Chapter 10 Part III

(continue from where we left off)

- Here, wipe your tears. - Seulgi handed me a tissue. - You know, it's weird. You had the most deceiving and emotionless face while letting the tears fall. That was alluring in a sense. I could even say it made you look strong. You didn't sob or let an ocean out. Which makes me respect you. Though tears are mostly a sign of weakness, this time they meant acceptance. You had to cry to make yourself stronger. You had to suffer to understand yourself better, to see your goals, to understand your desires. It's fascinating. Evolving always includes suffering, you cannot become something greater if you did not suffer. Pretty cruel, but it's true. Suffering is a necessity.

Seulgi came to halt. Again drowning in her thoughts. Her words made me feel things again. But this time I didn't feel like crying. No, I felt proud. And confused. I didn't entirely understand what `suffering is a necessity` meant. Is she speaking in riddles or are her words literal? It always makes me think. And I can tell that I'm enjoying thinking of something meaningful. Seulgi's words are always meaningful. Does she even say useless things? Probably she does, when talking to someone not smart enough.

- Do you want to leave me now that you know I don't have much time left? - Seulgi startled me. I'm getting her habit of getting lost in thoughts.

- No. - though my answer was simple, it contained all the meaning needed.

- Eighth question.

- Is there a way to make you live longer? - I had another question to ask initially, but I decided to ask this one. It seemed like a more attention worthy question.

- There is. - Seulgi's answer was just as short as my previous `no`. - Is it possible to love someone who is no longer him\herself?

Is it? What's the reason behind this question? Why does Seulgi need an answer for it from me? This makes me think... A person who is no longer him\herself. Is it because the memories are lost? Like what Sooyoung told me about? I've put two puzzle pieces together. So Seulgi does have something to do with memory loss. Now it's time for the question of the night.

- I don't know. If you love only a body, then yes. If you love the soul, then I don't know. If you love the person, then no. But if you love all of that, I can't even imagine what the answer could be. I guess you have to live through it in order to know.

- I'll take that answer. It's the best one you could give. Ninth question.

- How have you lost your memories? - I modified the initial form of `have you lost your memories`. Now that I'm 90% sure she did, I had to only know how and why. So first was how.

Seulgi stared into my eyes with immense intensity. But it wasn't in a threatening way. It was in cautiousness. I guess Seulgi tries to format a nice way of telling me the truth. Her carefulness at giving answers is admirable. So considerate of her interlocutor.  I bet it isn't easy to master up a delicate answer without giving away anything extra and taking in consideration the listener's feelings, thoughts and reaction. Another side that shows one's superiority. I am fascinated.

- I lost my memories. And not just once. I had to first lose it due to an accident with fatal consequences. Then I had to lose it for the same reason, there was simply no other way. It has to do with that something everyone desires from me. That something your father bought. But it's not yet time for you to know what that something is. I really hope you find that out as late as possible. - Seulgi took a slight pause. Her words only starting to kick in. - I'll skip my question again. Ask your last one.

- Why does everyone want what you have? - I asked almost instantly while my brain was still processing the give information.

- Because they all want to defy nature. They all want a miracle to happen to them. They all want the power that comes with my gift. It's their greed and fear that drives them. Some try to steal it or get it by force. Others get desperate enough to give their most treasured possession away. - this time Seulgi told me the truth, the entire truth. I felt the realness behind those words.

Deafening silence filled the room. None of us moved, only breathing sounds were heard. Our eyes were locked. Each trying to figure out the other. My mind heating up trying to guess what is it that Seulgi possesses. It's making me extremely curious. I can't wait to know her main secret. But then again, is it her biggest secret? It might not be.

Losing memories for a few times, how does that feel? How does it feel to lose a part of yourself? I have no idea, but it makes me scared. Just the thought of it makes me shiver. And what was that `accident with fatal consequences`? What happened to Seugi when she first lost her memories? Was it a car crash? Was it some dangerous fall? Was it forced? Sooyoung said that Seulgi died in a sense in this house, does that mean that Seulgi was almost killed and that made her lose her memories? Which one is it?

- Would you go on a date with me, Joohyun? - Seulgi tore me away from my thoughts and almost made my eyes bulge out of their sockets.

A date??? This was absolutely unexpected! It's like you were walking through a haunted house and nothing happened until you came to the exit and there the only but the scariest thingy jumped out of nowhere!  Why didn't I expect it though?  Seulgi said that she wanted me to become her everything. It's obvious she was interested in me. Yet it was still surprising. She seems like a cold and very stoic person, how could she ask me out on a date so bluntly? Probably for the same reason that she shouldn't have done that.

Also why did she have to ask? Seulgi could just take me out without asking. It's not like I could refuse. Or could I? I guess that Seulgi doesn't want it to be forced. She needs it done sincerely and without hesitation. Well, I am both obliged and want to go to that date. I'm interested in how would it go. Seulgi is a different person from all my other dates. She's a mystery. I'm very curious in how does she act affectionate. I mean, the only time she was affectionate towards me was at that gala, the last time I saw my father. Would she be sweet and caring at our date? Or would she play cool and mysterious. This is making me overly excited. I need to stop guessing.

- I would love to go on a date with you.

My answer was sincere with no wavering. I was completely sure of what I said. And a huge smile was plastered on my face. I think it's been a while since I last smiled this widely. And at that moment, I saw that warm ocean again. Now I think that once Seulgi's eyes soften and become warm, that's her way of smiling. But then her eyes were icy cold again. The moments she 'smiles' are so precious and rare. I wish to see them more. I hope that she 'smiles' at our date.

- I'm glad. Thank you for agreeing. - Seulgi stood up and made her way to the door. - Have a good night, Joohyun.

Seulgi turned the doorknob and left the room. I was feeling dazed. I made my way over to the bed, fell on it. And dreamland stole my consciousness...