It’s a Saturday afternoon. Sunlight flows through the blinds and casts sharp and simple patterns into the room. At the same time it brings birds’ melodious singing along.

It’s such a beautiful day. Yet the only thing I can do is to be lazy and lie in my bed, doing nothing… Thinking.

Siwon…

I hope my decision is right. Once again I recall what Siwon said that evening…

Donghae… I know I can never replace him in your heart. And I don’t plan to…

Just… I cannot bear seeing you like this… I can’t! Please Donghae… Allow me to protect you… and take care of you… I’m sorry I can’t help it… I beg you Donghae… Please…

I take a deep breath… and feel my heart… It’s still there. The pain has become part of me it’s sometimes easy to overlook. Yet it’s definitely there. The bullet hole… burns… It… burns…

It’s a mark Hyukjae left on me, forever making me his, forever reminding me of him… forever…

Given that… can I love somebody else? Or let somebody else touch my heart full of cracks?

Yes… since Siwon would accept my broken heart? And another rejection would probably hurt him even more?

No… since…

The bullet hole sends waves of pain through my body, as if seriously warning me…

While I am embracing the pain, the doorbell rings.

……

Reluctantly I get up to open the door, expecting the visitor to be Siwon.

I freeze when the door is opened. I definitely know this person but it’s way out of my imagination that he would be visiting.

Founder of JRE Entertainment Company, Mr. Kim is standing at the door of my dorm.

……

I pour freshly boiled water into the teapot and carry the tea set over.

“Mr. Kim.” Upon sitting down opposite him at the table I carefully hand him his tea.

Mr. Kim is a very serious person. His face is stiff the whole time. Seeing that my heart starts beating heavily.

I rub my sweaty palms together, looking down and avoiding his gaze. I can hear my own heartbeat, jolted since my mind has no idea what to expect.

“You didn’t show up in the 1^st and 2^nd trainings.” After some time Mr. Kim says.

I look down further and nod.

“Donghae. You’re really talented.” He continues. His tone gets more serious.

Well… it’s actually an honor that founder of the entertainment company personally pays me a visit to tell me that. It’s just… I have already decided… I won’t continue with JRE. I won’t step in that building again.

“What did Ryan do to you?” All of a sudden Mr. Kim asks.

I look up at him, eyes-widened, speechless.

Expression of Mr. Kim remains stern. “CEO of Lee’s corporation called that evening to talk about Ryan’s schedule. I went to Ryan’s room to discuss. As I knocked I heard noises inside. When he opened the door I saw you lying unconscious on the couch. He said you tripped on your own and hurt yourself. Ryan and I drove you back.”

He pauses. Moments later his face softens. “We should have taken you to the hospital. But Ryan didn’t want any news. I’m sorry I didn’t insist. I’m really sorry. Are you feeling better now?”

I’m still trying to comprehend what he said. After quite some time I manage to nod.

“So that’s what happened? Ryan is telling the truth?” His stern expression returns. Mr. Kim fixes his eyes on me.

I tighten my lips. To be honest I want this whole thing over. Let Ryan shine as a star. Let what he said be the truth. Just leave me alone.

Therefore, again, I nod.

“So we should be able to see you coming Monday in the workshop?”

Obviously Mr. Kim is not letting the topic drop so easily.

Reluctantly I shake my head.

Refusing to release me from his gaze, leaning back in his chair he pushes again. “Tell me.”

……

“Don’t worry Donghae hyung.” Henry smiles encouragingly.

I try to smile back, uncertain if I actually manage. “I hope he understands.”

Slowly Henry shakes his head. “That I’m not so sure. But one thing I’m certain. He’ll be OK.”

I close my eyes... and nod. I can only hope.

Images of that evening flash in front of my eyes.

……

After no idea how long, gently I clasped his hands in mine. Taking a deep breath I said. “Siwon… I’m sorry…”

Behind me, I felt him tremble. I felt the pain squeezing his throat. Sorrow seeped into my heart. It sank so deep… so deep in me...

“Please… understand…” With a great deal of effort I uttered those words. I pried open his arms wrapped around me.

Tears glistened in my eyes, feeling once again his overwhelming love around me, sensing once again my heart remained indifferent, knowing once again I caused Siwon pain.

I didn’t turn around. I didn’t look at him. Without saying goodbye I began my strides and rushed into my dorm.

Through the window I saw his car leave. The rear lamps were like eyes staring at me, broken-heartedly asking why.

Siwon…

……

Saturday afternoon. I’m looking out the same window from my dorm. There’s no trace of Siwon’s car. It’s very quiet. It’s very calm.

I close my eyes.

Maybe it’s just me. I don’t know why. In the core of my heart, beneath the pain there lies this feeling… One day Hyukjae will come back.

Tenderly I press my palm over my heart. Straining every cell, I feel it. My heart is beating… and saying… Hyukjae…

I cannot accept Siwon. It’s not fair to him… My heart is still firmly clinging to its master. Though Siwon would accept this, it’s nevertheless not fair to him. Siwon deserves someone who would truly and whole-heartedly love him.

I take a deep breath.

If one day…

If one day…

If one day I accept Siwon…

it would mean…

that my heart no longer belongs to Hyukjae…

that I can offer all my love to Siwon…

that I’ll stay true to Siwon…

even if Hyukjae comes back…

If one day…

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A/N: So who's the CEO of Lee's Corporation? You know? *wink wink*

A/N2: I'm terribly sorry for this super late update!! Some changes in my life have taken really a great deal of my time lately! I hope I fix stuff asap and can resume my previous update pace!! T_T

A/N3: THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND SUPPORT!!!!