~*~
 

Of course Victor wouldn't let me go with the 127 to the institute. And I was surely certain that the 127 wouldn't let me join them either, not after Victor had specifically told them not to listen to whatever I say about me tagging along.

How do I make the guards to let me pass the barrier now?

If I tried to trick them— that couldn't be one of my options, because Victor must've ordered them about not letting me out of here.

I have to get to his office in the institute, no matter what. I have to find out how to retrieve my memory, to unblock this curse.

I need a plan.

I groaned in frustration.

I don't have a plan right now. Not having a plan is making me crazy.

I peeked behind the tree as the 127 were talking to the armed guards in front of the barrier, I guess. You barely see it but if you move your head, everything behind the barrier would look faintly distorted.

I was about to walk to them but there was a grip of a hand holding my elbow, preventing me to advance.

"What do you think you're doing?"

It was Jaehyun. I looked back at the 127 and they were still having conversation with the guards.

"Let go of me," I calmly commanded.

"Victor made it clear we can't take you with us."

Yeah, but I will go anyway.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Mark. Seismic sense." Jaehyun said. "Look, is this about Hendery?"

That was the most random thing he could have asked me.

"What??"

"I noticed something is between you two."

"You don't know what you're talking about, so back off."

"Do you think I am stupid, Juli?" Jaehyun's tone was suddenly dark, like when he used to hate me at the beginning. "Do you think I cannot see that Hendery, Taeyong, Yuta, and you are hiding from me??"

"I don't know what you're talking about, seriously. I just wanted to.."

Jaehyun's eyes were telling me that he was worried. I want to tell him the truth, but I am too afraid of what it might cost me.

Jaehyun hating me and turning against me is the last thing I want.

"You can tell me anything," Jaehyun gently cupped my face. 

I can't.

But I don't want to lie to you.

Is this what Victor have to go through? No. Victor was keeping my truth, I am keeping mine.

But we both are lying.

"You know that I..." Jaehyun's breath was caught on his throat, like he was trying so hard to say something. "I care... about you." 

Somehow the words that he had just said spread warmth in my heart, and it was nice. But it also felt like I was being stabbed in there.

"And I can't help but to think that you don't, feel the same. Because I always feel left out by them. Tell me that I am wrong," He sounded so hurt. "I know, it's stupid right?" He whispered as he got closer and closer. And I didn't budge to move away. Instead, I felt a pull toward him.

"I don't think my head can handle anything else," I quietly said, as his face was only a few inches away from mine. "I can't think of anyone that way right now. I can't stop thinking about who I really am since I got here. I don't remember my childhood, it was as if my life has just started when Mai saved me in the woods from the infected. And it's driving me crazy, everyone seems to be against me—"

"Hey hey, shh," Jaehyun took both of my hands and squeezed them. "I am not against you," he said. "I'm glad that you told me that. Is that what the curse is all about earlier? You have a curse casted shielding you from remembering?"

I nodded, and fought the urge to let my tears burst.

"I'm scared, Jaehyun," my lips trembled, and my eyes stung. "I'm scared of the truth."

Jaehyun immediately pulled me into his embrace. "No no no, please stop crying." He panicked.

Hearing that somehow made me smile while crying, as weird as it sounds.

"The truth might not always set you free. But it's better than living and believing neatly wrapped lies." He said.

He will hate me after learning the truth, I don't think I would ever be ready for that.

"And my friends are dying right now, and I can't do anything to help." I hummed on his chest.

"I don't really see the problem with you going with us, and you fight pretty well with me." He said with a chuckle.

I gritted my teeth. Everytime I lie to him, there is this invisible knife that keeps stabbing my chest.

Victor is against me going because the monsters were sent for me and Yuta, and he was still oblivious to that.

I don't deserve him.

"Would you help me with something?"

"What?"

Then, I told him my plan about sneaking into Victor's office and go find the witch that casted the curse in my mind.
 

~
 

"Absolutely not."

The 127 were standing behind Yuta as he was furious after what Jaehyun had requested.

"She had never trained with us, she will just hold us back. And you want us to just dismiss that Victor just specifically told us to not believe what she will say into convincing us to let her join?"

"He is right," Hendery moved forward, flashing me a warning look. "It's too much of a risk." He said, "considering what has happened today." 

He was reminding me about the attack was targeted o