RESET

 

CHAPTER 35: Blind Spot

 

The next day of practice, it was the same. People were divided. Vernon on the other hand, was keeping an eye of Jeonghan from time to time. However, it was undeniable that the tension was growing wider.

 

Jeonghan could feel it inside out. Lunch came, same things happen. It’s a regular day full of tension. Worse, it was affecting their performance. The leaders weren’t satisfied at all. They never stop until they perfect a part.

 

After a good, much labeled as exhausting dance practice, Jeonghan left alone to the bathroom and throw up. He felt his head throbbing and was just relieved that he could go home since he was finished with the recording. He talked to Seungcheol and Jihoon about it and they just simply allowed him. He went alone immediately, without someone with him.

 

Joshua, Wonwoo, Jun, Seungkwan, and Hoshi were all worried but Jeonghan insisted that he could go all by himself. Vernon, on the other hand, kept looking after him. He couldn’t help but to sneak out of the recording room just to see if Jeonghan was fine.

 

The boy was too worried he finally texted him. “Jeonghan hyung. Can we talk?” as an excuse to see if Jeonghan remembered the present.

 

Jeonghan received the message and wore a smile on his face. “Sure. Whenever you are free.”

 

“Will go to your place, so you can rest.”

 

“Alright. But if you finish late, let’s talk tomorrow. It’s important for you to get some good rest.” With a smiling face at the end.

 

“Yeah. Will text you.”

 

“Sure. Take care.” And a heart at the end.

 

After the conversation, he scrolled up reading all the conversation he had with Jeonghan. It was all praises, teases, questions if he had eaten or if he’s okay, reminding him of things and many loving words. He noticed that it’s always Jeonghan who end the sentence. He couldn’t even reply to most of it. He felt guilty that he couldn’t take care of him this time when he needed it the most.

 

Vernon decided that he’d end the conversation for once. “Take care too.”

 

Reading the last message made Jeonghan happy. He smiled on his way home, but right at the door, he felt his head throbbing again. He fell on the floor as soon as the door opened and no one was beside him to take care of him. Blood came rushing through his mouth after an attempt to vomit.

 

Vernon never receive any reply back.

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Meanwhile, DK went out to get some fresh air because he’s choking inside the room with toxic people. The room felt like a prison.

 

Vernon went back with a long face. DK saw Vernon not in himself again. “Hey buddy, what’s wrong?”

 

“Everything.” Said Vernon.

 

“Yeah. You feel it too? I thought you hate Jeonghan hyung?”

 

“I do. It’s just hateful, but-“

 

DK glued his eyes towards the younger because he’s waiting for the complete statement but Vernon never continued.

 

“What is it, Vernon?”

 

 “What?” Kind of lost.

 

“You are telling?”

 

“What?”

 

“Hyung is hateful but what?” DK reminded the young man the sentence he had said.

 

“He cannot live alone now.”

 

“What?” DK didn’t get what Vernon was trying to say. “Vernon, KOREAN please?” asking if he could speak a little understandable than ambiguous one.

 

“Yesterday.” It was too hard for Vernon to speak regarding what happened yesterday but he thought the team should know.

That time, Minghao went outside to use the bathroom when he accidentally heard Vernon and DK talking. Well, he stayed hidden because he felt embarrassed of what he’s done earlier. He knew it wasn’t right but same as other, he was hurt. He didn’t mean that. He thought Jun was true about him.

 

“Jeonghan hyung… he went outside before our practice.”

 

“To buy yogurt?”

 

“No. It was worse than that. He went out to go home.”

 

“He’s too hurt from what we are acting.” DK wore a long face.

 

“I think that would be given but this time he forgot who he was.”

 

DK was alerted. Minghao was too but he thought that it wasn’t the first time. According to Mingyu, he sure forgot his name from the moment he woke up.

 

“But it happens a lot. I mean rarely.” Said DK.

 

“Yeah. But when I saw him in the bathroom he was scared.”

 

“Of?”

 

“Of something. I didn’t know yet at that time so I searched for him after finding out he’s not in the practice room. “

 

“What happened Vernon? Speak!” DK became agitated.

 

“When I saw him, he was terrified while looking at his reflection.”

 

“And? What is it?”

 

“He couldn’t recognize his own face. His name, his family, his home… me… us.” he revealed as if he’s traumatize by it.

 

“What? Why didn’t you tell us?”

 

“I know Jeonghan hyung didn’t want us to be burdened by it.”

 

“Did he have an attack?”

 

“No. But his brain would drag him to his death. How do you think a person would react if he couldn’t recognize himself? He’s terrified about it hyung! I remembered his face.” Vernon’s tears came falling but he wiped it out immediately. “I forgot that he is sick. Gravely sick.” getting mad at himself.

 

DK wanted to cry. He suddenly became more heart broken than the previous blow. He’s sorry for everything even if it wasn’t his fault.

 

Minghao, on the other hand, was completely in shock. He went out telling the team he should head out because he’s not feeling well. He was by the streets, crying. His guilt was hurting him more/

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Later at night, Vernon was excited to meet Jeonghan. He was anxious and shy. He texted him saying “Hyung, what is your address?” and right after he looked at the clock, it’s already midnight, he didn’t even notice. He waited but no one answered. Vernon assumed that probably he’s asleep because people was aware that Jeonghan was the earliest to go to bed. Vernon assumed they could talk tomorrow since it’s already late. Yet, he never let go of his phone, still hoping Jeonghan would text him. But no. Not until morning.

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Fortunately, Ye Jun came visiting that night after his consultation with Eric. He found Jeonghan on the floor and immediately called for help. Jeonghan was rushed to the hospital. Siren could even be heard at Seventeen’s dorm yet no one knew what happened.

 

Eric was told about Seventeen’s current problem. He thought it was not a good idea but he couldn’t do anything about it as of the moment. Jeonghan was the priority right now. He was confined and was being carefully monitored. His body was out of nutrients. Eric could say, he hasn’t eaten well.

 

Jeonghan woke up in the hospital at 6am. He immediately thought of Vernon so he asked Ye Jun his phone.

 

“You good?”

 

“Yeah. I’m fine. Why are we here?” asked Jeonghan.

 

“You passed out last night and you vomited blood.” answered Ye Jun.

 

“Yeah. I think that’s because I keep on vomiting.” replied Jeonghan calmly while looking around for his phone.

 

“How can you be so calm?” Ye Jun getting problematic.

 

“I’m sorry. Ye Jun did you see my phone?”

 

“No.” as he called Dr. Eric. “I will buy food for you.”

 

Eric examined and advised him what to do before going home.

 

As soon as Jeonghan saw his phone at the dorm, he texted Vernon immediately “Good morning! Sorry, I just woke up. I was really exhausted last night. Hope you understand.”

 

Vernon was surprised when he got the message. He was just too excited when he send a message accidentally with “No.” instead of ‘No worries.’

 

Jeonghan received the message and thought Vernon felt terribly bad about it. On the other hand, Vernon was panicking on his phone. He’s typing really fast but kept on making some mistakes so it took too long. “Sorry, I accidentally pressed the send.”

 

“No problem.”

 

“I understand. It was really exhausting last night.” Vernon was itching and greedy to type, so he added. “Have you slept well?”

 

Jeonghan giggled and replied. “Yeah. Very well. I am in the practice room already.” Texted Jeonghan.

 

“Be right there.” Said Vernon rushing to the bathroom, interrupting Dino who was showering.

 

“Hyung!” said Dino angrily. “Don’t piss me off early this morning.”

 

“Sorry, Chan. I need to go somewhere else. Let’s shower together.” He said without hesitation as if it was okay to share bath at their age.

 

Chan was really pissed. He got his towel and let Vernon use the bathroom first. Minghao was startled with the commotion inside the bathroom and now he’s seeing Chan with a foul mood.

 

“What’s happening?” asked him.

 

“Vernon hyung was being ridiculous.”

 

“He is. Always. Just get used to it.”

 

Meanwhile Vernon finished so fast unlike the usual. Minghao was surprised. He went dressing up in a usual weird style and ran out without telling where he’d go early that morning. He even forgot his headphones.

 

“That was weird.” Said the both of them.

 

“Is he sick?” asked Dino. “He’s been like that since his stomach becomes upset.”

 

Minghao remembered about the conversation DK and Vernon had. Now he had a clue who Vernon was about to visit. And then he asked Dino “You think we are so bad acting like that in front of Jeonghan hyung?”

 

Dino was surprised with Minghao’s question. He had a long pause before he answered. “I have a mixed feelings about it. I don’t even know which one was the right thing to do.”

 

“Me too.” Looking at Chan whom Jeonghan took care so much. “How are you feeling right now?”

 

“Bad. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

 

Minghao smiled and suddenly hugged Dino even if he’s soaked with water and his hair has shampoo. “Aigoo.” Patted the other’s back. “I think I became so selfish. I did terrible. What should I do?”

 

“Yeah. Hugging me soaked with water and with shampoo was terrible.” However, Dino understood what Minghao was saying. He stayed quiet and felt Minghao’s warm embrace.

 

“I forgot to forgive. I forgot everything before this.” Minghao began crying. “Does that make me bad?” as he tightened his embrace to the younger, who was feeling the tears coming out of his eyes.

 

“If you are bad, what does it make me? I defiled everything. I said bad things. I was too hard headed. What does it make me hyung?” Dino cried all the burden he’s feeling. “I feel so bad. It’s difficult for me to hold things like this. I am sad. I am mad but…” pausing with cry as he sniffed “I am just exhausted with things.”

 

Minghao understood and comforted him “We’ll be fine again.” Patted the other as he wiped the younger’s tears. “We’ll be fine again.” Minghao repeated with a smile. “And that doesn’t make you bad, Dino. I know you struggled with too many of us. And that’s what humans are. Making mistakes. Getting sad and feeling mad. Nobody is perfect.” Scoffed realizing what he’s said the last time in recording. “I am too proud of myself. Tsk! I forgot where I came from.”

 

Minghao looked at Dino. “Now get yourself a good rinse so I can use the bathroom.”

 

Dino nodded and proceeded.

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Vernon met Jeonghan at the practice room. He was anxious but Jeonghan was right there, sitting lazily as he usually does, seemed healthy or probably his makeup but with a pretty and radiant smile as always. Moreover, there’s a set of breakfast arranged on the table.

 

“Good morning!” Greeted Jeonghan.

 

Vernon smiled brightly and felt his heart a little lighter. He ran to Jeonghan with no words and embraced him tight even if he had to scoop him from his lazy position, as long as he hug him whole and tight.

 

“Have you eaten?”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“Care having a breakfast with me?” asked Jeonghan.

 

“Yes.” He grabbed his favorite sandwich and his favorite drink in the morning. As expected of their ‘mother’, he surely knows him well.

 

Vernon was happy but as he eat his sandwich, his tears slowly escaping his eyes. Jeonghan was surprised and became worried.

 

“Vernon? Are you okay? Is your stomach still aching?”

 

Vernon played with his posture swinging back and forth hoping that his tears would disappear. But it was too heavy it can’t be taken back. The last thing he knew was he was leaning his head on the older’s chest saying “I’m sorry, hyung. I am greatly sorry.”

 

“For what?”

 

“I was wrong.”

 

“No, Vernon. I am the one. Why is everybody apologizing?”

 

“I’m sorry hyung.” Said Vernon repeatedly with heavy eyes, bowing while leaning his head to the other’s chest.

 

Jeonghan never thought that he’d be very hurt in the process. All he had to offer was his hug. “I’m sorry, I did this all to you. I’m sorry.” And a kiss on his head.

 

Dino and Minghao came just at the right moment when that happened. They stayed right along the corridor witnessing how sad the scene inside the room could be. They were early hoping that they could simply have a little talk with Jeonghan but seeing how hard it was for them not to get emotional, the two waited outside and think thoroughly.

 

Dino was crying again while Minghao cuddled him. “I miss him, hyung.”

 

“Me too.”

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DORM 1_

 

Ye Jun visited them for the first time after a long time. Seungcheol was surprised with his appearance. “Wh-what are you doing here?” asked Seungcheol. “If you are looking for Jeonghan, he’s not here.”

 

“I know. And I also know the whole situation.”

 

“Good, because I don’t think I have the time to explain that to you.”

 

“I’m not here for that.”

 

“We have a schedule and I cannot spare you lots of time.”

 

Ye Jun brought them fresh milk and also kimchi. He gave it to Seungcheol who declined it “No need for you to do this.”

 

“I have to. It’s all because of me, I know.”

 

Looking fiercely to the other, Seungcheol said “I am sorry, we have much more to do right now.”

 

Joshua went to see the visitor as he greeted “Good morning, Ye Junie~”

 

“Good morning! I’ve got fresh milk and kimchi for all of you. I’ll bring beef next time.”

 

Joshua snuck out and received with gratitude. “Thank you so much.”

 

“No. I should thank you.”

 

“Ye Jun, I’m sorry but we need to go now.” Said Seungcheol in a straight tone.

 

“Sure. Will come back again.” Said Ye Jun.

 

“Don’t bother. Our schedule is really tight right now.” Seungcheol was acting weird because he’s stressed.

 

“Don’t worry. Will message you when we are available.” Said Joshua with a courteous bow.

 

“I understand. Thank you. Got to deliver these…” the other half “To the 2^nd dorm.”

 

“Thank you, Ye Junie. Soon Young will definitely kiss you for those. Be prepared.”

 

“Will be. Thank you. Take care.”

 

“You too.” Interrupted Wonwoo with a smile and now was drinking the milk.

 

As expected, Ye Jun received not but one but many smooches from Seventeen’s cub who likes kimchi and milk. He didn’t take long because as they said, they had schedule and he didn’t want to interrupt.

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PRACTICE ROOM_SEVENTEEN PRACTICE

 

Minghao and Dino waited for the others before coming inside the room since it was awkward seeing Jeonghan with Vernon crying. When they got in. Dino surprisingly showed his everlasting high energy.  “Oh great! There’s snacks here. I haven’t had my breakfast yet.” He grabbed some sandwich and his favorite drink in the morning. He did that because he knew it would make Jeonghan happy.

 

On the contrary, Minghao didn’t have the confidence at first but he followed. “Ohhh… great!” picked his food accordingly- but of course his favorite healthy sandwich.

 

Since Jeonghan didn’t want them to waste the food because it’s a sandwich, he suddenly spoke. “That’s delivered by Manager Jeon. I saw him arranging those when I got here. You can eat them.”

 

Since Vernon was eating them, the other thought it was good to take. Although, Dino and Minghao and a few others knew it was from Jeonghan since it was specifically arranged by age with their accurate favorite meal. Manager Jeon couldn’t do it. He’s still new and confused.  

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It’s been a long day. Jeonghan wasn’t even trying. He just let them be mad at him for as long as they wanted. If that’s what they need, they will get it.

 

Minghao and Jeonghan met at the comfort room. Minghao followed. It was dead silence and awkward. Minghao couldn’t even breathe in anxiety but he needed to start the conversation because it wasn’t Jeonghan’s call. Jeonghan was the one waiting. He’s done his work and he’s just waiting for answers.

 

Minghao didn’t know how to start the conversation so he thought. “Please pass the tissue.” It was embarrassing when he had something just right beside him. He didn’t notice. He bit his lip and was embarrassed.

 

Jeonghan smiled. “You want to talk?”

 

Hearing a voice so sweet and tender, it resonated in his ears how he first said he’s going to marry him. He was too embarrassed of himself. He suddenly lose his confidence.

 

“Minghao?” called Jeonghan.

 

How Minghao missed that sweet call. “For how long do you want to stay alone in an apartment?”

 

Jeonghan was surprised in that sudden conversation but “As long as you need time.”

 

“It’s such a waste of money.”

 

Jeonghan smiled. “Thank you Minghao.”

 

“For what?” making a no-care gesture just to maintain his cool image.

 

“For everything.”

 

“Don’t talk like that. You’re making me guilty.”

 

“Don’t be.”

 

“Just tell us when you want to move back again. We’re having hard time communicating when we’re apart.”

 

“Minghao?”

 

Minghao looked at him.

 

“I know how mad you must have felt towards me and you managed to call out to me. Thank you for that.”

 

“It’s nothing. Thanks for the breakfast.”

 

“It’s not me.” Jeonghan denied.

 

“Almost everyone knew.”

 

Jeonghan was surprised and said nothing.

 

“Just tell us if-“ he wasn’t able to continue because he saw Jeonghan in tears. Minghao panicked and finally get the tissue beside him. “Why are you crying?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I’ve done nothing for you to thank me. Could you please stop crying?” he was panicking. “Stop crying, imma!” wanting his tears to fall but he was keeping them where it should be. That moment, he became soft and embraced the other “I know you are not ready to go back. You should be feeling so angry as well. You are entitled to.” With his soft voice. “Just… stop crying…” With his voice shaking.

 

“Can you wait for me?” asked Jeonghan.

 

“Just tell me when you are ready.” The younger smiled tenderly and thought of a tease. “Hope you don’t revoke our wedding rings for this.”

 

Jeonghan embraced him with no other word but “Thank you.”

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Going home, DK couldn’t calm himself down. He wanted to do something he should have since morning. He’s been planning to but he was too coward to start a move. It was pretty chaotic inside their dorm while people in dorm 2 was slowly healing. Everyone was calmer than the previous storm. Minghao and Jun easily reconciled with each other with matching embrace to swear it won’t happen again.

 

It was late and he’s just irritating people inside their dorm with his actions going back and forth in one area of their house.

“Damn it, DK! What’s your problem? Can’t you stay put?” asked Jihoon with grunt.

 

While Mingyu couldn’t stop eating his fingernails because he’s too tensed with the situation and he’s almost giving up.

 

DK wanted to stay put but he didn’t know how. Just as he thought, Wonwoo and Joshua were the only ones who knew Jeonghan’s address, so he went to Wonwoo. Snuck himself in his blanket which surprised Wonwoo a hundred fold, he thought it was the woman in a horror movie, for goodness sake.

 

“Ya!”

 

Seungcheol became mad with that shout Wonwoo made.

 

“What are you doing here?” asked Wonwoo in whispering tone.

 

“Hyung. You know Jeonghan hyung’s address right?”

 

“You should’ve asked me like a normal person does!”

 

“Sorry. I was so tensed I couldn’t think properly.”

 

Sighed the pissed Wonwoo who was disturbed in his sleeping meditation. He gave Jeonghan’s address as soon as possible. As soon as he knew where to go, DK grabbed a good jacket as he went out to find Jeonghan. He thought of bringing him some food too.

 

DORM 2_

 

Mingyu didn’t notice DK left. He left next and bought many alcoholic drink. Some for him and some for his roommate. He wasn’t talking much like he always do. He’s been keeping his angst inside him. He’s dead quiet that even the others couldn’t tell if he’s still okay or not.

 

When he got back, Joshua became concerned looking at the liquors on Mingyu’s hand. “You have been drinking all night, buddy. That’s not a good sign.”

 

“It’s just a few drinks before I sleep.”

 

“You tell me Mingyu, do you have problem sleeping lately? You look pale.”

 

“No.” Mingyu denied. “I am perfectly fine. Just want a drink because I’m so tired.”

 

“Tired of the practice or of thinking about Jeonghan?”

 

Mingyu acted coolly and answered “Maybe both. But I care less now. It’s time to sleep.”

 

“Give me that.” Joshua stole those drinks from Mingyu but the other stole it back.

 

“What do you think you are doing? It’s not you who dictates me what to do and not to. I’m a grown man now.”

 

“Is it? Or it’s just in physical aspect? You should stop drinking right now.” Joshua threatened with his sharp eyes but Mingyu ignored him.

 

“Mingyu!” Joshua called. “I am serious.”

 

Mingyu looked back at Joshua sharply. He too was serious and the older could see that but drinking wasn’t the solution. “Why don’t you go to Jeonghan and tell him what you think. That’s more mature than drinking it all up all night. Punch him in the face if you want to.” He threatened.

 

“Shut the up. I don’t need your advice. Not the ones that comes from you.”

 

Joshua sighed heavily. He couldn’t do anything with him and as of the moment. He just hope that Mingyu doesn’t hurt himself.

 

Returning to his room, Jihoon wasn’t around. Jihoon also went out and went to the office because he felt suffocated inside their dorm.

 

Mingyu slid the cans into the corner while getting himself drunk. He suddenly opened his phone and unknowingly sent Jeonghan a message.

 

“I hate you. What have you done to me? I am always there for you. I have loved you more than I can love somebody else. How can you do this to me? I hope we have never met. I don’t want to see your face again.” sending a sentiment he didn’t even know sitting inside him for a long time.

 

Jeonghan was alone that time the message was sent. He was waiting for Ye Jun to come when he read the message. He trembled as he read a very heart breaking message. Jeonghan couldn’t take it. He was totally wrecked with the words Mingyu have said. Words can truly wound one’s heart so deep that it could damage the other person.

 

It hurts.

Jeonghan was completely shocked by Mingyu’s statement. He felt raged in his heart which he never felt before. He didn’t know why. He should’ve take it as it is because he thought it was his punishment, but why did he feel anger upon it.

 

Jeonghan was trembling from head to toe. His emotions had affected the way he thinks. The hope had turn into gray. He thought of giving up. Realizing how unfair the situation was for him. It angered him so bad. “Did I really deserve this?” whispered Jeonghan gritting his teeth and biting his lips. He’s gone blind. He’s gone deaf. The only thing he wanted to invite was death. It was too painful. Those words that each member had said to him. Every single word that he accepted his fault was damn too painful, he couldn’t take it anymore. He thought he could but it was too much he wished to die. He shouted in anguish until he became tired.

 

He was crying so hard alone in a quiet room, DK could hear it from the outside. He became worried that something might have happened. Since the door was opened, he rushed towards Jeonghan to see the situation. He saw Jeonghan sitting on a small bed. Jeonghan didn’t notice him, so DK suspected he’s gone blind and deaf.

 

He entered and saw the bed covers filled with blood stains. It was from a nosebleed. He inspected the trash can and all the tissue in there were stained with blood. DK was heartbroken.

 

“Hyung.” He called gently but Jeonghan seemed not to hear.

 

DK went closely and saw how terrible Jeonghan was. His skin was paler. His body was t more than a normal person could for a week or so. DK dropped whatever he’s holding and kneeled in front of the person in sorrow.

 

“Jeonghan-ah.” DK called softly with guilt. His hands become shaking. Too much that he was having a hard time stopping them. His tears rolled down immediately through his face. “Jeonghanie hyung. Don’t cry.”

 

“Please.” With a soft almost inaudible sound. “Please.” DK repeated.

 

The younger was pained seeing Jeonghan alone in a small room covered with sorrow and suffering.

 

“Jeonghanie hyung.” DK called again blaming himself to what he’s seeing “Did we… did we do this to you?” trying to reach Jeonghan’s face with his hands.

 

“Did we-“ crying out loud “Did we do this to you?”  as he couldn’t believe what he’s seeing. It was a terrible sight he began to feel fear.

 

“I-“with his breathy tone. “I- am sorry.” Caressing the other’s face tenderly. “I am sorry.” Finally embracing the older. “You don’t deserve this. You don’t!” embracing Jeonghan tightly until the other could feel his warmth. “I’m sorry.”