"More feelings, you look like you’re a 3rd grader on recital. You can't ruin 10 things like this you know."

You're at it again, that stare again. I try to look away but you held on to my face to keep me from doing it. You just smile at me when I glared at you, I don't think it's a good idea teasing you about you're acting. You are seriously making me feel goose bumps when you look at me like that.

I take your hands off of my face and look away. I should stop this movie quoting game.

"I hate the way you talk to me, like you’re not my junior. Like you own me. Like you’re my princess."

"You have a problem with me Liu?” I asked in a hard tone, frowning at you. 

"Shhh, you're ruining my momentum princess. I'm movie quoting with feelings remember?

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and move a little away from you to take my phone on top of the table. I left you there lying on the carpet, but I didn’t move too far. Still standing close to you, I checked my inbox a bit worried. I'm sure manager oppa will go ballistic if he found out where I am right now. I asks some of our staff to make excuses for me. I just hope it all work out fine.

We didn't even go that far, from the stadium because you-

"I hate the way you cut your hair. Your bangs are obstructing your eyes and I hate not seeing your cold onyx-"

"Where's your uncle Takeo? We should be going back to the stadium sometime soon."

"I hate that you don’t drive around with me anymore because you’re too busy doing adult stuff. I hate when you stare. It's melting me and killing me at the same time did you know that?"

I purse my lips and stared at your face warily. My brows furrowed. What are you up too?

You didn’t even wait for my response.

"Do you know how much it hurts when you strip yourself raw just to be met by cold stares? It's messed up princess. Every corpuscle of your body felt like they were peeling away from your bones but you can't look anywhere else. How can you look away when the gaping hole in the middle of your chest feels inexistent when those cold stares bore unto you?"

I almost laugh at that but I stop myself because that will sound mean even if we are just “movie quoting”. Seriously corpuscle? Since when did you start speaking like my physics teacher? What a dork. Probably the silliest dork especially when I demand impossible things because you brought me to your dad's friend's "castle" instead of bringing me to the imperial palace. You even search for a youtube video about it, to play on the flatscreen. Adorable idiot.

You were looking up at me, probably waiting for a response. It took a time before I can reply. I have a lot to say, but none of them seem appropriate. I can not read your expression.

"Might as well tell me I'm a heartless stupid. No need to strain yourself." I opt to say, you act like you didn’t hear it. You continue your ‘movie quoting with feelings’ (monologue). Your tone getting softer.

"I hate it when you wear my clothes, and shoes and almost everything I own."

I put my phone back to the table when you said that, then I walk closer to you to correct you. Unable to resists being a smartass.

"The lines should be I hate your dumb boots stupid."

"I hate how my stuff looks so damn good at you." you continue what you’re saying ignoring my comment. I sit beside you to see your face.

I need to understand what you're up too. You're really different today. You even made me cry because you're never that indifferent. You're never harsh with me even if I take away your food, your stuff, or anything at all from you. What's wrong with you llama? What's wrong with us?

I didn't have the courage to ask those things though. I am still not ready to hear your answer, so I just sit there beside you, watching your facial expressions trying to decipher your thoughts. You don’t seem like you want any response from me anyway.

"Drop-dead gorgeous does not apply because you are not that. Your front teeth is a lil crooked and your cheeks look so puffy especially when you’re tired. You honestly look like you walk straight out of the walking dead set these days."

"Didn't you think I know that already?" I answered getting pissed. We are just movie quoting, but it gets into my nerves when you alter the lines like that, putting an adlib with my insecurities out of nowhere.

"I hate how you read my mind."

You ignore my question. I let you continue. We're back to the real movie lines at least.

"How can you do that Soojung-ah. You demand impossible things, some of them unintentionally painful to me and you know I will do it you know pretty well I can't resist you with that smile. I can ignore the aegyo because I’m amuse how it pisses you off, but a genuine smile from you is scary. It's so scary how you know how to use it on me so well."

"Where did that come from Amber?"

I can't help it anymore. Worst fears be damned. I need to know at least even if I am scared.

My phone is ringing and I know I should answer that but I ignore it because you're looking at me. I raise my knees to hide myself from you and your words.

"I hate you so much it makes me sick. You make me sick, that beautiful face those cold onyx eyes. Your damn voice, the way you act especially when we're alone. The way kiss me just because you can, after you break me. You're killing me did you now that? You got me hooked up with you but you never allowed yourself to get hooked up. You're always a foot in and a foot out."

I put my head on my knees when you said that. It's true, I hurt you. Finally you're saying it on my face. You're hating me. I know we are not movie quoting anymore. This is what I want. I know now that I shouldn't second guess about that kiss because it makes you hate me more. I should not cry. Not again.

The ringing stops and the silence in the room ensues as you take big gulps of air. You're still lying on the carpet and I'm still sitting beside you. I don't know if I still want to hear what you're saying but I don't know what to say. I can't use the I am mad tone because today was different. You snapped back when I scold you. You rarely do that.

"I hate you so much Jung Soojung. I hate you so much that I end up composing songs for you. I hate you because I know you will never do the same for me. I hate you so much that I can still think a pathetic rhyme for you even when I am feeling a lot of revolting things because you." You’re whispering, but I can hear everything clearly.

I move as far away from you as possible. Feeling a strong sense of de ja vu. I try to shrink as far away as possible, but I can’t walk away. I watch you intently, not even trying to zone you out. You weren’t talking harshly, but it’s like a whiplash.

I only stop moving when I feel the cold hard wall on my back. I am tired all of a sudden. Like all the stress and the sleepless nights are catching up on me.

"You're the crown of all the angels.
Your face is perfect in all angles.
You're indeed more beautiful than a princess.
If you asks, I'll make everyone bow their head to you even an empress."

I can hear your self-deprecating laugh when you finished whatever those words were. I hate hearing that laugh but can't stop the traitorous smile on my lips, straining my ears for your next words now. You're the only one who calls me princess and really make me feel like I am one. Too bad you hate me now.

"I hate it. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie You lied princess-ssi. You lied when you said you don't like Kai. I know you do. You lied when you said you love stupid. Those two lies from you are the ones that I hate so much, because those are the lies I wish desperately to be true."

I roll my eyes at that, tuning you out. You're never the jealous type, but you're definitely acting a jealous  right now. You even make a fuss about the prince thing. Who are you? Where is my llama. Give her back to me. I answer in my head. Not stopping you from your monologue. Did you only grant my wish just to say this things to me? Is that embrace your apology for the words your about to say? You should have kissed me too then.

"I hate it when you make me laugh,even worse when you make me cry. You always make me cry did you know that? You make me cry when you're hurting and I can't comfort you. You make me cry when you're hurting yourself. You make me cry silently inside when I look at you. You will never look at me the same way."

Who can Amber Liu? Who else can look at another person like the way you look at me. You look at me like I'm some sort of angel in blood and flesh. You look at me like no other prince in disney movies has look onto their princesses.

"I hate it when you're not around and the fact that you didn't call. My birthday passed, my tapings pass, my worst days pass and I didn't hear a single hi. I went out of my way to see you and beg for a birthday present, and I got one with a very well said I’m done toying with you. Do you know that my friends hate my i-miss-you-so-much mood because I look pathetic? Like I am now. I look so pathetic right now, spilling my heart out. Saying things I shouldn't when you won't even spare me a look."

I open my eyes and you are there. Sitting in front of me mimicking my position. Your big brown doe eyes are locked on me. Gwen Stacey is not the only one who has serious problems with big brown doe eyes.

"But mostly, I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. I love it when you talk and act like you're a princess, like you own me because you do. I love your hair even your bangs because it's part of you. I love every part of you just the way it is. I love it when you're working hard for your dream. I've never seen anyone as passionate and as dedicated as you are. I love your cold stare because it's brutally honest. It's so you. It sounds stupid but I love the way you hurt me, because it means you’re still with me. You're still in my life as long as you’re hurting me."

I open my mouth to say something, anything that'll make you stop talking, but no word came out and I stare helplessly at you as you continue, with your eyes bright and a small smile in your face.

"I love your fashion sense and llama-stuff fashion style is my favorite. If I can I'll buy all the magazines in the world and have them make you their center fold, because I love the way you’re beautiful and not drop dead gorgeous like anybody else. You are beautiful Princess. Beautiful in a different way. You're beautiful with the slightly crooked front teeth and the black bags under your eyes. You're beautiful in an ethereal way different from hyuna boa and jessica. You're just so damn beautiful that I always end up completing my thought with your name and the word beautiful. I even lost count on how many times I said beautiful."

I believe you when you said that. My heart believes you because it's obviously going out of control like now. I put down my knees thinking that you're done.

"I love how you know me inside out. I love how you will always unconsciously look after me. I know damn well that it's just how you are, the empathy you have for me is really admirable. Even though I know that there are big yellow lines that are drawn.  Those that separates my realities to your realities."

I bit my lip when you mention realities. You're right, finally you're learning from me. Reality says I should stand up now or stop you from talking. But I can't, not when you have your hands, in my sides. Leaning close to me.

"I love you so much that the cliché to the moon and back will never be enough."