Seungwan sighed as her call went to voicemail yet again.

And she wondered, this time seriously, if the ill-feeling she had about Kyungsoo ignoring her and not just being busy was right.

The last time she remembered seeing him was at the hospital a week ago, when she’d gone to check on Jongin when he was about to be discharged had and even than he’d felt distant. He wouldn’t make eye contact with her, and her tries to get him alone to talk had failed. And the most she got from calls was them going to voicemail, and then receiving a message from Kyungsoo hours later that he was busy and they would talk later.

It’s been a month! She was impatient and rightly so. The guy had never showed up to take her out on the first evening of that year and had called to apologize later, telling her he had gotten too caught up in office work. Soojung and Taeyeon had returned from the trip the next day so she hadn’t really had time to think much about it over the next few days. But once she had, he’d sounded too busy whenever she’d talked to him so she’d decided to give him some time to sort whatever office matter was troubling him so much, that he refused still to involve her in. She’d thought for a minute if it was because he didn’t trust her, but had brushed away that thought. If he wasn’t telling her, there must be some other good reason for it, and she didn’t want to burden him by keep pushing to tell her.

When Soojung and Jongin had gotten into an accident on their way back from their date two weeks ago, it had diverted their already divided attention all towards them. Seungwan had been so damn scared when she’d gotten the news and they’d all rushed to the hospital, but Kyungsoo had still kept his distance while comforting her. She’d been too overcome by worry at that time to notice any change in his behavior. Jongin had had to undergo surgery for his right leg, apart from a few bruised ribs that the doctor had said would heal over the next few weeks. Soojung gratefully only had a hair-line fracture of her arm, and a few minor cuts that had led to her being discharged earlier than Jongin. But once Jongin’s condition had bettered as well, Seungwan had realized something was wrong with Kyungsoo right away.

Maybe I’m just over-thinking things, she pondered. He had no reason to ignore her intentionally, did he? It was probably just her mind working up, he must have been really busy to not be able to attend her calls. Deciding to give herself a reality check and some reassurance, she went out to visit him herself after checking up on Soojung, who was generally grumpy nowadays due to the amount of time she had to spend in her room. With her arm in a sling, she couldn’t teach at the dance academy or go out clubbing so naturally she wasn’t in high spirits.

Prepared fully to surprise him for lunch with hamburgers, Seungwan arrived at given office building in lesser time than she’d expected. She took the lift to the 5th floor where the office was located, and met with Mrs. Do soon as the doors pinged to open.

“Oh, Seungwan!”, the said women tried to appear cheery as she came out to greet her, but Seungwan could tell how tired she was with one look, the circles under her eyes deep. They exchanged pleasantries and Seungwan tried to ignore the strange feeling she had when Mrs. Do kept looking everywhere but at her. Almost as if she was...guilty? She told her Kyungsoo was still in the office and guided her the way to his door. Seungwan asked her to stay and eat with them (she’d brought more than enough) but Mrs. Do excused herself hurriedly saying Jongin was alone at home and needed the company.

Trying to shake off the heavy feeling, Seungwan knocked at the French door lightly that had the nameplate ‘Do Kyungsoo’ and twisted the door open.

Kyungsoo was talking on the phone, standing beside the glass table hidden underneath the papers with his laptop in a corner. He looked up as she peeked in. “Am I allowed to come in?” She asked jokingly but Kyungsoo probably didn’t find it funny because his face blanched a little at her sight, and he hurriedly put his phone away, telling the person at the other end that he would call them back.

“Seungwan”, He breathed as she came into the room. “What brings you here?”

Trying to ignore the pang of disappointment she felt at his less than enthusiastic response and also at him calling her by her full name and not ‘Seung’, she held up the bags containing hamburgers. “I brought lunch”

“Oh. That’s very...”, He thought for a moment. “thoughtful of you. I already ordered something though”

Her face fell, but she was quick to lift it back up. “Well, that’s too bad. I was hoping we could eat together. What are you up to?”, She put the bags away on the table.

“Uhh, nothing special. Just work...”, He looked like he wanted to say something but wasn’t able to find the right words for it. “Seungwan I really - “

His phone rang again and cursing mildly underneath his breath he received the call. “Yes?”

Seungwan tried to figure something out through the conversation but came to nothing, all it consisted of was a series of ‘umms’ and ‘yeahs’, and Kyunsoo fishing through the papers on the desk to write something down, before the call finally ended.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath and looked at Seungwan. “This is really not a good time”

Seungwan made a face. “I know, and I’m sorry for bothering you so much, but can’t you tell me what’s keeping you so busy these days? I might be able to help, you know. Share in the burden like I’m supposed to”

Kyungsoo turned away, shaking his head. “There’s nothing to share, Seungwan. I’m just busy that’s all”, He turned towards her again, his face emotionless this time. “Can’t we talk later?”

Seungwan swallowed and gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Sure, okay” He really doesn’t want to involve me in this....

“Well, I guess I’ll see you at the uni? We have to practice for the conference too, Soojung and I’ve completed all the work but Mrs. Park won’t be too happy if you're not there”, She asked in hope one last time.

“Yeah I...guess”, Kyungsoo said uncertainly.

“Promise me that you’ll be there?”, She didn’t know why she had this urge to just run into his arms and stay there until his cold façade melted. But she didn’t.

“I promise”, he said solemnly.

“Goodbye, Seung”

Seungwan looked back as she was about leave out the door, when Kyungsoo’s farewell reached her ears and she furrowed her brows seeing the wistful expression on his face.

“B-Bye”

And maybe that was when they really ended.

_

Something had changed. Definitely. Taeyeon could feel it.

As she looked in the mirror on her way out to college this time, she somehow didn’t feel the need to pep-talk herself into not dreading meeting Baekhyun. On the contrary she was kind of anticipating it, and that fact didn’t sit too well with her.

The first few days after returning from the trip had been a blur. She kept ignoring the wave of concern that overtook her every time anyone even mentioned about their trip, her thoughts going back to a certain sick boy. She’d almost been on the verge of calling Chanyeol and asking him if everything, if he, was okay one night, but by luck the said guy had reported in the group himself, telling them that Baekhyun was now much better and that they would be returning back to Seoul the next day.

And that was when she’d allowed herself to finally think about what had really happened. And she’d felt relieved. The fight or argument had been a means of catharsis for her, because now when her thoughts went back to that fateful night at the end of high school, she no longer felt any panic rise within her. Maybe this, talking it out loud with Baekhyun about how hurt she’d felt, to have him know that he’d hurt her, was all she’d needed all these years to let go of it.

And with that conclusion came the guilt. When had she become so petty? Was she really so shallow to have blamed him for something that wasn’t even his fault, all along? Sure, she’d told herself numerous times that it wasn’t, that he couldn’t be forced to love her, but in reality, she’d still been bitter about it and hadn’t been able to forgive him.

But not anymore, she told herself. There really were no pent-up feelings left now. She was finally free of all things Baekhyun. And a part of her felt disappointed at the realization for some reason. Like the hate, as bad as it was, had still been something she had for him, like a string that still connected her to him. And now there was nothing.  She should be happy she knew, at having finally let go. But she couldn’t bring herself to relish in it completely. Something kept her back.

“You’re too quiet. What’s wrong?”, She asked Seungwan sitting next to her in the passenger seat, as they drove towards the university late that morning, Soojung having already gone earlier.

“Nothing. I’m just.....thinking”, Seungwan replied in a small voice.

“About D.O.?”

“Yeah”, Seungwan sighed. “He’s been a little....distant lately”

Taeyeon frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean..”, Seungwan told her about all that had been going on lately.

“Well maybe he really is just busy. Give him some time, he’ll come around”, Taeyeon tried to appease her cousin. “And you’ll be seeing a lot more of each other anyway, now that classes have re-started"

The thought of seeing Baekhyun again after so many days suddenly ran through Taeyeon mind and her heart thudded. And she shook her head to brush the feeling of anticipation away. Stop going there, Taeyeon! She reprimanded herself. She’d had enough as it was. They both had, and it was a futile feat to keep going back to things that no longer existed. She’d only found relief after so many years, and she would be damned if she let some useless lingering feelings destroy it for her.

“Yeah, maybe”

Seungwan left for her class soon as they’d parked the car, and Taeyeon slowly started walking towards the part of the campus where the Humanities Building was located, since there was still time before her first class started. The sun was out, and there were more people out than usual, basking in its warmth in the still cold late January air. She spotted Hyuk a little distance away and waved to him.

“How are you?”, the guy asked as they caught up to each other.

“Fine, as usual. We just met on Saturday, remember? At the library”, She reminded him in good humour.

“Yeah”, He sighed, and Taeyeon felt like he was nervous for some reason. “You okay, Hyuk?”

“M-me? Yeah, I’m fine. Do you have time? I was hoping we could talk somewhere a little more private”, He led her to the benches at the far end of the ground, which were surprisingly secluded at that time. They were the date-and-make-out spots of their campus, if Taeyeon remembered correctly, not that she minded but it made her wonder what Hyuk was up to.

The guy said something under his breath as they sat down and then looked over to Taeyeon and gave her a nervous smile. Taeyeon smiled back uncertainly, wondering why he was acting so jittery. “So what did you want to talk about?”

“I....”, Hyuk looked at her and took a deep breath. “Will you go out with me, Taeyeon?”

If it hadn’t been for the earnest expression on his face, Taeyeon would have laughed out loud. “What?” Never in her weirdest dreams had she expected Hyuk to ask her something like this. “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m as serious as I’ll ever be”, The way he was looking at her, made Taeyeon realize that this wasn’t some elaborate joke, that the guy was indeed very serious. And her heart thudded in her chest in anxiety. “But - “

“I know, I know this is sudden and you’ve only seen me as a friend always, but I…………I‘ve always liked you. Right from the first moment I met you, and I kept waiting for the best moment to ask you this but then my sister got sick and I realized....“, he paused. “Life‘s too short to keep waiting for things to happen themselves. So please- “, he stood up from his place beside her and crouched down in front of her as Taeyeon watched in dread, his eyes carrying in them sincerity. “-please just give this a chance before you decide anything. A chance is all I’m asking for”

Taeyeon was dumbfounded. She had never had any such vibe from Hyuk, which was precisely the reason she’d even been comfortable to have him as a friend. He had always been a helpful, nice guy in her eyes and nothing more.

And having him crouched down in front of her, asking her for something she’d shut herself out from, it was pure torture. She couldn’t bring herself to reject him, but she couldn’t accept him, this, either. It wasn’t just about him, that she didn’t feel anything for him, but it was because she hadn’t felt anything for anyone in such a long time.

She took in his features, and for the first time considered that he was reasonably handsome. Square-jaw, high cheek bones, small brown eyes and.....a rectangular smile. She was suddenly reminded of another boy with a similar boxy grin, and something turned inside her, which she worked hard to ignore. But then she looked up and around, and her gaze landed a little distance away on a someone she’d been fearful and hopeful at the same time, of seeing and her heart did a flip.

That apparently did it for her.

“Okay. I’ll give it a chance”

She didn’t meet Hyuk’s gaze as she said it, staring into the distance at Baekhyun near the side wall of the building, and even though he was so far away Taeyeon could make out his features etched in a frown as he talked on the phone, completely unaware of her eyes on him.

She couldn’t do this anymore. Couldn’t keep going to back to those feelings, because they would only mess everything up more. It had been hard enough getting over it all once, she couldn’t do it again. Maybe it was finally time she gave something else, someone else a chance. It might as well be just what she needed to get over Baekhyun completely.

She shifted her eyes to Hyuk who beamed enthusiastically, like he’d just won the lottery. And it bothered her more than she’d expected, because even now she knew she wouldn’t be able to give herself to him like he wanted, and she didn’t want to hurt him. But she couldn’t reject him either, and convinced herself that this was right, that this was what was in both, in all, of their favors.

Why are you feeling guilty then? A voice asked her but she suppressed it. Some questions were best left unanswered.

_

Seungwan’s hopes had completely shattered by the end of the week, as she sat in front of the piano in the Music Studio, no sign of Kyungsoo anywhere.

She had actually looked forward to uni as Taeyeon had said she would be able to see more of Kyungsoo, but all but the opposite had happened. She saw him between classes alright, standing in the hallway in the distance but he was even more distant than he’d already been. He didn’t make any move to acknowledge her, didn’t even greet her like he used back when they were practically strangers. Once when she’d been leaving after classes, her gaze had fallen on him as he was leaving too and she’d waved to him to wait up for her, but he’d merely given a wan smile in response and then turned and left with Chanyeol before she could catch up to him, almost as if he hadn’t seen her.

And that was how her week had been spent. Waiting and waiting for him to reply to her messages and calls, hoping he would be free enough today to meet up with her or at least acknowledge that she existed but it all came to nothing. She’d texted him last night telling him that she would wait for him in the Music Studio, with a last grain of hope that he would come. He had to, he always did. It was their place.

But as she sat there alone, hurt clawing at her insides and tears stinging her eyes looking at the clock that told her it was way past the time she usually stayed there on Fridays, she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Couldn’t keep cajoling herself with lies that he was busy, that maybe something had come up. It was enough. She could no longer deny the fact that he was indeed ignoring her, that maybe he no longer wanted or liked her, maybe he’d gotten bored with her and she was the only one clinging on to false hope. That the ‘fake’ in their relationship was all it had been. That he was doing it all on purpose. And her heart wrenched painfully.

 But then she though back to the time they’d read ‘Having a Coke With You’, the emotion so bright in his eyes, to the time they’d danced under the stars on that December night, and she thought surely it couldn’t have all been in her head. Surely he had some feelings for her too, like she did.

I love you.

 She was sure she’d heard him say it on the New Year’s night as they’d fallen asleep on the couch. But how could she be sure?

 Brushing away the tears that had streamed down her face, she got up to go meet him. She wasn’t going to let it go so easily this time, she would make sure he would listen to her and give her the answers she needed no matter what.

She was crossing out the building when the excited whispers fell in her ears.

“Hey, did you see the news? Kyungsoo sunbae got engaged!”

 Seungwan halted in her steps wondering if her ears were playing tricks on her.

“Yeah, I can’t believe it! I didn’t even know he was dating Nayeon, did you?”

“Me neither! But maybe they were trying to keep it a secret. She’s a chaebol after all, wouldn’t do anymore good to her image if she was caught dating someone five years older than her, especially with the track record she has”

 “What?”, Seungwan’s feet had taken her to the two freshman girls on their accord. “What did you just say?”

The girls looked a little surprised, and scared as if she was going to do something to them, before one of them, with the curly hair, spoke up slowly. “We….we were just discussing the tabloid news”

 “What tabloid news?”, Seungwan felt sick with trepidation.

“That…”, the girls exchanged a look. “That Do Kyungsoo sunbae got engaged”

 Seungwan shook her head, her heart pounding in her ears. “I-It can’t be, w-will you please show me…?” She couldn’t even complete her words with the dread looming over her like a sword.

The girl with the curly hair took out her mobile and swiped a few times before turning the screen towards her that showed the particular tabloid.

The heiress to Kim Corporations about to tie the knot: Has Nayeon found true love at last?

In the article below were mentioned the details of the man she was about to marry, and Seungwan felt like the earth had slipped from beneath her feet when she saw Kyungsoo’s name (full with the company name and his credentials) along with an attached picture of him and Nayeon leaving the Kim Corporation building and getting into his car together. A statement had been released to the press by the CEO himself, confirming that the two were in a relationship and would be getting married soon.

 It can’t be, Seungwan told herself as she tried to breathe, tears clouding her vision. Feeling like all life had left her knees, she staggered back a few steps and the girls reached out to her in concern. “Are you okay?”

Seungwan willed herself to hold on for a few more minutes and looked up with a smile. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for showing it to me”

She turned before they could ask more questions and ran, her head exploding with apprehension.

It can’t be real. There must’ve been a mistake. She tried to convince herself everything was fine, that it was a huge giant mistake and that it couldn’t be Kyungsoo. Not her Kyungsoo.

She got on the subway feeling like life was seeping out of her every second that passed, on her way to meet Kyungsoo.

She had never heard him ever mention anyone by the name of ‘Nayeon’, neither had his friends. It was beyond absurd even by a stranger’s standard to accept that he could’ve been in a relationship with a high school student. And she was in a relationship with him.

It’s going to be fine, she told herself. Once she saw Kyungsoo for herself and talked to him, everything would clear up.

The image of him not responding to her greetings, not acknowledging her and not even talking to her on the phone sprang to her mind for a second but she brushed them away. She needed to trust Kyungsoo.

 But what if it’s true? Her mind asked, and she felt bile rise up . No, it can’t be! she furiously shook away the thought.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Things got real bad, real fast. What do you guys think happened?

Thankyou for reading!