all the love that I need. She makes me feel loved. She show me how life can be beautiful too. 

"I know I wouldn't be able to fully understand how you feel. I'm not in your shoes so I don't have the right to tell you that it'll be easy one day. Because I know, I know that it's hard for you. But let me just tell you again, I'm here. I'm here with you and always will be."

I sobbed and buried my face on her shoulder. 

"You are not alone, you just need to remember that ok?"

I just nodded my head and slowly stopped crying. 

"I will hold your hand and we will go through all of this together. I won't let you do it all alone. So share whatever thoughts you have with me. Cry it all out to me if it'll make you feel better. I'll try to be here for you in any way I can do for you." She said.

I pulled away from her and wiped my tears. She still smiling softly and caressed my hair. 

"Thank you, Shuhua ya." I whispered.

She smiled and nodded. 

"I'm sorry that I make you worried." I told her.

"No. I'm glad that I found you. I want to always be here with you when you feel down, I'll make sure to never let you be alone." She said.

"Thank you." I thanked her again.

She sighed and grabbed my hand as she squeezed my hand gently. 

"Stop thanking me. I'm just doing what I should do as your lover." She said and I finally smiled.

"There you are. My favourite smile." She grinned and kissed my lips softly.

"Let's go home now?"

"Mm. Let's go home."

I looked at our hands as we both walked together towards our apartment at the next block. Then I looked at her side profile, so beautiful. She really makes me feel alive inside.

And I wouldn't stop thanking her for coming into my life. She's my everything. 

"I really love you, Shu." I said which make her stopped and looked at me.

"I know. And I really love you too, Jin ah." She said, smiling at me. That smile is enough to give me a reason to love this life even if it can be hard sometimes.

The End.