ARRANGED MARRIAGE 

Chapter 17

NANCY'S POV

"Nancy!" I heard from behind us. When I looked around I saw a model clad in a sophisticated dress even in this very ordinary day. I consciously pictured myself at the moment wearing a simple summer dress, not wearing any make up except a lipstick which Yeonwoo likes. She wanted me more in simple get up, which she always remind me that whatever I wear, I carry it all confidently. That's how she sees me, but that's not how I see myself, especially now that I have kids. "Hey! Something on my face?" I heard Seolhyun said, I didn't notice that she's now standing in front of me.

"Oh Hi Seolhyun..." I greeted her. "Sorry, just thinking of something." I apologized. We're at the mall again with my kids and Daisy

"So, is that a good or bad sign of having your own family?" she asked and can't find words to answer her.

"Oh, just because her wife is always thinking of her that's why she's not of herself, you know they can't help but thinking each other when they're apart." Daisy answered saving my back.

"Hmmm, who wouldn't. Having Yeonwoo for a wife or partner one would be so lucky. She's a complete package." Seolhyun commented looking at me from head down. "Bet a lot of ladies waiting to be her mistress are spying on her." dagdag niya, tinasaan ko siya ng kilay.

"Hanggang aligid lang sila, Seolhyun. The way Yeonwoo loves my Bestie, ni tingnan sila hindi niya magagawa, nganga lang mga haliparot na yon." depensa ni Daisy sa akin.

"Don't be so sure darling..." Baling sa kanya ni Seolhyun. "You're not the wife."

"I'm sure." I interrupted. "I am the wife." I said staring her straight.

"Sorry, Nancy. Just kidding. Got to go." she defensively said and walked away.

"Don't listen to her. She's just portraying her best role of her life. Bi.tch." Daisy said grinning.

"She's always been like that."

"Yeah. She's always been that Bi.tch."

"Hey careful...Dane might hear you." I warned as I look down the stroller and saw Dane staring right at us emotionless with Jackson on the other stroller sleeping soundly.

"See?! even Dane agrees with me. You agree with me, yes?" Daisy said extending her hand to Dane but she just received a straight face from my serious baby. "Hay naku, mukha ka ng matanda." patol ni Daisy sa anak ko. Natawa na lang ako. I looked back at Seolhyun who's now about to disappear from my sight. "Bestie you're far more beautiful than her. Beauty is not just how people look at you, it's how they see what's inside you. And you have that all, so don't feel insecure or anything."

"I'm not." depensa ko.

"I know you so much, Best. Can't lie to me." she smilingly said. I didn't say a word anymore. "Let's eat?"

"I'm still full." sagot ko.

"Not again, Nancy. Please." she pleaded.

YEONWOO'S POV

"Hello, Mama? How's everything at home?" tanong ko pagsagot ko ng tawag ni Mama Myeongju

"Hello, Anak? Sorry if I disturb you during your office hours...I mean...I don't know..."

"Is there something wrong, Mama?" I asked worried. "The kids?"

"Oh they're fine, Yeonwoo. They're bubbly and playful as always. Madaldal kahit hindi maintindihan." Mama assured me and I can feel her smile at the other line. But I know something is wrong.

"Ano pong problema, Mama?"

"It's about Nancy..." she answered

"Why Mama, what happened to Nancy?" I asked worried again. "Is she sick?" Gulat kong sagot, kung babalikan ko ay maayos naman si Nancy kaninang umaga.

"Have you observed her lately, Yeonwoo?"

"Why, is there something wrong about Nancy?"

"She's not been eating right, lately..." Mama said. I kept silent. All I know is that she started to go on diet because she said she felt that she's gaining weight.

"What do you mean, Mama? All she said to me is that she's watching her diet."

"Losing weight and watching diet is different Yeonwoo." she stopped. "I saw that signs before and I'm afraid she's having those signs again. So as early as possible we could help her."

"What do you mean, Mama? Please tell me straight. I'm getting nervous now." I pleaded.

"Try to observe her, Yeonwoo and talk to her about any thing that's happening around her. I'm afraid she's having an eating disorder...Again"

"A what?" I asked confused and worried at the same time.

"We'll talk later, Yeonwoo. I think she's already out from the shower room."

"Ok, Mama. Bye." I was immovable for seconds thinking of the happenings in the past weeks or months. Then I sat back at my chair and stared outside through the glass walls.

"Nagiisip ka na bang sundan ang mga apo ko?" Dada's voice broke in my reverie.

"Dada..."

"May problema?" Dada asked his face turned serious.

"After all these years, I can't believe that I'm missing out details in my family." I simply said feeling guilty.

"What do you mean?" Dada asked as he took the seat at the right side of my desk.

"I don't think I'm not being a good wife, Dada."

"Yeonwoo, huwag mong sabihin yan. We can see how you've been working so hard for your family. How you've been a faithful and dutiful wife for Nancy as well as a responsible and caring mother for your twins. Not to mention how you love them so much." He said but I shook my head.

"Mama called, Dada. She suspects that Nancy's sick of something."

"Sick of what?"Dada asked his face looks more worried than serious.

"Mama said she's not eating right, lately." sagot ko at bakas sa mukha ni Dada ang pagaalala kesa gulat.

"I guess she had it again." He almost whispered.

"What is it, Dada?" I asked confused and worried.

"Nancy had that signs before. Nong mga panahon na halos nasa kanya ang atensiyon ng media at ng mundong ginagalawan niya. She tend to hide it from us, from everyone.We didn't notice until Daisy told us of her eating habits, of what she's doing in her daily routine. She denied it all and refused to be checked but her face and body fell terribly that we got worried. Maybe sa pressure sa trabaho, that's why I told her when she got well that if she'll be in the same situation again then no more modelling. Ever."

"But she already stopped modelling since we got married, Dada?"

"I know, Yeonwoo."

"What's the reason now?"

"I...I don't know, Hija."

-

"How's your day?" I asked when I arrived home. Same question we asked each other every time we're apart the whole day.

"Same as yesterday, the only difference is I missed you more today than yesterday." Nancy lovingly answered after giving me a sweet kiss. How can I not know if there is anything wrong with my wife when she's all sweet and loving. "I'll prepare your dinner." she said and was about to walk away.

"I will eat alone again?"

"What do you mean? I'm always with you everytime you had your dinner, honey."

"Yes, hon but you're not eating. You're just watching me eat."

"But we already had our dinner, honey."

"Did you?"

"Ahuh."

"So what did you have for dinner?"

"Oh well we have your fave chicken adobo and Gnocchi with white beans."

"Did you eat well?"

"Ahm yes...of course...honey."

"Hon, can we eat together starting tomorrow. I mean like really eating together not only you watching me?" I seriously asked. It has been a while that she lets me eat in the morning while she's just taking fruits. At lunch she would just have salad and at dinner she just watch me eat. I ignored thinking she might have eaten ahead of me or she's eating in between meals which I would understand because of the daily routine she has with our twins.

"But we do eat together, honey." Sagot niya.

"Yes, hkn. But what I mean is eating together, not you watching me or eating light." hindi siya umimik kaya nilapitan ko siya and held her face. "I just miss the time na lagi tayong sabay at inienjoy ang food. You're taking care of us, Nancy. You have to take care of yourself, too." I said almost pleading, not wanting to confront her of what I heard from Dada and Mama.

"Ok..." she simply said and I gave her a sweet kiss.

"Mi-mi-..." we heard a tiny little voice in our room. We stared down and look at the little angels in our bed.

"Who said that?" I said excited and surprised.

"Ba-baba.." Jackson said

"M-mi-...m-mam-i." Dane called us lifting her hands.

"Oh my...you can talk now Dane...I mean...I mean yes you can talk but...it's clear...you call me Mommy?" halos pasigaw kong sabi, they can utter words that you can't understand clearly, the usual babbling. Pero ngayon ko lang narinig ng malinaw ang sinabi ng anak ko. I took Dane in my arms and happily dance around the room lifting her up and down kissing her while she's laughing. Ganon pala ang pakiramdam na marinig mong unang magsalita ang iyong anak, hindi ko maipaliwanag.

"She already said that earlier when you left this morning, honey. Just didn't tell you, I want you to hear her call you." Nancy said smiling. Nabaling ang tingin namin kay Nancy.

"M-ma-ma..." Dane said while looking at Nancy

"Haha! My princess..." saka ko muli siyang hinalikan.

"M-ba-ba." I heard another voice. Saka ko na naisip si Jackson, naglakad ako pabalik ng kama, sa aking mag ina. Nancy is now carrying Jackson

"Yes, my little prince?" lambing ko sa akong bunso.

"M-ba-ba...Mi..mi..." Ulit niya.

"Yes Jackson I'm your Mommy and she's your Mama." sabay tingin ko kay Nancy. I don't know what I feel at the moment until I felt like crying again.

"Honey." Nancy lovingly called me. "You're crying again. When you heard the kids babbling, para kang nanalo sa lotto. When you saw them stand up for the first time and trying to walk you didn't stop crying." she reminded me.

"Never felt so happy, hon. You, Dane and Jackson completed my life. I hope I could do so much for you...." I said almost stopping my tears.

"Honey, we're more thankful to have you in our life. We can't ask for more." Nancy said while moving close to us and give me a quick kiss. It was a picture of a happy family. I remember how my kids made sounds and words that I don't understand but then it's enough to make me feel complete and proud. But I felt the guilt missing out details of what is happening with my wife. I felt happy at the moment and frustrated at the same time for what I discovered about Nancy

-

It's been weeks when I saw the changes in Nancy's appearance. I don't know but she's getting skinny and pale. We eat together at the same time, she eats what I eat. I made an extension in one of our rooms and convert it into a mini gym. We exercise together but Mama Myeongju said Nancy seldom go to the mini gym alone. She's always with our kids.

"Hon, do you want us to get a full time nannies for the kids?." I offered.

"No it's ok, honey. Mama's here. Andiyan din sila Yaya Caring and Jenny." she reasoned.

"Mukha kasing nahihirapan ka na sa mga bata eh lalo na at nagiging malikot na sila."

"Yeonwoo, mahirap man masaya akong ginagawa ito para sa mga anak natin at sa'yo."

"You're losing weight." I said while I walked closer to her. "Madali na kitang mabuhat oh." I said when I held her body and lifted her up for seconds.

"I don't think so. Lumakas ka lang dahil sa mga bata." she defended. "I think I'm gaining more weight now, because I'm not doing anything I mean, just home."

"No, you're not hon. You even look pale. Are you sure you're alright?" alala ko ng tanong.

"Of course I'm alright honey." sagot niya agad. "I'll prepare your dinner." pag iwas niya sa usapan.

"We'll eat dinner together."

"I already had my dinner."

"We agreed that we eat together. Mama said you just ate fruits."

"That's enough for me, honey."

"You call that dinner?"

"Yeonwoo..."

"You have two kids around you all day and night, Nancy...you need to be healthy and strong."

"I'm good Yeonwoo."

"You have to. So eat well and right." I said and walked towards the dining area.

-

We're eating silently, no words from Nancy. I'm just observing her. She seems ok and eating well.

"What do you want for breakfast, honey?" she broke the silence.

"Heavy one, I guess. We'll have a long day outside our office tomorrow." I answered.

"Ok, I'll cook a heavy breakfast for you, then." she said smiling.

"You'll cook a heavy breakfast for us tomorrow, Nancy." I said looking straight into her eyes and she just nod and look down to her food.

-

We're at the veranda with the twins, Mama Myeongju is with us playing with the kids while Jenny is around assisting us.

"How's everything Mama?" kamusta ko.

"Laging tahimik ang asawa mo, Yeonwoo. Pero kumakain naman siya ng maayos." Mama said. Nancy wasn't around she excused herself and went upstairs to fix our bath and bed as she always does.

"I want to talk to her but I don't know how to start. She seems ok, she ate well earlier." I told Mama.

"Try to talk to her right now. Mukhang behave naman itong mga bata at hindi pa inaantok. Kami na munang bahala ni Jenny." Mama Myeongju said

"Sige po, Ma." I said while kissed my kids.

It took me a while before I reached our room. I just don't know how to start and what to ask. I slowly opened the door but didn't find Nancy in our room. I was about to go to our twins's room when I head something in our bathroom. I slowly walked towards the bathroom, I heard a flashed at the toilet, Nancy's inside I said. I waited for a moment standing just outside the door when I heard something different. Nancy's like throwing up. I was alarmed that I immediately opened the door without knocking. I immediately rushed to Nancy but was surprised to see, Nancy's crouching down the toilet bowl hand inside . I was stunned and couldn't move. She's forcing herself to vomit.

"What are you doing?" I said in almost a whisper. Kita ang gulat at takot sa kanyang mukha.

"Y-yeonwoo..."

"I said what are you doing?..." ulit ko. Namumuo ang awa at galit sa loob ko, galit sa sarili dahil hindi ko alam bakit ginagawa ito ng asawa ko. Awa kay Nancy dahil sa nangyayari sa kanya.

"I...I...h-had t-too much....I...think...That's why I was throwing...up..." halos utal niyang sagot.

"Is it? Why does it look like you're forcing yourself to throw up?" seryoso ko ng tanong habang papalit sa kanya.

"Y-yeonwoo..." she called me while straightened herself up.

"Tell me, Nancy....Do you always do that everytime you eat?" I said holding her in both arms.

"Yeonwoo..."

"Look at yourself...look at your arms." sabay higpit ng hawak ko sa kanya. "Look at yourself!" sabay hila ko sa kanya paharap ng salamin. "Are you slowly killing yourself? For what!? Why?!" sigaw ko na.

"I'm not, Yeon—-"

"You're not? Anong tawag mo sa ginagawa mo? Eating and throwing up after? Tell me? Tell me what's happening with you!?Why are you doing this to yourself?!"

"Yeonwoo, please." she said now crying and almost begging. She's trying to hold me but I resisted. "I'm just losing weight." she explained.

"Losing weight? You call that losing weight. You're too skinny to lose weight Nancy. We're all worried sick of what's happening to you. Yet you're reason is just to lose weight. Why? Bakit masyado mong iniisip na lumalaki ka? Didn't I tell you before na hindi mahalaga sa akin kung magbago man ang pangangatawan mo? Don't you believe me?!"

"I-i do, honey....it's just that I felt I'm gaining weight."

"No you're not Nancy! Can't you see yourself. Mas lalo kang nahihirapan sa mga bata dahil wala ka ng lakas, lagi kang pagod."

"Hindi ako napapagod sa inyo, Yeonwoo. Am I not doing enough?" tanong niya at nailing ako.

"No, Nancy. You've been doing so much, you've been giving so much to us. So much so that I felt I'm the one who's lacking why you're doing this to yourself." sabi ko na dahil yon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"No, honey..."

"Aren't you feel secured with me, Nancy?Can't you feel how much I love you?Are we not enough Nancy? Aren't my love enough? Aren't our kids enough?"

"Yeonwoo, you and the kids are the most important in this world for me. And I will do everything I could to be a perfect wife to you and perfect mother to our kids...." paliwanag niya pero umiling ako muli.

"Then why doing this to yourself?" I ask again both of us are crying now.

"I...I told you...I just...."

"I don't need a perfect wife if you're slowly killing yourself to have the body that everyone wished for you, Nancy. I'd rather have my imperfect wife, my imperfect partner, my imperfect Nancy.I see your perfectly Nancy, with your flaws, inside and out...If you love us so much just as you said then don't do this to yourself." sabi ko na sabay talikod at labas ng banyo.

"Yeonwoo!" tawag sa akin ni Nancu at sinubukan niya akong pigilan. "Please, Yeonwoo...Sorry..." pakiusap niyang umiiyak.

"Do you even realized Nancy that what you're doing hurts me so much?You could've told me, we're partners, we're one. But you keep this all to yourself...what am I to you?" sabi ko na at tuluyan ng lumabas ng kwarto namin at diretso ako sa attic.

NANCY'S POV

I was shocked when I saw Yeonwoo. Naramdaman ko ang takot ng makita niya ang ginagawa ko. I don't know what's happening to me pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong gawin ito. Pakiramdam ko bawat pagkain na isinusubo ko ay madadagdag sa timbang ko. I was shaking and crying when I heard a knock at the door. I thought it was Yeonwoo coming back to our room.

"Nancy, Yeonwoo...are you guys alright?" Mama called out of the door. I didn't say a word. I was crying silently. My face now buried in my hands.

"N-nancy, Anak..." Mama called out to me in the half open door.

"M-mama." I called out and she ran to me.

"Anak, what happened. I'm not sure if I heard it right pero was that Yeonwoo? Bakit siya sumisigaw?

"She's mad, Ma..." yon lang nasabi ko.

"Why?" litong tanong ni Mama.

"She...she saw me in the bathroom....forcing myself—-"

"Nancy...why? What's with you this time?" Mama said already knew what I meant.

"I don't know Ma. I really see myself not perfectly fit. I mean when I look at the mirror I felt like...." hindi ko na tinuloy dahil sa pag iyak ko. "Yeonwoo's mad Ma." I said again.

"Who wouldn't be, Princess. You're Dada was furious when he knew the first time you did this. I was mad too, talking to you now doesn't mean I am not. But a mother is always a mother. We are hurting Nancy of what's happening to you. Pinipilit naming gumawa ng paraan para maalis mo ang insecurities mo dahilan para maging ganito ka sa sarili mo. Nasasaktan kami sa ginagawa mo sa sarili mo." Mama confessed and she's starting to cry, too.

"Ma, I'm sorry. I love you. I love my family."

"And we love you, too Nancy. I hope our love for you is enough to fight this...this situation you're in." Mama said referring my eating disorder. She hugged me tight and we cried.

"Yeonwoo's mad, Mama." sumbong ko ulit.

"Nabigla lang siya. Give her time, palipasin mo lang muna ang galit niya." Mama said while gently rubbing my back.

YEONWOO'S POV

I don't know how long I've been in the attic when I heard a gentle knock.

"Anak, may tawag ka." boses ni Yaya Caring.

"Not in the mood to talk to anyone, Ya." sagot ko lang.

"Kahit sa sarili mong ina?" sagot niya. I sighed and got up from my bed to open the door and saw Yaya holding a wireless phone. "Hindi mo daw sinasagot ang tawag niya."

"Hindi ko po dala ang phone ko Ya." sagot ko.

"Alam ko, nasa baba."

"Kamusta po mga bata?"

"Mahimbing nang natutulog." Sagot ni Yaya "Hindi mo ba kakamustahin ang asawa mo?" she asked me next but I kept silent. "Sabi ko nga." she said and left.

"Hello, Mom?"

"Hi, Anak. How are you?" when I heard her voice I started to cry again. I wasn't able to say another word and tried to compose myself before I answered.

"Good." I lied

"What's with the trembling voice? Something wrong?"

"I...I felt I'm not being a good wife Mom..." I said in between sob, I couldn't pretend anymore.

"How can you say that, Yeonwoo? You've been a good daughter and a good mother. How can you say you're not a good wife?"

"Mom, Nancy's sick—"

"Myeongju told me, Yeonwoo. Anak, it's nobody's fault. But you shouldn't be hard on her. She needs you now more than ever. It's a struggle to overcome her situation and you should be there for her."

"I know Mom. Nagulat lang ako sa ginawa niya, I mean she pretended to be ok. She's my wife, how can she kept this all to herself and how can I be so naive in her struggles." I confessed.

"It's alright, Anak. don't blame yourself. What's important is your into every situation together, in good and bad times."

"Yes, Mom."

"Now go down and talk to your wife. NOW."

"Thank you, Mom."

"Sorry, Anak. This is the only way and only thing I can do for you. Sorry for not being there every time you needed us...."

"I understand, Mom. You have nothing to worry. You're making it up to me through my kids, I know that and I can feel it. It's never too late and I'm thankful for that." I sincerely said.

"Hindi pa naman huli para makabawi sa'yo dba?"

"Of course, Mom."

"Ok, then go down to your wife. Don't let her cry for too long. We'll just see each other soon though not sure if your Dad's coming. Busy as always but I'm sure he also misses his twin apos."

"Ok Mom, thank you and see you. I love you. Say Hi to dad."

"I will. Love you too. Bye."

I stayed for a few minutes before decided to go down. When I reach our room, after one deep breath I opened the door but I found our room empty. I looked at the bathroom but no sign of Nancy. There was a light coming from the twins' room, their room is adjacent to ours, there's no door but just a wall divider. As I approached their room I saw Mama Myeongju sitting at the couch, she smiled when she saw me. I looked over my kids who are now in deep sleep, kissed them and turned to Mama Myeongju

"Si Nancy po, Ma?" bulong ko

"Nasa baba..." sagot lang ni Mama Myeongju

"Sorry, I yelled—-"

"I understand, Anak. I understand you. Don't worry."

"Thanks, Ma. Sundan ko lang po siya." bulong ko muli kay Mama saka ako dahan dahan tumayo at lumabas.
Pag labas ko ng kwarto namin at pagbaba ng hagdan saka ko lang na amoy ang familiar na pagkaing matagal ko ng ring napapansing hindi naluluto.

Pancakes.