Chapter 4 Part II

(continuing a few minutes later since last chapter, with refilled cups of tea)

I sat quietly still overthinking the new revelation. It's confusing me. But what's the point of trying to guess an answer? I won't know the truth unless told. Seulgi is indeed a very comfortable person to converse with. No extra pressure or expectations, no outrages or other unnecessary emotions. I guess it's similar to that thing that people do in church, tell the priest their sins. You receive no obvious judgment and get free consolation. That's the feeling I get so far. It's warming, I like it.

- So, Joohyun. The questions? - Seulgi brought up this question of hers again. Is she being impatient or does she warn me that if not today than never? Either way, I still got questions.

- Why would you want me as payment? - I asked a rather challenging question. I wonder what the answer will be.

- Another good question. I shall answer it. You see Joohyun, I am a bit different from other people. I think you noticed already. My mind works another way. Being so different may get quite boring. And lonely. My life could never be boring, I wouldn't allow it. But it does get lonely from time to time. I have everything I need. Money, good house, nice car, stable job. But I don't have a companion. I tried to find one. No one lasts more than an hour. I get bored. They aren't able of entertaining me. Sure I have met smart people who knew math or chemistry or some other science. But they don't have the smarts of life. The ones you earn by yourself. You search for it every single day of your life. The reason why you're alive, why you've been sent here, what's your purpose. That's the absolute knowledge that I seek. Do you know who you are, Bae Joohyun? Do you know every single strength and weakness of yourself? Do you?

These questions made me think. Seulgi asks such wise things, they require understanding. Do I really know myself thoroughly? I am not sure if I understand the depth of the question itself. What does it mean to know yourself? To know who you are? I am Bae Joohyun, but who am I besides that?

- I am not sure. - I said, still processing the question in my head.

- At least you're honest. But you are able to entertain me so far. That's already impressive. Back to the story. When I meet people, they mostly don't know who they are. But they promise themselves to me. Even though they have no idea about what they're offering. I can't accept such foolishness. Me and your father have known each other for two years now. It took me six months to do what he needed. But before that, he was the person I actually enjoyed talking to. He told me stories about his family. It all seemed like a fairy tail at first, but then it got real. Not a perfect family. Everyone had a imperfection. And I loved it. I crave for it. I craved for your father to accept his imperfection. But he was stubborn. He believed that he is perfect, the best he can be. That became our first argument. After that he ignored me for a month. But the desire for a whole conversation, for a talk with meaning grew stronger. And so he broke. He came to me seeking for consolation. I told him that I would only talk to him if he admits his imperfections. And he did. Later on he had a breakdown. Seeing a grown up man crying was... weird. But at that moment I knew he was a weakling as anyone else. I was disappointed. So many disappointments. My life is full of them...

Seulgi stopped talking. She seemed to have gotten back inside her mind. What is she always searching for in there? An answer or memories? For some reason it makes me wonder, why did I never try to drown in my own mind? Probably because I would never reach the surface once I dive. It's true though. Getting inside your mind is a dangerous gam to play. Make you forget what's the reality and what's imaginary. I guess Seulgi was the reason why father was always out in the evening to have a talk with his 'business partner'. At some point my father didn't lie, but that's just a matter of a point of view.

- Then he found out something. And that completely ended our relationship. He wished for something I could give him. I am still not sure if it was worth it. But soon I'll see. I thought of payment for quite a while. I even made some research on you. And in the end I was impressed. You intrigued me. And so the payment has been decided. I wanted to see if you were capable of becoming my companion. What do you think Joohyun? Would you be able of that?

Kang Seulgi and her trick questions are driving me mad! My mind feels like exploding right now. Why is talking to her so hard to handle? I really can't figure out who she is. Not even a single question is easy to answer. I need to think each time. Is that what she enjoys? To see the other person actually think before pitting out some kind of an answer. If so, then I can understand why she doesn't enjoy talking to people. So don't control their speech at all. One second they say one thing and the other they say something completely opposite.

Back to the original question. Am I capable of being Seulgi's companion? I have no idea. Am I ready to be one? Definitely not. Would she accept a no for an answer? It's really hard to predict her reaction. She's way too complicated. What would she do if I were to decline, would she get rid of me or send me back? Or maybe force me... No, not her style. Then one of the previous two options. I dislike both f them. My answer is pretty much decided.

- I would try to become one. But what's in it for me? Do I have choice? Can I say no? - I felt braver for some reason.

- Bae Joohyun, - Seulgi looked me dead in the eyes as if piercing my soul. - Having me as a companion is a huge privilege. Once you know how to handle me, the whole world shall be yours. But you can decline. I will not force you.

- Can you promise one thing? - I felt like was signing a contract with a devil, yet I felt like the most beautiful time of my life is about to come. - Never let my life become boring again.

- Deal, Miss Bae Joohyun. But I must warn you. You won't ever be able to leave this agreement. I promise you a never boring life, but it will have price. I promise you wonderful things but they will have a price as well. The price shall be myself. I am a lot harder to handle than you think. Still want to stay? - Seulgi was challenging me. Well, I ain't backing out. I wanna win this game.

- I do.