I love the feeling of the wind hitting my face as it whistle in my ear. The street lights a blur on both sides. They look like they were chasing after me as the ever present adrenaline rush makes my heart pound hard, fast. Driving has always been my favorite part of the day whenever I could get away with it, (or hanging out with Soojung, but of course I can not admit that) and today is not any different.

 

 

This long drive actually seems like the best part of my day. I won’t count my morning with Soojung since that's supposed to be noted as best of my whole 22 years ––– every moment with her counts as that so definitely not counted and that’s sappy, dammit. I reduce my speed as I got near the driveway. Steering to the left, I parallel park at the corner of the street since somebody has already stolen my fave parking space.

 

 

 

I get down from the car slowly and make sure that I locked it properly before jogging to the entrance. I look around first before I take off my sunglasses and duck inside, absentmindedly running my hand through my hair as I skip to the door.

 

 

 

 

There is a narrow corridor connecting to the main room, and I walk through its carpeted floor lazily while feeling my pockets for my phone. I am supposed to text Krystal but I honestly don’t know what I could say that won’t sound insincere or stupid or just downright wrong. So here I am, still figuring out what to say and the sun is already setting.

 

 

 

 

This is not supposed to be hard at all. It used to be not as hard as this, I mumbled before stepping out into the main room.

 

 

 

 

The short walk isn’t enough to settle my nerves, but I didn’t give it much thought as I stop in the threshold of the room where my friends are convened. They are all seated around the on the table, being their usual weird selves. It tugs on my heartstrings a little, wiping some the frustration clawing on the edge of my subconscious.

 

 

 

I just march close to them with my most convincing dino smile.

 

 

"Ammmmmberr!"

 

The squeal came from the other end of the dorm but I brace myself for an incoming rocket.

 

5

 

4

 

3

 

2

A body slams onto me followed by another one which makes me stumble but I held my ground. My friends sure are too enthusiastic sometimes.

 

"Llaaam-ah pan-cake, must be a brea-thing" I said almost inaudibly because I can hardly speak.

 

 

Thankfully they stop crushing me, although Fei did not let go of my hand. She pulls me into the room, not even waiting for me to return their greeting. I just let her do whatever she wants, while giving Min a questioning look. Min just shrug her shoulders, looking amused. She just follows Fei and I to the table.

 

 

Not surprisingly, Jia is there smiling at me brightly as always. She seems to be on the phone talking in a rapid fire of fluid Korean.

 

 

When Fei, let me go I just stand and watch the three of them warily. They are wearing those identical look on their faces. As much I would like to admit that they all look great, I can already picture the “fun” that always follows when they have those facial expression.

 

 

Nobody initiates the conversation and their staring is starting to get more and more distracting so I try to run back to where we came from but it's too late. Min is already pushing me to the head of the table, as Fei watches me get manhandled like she was enjoying a circus show. Jia gets back to sputtering quickly with a tone that was growing really impatient each minute.

 

I force a laugh and casually place my stuff on the table.

 

"Hey sissy-s what's the urgent, emergency? I don’t have much time, err-jack jack and gonju are waiting for me" I said nervously, shifting my gaze from Fei, to Jia and to Min.

 

Before any of them can answer Suzy walks in practicing some lines. She stops in mid-step noticing me and rushes to my side.

 

"I will donate one of my skirts, for that bet you have on Am, You like periwinkle right?" Suzy chatted happily after she greets me with a kiss on my cheek. I pat her head as a greeting, and beamed at her. Waaah-so pretty.

 

"As long as you'll wear that orange thing, I might consider." I replied, ignoring the loud giggling from the other 3, now, I am really regretting the sarcasm as sass way.

 

I can not even picture myself wearing skirt without crying. It's so uncomfortable, windy and it's really a pain to wear something that restricts your movement too much, like ughh you can't even sit at ease.

 

Suzy ignores my answer because someone is knocking at the door too loudly. She rushes to it, each step graceful, leaving me at the mercy of her members.

 

 

"So princess Amber I called your house phone last night no one is answering, and this morning an anonymous concerned citizen told me that you didn’t sleep there." Min stated in a teasing tone to start the allegedly very important very serious talk.

 

 

"I crashed in jiejie’s place obviously,"

 

"Really? because you were seen by another anonymous concerned unnie near the dorms"  Fei immediately replied, her right eyebrow raised.

 

 

"That’s probably not me, a look alike, another oppa, maybe it’s donghae oppa?"

 

 

"Hyo is coming" Jia said to Min who is currently eyeing me pointedly. Min did not even acknowledge her, so Jia turns to me instead. She looks positively annoyed, I wonder what’s happening exactly. "So ambro, where exactly did my favorite buddy crash last night?"

 

I did not answer immediately, they are into something and I have a bad feeling about letting them know where I was exactly last night. Sure, they never really interfered with whatever decision I make but they tend to show too much concern when it comes to my friendship with Krystal. I guess they hate a sulking llama whenever it’s a bad day.

 

 

 

By bad day I mean too busy Princess don’t have time for Amber. It’s not that bad really, I just tend to be more annoying and sarcastic but I am still same upbeat me.

 

 

"No one will buy the I-sleep-wherever excuse Jo think of something more believable" Hyo came in not bothering to say hi, joining the pick-on-amber fest.

 

 

 

 

I rolled my eyes, trying my best not to laugh as I put on my best sad puppy look. They are ers for this, ah-sad llama look on. Let's see if they can resist- - - I stop my musings and the fake sad look contorted into a very deep frown as I watch  Yuri drag herself to the farthest seat away from us.

 

 

"Hi everyone." Yuri unnie said in a flat tone accompanied by a small wave. She forces a sad smile that looks more like a grimace then she immediately looks away.

 

 

Silence.

 

"Hello Yul!" I said brightly to end the uncomfortable. She gives a nod as an answer still looking away from everyone. I caught Min and Hyo looking each other meaningfully.

 

Before the atmosphere turns more interesting, Suzy came in again bowing her head to all her unnies. She’s pulling her hair into a bun while walking towards us. It is always a great sight watching her move gracefully, not as enticing as the way Soojung does it, but still. Suzy probably caught me staring but she didn’t say anything about it, she just gives me another one of her adorable toothy grin before kissing each of us goodbye.

 

 

"I have a 7pm, gotta go. Nice seeing you around Amber unnie, dont forget my offer, Bye sissy-s, see you later, don't wait for me."

 

 

"So Ambro, anymore funny excuses, or do I need to use this as a means for you to spill." Jia said before she laid down a big bowl full of gummy worms in front of me.

 

 

 

"So?" Hyo parroted. She joins us on the table to observe me closer. They are all staring at me as I look at the gummy worms with longing. I try hard not to drool.

 

 

My baby and mommy intestines are already going ballistic sensing the gummy worms but I try to resist, I won’t let them win this. Hyo and I have a more serious matter to talk about anyway.

 

 

"Fine, I will have all those god food, okay? Deal." I said, shaking Min's hand since it's the one closest to the bowl. I pretend to suddenly get interested at the ornate table, fake acting like I am exhausted, maybe I really am, but they didn’t have to know that.

 

 

"I didn't sleep at all. I just played basketball all night, not an urgent emergency I think." Was my lame explanation, then I pick a yellow gummy bear and tossed it to my mouth.

 

Heaven. I chew animatedly looking at the bowl.

 

 

A growl almost escapes my lips when Fei takes away the gummy worms. She places it in front of Yuri unnie. Nooooo. I whined mentally looking at the bowl on the other side of the table.

 

 

They are suddenly all speaking at the same time. Bombarding me with questions ranging from “reaalllly?” to “have the two of you kissed yet?”. I honestly don’t really understand half of what they are saying. The have the two of you kissed yet reverberating like a stupid broken record because that’s just impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. It doesn’t even seem like they are waiting for answer, just intent on asking whatever weird things they have in mind.

 

"I really need to go now, it'll be pass bath time and jack jack doesn't like sleeping filthy." I spoke loudly, trying to change the topic. None of them wants to say it out loud but everyone in this room knows the answer to their questions. It’s cute and I love it when their concerned like this, but they are probably overreacting, because Soojung and I are just friends nothing worth all these fuss. It’s just that the management doesn’t think that Soojung and I being friends publicly these days is uh-advisable.

 

 

None of them really pay attention to whatever I said. They are all intent on bickering and chatting about whatever it is I can not understand. It’s amazing how they can still understand each other even if all of them seem to be speaking at the same time.

 

 

I really thought that they gave it up, or I hope they did. Min sits beside Hyo and looks at me fiercely, while Fei and Jia left the room chatting about “friends with benefits” or something of that sort. Ignoring my bewildered look, Min nodded to the door.

 

 

"They left, now speak. No more lies Amber Liu, I have papa liu's number I can-"

 

 

"I slept in our dorm, okay? and dad knows, no need to play the blackmail card, it sounds funny coming from you min min."

 

 

 

"Oh, you’re not being difficult now, why is that Jo? Are your members with you?"

 

 

"Because I am not difficult. Oh please I am easy." I laughed at her, enjoying the slight twitch of her nose.

 

 

"Amber! Focus." Min told me while looking at me with a very serious expression.

 

 

"Fine."

 

 

I sit straighter putting my most convincing poker face on. Hyo snorts. She’s giggling at me, while Min looks like she wants to slap with something.

 

 

"I am really focused now. See not even a tooth visible. " I showed my left and right cheek to the two of them emphasizing my close mouth when I am done. Hyo starts to laugh real hard at that, while Min hits my head with her hand.

 

 

"Aww, hey don't be violent. I am doing as you asked, so can I please talk to Hyoyeon about the real emergency now? It’s not as if I did a crime sleeping in our dorm right?"

 

 

I wish I can rephrase that because both their expressions turns dark after I finish my question. Hyo shakes her head sadly at me. She looks me directly in the eye for a moment. I honestly can not read her expression but if she thinks it’s not yet time for that talk then it isn’t.

 

 

"Not today Am, but I promise someday." Hyo said after she breaks the eye contact. She looks like she wants to cry.

 

 

 

I hate seeing my friend like this so I stood up without saying another word and open my arms wide, inviting hyo to get closer. I pull her close and embrace her tightly when she gets near me. She’s taking deep breaths, leaning in to my warmth. It makes me smile sadly at Min who is just watching us silently.

 

 

My eyes caught Yuri unnie move on the other side of the table but I choose to ignore her. I know how much she hates it when she thinks people pity her. I know that feeling as well so I just pretend I didn't see her twitch. Before I let go of Hyoyeon, Yuri gives me a little nod. I smiled brightly at her ignoring her sullen expression.

 

 

"Drama done." Min stated winking at Hyo, "Now, confession time. I know for a fact that you spent the night with another member Llama, did you do anything stupid?"

 

"I am the stupid remember?"

 

 

"Am.ber."

 

 

"okay okay, I am dork but not stupid. Happy?"

 

 

"Josephine!"

 

 

"hey!"

 

 

"I’ll post that picture of you in hello kitty pj's if I won’t be happy with the next words you will say Josephine. Now speak."

 

 

"Use the daddy card again, that is so much better I swear."

 

 

"Here Min, use my account I would really love to have a hello kitty covered hot-ber on my feed."

 

 

"Nothing really happened okay. I just slept."

 

 

"Should I tag anyone Hyo?"

 

 

"I mean we just slept on my bed."

 

 

"hmmm, yeah, just tag everyone they would love a hello kitty clad amber.”

 

 

"Fully clothed" That statement rewarded me with another hit on my head.

 

 

"on second thought maybe we should post in both our accounts"

 

 

"Okay, okay enough. We just sleep, I mean I fell asleep first then I woke up because she was having a nightmare so I woke her up. I just watch her sleep after that, then we ate breakfast together before she left. I told you nothing stupid at all. Don’t post that please."

 

They stop using their phones and simultaneously look at me. I breathe a big sigh of relief and watch their faces as the realization of what I’ve said sinks in.

 

Min's expression softens considerably while she stares at me with bright eyes. Hyo looks like she wants to squeal.

 

"Don’t tell anyone, you both know the situation." I added getting unnerved by their reactions. I did not even speak to Krystal at all. I mean we didn't even talk that much. We just sleep and eat and laugh and breathe, nothing stupid or abnormal at all.

 

 

Before I can ask why the two of them were acting crazier than usual, my phone vibrated startling the Min, Hyo and even Yul unnie. I pick it up immediately and swipe the screen to answer the call.

 

 

"Hi"

 

"Am, I-uh-can you please,-ah. nevermind. bye."

 

I scratch my neck looking at the caller ID. I hastily tap the call button again when I saw that the one who just called was Seohyun.

 

 

"Hello amber unnie"

 

 

"Hey, what can I do for you, just say it. It’s okay Seo."

 

 

"No amber unnie, it’s okay. It’s already late. I'm sorry to disturb you."

 

 

"nah ah, you don't disturb me at all, come on just tell unnie. please?"

 

"uhh, can you give me a lift unnie. My ride got caught in the traffic and I don't even now if its okay to call my members since, hmmm, I'm sorry. Just forget what I said. Goodnight. Amber."

 

 

"Where are you?"

 

 

"No, its fine. I'll just wait for my ride. Thank you though. Bye Unnie."

 

I listened frustratedly at the dial tone while pulling Hyo from her sitting position. I try to make her walk out of the room while asking where Seo was supposed to be at the moment. She stops me from pulling her while looking at me confused. She’s probably annoyed, but I shrugged it off, and fervently explain to her and Min what’s going, putting emphasis on the urgency part.

 

 

Upon hearing everything I have said to Hyo and Min, Yuri unnie immediately stands up and signals to Hyo to toss her their car keys. Hyo Min and I just stand there and watched her rush to the front door leaving with a soft thud.

 

 

 

"Should we follow her?" Min asked looking at the window gingerly.

 

 

 

"No, they'll be fine, besides she needs that. Life has been really tough on her these days."

 

 

 

"Yeah, she'll be fine. Driving on long winding roads is really invigorating after all."

 

 

 

"Like sleeping beside her, huh Amber?"

 

 

 

Hyo teases me while wiggling her eyebrows. I ignored her and Min, suddenly remembering that I still have a message to compose.

 

 

A part of me wants to respond because I can not let them believe in a lie that I really think driving is as good as sleeping beside Krystal but I didn't.

 

 

I opt to just stay there, standing between Min and Hyo not really paying attention to the conversation. In my periphery, Min is saying something animatedly but I can not really hear her anymore. I am looking at my phone, berating myself mentally for forgetting to send Her a message.

 

 

Calling Krystal is not an option at all. She is very busy and a call always seems like a demand to the other person that she answers you. I don’t want to demand anything at all from her.

 

 

Trying again for the nth time, I type a simple ‘are you okay’, but I delete it furiously, after staring at the message for a few heartbeats. It's pointless to ask the obvious. I can not tell her it's okay, everything is fine either because that will be a lie. I hate the idea of lying to her. I can not even tell her I'll be there because that is not possible at the moment.

 

 

No, not when she is in front of the camera shooting her drama and definitely not in their house because that will just cause more problems. I clench my phone in my fist, itching to throw it somewhere because it is useless. I feel useless.

 

 

 

I bow my head and try to drown every sound to force my mind to conjure the right words that I could tell her to make her feel okay but I failed.

 

 

Min must have realized that I am not paying attention to them anymore because I heard her stop and try to come near me. She is already standing too close, worriedly scrutinizing my face when my phone vibrated again.

 

 

It is a very welcome excuse. I take a step back and robotically answered the incoming call. Maybe I should turn it off after the call because it is a distraction. I seriously need to tell Krystal something that will make her feel better.

 

 

"Amber, we need to talk." the voice on the other line said. It almost makes me drop my phone.

 

 

 

I know that voice very well. That is definitely the witch. Oh that came out wrong, a spur of the moment. I did not think that. It's the prettiest unnie, no sarcasm at all. It’s Krystal’s unnie.