Seeing a frightened baby your heart would ache. You would take the baby in your arms, gently soothe his back, softly whisper beside his ear saying everything’s OK.

Seeing an injured kid your heart would sink. You would treat his wounds, tenderly ruffle his hair, firmly wrap him in your arms assuring him everything’s OK.

Seeing a broken angel…

Your heart would crack. It would bleed. It would break. It would even scream.

Your nose would sniff. Your eyes would weep. Your throat would burn. Your body would shake.

You would put on your armor and helmet. You would be a warrior. You would raise your sword, challenge the darkness and fight.

You would exhaust your love till the last drop to try to heal his scars. You would squeeze the strength out of you till the very last bit to try to restore his life. You would empty yourself until you cannot breathe to try to protect him, to make him feel secure again. You would pour out your life until absolutely nothing is left to try to make him smile, to convince him everything’s OK.

You would want to kill yourself knowing you’re not capable of any.

I feel so helpless.

Watching Donghae sleep in the hospital bed, his forehead bandaged, his cheeks bruised, his lips wounded and swollen, I feel so helpless.

How could someone do this to an angel… so pure and innocent and beautiful? Just how could someone…

The pain in me intensifies and like an ash cloud it erupts. Before I can let out a whimper quickly I cover my mouth so as not to wake Donghae. Silent tears stream down my eyes and seep through my fingers.

He’s so… beautiful… And it pains me… so… much…

“… Hyuk…” Donghae frowns and stirs a little.

That syllable is like a gong reverberating inside the ward.

Lee Hyukjae you’re an idiot! Do you know how lucky you are? How blessed you are? How could you break his heart like this? Seriously just how could you break his heart like this?!!!!

I fix my eyes on Donghae. How much I want to caress his face, soothe him and comfort him. How much my heart yearns to cherish him and love him.

But I just remain still. I bury my face in my palms to swallow all my yearnings. I tremble. When you’re forced to contain all your love, keep all feelings to yourself, they just turn into ruthless blades and slash your insides.

……

The sun comes out to greet the world. Knocks at the door greet us.

A doctor, accompanied by a nurse, comes in. “The report is out and I’m here to explain it to the patient.”

I turn my head to look at Donghae. He’s rolled to the other side, facing the window. Gently I pat his shoulder. “Donghae… No matter what… stay strong… I’ll be right back. And Henry should be here soon.”

Slowly I get on my feet and walk towards the door. Just when I’m about to open it Donghae said. “Siwon.”

Turning around I see him looking at me. “Please stay.”

When our eyes meet I know. Donghae doesn’t want to face this alone.

Sitting down on a chair beside the bed, I take Donghae’s hand and gently squeeze it.

The doctor begins, detailing where Donghae’s injured, explaining how his condition is, assuring us everything’s OK.

Upon finishing he puts on a diplomatic smile and turns to leave.

But… something’s not finished. “Excuse me…” I blurt out and mentally slap myself.

“Yes?” The doctor halts and looks at us.

I bite my lip, not sure if I should continue. While I’m debating within Donghae speaks. “That’s… all…?”

“Yes.” That’s a firm answer.

“Am I… not…” Donghae’s voice becomes barely audible.

The doctor tilts his head and frowns. “What?”

“.” I finish it for Donghae. I feel him shiver. I see him recoil. It’s difficult for him but he’d need to face it sooner or later.

“No.” That’s again a firm answer. Honestly an unexpected one.

Donghae looks up. “No?”

The doctor shakes his head and firmly repeats. “No.”

Donghae’s face changes from uncertain to thankful and then to relieved. I heave a sigh. Indeed nothing can be more relieving.

Henry comes in when the doctor turns to leave. Immediately I wrap him in my arms and hug him tight. “Nothing happened Henry!”

He’s bewildered. “What… happened?”

“Nothing happened!”

……

Well… nobody knows what exactly happened. Not even Donghae. He cannot recall how he made it back to his dorm. When he started to remember things it’s already days later when he woke up on his bed.

Anyway if the doctor said nothing happened, then nothing happened.

Henry stays with Donghae. I go back home to get some sleep.

I’m actually very tired. But I just can’t fall asleep. Images of Donghae keep flashing in my mind. The fear, the loss, the pain, the loneliness, the helplessness in his watery eyes are so vivid it’s like they’re screaming at me, suffocating me.

In the hospital, after hearing the news, Donghae was happy. However it’s obvious. It’s all written over his face. Donghae hoped Hyukjae was there to hug him and comfort him.

Donghae hoped Hyukjae was there.

As long as Hyukjae is not by his side, forever Donghae would feel lonely, loss and incomplete. The pain would never leave him. The cracks in his heart could never be mended. Donghae can never truly be happy.

I’ve been trying so hard to cheer him up, to make him smile. The frustration is killing me. I wouldn’t give up but…

If there’s one thing I can do… to really make Donghae happy again… it’s to find Hyukjae and drag him back.

I take out my cellphone, flip through the phonebook until the name Lee Hyukjae is looking back at me. For no idea how long I’m sitting on my bed, staring at the name.

My eyes are welling up, as I taste the pain again. The pain when I use a surgical knife to slice my heart open, until its very core is exposed. The pain when the surgical knife locates the critical part and cuts all nerves and veins tightly clutching it and sheathing it like a spider web. The pain when a tweezer firmly clamps and brutally tears off the name LEE DONGHAE, breaking all remaining tendons and veins too stubborn to let go.

The pain when the person dearest to me is wrenched from the core of my heart…

With my heart dripping with blood, I press the “Call” button.

……

There’s a click… and then I breathe no more. I’m like shivering in the most furious snowstorm…

“The number you just dialed is no longer active…”

……

“Here’s the SIM-card with the number you requested.” The shop girl smiles adorably, hands me the SIM-card with both hands and politely bows.

“Thank you.” I smile back and slip the SIM-card into my bag.

It’s dusk time. When I step out of the shop I sigh and look up at the sky painted in red and orange and purple. Walking down the street I’m joined by million others rushing pass me. I wonder if somewhere hidden in the crowd there’s someone called Lee Hyukjae, hurrying towards some destination busying himself with his own business… striving hard to forget… trying every means to detach from the past…

Lee Hyukjae… How could you…?

Sliding my hands into the pockets of my jacket I head towards my car.

The sun has already set by the time I reach the hospital to pick Donghae up. He looks… OK.

I start the engine. Silently I drive. Music of the engine is the only sound in the air. Neon lights dance on the windscreen as the car speeds forward.

“Would you like some music?” I ask when I can no longer stand the silence.

Donghae nods. I switch on the radio.

“Jungni is dedicating this song to his fiancée Yuki, saying they do share a groovy kind of love. Hope everybody enjoys the song. A Groovy Kind of Love by Phil Collins…”

Immediately I switch it off, cursing myself for not appreciating the silence.

Nothing breaks the silence until my car comes to a halt in front of his dorm.

Donghae doesn’t get off right away. “Siwon.”

“Yes?”

Donghae glances at me. “I just want to say… thank you.” He forces a weak smile. “Thank you for everything you did.”

The next second he opens the car door and steps out. I cannot move as I watch him walk towards the main door. Tears stream down as the long suffocated love is screaming inside.

He looks so alone… so fragile… so downcast… It’s a scene my heart cannot bear. Donghae…

The number you just dialed is no longer active…

A fire is burning inside me. Quickly I get out and run towards him. “Donghae!”

He turns around as I hug him. He doesn’t hug me back but I just hug him as tightly as I can. “Donghae! Please… I beg you…”

“Siwon… What’s the matter?” Donghae asks, surprised.

More tears surge out of my eyes. “Donghae… I know I can never replace him in your heart. And I don’t plan to…”

More vigorously I tremble. “Just… I cannot bear seeing you like this… I can’t! Please Donghae… Allow me to protect you… and take care of you… I’m sorry I can’t help it… I beg you Donghae… Please...”

-----------------------

A/N: Sighs... *looks up at the ceiling* Just why is life so difficult... Y_Y

A/N2: Siwon gets the SIM-card with Hyuk's number coz he doesn't want Donghae to hear that sentence. The number you just dialed is no longer active...

A/N3: Guess I should clarify. I ship Eunhae. But seriously... I do think here in this story, Siwon deserves Donghae... Please let me know!!!