Siwon and Henry are in my dorm. They are walking around here and there, moving stuff here and there. What are they doing?

I’m sitting on my bed watching them. Why am I here? Where is Hyukjae?

I turn my head. Alright. Hyukjae is here. Seeing him my lips curl into a smile. Slowly… I extend my hand… I want to touch his face…

Eyes fixed on him my fingers trace his jawline in the picture. I forgot if it’s the Maths class or Biology class. We talked about the golden ratio. I think this is it. Hyukjae’s face, his features and all are carved based on the golden ratio. Flawless. A perfect manifestation of perfection.

All of a sudden someone takes the photo frame away. “NO!” I snatch it back. It’s mine!

I look up. Henry looks at me. “Hyung… Everything’s packed… except…” Pointing at the object I’m clutching in my hand (I’m holding my life), Henry trails off.

Siwon comes to stand beside him. “It’s OK Henry. Just let him.”

Henry sighs. “OK. I’ll take the boxes out. Truck of the moving company will arrive at any minute.”

“Wait!” I call out before Henry goes far.

Both Siwon and Henry stare at me. My eyes shift from one to the other. “Where… Where are we going… ? Why…?”

No I’m not moving away. Hyukjae will come back. What if he doesn’t see me here?

Henry and Siwon exchange a glance. Siwon nods, indicating to Henry that he would talk to me; and Henry can continue what he’s planning to do.

Siwon sits down beside me. He puts his hands onto my shoulders, turning me to face him. “Donghae listen.”

I’m listening.

“Today is the last day you can stay in this dorm. Someone is moving in. You’re going to University in a month’s time. And now you are moving to your new dorm. OK?”

I blink, trying to comprehend what Siwon just said. Yes… I’m going to University…

Right. That’s the plan. We, except Henry, graduated. We had our graduation ceremony weeks ago. We planned a get together before everyone would move away. When? Yesterday? Yesterday right? I don’t remember I was there… Where was I? Why?

I feel pain gather at my throat.

The plan… My plan… Our plan… University… Together… Forever… That’s how things should be… Why?

I feel tears running down my cheeks.

Siwon takes my hand and squeezes it. “Donghae…”

I hear Siwon say something… something I cannot comprehend. Some time later Henry appears. They continue the conversation… one I’m not capable of joining.

Things are so wrong…

I don’t want to go to University. I want to stay here. I want to go back! I want to go back to the point in time when things were right… when everything was right!

Hyuk…

……

We’re having dinner. Siwon is sitting beside me, Henry opposite me. And Sungmin is joining us.

This is the restaurant. Yes I remember this restaurant. I remember this table.

“Hyung cheer up! It’s dinner time!” Henry s the menu into my hands.

I look down at the menu. I smile. When I look up again I will see him… Lee Hyukjae…

……

… I will regret for the rest of my life if I’m to keep this to myself any longer. Donghae oppa… I think… I’m sure… I love you more than a friend…

I folded the letter and put it back into its delicate pale purple envelope. Then I slipped it into my bag.

“So this is the… How many confessions have you received since school started?” Siwon looked at me. His face was saying he found this unbelievable.

I shook my head. “I can’t remember. I didn’t count.”

“According to my record this should be the 15^th in 2 months. So who is it this time hyung?” Henry excitedly inquired.

I frowned, trying to recall the name. “Yoona.”

“YOONA?!” Henry clapped his hands onto his mouth when he realized everybody in the restaurant was looking at him.

With a super low voice Henry continued, after he was released from all those annoyed glares. “Hyung you’re indeed a super star!” He pouted.

I smiled and ruffled his hair. “Drop it Henry.”

“And? What will you do?” Siwon asked. That was expected. He’s always very concerned.

“Nothing.” I replied firmly. People might be jealous; that I received a lot of confessions. Yet I believed that didn’t really make any difference. I was still waiting for the one like everybody else. When the destined person appeared I would know. That’s just the same for everybody. And I knew it’s not… (what’s her name again?)… Yoona.

“Then I still stand a chance right Donghae?” The same question from Siwon.

I stared at him with a don’t-you-ever-get-tired look. While Henry was chuckling, Siwon raised an eyebrow, putting on a yes-I-will-continue-until-you-accept-me look.

“Siwon drop it.” I sighed. Though I was smiling, my tone was serious.

I knew. It’s also not Siwon… the destined person…

Suddenly murmurings in the restaurant died down. We all looked up.

Another group had entered. The waitress led them to the reserved table opposite us. That’s the first time I saw him.

He’s nonchalant to all the attention he got. As he took his seat, our eyes met. Then the person next to him whispered something which made him chuckle.

That’s so… breath taking… I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

And then he shifted his attention to his friends. And then I discovered the next sip of my apple juice tasted bitter.

……

“Hyung!” Henry actually pushed me.

“Hey! What?” I frowned as I stared at him.

“You know him?” Henry asked.

“Ar… No.” I wished…

“He’s the transfer student.” Siwon said. The way he looked at me… Well… Siwon had been paying me too much attention…

“Hyung! My guess is the number of confessions you get will drop by at least 50% going forward!” Grinning Henry spoke provocatively.

I shrugged. Really I didn’t care. Heaven could drown me with millions of confessions, but still be cruel to me by keeping that one person away from me. Yet if I had met that one person, I’d be drowning in the sweetest wine even if I got blackmailed every hour.

From time to time I glanced up at him. My palms got sweaty whenever he returned my glances.

Dinner was over and we were waiting for the bill. I had definitely been looking at him too much. My palms had got really wet and my cheeks had got really warm. I guessed I was blushing.

Yet I just couldn’t help it. One more glance…

I stopped breathing… when he fixed his eyes on me…

Attending church service every week was definitely the correct thing to do! God granted me the first miracle.

With eyes beaming with too much charm, with a smile capable of killing, he raised his glass and nodded at me.

My pulse stopped…

I was like a hanged computer. All my senses were too busy processing the overwhelming dose of charm sweeping over me. All my nerves were overloaded trying to capture the image securely so that I would see it again whenever I blinked.

The next thing I knew was that someone dragged me out of my seat and out of the restaurant.

Siwon went to get his car. Henry went to grab something from the convenience store next door. I waited for them at the entrance of the restaurant.

The 2^nd miracle happened.

“Hello. What’s your name?” I shivered upon hearing that voice.

Turning my head I couldn’t believe my eyes. He’s standing right there.

“Lee… D… Donghae…” I stuttered! Damn! Get a hold of yourself Lee Donghae!!

“Nice to meet you. I’m Lee Hyukjae.” He extended his hand.

I was so captured by his eyes… I couldn’t move.

Some time later he raised his eyebrows. “Well… you don’t want to shake my hand?”

He turned me into the most obedient kid. My hand acted on its own. “Nice to… meet… you too…”

As our hands touched he effectively melted me.

A car arrived. I thought it’s Siwon’s. It’s not.

“My driver is here. So… See you!” Hyukjae walked towards the car. Before he entered he turned to look at me. Giving me that killing smile again, he waved goodbye with 2 fingers like he’s doing a salute.

My heart stopped…

……

I take a deep breath. I close my eyes. I make a wish.

Come back to me Hyukkie… COME BACK TO ME!!!

I raise my head. I open my eyes.

The seat is empty, haunting. I breathe no more. The bullet hole…

Hyuk…

I drop the menu onto the table. I grip the table’s rim and push myself up. I’m trembling.

“Donghae!”

“Hyung!”

I keep staring at the empty seat. I summon all strength so that I can move forward. I stumble along with determination in every step. I need to go there. I have to go back.

Come back… Hyuk… Come back… Come… back…

Finally I make it. I reach the empty seat. I settle myself there.

I touch the table. I the chair, each and every single inch of it. Hyukjae was here… And I’m here now. I should be able to feel him…

I strain all my nerves…

The bullet hole is the only thing I feel…

Hyuk…

Strong arms wind around me. “Hae…” That’s Siwon. Sungmin and Henry are standing by me.

I shake my head. “No Siwon. I’m sorry... I need some time on my own. Just leave me alone… please… I’m sorry…”

The pain at the back of my throat is getting more and more intense. Soon I wouldn’t be able to hold it.

“Please!” Firmly I plead, lips tightened.

Hesitantly Siwon withdraws his arms. “… We’re only a few steps away. Just let us know when you need us… OK?”

I nod.

Right after they leave I rest my forehead on the table. With my hands I cover my head. I don’t want to cry out loud in a restaurant. Slowly I let it out. Drop after drop tears drip onto the table. Soon the tablecloth turns wet. Bit by bit, painstakingly slowly, the burn at the back of my throat eases.

But the pain in me… refuses to ease the tiniest bit…

Hyuk…

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A/N: Sorry for the confusion in the last chapter. Hae didn't die. It's a way I used to portray the pathetic state Hae's in. Sorry!!

A/N2: I'm so happy I got so many subscribers and comments! Guess I should stick to angst?

A/N3: I almost lost my life!!! Serious!!! I left my Macbook Pro in a cafe at the train station. Before I boarded the train I realized... sth's wrong!!! I rushed back... my mind totally blank... And then the waiter handed me back my life!!! We should all thank him!! Otherwise I would hv lost everything!!! All plots I made... everything I've written... all my assignments... including this chap!!! In the Name of Love I thank GOD!!! ^^