~*~

I knocked on Hendery's room.

I tapped my foot on the ground impatiently as I waited. Everyone who was walking pass me was giving me suspicious looks, but I ignored them.

They were all going to the Dinning Hall. So I would expect Hendery to be ready to go, but he wasn't answering.

I feel like something is not right, and I don't like that I'm having this bad hunch.

Why aren't you answering?, I said to myself mentally.

Then the door flung open to reveal someone who I wasn't expecting.

His platinum white hair caught my eyes first before it landed on his beautiful pair of eyes.

We continued to stared at each other, like we were having some kind of a silent conversation.

"Taeyong— w—where's—"

Without letting me finish my sentence, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered next to my ears.

I closed my eyes shut, "I'm okay, Taeyong. Really."

"No, no you're not."

My lips were trembling.

"I am. I'm okay."

"Stop lying."

"I'm not." I burst into tears, and started to sob. "I'm okay."

"It's okay, shhh..." He hushed and patted my head gently. "I know."

"How'd you know...?"

"I didn't." He said. "I was on my way to go on my mission, but I heard that you were coming back. Then you came here looking... hurt. I'm sorry but I had to know how you're feeling so I had to have a skinship with you."

We pulled away gently. Taeyong wiped the tears away from my cheek. "So you know what happened?"

Taeyong shook his head as a no. "I just felt it, I don't know what happened. It doesn't matter, but I'm sorry that you had to go through that."

"It happened already, and I have accepted it." I said. "Now could you tell me where Hendery is?"

 

~
 

I looked everywhere, the garden, the library, the Dinning Hall, the laundry room, the infirmary, everywhere. But I couldn't find him.

He has to be somewhere.

I stopped two girls who was on their way to the Dinning Hall. They frowned looking at my from head to toe.

"Have you guys seen Hendery?"

The girls looked at each other before shaking their heads as a no.

I grunted in frustration and started to ask everyone who I passed by.

At this point, I was feeling restless. I had this bad feeling in my gut and I didn't know why but I had to find Hendery.

He was acting weird, especially the time when the Jennie incident happened. Since then I haven't really talked to him or asked him what happened that night.

He looked like he was under the influence of someone, or something. As if he was doing something involuntarily.

"Did you see Hendery somewhere?" I asked the three girls.

One of them nodded.

The other two and I looked at her.

"Where?"

"We did?"

"Where did you last see him?" I asked.

"Didn't you guys remember? The time when we were passing by the Astronomy Tower, he was going up there. He was going up the stairs to the tower."

I wasted no time and stormed off to the Astronomy Tower.

I climbed up the stairs, gasping for air.

I couldn't wait, I didn't know why I just had to see him as soon as possible.

As I was on top of the staircase, I saw him. Looking out of the view of the Lotus City, better than what you could see from the maze garden.

But he was standing on the railing.

"Hendery," I said, my voice was shaking.

He wasn't answering. I didn't think he noticed my presence either.

"Hendery," I raised my voice a bit.

What is he doing standing on the railings?

"Hendery! What are you doing? Is this some kind of a training?"

He still wasn't responding.

"Yah! Hendery!" I tried again calling for his attention. This time angrier than I intended it to be.

Very slowly, he turned his head to see me. His eyes widened in shock. "Juli?"

"What are you doing? I came looking for you because—" I stopped myself, "can you get down from there please?"

"No—no. I—"

"Hendery please. Get down."

I started to walk closer to him but he held out his hand to stop me.

"No! Don't come."

"Hendery what the are you doing?"

I was desperate to give him some sense, to make him listen. He looked so distraught and confused.

"Hendery... don't... don't do this. This is never the way. I'm here, tell me what's going on. Get down from there and let's go to the garden. Just tell me, and we can go figure this out okay?"

"It doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore. It's— I can't... you... ugh!!" He held his head and shuffled his hair in frustration.

"You matter, Hendery. You matter alot. You matter so much to me. Without you, I wouldn't even be here. I believe in you, you can get through this. This is not worth it. You don't have to do this."

"You don't understand, Juli. I'm in a nightmare that has been going on... forever. I can't ever wake up."

"Then help me understand. Let me help you. Please, Hendery. I'm begging you. Don't do this. I can't..." I fought my sob to speak, I breathed in. "I can't loose you too. I can't. Please don't. Please. Please. Please don't. Please..."

I kept repeating the words.

I held out my hand to him, "please