~*~
 

Ten led us back to the common room where we all had met earlier, where I met Prince Yangyang.

I met Jaehyun's eyes as soon as the doors were opened and he had those looks in his eyes.

Like he was sorry, like he pitied me.

I immediately noticed the scroll that he was holding.

I wasn't ready. The fact that Ten looked worried, and Jaehyun had a wistful look on his eyes, I had a bad feeling.

Jaehyun walked to me slowly, but I was too scared to move. I swallowed and breathed in, before snatching the scroll from his hands calmly.

I didn't rush, I didn't panic, I wanted to believe that this would be a good news. However unlikely it may seem considering everything that has happened.

I finally opened up the scroll,



 

Dear Lili,

By the time you're reading this, you might be wondering why I wrote to you. Well, I'm writing because I don't know how else I am able to reach you. For all I know this letter might not even reach you.

Ever since you left, things had gone pretty bad. Everyone panicked and they took down the barrier around the city. No monsters showed up, but almost everyone left. Jennie and Irene taught me how to hunt in the woods, because the vampires who left the city had cleared out every single blood bags that we had. Ever since then, I have been experiencing bizarre moments, like waking up in places I shouldn't be at, or reach.

I woke up at our home, in the Safe Zone. 

It took me every bit of my sanity to make sense of what I was experiencing, that I was really there at our house. 

Then I thought of you, and Renjun, because I didn't know if I could ever go back. And when I opened my eyes, I was right next to Renjun, in Lotus City. Then I tried to think of you, hoping that my mind would do the same, but it never did. Where are you, Lili? 

My mind can only take me as far to the places that I have been, or seen. 

I wrote this letter to tell you that I have left Lotus. I want to find out more about my new ability, and where it will take me. Please don't worry and don't bother to look for me because I too don't know where my next stop would be. 

But I hope I can see you soon.

Love,
Jaemin

 

I stared at the letter, no words were coming out of my mouth. 

When I finally blinked, my grip on it became hot and I let the fire out, burning the scroll. Its ashes fell to the ground slowly.

"Juli..." Jaehyun spoke. "Rosé sent us an Iris message saying that Jaemin had left that letter for you."

I shook my head. 

Jaemin is out there. Alone. How am I gonna reach him? When will he come back? Where is he? Is he safe?

Is he even still alive?? If anything happens to him, no one will know. I won't know about it.

When I thought nothing could get worse... the universe just loves proving me wrong, doesn't it?

I held my head with both of my hands. I felt the tense at the back of my head was getting stronger and stronger as seconds went by.

"Juli, if—"

I exhaled a sharply, "can you take me back to my room?" I said to Yuta quietly. 

Yuta just stared back at me, like he was unsure of what to do.

"Please," I added. "I... I just need to..." My voice came out shaky, and I wasn't able to continue the sentence. "Please,"

"Alright." Yuta answered and I immediately walked out of the common room.

I waited for Yuta to walk ahead of he so that I could follow him.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry,...

I couldn't be near him. I don't want to cry, again.

Yuta stopped at a door and opened it for me. I quickly got in and shut the door immediately.

I held my eyes. Stop, stop, stop, don't, don't cry, stop...

My breath was becoming short as my heart was beating faster, as if it was coming out of my chest. The tingling sensation on my palms became painful like a thousand needles were piercing through. 

He's fine, he said he will be fine. Why can't I stop thinking about the opposite? Why can't I just believe that he is fine? Why can't I just think of positive thoughts? What is wrong with me?

Nothing is. This is normal. I am worried, and it's only normal that my body is reacting this way. It's only normal for me to feel like this. He is my brother and this is normal.

I just need to calm down. I need to stop my hand from shaking, I need to breathe in deep, and slowly exhale—

Why can't my hands stay steady?

I picked up a small ceramic cup which was next to me on top of a table and threw it to the wall, causing a loud shattering sound.

I should've brought him with me. I should've brought Renjun and Jaemin with us. 

I just had him back, now I lost him again?
 

"Juli! Is everything alright?" Yuta shouted behind the heavy door.

He's still outside??

I tried to answer him, but I immediately clasped my mouth because I didn't want to let out a cry.

Then I heard the door was opened.

Why didn't I lock it???

I didn't want to move, I was afraid if I did, everything that I was holding back would burst out.

"Why—" I exhaled a shaky breath slowly and exhaled, "I don't know....what to do..." I whispered. "I don't know what to do." I stared at the air in front of me.

Yuta said nothing.

"I should've brought him with us, and Renjun too." I said. "None of this would've happened—"

"And then what?" Yuta asked softly. "Say if you'd brought them with us, and we got ambushed or chased... do you think they would be able to handle all of the things we went through for the past days?" 

"—If only I wasn't being such an idiot to announce that I was the Avatar, we wouldn't have to leave Lotus— I would still be with them," I swallowed. 

I paused for a while.

"I never meant to leave them behind. What if they feel like I've always been neglecting them? Have I been neglecting them??" my voice broke at the end of the sentence.

Yuta walked to me and slowly pulled me into his arms. 

My body was still stiff, I held my hand hard in front of my chest to stop the trembling.

"What if something happens to him and we don't know about it?"

"You can't control everything, Juli." Yuta whispered. "And I don't know the answers to your questions either, no one does. Sometimes life is like this, you feel like you're in the dark, and you might not see a light anywhere. But you have to keep moving. And hope that it would take us to a better place."

 

~

I woke up and to my surprise, I didn't mind to see