“Donghae… I’m sorry…”

You proclaimed my death sentence.

I grabbed your hand. I gripped it as tightly as possible. I had to feel your hand. It’s the one that used to hold my hand, pat my shoulder, brush away my tears, caress my face, my hair, give me warmth, calm my fears, soothe my pain, bring me strength and show me love. It’s the same hand right? Why didn’t it feel the same?

I was trembling. Or was that you? I shook my head.

“Hyukkie… No… This can’t be true…”

You wanted to pull your hand back. I didn’t let you. I filed my 1^st appeal… through my trembling lips.

“So… you know this from day one…?”

You remained silent. You closed your eyes. You nodded. You dismissed my appeal.

I looked at you. You didn’t look at me.

“Look at me Hyukkie…”

You hesitated. But in the end you did. Once again your eyes captured me. Once they painted my days, gave me lights, touched my soul, made me smile, showed me true beauty and filled my heart with honey. But yesterday night they felt so cold. They haunted me.

I summoned all courage… and filed my 2^nd appeal… through my pleading eyes.

“Look me in the eyes… and tell me… you love me… or not… Hyukkie…”

You sighed. Again you closed your eyes. You took a deep breath. When you opened them again I had shivers down my spine.

“I don’t love you… Donghae…”

A deafening gong in my head. You articulated each and every syllable. You rejected my 2^nd appeal.

I was scared… to the core of my heart. I was lost. What should I do? One more chance. I still had one more chance to appeal right?

Furiously I shook my head. I wouldn’t believe that! I could feel it! Each and every single day! Each and every passing second! I saw it in your eyes! I heard it in your voice! I tasted it in your kisses! I touched it! My heart felt it!

Desperate… I filed my 3^rd appeal… through my weeping heart…

“You’re lying Hyukkie…”

You looked up at the night sky. You hardened your face. You shifted your eyes to stare at me… indifferently...

“Yes I lied Donghae. I was just curious to know… if I could make Lee Donghae, super star in the college, fall for me or not.”

I was plunged into icy cold water. I clapped my hand onto my mouth. I gasped. Tears trickled down my cheeks.

It’s confirmed. My death sentence.

Once again you tried to pull your hand back. I tightened my grip. That’s my last hope to live… the last glimpse of light…

“Hyuk… Don’t do this to me… Hyuk…”

You’re determined. Slowly you pried open my hand… one finger at a time… It hurt.

And you pulled your hand back. And you pulled the trigger.

A blast. Bang.

You didn’t miss… my executioner. The bullet shot straight through my heart. Right at that moment, my heart died.

The next instant, I was certified.

A corpse didn’t know how to move. My eyes were fixed on you. You didn’t look at me again. I saw you turn around. I watched you begin your strides. I heard your footsteps fading. Your image blurred, dwindled, disappeared.

You left. Your scent lingered… together with the smell of gunpowder…

You left me.

……

This morning I wake up. I open my eyes. I find that I am dead.

I’m not dreaming. It’s not a nightmare. The bullet hole in my heart still burns.

I look around… and see my tomb. It’s cold.

I extend my arms… and feel my coffin. It’s suffocating.

Hyuk…

I was wrong. I thought after one dies one wouldn’t feel pain anymore. I was wrong. The pain follows you to your tomb.

And in hell… the most haunting memories in your life keeps being replayed.

Hyuk…

Wiping my tears away I roll over. The clock tells me I will be late. Hyukjae won’t be there. But people will ask why. I can’t go…

I extend my hand to reach for my cellphone. Wonnie… I’m not feeling well. We won’t be joining. Sorry and have fun. - Hae

We won’t be joining… WE!

Nobody knows yet. Nobody could have guessed… that Hyukjae would leave Donghae… to die…

Did that really happen? Donghae… Are you sure?

My cellphone beeped. It’s Siwon. I’m not picking up. I cannot talk.

And I know Siwon would call Hyukjae next. And I know Hyukjae wouldn’t pick up either.

And then my phone would beep again. It does.

Donghae are you OK? Hyukjae will take care of you right? I will call later. - Siwon

No Siwon. Hyukjae will not be taking care of me. No…

I gasp and bury my face in the pillow, as the bullet hole twinges my heart again.

Hyuk…

If death cannot take away my pain, at least let me sleep… I beg you… Don’t follow me to my dream… I beg you…

……

Beeping of my phone wakes me up. Hyukkie? I stare at my phone. I check the caller ID.

It’s not him.

After the beeping stops I flip my cellphone open. I have missed like 10 calls. And I have even more unread text messages.

None of those are from Hyukjae.

I hope you are feeling better Donghae. We missed you both today. – Siwon

Hyung you’re pretending right? You just chose Hyukjae hyung over us! – Henry

I called you many times Donghae. Why didn’t you pick up? Is everything OK? – Siwon

You 2 are worrying me. Call me back as soon as possible Donghae. – Siwon

Hyung I just called to ask if you need me to help you pack tomorrow. Pls call back. – Henry

Hyung you’re not ignoring me right? I’m visiting anyhow tomorrow. – Henry

……

My already dead heart is being peeled open.

I’m on my way to your dorm. – Siwon

I sit up straight on my bed.

The next minute the doorbell rings.

My room is totally dark. It’s nighttime already. Once again the doorbell disrupts the silence.

I jump as my phone rings. Siwon bangs at the door. “Donghae open the door! I know you’re inside!”

Siwon…

Siwon bangs harder. “Donghae! Don’t make me break into your place!”

I sigh. I pull myself together. Fighting back my tears I stand up, turn on the light and slowly stagger towards the door.

I open the door and see Siwon standing outside. I must look like a mess. Seeing me Siwon is startled. His eyes open wide. “Donghae…?”

Siwon steps in, closes the door behind him and puts his hands onto my shoulders. “What happened Donghae?”

Tears burst out of my eyes. Siwon just triggers all emotions I’ve been trying hard to hold back. Like an avalanche I break down. My knees give way and all my muscles go limp. I tremble. I collapse.

Siwon catches me and holds me tight. I cling to him like I’m drowning. He can’t be more shocked. He looks at me with concern. “Donghae!”

I look at him. I look into his eyes. My vision blurs. “S… Si… won…”

He embraces me tight. His shirt creases under my grip. I bury myself in his arms and cry into his chest. I cry out loud… until I’m dehydrated… until I cannot breathe… until I convulse like an epilepsy patient… all the way feeling the bullet hole burn in my heart…

It really hurts.

Hyuk…

------------------------

A/N: This is my gift to u all before I travel tmr. Since I will be travelling the next update (both this one and "In the Name of Love") will come a little bit (just a little little bit) later... Miahae~~~

A/N2: Hyuk why are you making Hae cry again?! *ask myself* WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/N3: I hope u like it so far. I guess this story is somehow different fr my previous ones? I just noticed I hvn't touched the break-up theme so far!!!