Chapter 19

(continue from where left off)

I was feeling torn apart. I wanted to go to father at some point, for whatever silly fantasy. I had hopes and wishes concerning my relationship with him. I guess everyone would like to have a special bond with their parent. And if the parent wasn't giving you enough attention, you'd seek it and you'd get out of your skin just so that you could receive the approval and acceptance that you long for. I wasn't an exception. I wanted my father to love me.

On the other hand, there was a person whose love seemed like the greatest gem to be found. But with that faraway and seemingly unreachable feeling came complications and dangers. There was just too much risk and mystery. But it wasn't the fact that made me doubtful. No, I had doubt in myself. In my selfworth. Ironically, I wasn't sure if I deserved whatever Seulgi had to offer. But that was just a weak excuse to make my life easier. To escape any responsibility and choice. I'd be a coward if that was really the reason for my denial. And my pride won't let me degrade into a little girl. 

And so, I chose the inevitable path. In the nearest future, I would find out why it was inevitable in a sense I'd never think of... I fully turned towards Seulgi and took a step forward. That's when my father's angry voice filled my eardrums.

- Stop rght there, Joohyun! - it felt weird to hear him call me Joohyun. He always prefered my other name. 

I didn't stop, my steps only became more sure and determined. I felt my father's stare burn into my back. I could invision him clenching his fists and jaw. But that all didn't matter. I didn't care, though I wanted to. Seulgi was staring at both me and my dad. I wonder why wasn't she focusing only on one of us. Why divide her attention? I almost reached Seulgi when a loud bang put the entire place into a deafening silence. Chills ran down my spine. I would've flinched if it wasn't for Seulgi's eyes meeting mine. Her stare was reassuring, it said to walk further, to trust her. I was afraid of both turing around and walking further. I was afraid to trust her. But since I already chose my side, I've got to put my trust in Seulgi.

- Mr. Bae, don't you think that bringing a gun to meet up with your daughter is a bit too much? - Seulgi was calm and collected. It seemed like she knew exactly where this conversation would get and how to manipulate my father. It's scary and intimidating. How can she know for sure how a conversation will turn out? Especially when the other party has a gun in their hand. Does Seulgi think of talking as of some sort of a chess game?

- I came here to take her away from you! - father pointed the gun at Seulgi. She wasn't fazed at all.

- From me? Mr. Bae, did you forget our deal? Joohyun is mine. You were seeking a miracle, I gave it to you. But it is not for free. You had to pay a price and you did. Don't go back on your word, Ronald. It won't end nicely. - if Seulgi were to look at me like she's looking at my father, I would whimper and submit.

- Are you threatening me?! - father roared. His hold on the gun tightening.

- No. I'm warning you. You break the agreement with me, you have consequences. You, Mr. Bae, are very well aware of that. 

- Yeah?! And what about you?! You promised to keep my daughter safe! And what did you do?! You let her be kidnapped by that monster and then by that bike crazed woman! I see you're fulfilling your part of the deal splendidly! - father laughed mockingly.

- No harm was done, Mr. Bae. Joohyun is safe and sound. If my affairs include her meeting new people then that's how it shall be. But your interference is also part of the affair. I knew who Joohyun would meet, I knew what she would learn, I knew how she would return and I knew how you would come. It's very simple, Ronald. You're way too predictable to play games with me. Even now, you think you're winning. You are so sure that I would bow to you just because you got that piece of metal in your hand. That's just pathetic, Mr. Bae. You aren't winning, the situation is absolutely out of control. You can barely contain the anger and fury boiling in your veins. How can you say that my plans are failing when yours are such a mess?

What did I just hear?! Well yeah, of course. Of course, Seulgi knew what would happen from the very beginning. I bet she was the one who sent Sunmi too. I can't admit to being played so easily. It makes me angry, that I'm just a pawn in her 'affairs'. My father definitely doesn't stand a chance against Seulgi. And she's right. No harm was done. Kazou was civil and Sunmi was as well. I wasn't in any danger except for Kage's outburst. 

Father was rendered speechless. He was angrily glaring at Seulgi, gun still pointed at her. Will he even be able to pull the trigger? I think he would. What's Seulgi's plan? How will she get out of this mess? She acts like the situation is under control. I'd like some of that sureness. Appreciating the moment, Seulgi continued with her speech.

- Mr. Bae, you are a rather interesting piece of my puzzle. I'd call you an experiment. Usually, I give my services to the people in need and take away their most prized possession. I want to see how will they live without it. I want to see how long will they last. I want to see them realizing that possession's true worth. I enjoy seeing them breaking down and seeking the possession back. Not a single one of my clients has not regretted making a deal with me. Sure they all say it's fine and they are happier than ever. But on the inside they suffer, they grow insane. They become lonely, they lose the light of their lives. But with you, I made an exception. I gave my service to your wife. And took payment from you. For it was you who made the request, not her. And now that you've got what you wanted, you try to take back what's no longer yours. But I understand your desire to make the picture full again. Even though it could never be same. You made a choice, Ronald. You chose your wife over your child. Now you have to live with the pain, weight and consequences of that choice. There's no way back. And the most controversial thing about you is, even if you had a chance, you wouldn't change a thing. You would choose your wife over your child over and over again. And you can't bring yourself to admit that. You can't admit that you value your wife more than your child. It's so hard for you, you keep fighting and denying it. But the thought only grows stronger and swallows up your mind. The shame and blame eats you up from the inside. How long will it take for you to break? In your case, you wouldn't come to me begging to reverse things. All my previous clients begged me to return everything to its original state. But I didn't. Not because I couldn't, but because they had nothing else to lose. I would grant their wish, but they wouldn't lose a thing. I don't work like that. Everything has a price. Every. Single. Thing. So tell me, Ronald. What will you do when the pain becomes unbearable? Will you try to kill me? Will you attempt to kidnap Joohyun from me? Or will you... try to kill yourself?

- Shut up!!! - my father yelled. He was shaking, His entire body was trembling under Seulgi's words. I've never seen a person demolish their opponent with words only. How did she do that?! Right now it feels like she's a thousand times higher above my dad, and he's just a poor peasant beneath her feet. - Shut up!! Stop talking! I will kill you! I will kill you! It's all your fault, Kang!

Suddenly dad found the strength to point his gun back at Seulgi. She remained calm. Even though he was trembling like a leaf on the wind, his eyes seemed more than ready to shoot the person before him.

- I suggest you put that thingy down, Mr. Bae. - Seulgi's tone took a deeper note. I've got chills and the hair on my neck stood up. I was actually scared of the sinister undertone of Seulgi's command. - Or else the dot on your shirt will color you bloody red.

My eyes frantically switched to father's chest and indeed there was a green dot there, right on his heart. Dad noticed it and I saw fear creep through his body. But then anger took over once again. He no longer cared if he stayed alive. Seulgi could threaten him all she wants, he doesn't feel scared. his hand gripped the gun and his finger was pulling the trigger.

- Dad, don't! - I stood in front of Seulgi. If everything is just a game. I want to change a thing or two. I don't want my father dead. And I don't want Seulgi in same state either. It's time for me to step up. My role starts here.

- Get away from her, Joohyun! - father's hand shook and his voice faltered. His nerves were spiking. I actually thought that there was real worry and concern in his voice.

- No, father. Please, lower your gun! You don't have to shoot her. You don't have to become a murderer. Dad, please. I know you wish to redeem yourself in my eyes. You want to be a good father. But it's alright. I accepted my fate. I want you to be happy. You love mom and she finally got a chance to live. You don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine. I want you and mom to be happy. You got the chance with nothing pressuring you, nothing stopping you but yourself. There's no me, no Sehun. There's no responsibily for you to bear. Please, dad. Just go. I swear, I'm not angry at you, I don't loathe you. I love you, dad. Just please, lower your gun and let yourself be happy. Miracles happen so rarely dad, please make use of it. I need you to let go of me. Let me live my life. - I tried my best to pour all of my emotions and love into this little speech. I know dad is vulnerable right now, I better make the best of it.

- I... I... I'm sorry, Joohyun. - dad dropped to his knees, the gun falling out of his hand. There were tears coming out of his eyes. - I just, I don't want to lose you. I already lost Sehun and I can't forgive myself for that. I failed him, I failed you, I failed your mom. I failed as a father. Please, forgive me.

- I forgive you, dad. I love you. I really do. I just wished that you would love me back. - my eyes were getting glassy. But I felt like it was no time to shed tears, I had to stay strong.

- I... I do love you, daughter. I'm sorry for being a failure. 

- It's okay, dad. Thank you for everything. I just want you to be happy now. Please, let me go. - I was pleading with my eyes and father finally looked up at me. And he nodded.

- Fine. I'll let you go. But if anything happens, I am always waiting. - father got up on his feet and wiped away the tears, his tough demeanor came back. - And you, Kang! You better take care of my daughter, you bastard! Or I won't hesitate to come after you. Take Joohyun and leave! Leave, before I change my mind!

I looked at Seulgi, her face ha softened. I bet dad hasn't noticed, but I did. I guess she's proud of me, maybe. She extended me her hand, I took it. The electricity ran through my body at the burning cold contact. Seulgi tugged my hand and I followed her. Once outside, I saw a motorcycle. It was one of those that my dad gave Sunmi as payment. So she was working for Seulgi! 

My kidnapper and savior hopped on the bike and I sat behind her. Suddenly, it felt way too hot. And only the chilly breeze was saving me from growing red. Seulgi put on a helmet on my head and I wrapped my arms around her waist. She was actually warm. Her hands were so cold, but her body was warm. I snuggled closer to her back and rested my head on it. Seulgi the engine. And with a roar we were off.