“Donghae? Are you alright?” Only upon hearing Siwon do I realize the car has come to a stop.

Siwon tenderly takes my hand. He presses his palm onto my forehead. His closeness startles me. Reflexively I move away, my head hitting the window glass. I let out a groan.

Bewildered and worried Siwon frowns. “… Donghae…?”

We look at each other, in his car. Slowly my wandering mind finds its way back into my head. Palming my face I heave a deep sigh. Before looking up I make sure I’m wearing a smile. “Sorry Siwon. I’m just tired. Didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Too excited about our date today?” A wide grin sparkles on Siwon’s face, wide enough to stab me hard.

I don’t want to lie. Neither do I want to tell the truth. Quickly I open the car door and get out.

Blinding sunlight welcomes me. Refreshing breeze caresses my face. Sweet scent swirls around me. Shielding my eyes with my hands, I see a soul calming scenery unfold in front of me. I’m on the top of a small hill, facing the sea. The sea is calm, idly blinking off golden drops of sunlight. Sea birds dance between the golden rays, flapping their wings. Beneath me there are country roads and silver rivers, charmingly woven together. Above me the sky is clear… crystal blue…

Lovely…

Slowly I walk forward towards the fence. Faintly I feel a smile touch my face. Placing my hands on the fence, I close my eyes and let the calmness fill me.

……

A pair of strong arms embraces me from behind, shattering the calmness. My whole body stiffens as Siwon speaks right beside my ear. “Donghae… You’re so beautiful…” I force myself to relax when Siwon tightens his hug and pecks me on my cheek.

Lifting my all of a sudden heavy forearms, I place my hands onto Siwon’s in front of my chest. “Siwon.”

Siwon doesn’t seem to notice the tension in my voice. Secretly I sigh in relief.

“Do you like it here Donghae?”

Firmly I nod. “Thank you Siwon. It’s beautiful here. Let’s… enjoy the silence.”

More possessively Siwon wraps his arms around me. “As you wish Donghae.”

Again I close my eyes and try to relax in Siwon’s arms. The truth is… I feel guilty… so guilty…

……

I hardly register the rest of the day. We spend several hours there… enjoying the silence. After that Siwon drives us to the seashore, and we walk, hand in hand, along the coast.

And then it’s dinnertime.

“Donghae what’d you like to drink?”

My eyes sweep over the menu. “Water.”

“And to eat?”

As I scan through the menu again, I mentally slap myself. Donghae! Stop this! Siwon deserves each and every single bit of your attention.

“Dak doritang.” Putting the menu away, I look up and smile. Opposite me, Siwon’s concerned expression softens as I tell myself to smile wider. Siwon relaxes, reaches out to take my hand. I tell my hand to hold his hand back.

“Donghae. It’s a remarkable day to me.” Siwon extends his other hand, clasps my hand tightly in both of his.

I look at Siwon. He’s looking back at me, his eyes sincere, full of love, and care, like I’m the only person he sees, the only person who matters…

I will not hurt you Siwon. No I won’t!

……

That night lying in bed, before drifting off to sleep, I tell myself the same.

I will not hurt you Siwon. No I won’t!

The next morning before setting off to work, when I’m looking at myself in the mirror, I remind myself the same.

I will not hurt you Siwon. No I won’t!

In the evening, on my way home from studio, I repeat to myself the same.

I will not hurt you Siwon. No I won’t!

Under the moonlight, as I turn the corner readying my key, I… I…

I gasp. I halt. My eyes widen.

My heart’s beating like crazy. It’s the same like how it was on that day. Hair on my arms prickles… as if the air is charged.

Hyuk…

My heart’s pounding. My pulse’s racing. My blood’s rushing. My breath’s quickening. My stomach’s flipping.

For some time I’m frozen at the spot, having no idea what to do. The only thing I know is… No… I cannot face him. No…

Above me, the clouds drift apart. Moonlight showers onto me, making me like standing in the middle of a spotlight.

Realizing that I take a few steps back… And then I turn and break into a run. I don’t know where I should go. I just keep running.

I just keep running. Wind runs with me. Its sound echoes around me. I keep running.

It’s very late at night. There’s nobody.

It’s very quiet. Other than the wind, the only other sound is my heart’s galloping.

No… Someone’s following me… No… No!

“Donghae!”

More desperately I run.

“DONGHAE!!”

……

I run into a park. My knees almost fail me as I scramble my way into the shadows of some bushes. Kneeling down, hugging myself tight, heavily panting I wait and peek through the branches.

Under the moonlight everything can be seen clearly. There’s nobody.

I wait. Still there’s nobody.

I wait… until my heartbeat, my breathing return to normal. Maybe I’ve been jumping at shadows. Silently I stand up and walk out.

Right at that moment, Hyukjae stumbles into the park, flustered and catching his breath.

I’m trapped.

When he sees me he takes a step towards me. “Donghae!”

“No! Stop!” I hope I sounded firm.

Hyukjae takes another step, though smaller this time. “Donghae… Please… I’m sorry…”

I should take a step back. But… somehow I cannot make my body to. Therefore I nail my feet onto the ground. “No Hyukkie!”

Something’s wrong with my voice. It’s weak. It’s like begging Hyukjae to come and hug me. And that’s what he does.

Hyukjae’s approaching. My heart’s gone insane.

Desperate, when he’s only a step away, I slap him.

……

Silence descends between us. Hyukjae halts.

I shouldn’t have done that. It evokes all emotions long piled up within. All of a sudden, tears burst out. Like a landslide, anger, frustrations, bitterness, pain… blend together and crash down, burying me, suffocating me. At the same time they fuel a furious flame in my chest, uncontrollably burning, threatening to explode...

“You left!” Again I slap him.

“… Without… any reason…” Again.

“You… ” My voice is choked at my throat. Clenching my fists, I punch his chest, muttering incomprehensible syllables.

Hyukjae grips my wrists. “Donghae!”

His hands lock me like manacles, pulling me closer. I struggle to break free. “Let me go!”

I hear Hyukjae keep calling my name. I hear myself yelling and protesting. I feel his grip on my wrists get stronger until it’s hurting. “Let me go!”

“LET ME GO!!!!”

In the blink of an eye… all strength leaves me. I can’t move. A spell is cast and in no time I’ve fallen. I’m as still as someone in hypnosis. His arms are around me. His heartbeat’s knocking on my chest. His face, still burning from the slaps, is gently pressing against mine.

“Donghae…” My heart melts… as my name ripples through it with this unique, specifically tuned frequency… My heart knows this frequency. It awakes only to the calling of this frequency.

“I know I made you suffer a lot. I was an idiot. I’m sorry… Sorry Donghae…” Tenderly his hand my hair. Hyukjae holds me more firmly. Not only strength, but all emotions, anger and bitterness and everything, drain away from me…

“Please let me make it up to you. Donghae. I will make it up to you…” I rest in his embrace… as meek as a lamb…

“I love you Lee Donghae…” There’s nothing else I can do… but sob…

Love from Hyukjae… I want it so bad… so bad…

……

So far I haven’t been able to properly look at Hyukjae’s face. When he shifts to stare into my eyes, even though my tears are blurring the vision, I’m immediately enchanted. Hyukjae’s as handsome, as charming, as breath-taking as ever. I shiver a little as his fingers touch my cheek, and brush my tears away.

I can feel his heartbeat… as well as mine, which is getting louder and louder. I try. But I know I’m losing. My eyes are locked on his as Hyukjae comes closer, pressing his forehead against mine. “Don’t cry Donghae. You don’t have to cry anymore.”

I’m helpless. I’m losing it. I can’t resist him. I just can’t…

Tears continue to come out of my eyes. I close them. I shiver even more as Hyukjae’s lips mildly caress my cheeks, kissing my tears away.

The instant his lips touch mine, each and every single muscle of my body goes limp. From the kiss, gentle yet loving, electricity is pumped into my body, paralyzing all nerves. His plump lips can do magic.

And they’re doing magic now. No word can describe the magnitude of thrills circulating within me now. More… More… Hyuk… More!

I crave for more. I start to kiss him back. There’s no stopping now. The void in me, the void only Hyukjae can fill, is so hungry, extremely hungry. It yearns for more. It needs more. It screams for more!

Hyuk… Hyuk… I want more… More!

Hyukjae’s going crazy as well. More desperately his lips taste mine. More possessively they claim mine. Thirsting for more, my lips part for him, allowing him, begging him to fill me with more.

Hyuk… Give me more… More… MORE!!

He pins me onto a wall nearby. Our bodies are pressing against each other, unwilling to leave the tiniest space. I circle him with my arms, my fingers digging hungrily into his back. Hyukjae grabs me by my neck, deepening the kiss. His body is burning hot. I moan as he places his one thigh between mine. I can feel…

Arrrr… Hyuk…

The passionate desire is unbearable… Hyuk… Hyuk… I grip him tighter… Hyuk…

My phone beeps. I open my eyes.

……

There’s my phone’s beeping, our heavy breathing, the wind’s sighing… as well as the moon’s glaring…

I know it’s Siwon. Leaning against the wall, I stand as still as a rock, letting the beeping continue. After some time it stops.

Abruptly I push Hyukjae away. “Hyukkie… please… just leave… I… I’m sorry…”

Without another word, I rush home, leaving a confused Hyukjae behind.

In my bed, before falling asleep, I send Siwon a message. Siwon thank you for being so good to me. Love. – Hae

Staring at my boyfriend’s name, I feel so guilty.

I will not hurt you Siwon. No I won’t!

I keep repeating that until sleep takes me over. Yet the whole night, I’m dreaming about Hyukjae’s kiss, recalling the way he touched me, the way he wanted me, desired me…

I feel so guilty…

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A/N: Hello all! I'm replying to your comments via AFF's new feature!! ^^

A/N2: I myself enjoyed writing this latest chap! I hope you all enjoy it as well!! Again thx for your support and patience and comments!!

A/N3: Lately I'm quite busy as I need to continue with my study and I'm having my own blog now. But all in all, I'M HAPPY!!!