RESET

 

CHAPTER 31: The Chaos After You

 

Jeonghan finally decided to tell the truth. They deserve it. He was pretty scared but Ye Jun was right. Enough of deceiving someone. The longer he’d keep it, the worse it’s going to be.

 

PLEDIS HQ_

Jeonghan visited their CEO first thing in the morning just to say “I want to stop deceiving others, Mr. President. I will not do it anymore, so don’t bother give me an excessive allowance. I don’t deserve it.”

 

“What do you mean?” The CEO was surprised on Jeonghan’s purpose. Beside, Jeonghan was looking pale.

 

“You asked me if I can be anyone’s lover, remember?”

 

Now that Jeonghan revealed, the CEO was pretty sure about the issue he wanted to clear. “Is there something wrong?”

 

“They are my friends, sir. I should’ve accept the additional money for that. It was so selfish of me.”

 

“But you needed it.”

 

“The money? Sure. But I don’t think this should continue.”

 

“And your treatment?”

 

“I will think of another option.”

 

“You can’t just stop the treatment.”

 

“I will not. I’ve got this.” Jeonghan stated. “It was so selfish of me to deceive my closest friends for money.”

 

The CEO sighed. “No one will ever know. Besides, you are not deceiving anyone. You love them and the boys love you back.”

 

“I just can’t take this anymore. It took me so long to remember everything and to get things right.”

 

“Not your fault, Jeonghan.”

 

“My decisions are final, sir. I have to go. If you still want to give out that allowance, it should be distributed to everybody. They deserve it more than I am.”

 

Jeonghan went out politely but when he opened the door, he saw Seungcheol all tensed. He was supposed to present to their CEO the schedules they have but he wasn’t expecting to hear that kind of conversation that morning. He was obviously shocked. “You heard the conversation?” Jeonghan became frightened.

 

Seungcheol couldn’t utter anymore word. He couldn’t keep his eyes on the other as he decided to run away.

 

“Seungcheol. Please! Listen to me first.” Jeonghan shouted as he plead.

 

Seungcheol stopped and looked back at Jeonghan with a frown in his face and anger on his eyes. “I’m sorry I was wrong about you.” Said with such a low and hurtful tone.

 

Jeonghan felt his time stopped. It felt excruciating, especially when he saw how disappointed Seungcheol was. The betrayal he felt must be too much burden on the top of all the problems he’s facing at the moment.

 

Suddenly, Seungcheol became foreign to him. Jeonghan didn’t know how to face the others that time. Seungcheol went home with heavy heart. He wasn’t feeling well. He almost fainted again, but he carried himself until he reached the bed and decided to keep the pain to himself alone in the dark.

 

Meanwhile, Jeonghan was crying in the streets. He wished he should’ve died the first time. The pain of feeling alive as of the moment was terrible than dying. Bumzu find him in distress. He became worried but he didn’t know how to approach. He lend a hand, but of course, Jeonghan would decline.

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DORM 1_DOWNSTAIRS

Joshua noticed Seungcheol ever since he went back home, he looked pale and soul less. He was worried about him but couldn’t have the chance to approach. Maybe giving Seungcheol time was the best thing for now.

 

DORM 2_UPSTAIRS

Jeonghan went home. Same as Seungcheol, he looked lifeless and was about to break down. Jun noticed and approached. “What’s going on?”

 

Jeonghan was covering his head in distress, crying, and was burdened. “I don’t know what to do now, Jun.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“I betrayed every one of you, Jun. I’m sorry.” With pleading eyes, hoping that things would get better if he wakes up the next day.

 

“What happened?” Jun became more worried.

 

“Remember when I told you I have a secret that might hurt you?”

 

The other was listening.

 

“Seungcheol heard me. He…” remembering the anger on the other’s eyes. “I did it all wrong… everything in my life.”

 

“Please, hyung. Don’t be like this. We can fix things.”

 

“I don’t know, Jun. I have done terrible things.”

 

That’s when the others became bothered about the commotion happening in their living room. Everyone was worried. The more Jeonghan could see their concern, the more wounded he felt inside.

 

“We can help.” Seungkwan volunteered to wipe his tears.

 

“Alright.” Controlling his tears from falling down, he stood up with the only strength he got. “You all better know who I really am.”

 

“Hyung. Take it easy.” Worried Vernon.

 

“Yeah. We are all one here.” Added Chan.

 

“Please, don’t be nice to me anymore. I- I don’t deserve all of your kindness. Please, just-“Pressing his hand on his head displaying pain, but despite that, Jeonghan proceeded to what should be done. “Before I joined the group I- had an offer.”

 

“Hyung. Please calm down.” Stated Minghao.

 

“It’s going to be alright. You need to calm down.” Added Soon Young. “We will listen.”

 

“No. I can’t take this anymore.” With his pounding heart. “I accepted money. I continuously receive money for a job I regretted the most.” Crying heavily despite trying to be brave. “I was told that I had to be the one to- to gather everyone. Not to-“with his stuttering in fear with cold sweats “This team needs a lover and I- I should be that person.”

 

The boys became confused.

 

“I attempted to convince you all to like me- f-for money.”

 

“I still don’t get it.” Murmured Soon Young and now he was getting scared. It looked very serious.

 

“I take money-“breathing heavily “for the condition that I should convince you to like me, to be your lover, so we can stay as a group for the longest of time.” Hands clutched on his heart who’s pounding really hard. “I’m sorry.”  He begged.

 

When things were sinking in. People began staring blankly with mixed feelings. The first thing they felt was numb, but as the words sink in slowly, they could feel pain.

 

“You did this for money?” looking a great disappointment upon Soon Young’s eye, Jeonghan felt pain like he was pierced by arrow again and again. “How could you play with our feelings?”

 

“I deeply regret all of this but my love for all of you are real.” Jeonghan explained to the bottom of his heart.

 

“H-how dare you do this to us.” Accused Dino, frowning in anger. “I treated you like a family.”

 

“Forgive me. Please… you are a family to me.” Answered JEonghan with a little caution, hoping not to damage their hearts more.

 

“You pretend you love us!” Minghao accused. “You used us!” tears started to fall down on his face.

 

“Sweetheart, my love for all of you is real. Please… believe me.”

 

Vernon was the first one to walk away. The next one was Dino until Seungkwan and Jun were the only ones left with him. Jeonghan fell on his seat. He had no power with full of regret and pain in his heart. Jeonghan was left with only two. Although they were surprised with the revelation, they stayed.

 

“It’s okay if you will walk away too. I’ve done horrible things.” He forced a smile despite the continuous flow of tears in his cheeks. “I’ll be fine. I know you have a kind heart. Both of you. Please, the boys needs you.”

 

“How about you, hyung?” asked Seungkwan who was deeply hurt in his state right now.

 

“I’ll be fine. I have to face the consequences and I have to receive Seungcheol’s anger.”

 

“How did hyung know?” asked Jun.

 

“I was talking to the CEO. He was there and he accidentally heard us.” Sighed heavily.

 

“As much as I want to know the details, I think I need to comfort the others.” said Jun who was also and surely surprised as well.

 

“You too, Seungkwan. Please take care of the others.”

 

Seungkwan began crying heavily. “Why are you speaking like you are leaving again?”

 

“No. I’m not.” Smiled weakly “I will fix this because I love you all. You have been my life, Seungkwan. All of you. I don’t want to lose you.” Cupped both of the boy’s cheeks.

 

“Look at you… you look weak.” scolded Seungkwan.

 

“I’ll be fine. I will eat later. I just need courage to talk to Seungcheol.”

 

“If you need me, call me.” Said Seungkwan. “I love you too.” Kissed the older’s forehead.

 

“Thank you.” at least a little boost from Seungkwan would help him stay strong.

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After Jeonghan collected himself, he went down bravely to talk to the others as well. No more delay. He tried to cover his tears. However, he cried too much, it could obviously be seen on his face. Members wanted to ask but, Jeonghan thought he could talk to Seungcheol first.

 “Is Seungcheol in his room?”

 

“Yes.” Answered Mingyu. “Hyung, is something wrong?” asked worriedly. Meanwhile Wonwoo observed carefully and thought it might have something to do with the secret Jeonghan was talking about. The secret that he was scared of telling all of them.

 

“Jeonghan. Let him be.” interrupted Joshua.

 

“If I leave it for tomorrow or if everyone calms down, it might be too late. I should talk to him.”

 

Based on how heavy Jeonghan spoke, DK, Jihoon, Mingyu, Wonwoo, and Joshua felt it was too serious to deal later. Jeonghan went to meet Seungcheol in their room. “Seungcheol. Can we talk?” as he closed the door.

 

“What for?” with a scary tone of his voice. It was a straight and deep one, Jeonghan could feel how terrible he put that person into.

 

“I would like to apologize.”

 

Seungcheol scoffed “No need Jeonghan. I understand.” With full of sarcasm in his every tone.

 

“Seungcheol, please. Let me explain.”

 

“It’s your job, is it?” grinned with pain in his heart as he stood up.

 

“I am wrong and I know that.” Getting weaker in every word Seungcheol was saying.

 

“No. I should apologize. I fell too much with your acting. It definitely deserved an award.”

 

“I know I hurt you way too much, Seungcheol. Please let me fix this problem.”

 

“With money? With your acting? Or is it with your body?”

 

Jeonghan was getting hurt. It was more than the pain of his illness. It just too much “No. Just please. Let me explain.”

 

“I told you I understand well.” Starting to mount some tears on his eyes as he tried to breathe normally. “You are amazing, Jeonghan.” still with sarcasm on his tone.

 

“Seungcheol. I am truly sorry. For everything.”

 

Seungcheol bit his lips and looked at the person he loved so much. So much, he’s ready to do everything for him. Still finding his voice, his tears came crawling continuously on his lovely and pained face and said “Do you know how much I love you?”  Looking right straight to the other’s eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I thought I knew you all along.”

 

“I am still the Jeonghan you know.”

 

“I don’t know what to believe anymore, Jeonghan.” paused a little “All of these!” he shouted “Is just a damn play to you!” pointed at him with all the angst in his heart. “!”

 

Jeonghan walked back a little with his hands covering his mouth as he tried to catch his breathing. He ruined them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you like this.” Scared of what he’s seeing, he froze.

 

“Congratulations!” He clapped sarcastically. “You put up a great show and that’s quite a good effort you got there.”

 

“Seungcheol.”

 

“Thank you for the effort. That really pays off.”

 

“That time I- I wasn’t thinking at all.”

 

“Sure you do. Everyone needs money. I understand that.”

 

“Seungcheol!” Jeonghan shouted “Can you let me explain first?”

 

“I don’t need any explanations, Jeonghan. You made it clear. I’m sorry I accidentally heard your conversation with the president. You may go now.” Forcing the other to leave.

 

“Can’t you just listen?”

 

“You’ve said your sorry, Jeonghan. There’s nothing to talk about. I’ve heard enough.” Looking weak, he sat down in calm again. Now with just pain in his heart. “I know that I am not the person you love. I’m sorry I was just pestering you with things.” Scoffed again “We can still be working professionally right? This team is very important to me. I don’t want to lose them.”

 

“You don’t understand.” Slowly getting disappointed on how Seungcheol acted. He already had closed his doors.

 

“You are just too lovely, Jeonghan. I commend the CEO for picking the perfect person for that job. Now, I can’t even look at it anymore.” with eyes fiery.

 

“I need it! If that’s what you want to hear. I need those money, Seungcheol!” Seeing how unfair fate dropped him.

 

“I know. And I respect that but playing with our feelings, Jeonghan? That’s unfair.” He was starting losing his voice.

 

“Then tell me what should I do now, Cheol? Tell me! I will do everything you want me to do. Just please- Please give me a chance.”

 

“I loved you so much. I worked hard. We worked hard for everything knowing that everything is real between all of us, Jeonghan. I am willing to give you to anyone you love… but this? It may take time for me to understand.”

 

Jeonghan breathed heavily. He turned powerless that moment. “You are probably true, Seungcheol.” Nodding as he accepted how it should be. “I’ll leave you now as you wish.”

 

Jeonghan left the room with eyes full of tears. “I’m sorry I did this to you.” full of guilt he shrunk as he walked towards the door.

 

“Hyung… is it true? Was it all an act? Our friendship… t-that’s for money?” asked Jihoon who was truly heartbroken from what he just heard from the fight.

 

“It’s not, Jihoon. You are all important to me.” Seeing Jihoon walking away with disgust in his face was just in a different level of pain.

 

“I trust too much.” Being heard from a person who’s cautious in letting people in his heart. It was truly devastating for Jihoon to be betrayed by the people he loved the most.

 

“I know words are not enough. I am sorry.” Jeonghan just gave up explaining already. People around him avoided him on his way out. The only thing he could give them was his deepest apology. “I’m terribly sorry.” Those eyes who stared dearly to him before was gone.

  

Maybe he was wrong but all he wanted now was not his dignity and pride but his friends he loved the most. He walked away and rented a space where he could be alone for a few moment just to breathe some fresh air. He was finding a solution to resolve the problem as much as possible but time wasn’t the option. Giving up is not also an option.

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DORM 1_

 

Joshua went to Seungcheol in irritation. “You should’ve let him talk, Seungcheol!” Joshua wasn’t usually like that the first thing he sees a fight but this time it’s different.

 

“What? Are you siding him now?”

 

“Is it painful, huh? Is that unforgivable to you?” getting madder in every word the other utter.

 

“You are on his side, are you? Trying to impress him now, huh?” shrugged Seungcheol arrogantly.

 

“I am here because I should’ve been that person you have hated in this room right now.” Telling the other that he might have accepted that offer as well.

 

Seungcheol was confused.

 

“He took the job I should have, you hear me?” with a loud voice. “You should’ve listened, Seungcheol! You should have!”

 

“What’s your point on this, Joshua?”

 

“You think you didn’t use him as well? Huh? You think just because you loved him dearly, it’s unfair?”

 

Things were getting chaotic inside their house and it’s painful and frightening to hear.

 

“He tend to you. To everybody else! Can’t you feel his efforts? His sacrifices? You think he’s not hurt? Seungcheol, for all I know, we used him too. He loved us.” Now looking at everybody in the room, now with the other members from the room upstairs to discuss the matter.

 

“His role is important. You think we all have stayed together up until now without his efforts?” Getting harder to explain because he thought the pain conquered the boys’ hearts too much, it closed temporarily. Who knows for how long. “Please try to remember what he’s done. He take good care of us. He listens to us. He comforts us. He’s too patient to play along with his condition no one knew since the beginning. You think that’s easy, huh?”

 

People was just quiet. Joshua was getting madder. “He loves us.” he ended.

 

Still silent inside the room.
 

“He’s sick for goodness sake!” added Joshua.

 

“But, still, that’s-“ Dino was quite bold to start a conversation as always. Now regretting his move, he didn’t continue his sentence.

 

“It’s painful.” As Soon Young interrupted with tears pooling on his eyes.

 

Joshua scoffed. “I know that kind of job is a bull. He took it because he had no choice.”

 

“I don’t know what to feel right now.” Murmured Mingyu.

 

“You think I don’t see. You! Every one of us is selfish enough to go beyond what he could offer. Who in here have at least kissed him without permission? If I was him, I’d punch you straight in the face. He did not because he respected how you feel. He’s just supposed to comfort us but we took advantage of him. Have you ever asked him about how he felt?”

 

“What do you think you can do? This has caused us a lot of damage. It is beyond our control.” asked Seungcheol with his cold voice.

 

“I couldn’t believe this changed you so fast, Cheol.” A grin of annoyance Joshua expressed. “You just said you love him a while ago.” Mocking the other with his own words. “Your love seems to fade away so fast.”

 

“What do you even know?” Stated Seungcheol with his fist clutching tight.

 

“I love the same person as you do. I love every one of you so much I… it just pained me seeing Jeonghan and all of you like this. ! I guess, we are not worth of his love. Look at all of you. That face…” Joshua scoffed. “You looked like you’ve given up on a broken toy. Throw him away because he couldn’t meet your satisfaction anymore.” couldn’t completely prevent his tears. “Poor Jeonghan.. This is what he gets when he makes a mistake. A single mistake that he regretted so much. He trusted you, guys.”

 

“Enough before you get hurt!” Seungcheol threatened.

 

“Then do it! Coward!”

 

Seungcheol threw a strong punch on Joshua’s face. Blood came streaming down Joshua’s nose and lips and people were getting worried. However, Joshua grinned and said “Is that all you’ve got?” challenging the other more.

 

Seungcheol was insulted and grabbed the other’s collar as he dragged him up with pure strength.

 

“Hyung!” Seungkwan shouted. “That’s enough!” crying because of the chaos destroying their friendship they built for years.

 

“You touched him, don’t you?” murmured to Seungcheol’s face softly. “Well, congratulations, you had the trophy.”

 

Seungcheol was deeply insulted on how Joshua talk to him. “We were drunk!”

 

“But you liked it, don’t you?” Softly damaging the other with little yet strong blow.

 

“Look. It isn’t just me.”

 

“Are you saying you did it without feelings attached? He is sick! For goodness sake! You have the power to stop it. Now, you are just pointing the blame to something. Coward.” whispered devilishly hoping that the other would realize. Even if it would hurt, he needed to.

 

“You don’t understand.” Seungcheol murmured as he pressed Joshua to the wall.

 

“Really?” said Joshua mockingly. “Then explain it clearly. Do not make some excuses, Seungcheol. It’s not by accident and you know that!” With eyes fierce.

 

“Fine” Letting go of Joshua’s collar. “Believe what you want to believe.”

 

“Stupid!” Joshua called.

 

“What?” walked towards Joshua with an irritated gesture.

 

“I thought the one that scares you the most is losing him and losing everybody else. But you forgo that kind of supposed to be a deep feeling just like a one night stand.” Joshua reprimanded.

 

“Watch your mouth!” Seungcheol glaring sharply at the younger.

 

Joshua wasn’t scared. “I respect you for everything you do, Seungcheol and I do believe that there’s a reason for everything. We can get through this together. I believe in that.”

 

“Don’t speak like you know how it feels.”

 

“Oh! In fact I do. We all do!” Punched Seungcheol on the face in return. “Pull yourself together and do your ing job as a friend, at least.” Fixing his pained face from a strong blow he received from the other.

Joshua excused himself pass to the crowd. That movement has divided the members into groups.