HEY CHINGUS! UPDATE FOR TONIGHT!

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PEACE YOW~!

CHAPTER 12

JESSICA’S POV

[CLICK THIS TO PLAY THE MUSIC]

The soft melody coming from the piano fills the whole room, my fingers dancing on the white and black keys to the tune of a Yiruma masterpiece. My eyes closed while I play from memory, the keys I knew by heart.

One of the few piano pieces that I always play whenever I want to think and reflect. My fingers dancing to the keys as I get lost to the tune, calming my heart and soul effectively.

It's almost two weeks since Soojung and I had the talk that left me in emotional shambles once again. 

My sister is right all along…

I was happy. With them.

My young heart was contented and happy. I have not just 1 but 8 other sisters whom I cherish so much. We experience heartache and success altogether as a team… as a family.

Sometimes, in our life… we make mistakes. Mistakes that affects the whole direction of our life completely.  

I admit, what I did to Soojung and her girlfriend was a huge mistake. I realized it was evil and unbecoming. I only thought about myself and what will people say, I didn’t think about what my sister will feel. I realized that putting her feelings first is more important than thinking about what other people will say.

Soojung is right. Soojung is always right.

How can I, her own sister, be welcoming and accepting to my friends who are members of the LGBTQ community, even attending their weddings and union to their same- partners… cannot accept her, my own little sister, be together with her partner of the same ?

When I told her it hits differently… I mean it.

Five years ago, when I found out Soojung was secretly dating someone from the US, the first question I had in mind was “Why did she keep it from me?”

Does Soojung felt like she can’t trust me?

Am I not a good enough sister for her not to trust me regarding her private life?

I waited for her to open up and start a conversation about her dating someone but she acted like it doesn’t exist.

Then Mother accidentally revealed one Sunday dinner… I think it was around Summer? That they knew about it. They already met HER.

At first, I was in denial.

Surely, Mom made a mistake. She probably meant it as HIM.

Mom was telling me how courteous, respectful, and handsome Soojung’s GIRLFRIEND is that my sister introduced to them when she came back from L.A. after KCon. I was too busy with group comeback and individual schedules that I barely had time to come home, I didn’t even know the GIRLFRIEND spent a week with Soojung staying in our family house.

I remember being in shock and questioning my parents about it. How can they be so chill about Soojung having a relationship with the same ? Why did they allow Soojung to be involved in a relationship that will surely ruin her image in the entertainment industry?! South Korea is such a homophobic country until now, nothing has changed.

The prejudice, the shame, hurtful words, discrimination… just a few of many things that the members of the LGBTQ community in South Korea face every day. Everything that my sister has worked hard for since she was a kid till now will mean nothing once a cunning media outlet decides to out her.

I was afraid for my sister… but to be honest, I was also afraid for my self.

The most important question was: Why did they allow Soojung to bring her into our house and even let her stay for a week?!

Shameful, but I said words to my parents that I deeply regret and I am not proud of it. My Father who was usually quiet and only listens in our conversation decided to speak up hearing the words coming out of my mouth.

‘This is our house. Your Mother and I bought this house so we can have a place to stay while here in Korea. This is also a place where your sister stays until she decides to live on her own. How dare you question our authority, Jessica? Did we question you about your previous relationships? Never. How many times were you photographed with those men you are rumored to be dating? Did your Mother and I complain about it? NO. We waited for you to tell us and introduce them to us but you didn’t. Did those men make an effort to meet us and bravely ask for our blessings? NO.”

“But Dad this is different--”

“Your sister came to us, relayed her feelings and admitted to seeing someone. Soojung said that Person makes her happy and she loves her. Who are we to judge your sister? If there is one thing that is important here, it's her happiness. So we, as her parents, even though we still have reservations about the relationship supported her because we saw it in your sister’s eyes, Jessica… Soojung is truly happy. She asked permission if she can stay with her girlfriend’s family while in Los Angeles after the convention ended. I wasn’t going to approve it but Amber talked to me and promised that your sister will be safe and in good hands. That Soojung will call every day to inform us how she is doing and I don’t have to worry at all because she doesn’t have any ill intentions for your sister. I said yes, with the condition that your sister will stay in a separate bedroom.”

“Dad, how can you be so sure that Soojung really had a separate bedroom?! It’s probably just a made-up lie!”

“Amber gave her Father’s number to me that I can call just to be sure my requirements will be met. Her parents assured us, they kept their promise. That is why before Soojung came back here in Seoul, I asked her to bring Amber to stay with us for a week. Yes, I let her stay in this house because I can. To reciprocate the kind gestures her family gave to your sister while in Los Angeles and to also get to know the person your sister loves.”

“So, you approved of them that easily?!”

“Your sister chose well, Jessica. Amber Liu came from a decent family and also decent herself, smart and an intelligent conversationalist. I had a good time conversing with her about topics only we understood. She is humble and respectful, most importantly she adores your sister and always makes sure your sister is well. The way she treats your sister is very special… just like how I treat your Mother.”

“I can’t believe this…”

“They asked for our blessings, Amber humbly asked for our blessings to date your sister. We gave it to them with a condition that she will not break your sister’s heart. That is our decision Jessica, you do not have the right to question our decision and authority in this family.”

“So it’s okay for you and Mom to see Soojung’s hard work go down the drain the moment her disgusting relationship gets exposed in the media?! Dad! Once a rumor about Soojung being gay and having a relationship with the same- spreads in the Korean entertainment world, those reporters will not stop until they find the truth!”

“Jessica! I didn’t raise you to be such a judgemental person! Let alone your own sister!”

“But isn’t it disgusting?! I mean, they are both girls… I can’t imagine Soojung and whoever that person is being together. No, my sister is not a lesbian. Not even a biual. I will not accept their relationship! Even if she begs!”

The last tune of the key brought me back to the present. I opened my eyes and heave a deep sigh, retracting my hands from the ivory keys. I’ve been playing for hours… I did not even notice the night has come.

Disgusting.

I regret saying that word.

Yes, cucumber is disgusting.

Men are disgusting.

But not Soojung.

She will never be disgusting for me. My sister is an Angel.

I came to the realization that everything I did was out of envy. Soojung was right.

It was all about me and not about her.

Stupid and shameful but true.

I was afraid of the rumors that will come. Too afraid that it will tarnish the reputation my sister built the same as mine.

I envy her so much. I envy how brave she is when she admitted to our parents that she found the person that makes her happy. How she took the risk for the sake of her happiness. I envy her because our parents accepted her without much drama.

Oh, how I wish to be like Soojung!

I am so proud of Soojung, to have a beautiful, kind, smart and hardworking sister like her is such a blessing in this world.   

Such a pity she has an older sister like me, selfish and a fool.

“Acceptance Jess… it won’t kill you.”

Her words echoed inside my mind, her face showing a hopeful look.

Acceptance…

How can I achieve acceptance?

When I can’t even accept myself once.

I started playing once again and was on my third piece when my cellphone started to vibrate from my pocket. Hmmm… probably Tyler… I’ll reply to him later…

But the vibrating didn’t stop that I have to halt playing just to check it once and for all. It was a Missed Call from Tyler and 1 message asking me if what time he will have the driver to pick me up for the breakfast meeting tomorrow with potential investors. Another message was from Soojung that made me smile.

‘Jess I bought Pizza. Bring wine. I’ll wait for you here in my apartment. Xoxo.’

Shaking my head with a smile, I composed a short message and sent it to her.

‘Fine. Wait for me…’

I stood up from my seat and replied a short ‘Okay.’ to Tyler as I made my way to the Wine Fridge in my kitchen. Oh God, that brat.

The delicious smell of Italian pizza filled my senses the moment I entered Soojung’s apartment. My stomach grumbled reminding me that I haven’t eaten anything since lunch and it was already dinnertime.

Wow... I can’t believe it… I played the piano that long?!

I must be in a very bad place to play long hours… the last time I did that was years ago.

[CLICK THIS LINK TO PLAY THE MUSIC]

My ears caught music being played in the living room. I smiled at myself hearing the notes coming out from her piano. I found Soojung sitting in front of her baby grand piano, fingers dancing to the keys with a smile on her face playing another one of my favorites.

She felt my presence and turned her attention to me with a beautiful smile while still playing. I placed the bottle of wine on top of the coffee table and sat beside Soojung, watching her play the piano with such ardor. She was 6 years old when Mom enrolled her in Piano lessons back in San Francisco. Six months after, she already had her first mini recital playing a piece by Chopin.

When Soojung finished playing, she took a deep breath and released a loud sigh. She turned to me and said, “I like Yiruma’s ‘Maybe’ than ‘River Flows in You’.”

“I like ‘Reminiscent’ better.”

“Hmmm… I like it too. Amber likes ‘Kiss The Rain’…” her fingers played with the keys then continued “When we celebrated our 100 days, she surprised me by flying here to Korea. We only have 48 hours to be together because she has to come back to the university before classes resume. We met in Jeju Island and rented a vacation villa…” she gave me a grinning smile that I reciprocated with a raised eyebrow. “I have 1 staff and Manager Oppa who accompanied us so we weren’t alone at all!”

“I didn’t say anything…” I mumbled with a smirk.

“Fine. Anyway, the villa was facing the sea and it has a grand piano in the living room. As her way of affection for me, she played ‘Maybe’ and ‘Kiss The Rain’ because she remembered one time that I mentioned I like Yiruma.”

“Hmmm… attentive…”

“Yeah, she’s always like that.” she smiled like remembering something. “Anyway, let’s eat pizza! It will get cold if we don’t start it now!”