Chapter 27 - As long as you're by my side

After the call with Yoongi, Jisoo went to take a shower and dress herself like a normal human being. She was going to meet Yoongi at the street food place where they had their first meal together. This time however, Jisoo didn’t want to look as terrible as she usually did. She wanted to wear a skirt and no sweatpants, she wanted to brush her hair and not have it all over the place, she wanted to be pretty for him. After she was done, she sneaked out of the house without running into her parents. She was not in the mood to explain her love life to them in this situation. She first wanted to make sure that she actually had a relationship now. Even though it was clear for her, they never actually said they had a relationship out loud in the first place. Jisoo arrived at the place a little early. They were meeting there at 5PM. Eventually Yoongi showed up just on time. He stopped right in front of her but didn’t come too close. He just smiled at her awkwardly and then looked on the floor like an elementary student. Jisoo thought it was super cute. She took the first step and crossed her fingers with his’. Then she dragged him into the tent. “I wanna eat Ddeokbokki” she announced, so they ordered a really big serving for both of them. Jisoo enjoyed it as she never had before. She felt as if the taste was even better than the first time they ate here. After both of them were full Jisoo wanted to get straight to the point. She had waisted so much time already, therefore she wanted to be with him every possible minute. She had to experience that life could be over way too soon, which was why she wouldn’t wait any longer.

“What’s our relationship now?” she asked him. Yoongi just looked at her a little perplexed and seemed to not know what to say. “I mean, you’re officially my boyfriend now right?”

“Well… I guess so”

“Ok then we’re set” Jisoo announced happily and smiled at him. Now a big smile appeared on Yoongi’s face as well and he even had to laugh a little. “Did you meet with your crew today?” Jisoo wanted to know.

“No… I skipped, I had something better to do” he smiled.

After they were done eating, they walked outside for a while until they arrived at a little park near the river. Yoongi sat down and Jisoo sat down right in front of him, so he could put his arms around her. Yoongi rested his head on her shoulder, while Jisoo put her hands on his’. Sitting on the grass like this and looking at the sparkling water was healing Jisoo’s scars a little.

“Can you tell me everything you couldn’t before?” Jisoo wondered.

“What do you want to know?” Yoongi asked in return. Jisoo had so many questions at once, but she decided to ask one after another. She didn’t want to make him feel as if he was being interrogated. “How did you grow up? As far as I know you didn’t grow up with your parents, that’s why I was really surprised when you showed up at my house all dressed up you know.”

“You were super pretty that day…” he said. Jisoo looked at him over her shoulder and Yoongi gave her a kiss on her cheek. Jisoo blushed and looked back at the water to not make him notice. “Well… I grew up with my grandparents in Daegu. They had always been simple people. Even though my parents sent them money for me, they never used any of it. The wanted to raise me in a modest way and I’m really thankful they did. When they died however, my parents came back from abroad and I was forced to come to Seoul with them. We had this sort of agreement that I could do whatever I wanted, as long as my grades were good and I did them a favor once in a while.”

“Wow sounds just as great as my family” Jisoo noted.

“I was lucky though. I was never in the media like you. People don’t know who I am. Even though my parents are quite well known, no one really knows how their son looks like. Compared to you I could always just do and say what I wanted because no one knew who I was anyways. It must be hard for you…”

“I learned how to deal with it. You’re probably the only person besides my family who has seen me struggle. I was always taught to behave, to hide my emotions and to always respond right when there was press of media around. Even in school I had to behave a certain way, because the other kids would tell their parents if I would misbehave. I was scolded a lot when I was young because I just didn’t behave right. Eventually my brother and me learned how to deal with it. It’s like a mask you put on and then you turn into a robot.”

“You seem pretty much human to me though” Yoongi .

“That’s only because you met me when I was at my lowest point. Nobody else knows me like that… I think if my classmates would ever see the real me they would talk about me even more”.

“What are they talking about you though? I thought everyone in your school is pretty famous. How come they are so interested in you?” Yoongi wondered.

“Well… If something out of the ordinary happens you’re the talk of the school basically. No one knows where I’ve been the last few weeks. Some think I went abroad, some think I was in rehab for drugs. The talk is quite big, but my parents made sure that nothing showed up in the press. For the world I was basically dead as well for a few weeks…”

“Am I going to meet the robot Jisoo as well?” Yoongi again.

“I hope not… I don’t want you to see me like that.”

“Then why are you doing it anyways?”

“It’s not just my life you know… I’m not in the position to choose my family. I’m lucky enough that my parents let me dance and let me choose whatever University I want to go to. However I can’t just behave and do whatever I want. It would have a negative effect on my parents’ career. They are in the public eye; therefore we at least need to pretend to be a perfect family”.

Yoongi didn’t say anything for a while. “Let’s go somewhere far away when we’re done with school, just for a little while, somewhere no one knows who we are”, he said and kissed Jisoo’s temple.

“Should we tell our friends?” Jisoo asked him after a while.

“About what?”

“Us…”

“I think we should. I don’t want to tell them more than necessary though, I shocked them enough last time already.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I told you about it that night at the club… I kinda… how should I say this. I told them the truth the next day as well. Jennie called me the next day like a mad person and eventually I told the girls to come over. I told them and the boys about how I met Seokjin and what had happened. Even though I never mentioned it, they kind of knew where I met you as well. They connected the puzzle pieces themselves. I didn’t go to practice for about a week until they dragged me there themselves. They kept trying to convince me that it wasn’t my fault and that I should make up with you but I declined. Namjoon later told me that Jennie was struggling but she eventually ended up staying by my side and not on yours. I’m sorry…”

“Why are you sorry? It’s not even the real truth. Everything they know is basically a lie. I don’t know if I can live with more lies… it’s enough to lie to my own dad. I can’t lie to my friends as well.”

“Your dad doesn’t know?” Yoongi asked perplexed.

“I mean he know what Seokjin did, but he doesn’t know about my brother’s feelings… only my mom does, and she doesn’t want to let him know. It would break his heart.”

“You’re basically saying that your parents’ marriage is based on another lie…”

“It’s so twisted…”, Jisoo sighed. “Talking about lies… I wanna know something.”

“What is it?” Yoongi asked her while burying his face in her hair.

“It wasn’t a coincidence that Jennie found me after the incident at the club right?”

Yoongi lifted his head and looked at her. “So you found out…”

“What about Taehyung?”

“Would you believe me if I told you it was a coincidence?” Yoongi said awkwardly with a big smile on his face.

“Yah! Min Yoongi! Who are you?”

Yoongi just looked at her perplexed. He didn’t know what to answer.

“You’re unbelievable” Jisoo sighed.

Jisoo freed herself from his embrace and turned around to look at him. She took both of his hands in hers. “I never want you to hide anything from me again… Even if it hurts, I never want to experience this again. Whatever it is, we can get through it together as long as we tell each other. If you feel uncomfortable or if I’m annoying, I want you to tell me… please.”

Yoongi freed one of his hands to push back Jisoo’s hair. Just looking him straight in the face made Jisoo’s stomach turn upside down. His pale skin, his wild black hair and his eyes that only she understood made her go crazy. How could someone like her deserve someone like him?

“I will never lie to you ever again. I promise” Yoongi answered her plead.

“When I was fed up and lost, back then when I fell into a pit of despair… even when I pushed you away, even when I resented meeting you… You were firmly by my side. You didn’t have to say anything and I’m really thankful for that. So don’t ever let go of my hand, I won’t let you go ever again either” Jisoo said with watery eyes.

Yoongi patted her cheek and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m never gonna let go of you, don’t worry.” Jisoo was so happy. With him by her side she was able to forget all of her hardships. With him by her side she could eventually find a little piece of peace and happiness for herself.

It was getting dark slowly and they had to go back home. Jisoo’s parents were probably freaking out already because she didn’t tell them that she was going out in the first place. At the same time Jisoo didn’t even bother checking her phone. She didn’t want a second with Yoongi to be interrupted by anyone. Yoongi walked her back home, even though it was quite a long walk. Jisoo enjoyed the time though. It meant that she could talk to him even longer. Eventually he told her that he called Jennie to go after her. The situation with Taehyung was in fact not a mere coincidence. Yoongi had been walking around that area restlessly and eventually saw Jisoo walking around there as well. When she sat down in the park he called his friend to ask him for help. The whole time she talked to Taehyung Yoongi had been watching them from the shadows. Just hearing this Jisoo felt thankful. Even when she hated him, he still loved her. On the way back home Jisoo couldn’t stop asking him questions. She wanted to know everything. His favorite color, his favorite song, what food he liked the most… Things she never cared about when she met someone, but concerning Yoongi it was important to her. For the first time in her life every detail was important to her. Usually she didn’t even care about people’s names, but she just wanted to know everything about Yoongi. Every time she asked him something he wanted to know her answer in return. By talking to him the long walk home was over way too soon.

They arrived at Jisoo’s house but none of them wanted to let go.

“Should we meet with our friends together tomorrow then?” Yoongi suggested. Jisoo just nodded. Just thinking about not seeing him for a day made her feel terrible. They had been separated for too long already. Jisoo let go of his hand and put her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. Yoongi returned the embrace and played with her hair. They probably stood there for too long but right now Jisoo didn’t care. She had to face her parents sooner or later anyways. If they would ask about their relationship, Jisoo wouldn’t deny a thing. Jisoo looked up into his eyes.

“Can I call you before I go to sleep?” she asked him.

Yoongi just nodded and smiled at her.

“I guess I should go in and face the dragons…” Jisoo joked. She freed herself from Yoongi even though she didn’t want to, but she felt her body getting tired. She still didn’t regain all of her strength. She needed to rest before she would go back to school tomorrow and before she had to face her friends and tell them the truth.

“I’m gonna tell the girls to come over to our practice place… I’m not going to tell them about you yet. Let’s surprise them”. Yoongi suggested and Jisoo nodded. Then they didn’t say anything for another few seconds. Whenever they didn’t know what to say, Jisoo felt charged. Her body wanted to react but her brain told her not to. Looking at him like this made all her hormones go wild and she didn’t like to be out of control like this. At the same time it was a fantastic feeling. It was something she had never felt in her entire life. It seemed as if Yoongi felt the same as he seemed to be a bit awkward again. Jisoo eventually let go of him and was ready to say goodbye for today. Before Jisoo could say anything again, Yoongi came a step closer. He took Jisoo’s face in both of his hands and kissed her passionately. Jisoo had troubles breathing but she didn’t care. At that moment all she could feel was the taste of Yoongi’s lips. They tasted like everything that Jisoo loved. It was a special taste she would never be able to describe. It was a taste reserved for only her and she loved it even more.

After a kiss that was too short for Jisoo, Yoongi freed his lips from hers. “I think you should go in now…” he said slightly out of breath. Jisoo just nodded, as she would only say something stupid in her mental state right now. She slowly turned around and walked up to her front door. She turned around again. Yoongi was waiting for her to go in and smiled at her with happiness in his eyes. It made Jisoo’s heart melt again. “I’ll talk to you later” he said while she opened the door. Before she entered she waved at him again and then went in. She closed the door behind her and put her hands on her face. Her face must’ve been red like a tomato, as it was burning like fire. Her heart skipped a few beats again just thinking about him. This couldn’t be healthy… however she just didn’t care. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had been this carefree.

Inside Jisoo already heard her parents talking. It seemed like they were at the dining table already. Jisoo tried to mentally prepare herself for what was to come next. She never really imagined having a boyfriend talk with her parents in the first place, and the situation was more than unusual anyways. She tried to pretend that nothing happened and walked in. While she was sitting down on her place Jisoo noticed that her parents were still sitting in the new seating arrangements as they looked at her. Then they started eating. For a second Jisoo was perplexed but then ate as well, the talk would begin soon enough and Jisoo definitely didn’t want to start it. Her parents continued talking about their political business and Jisoo just ignored it as usual. Eventually her dad started talking to her.

“You seem quite happy Jisoo… that’s good” he said. Jisoo didn’t really know what to answer so she just nodded her head with a little smile on her face.

“The thing is… it’s not that I don’t want you to be happy sweetie, but I thought you knew how to be discrete” her mother continued. It has always been like that. Her dad was the one with a soft heart who would only say nice things. Even if he had to say something bad, he still managed to wrap it into pretty words. Her mother on the other hand was just way to straight forward. Maybe that opposite made them such a good match. Jisoo did not quite know what her mother was trying to get at though.

“What do you mean?” Jisoo asked. Her mother opened her smartphone and gave it to Jisoo. What she saw made her heart jump, at the same time it scared her though. What did she even think would happen? When did she ever have private life? Did she actually think the press would be ignoring her just because she was having a hard time? There were pictures on her mother’s phone of her and Yoongi in several situations. One was in the middle of the city, it was the first time Jisoo had gotten out of the institution after not leaving it for several weeks. Another one was in the city as well and Jisoo remembered it exactly. It was the day Yoongi and her had been causing a scene in the middle of a bunch of people. Other pictures were from the party Jisoo wasn’t even supposed to be at. The newest picture was from just today. It showed Yoongi and Jisoo cuddling in the park. Jisoo was speechless. She had been so focused on herself that she actually forgot about the life she was living. She changed therefore she somehow expected everything else to change along the way. The press however just did what they always did. They followed people around to find mistakes.

“I personally really like Yoongi. He is really polite, he’s from a good family and he seemed to quite smart last time at dinner as well. I’m just not sure how this will affect our political party. So far I was able to stop any sort or articles. You know I have a lot of friends in big publishing companies, the excuse that you’re still not feeling well after your brothers passing will not work for much longer though” her mother added.

“We know that you two met in the institution Jisoo, therefore your mother and me are just not sure if this relationship is healthy for the both of you”, her father explained. Of course, it was like that. Of course, they made a background check on everyone she ever encountered. They probably also had an entire file on all of her other friends… she hated this. What did they know about a healthy relationship? They knew nothing! Their whole marriage seemed to be based on secrets!

“You also have to consider Yoongi. So far he has never been in the news or any sort of media. He had a very protected childhood and it seems to me that he likes it that way. Eventually reports will be published about you dating someone and then the public will want to know who he is as well”, her dad added. He was right. Jisoo never even thought about it. She couldn’t keep her relationship a secret if they met in public like this. If they would make it public however, people would start to gossip about Yoongi, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Then we’re just going to be careful from now on” Jisoo suggested.

“It’s not that easy Jisoo. I’m not sure if he fits with the public image” he mother tried to explain. Jisoo started to get angry. What was that supposed to mean? He didn’t fit what image? The image of a perfect family? There was everything but perfection in this family…

“Just because everything in this family is a lie, doesn’t mean that I want to live my life like that!” Jisoo told them. “I don’t care if he doesn’t fit into your perfect little world. I just want to be happy, I need to be happy from now on, otherwise I can’t handle this anymore”.

“Jisoo…” her father tried to start, but Jisoo got up and left the table. She didn’t want to hear it. She went into her room and sat down at her table. She tried to think of something else and tried to do some school work. However, she just couldn’t concentrate at all. Why was there always a problem? Now that she finally cleared the misunderstandings her parents were trying to take away her happiness. What the hell! She wanted to call Yoongi but he was probably still on his way home. She also didn’t want to be too clingy on him either. She decided to get ready to sleep. She went to the bathroom to take a long shower and then went under her blankets. She was a little bit hungry but she wasn’t in the mood to argue with her parents again. What annoyed her the most was the way they were talking about him. They didn’t even ask anything about him, because they thought that they knew everything about him. The truth however was that they knew nothing. They didn’t know how much Jisoo and Yoongi shared with each other, how much they needed each other. Jisoo’s parents just saw him as an acquaintance that was influencing their careers. She thought about every possibility on how to protect him from the media, but if she wanted to be with him she couldn’t keep it a secret forever.

As if he could hear her thoughts Yoongi called her. Of course, he heard in Jisoo’s voice that something was bothering her and eventually she told him the situation. She hated to be a part of this family. She just wanted to live a quiet and peaceful life… was that so much to ask for?

“I mean it’s not like we can hide it forever… let’s just keep it a secret for as long as we can and when the time is right we can just make it official”, Yoongi suggested.

“But I don’t want you to be in the spotlight like that. They are going to find out pretty much everything about your life. Your privacy is going to be affected” Jisoo argued.

“Nothing I read online about you turned out to be true… you’re totally different. If you teach me how I can protect myself as well. It’s not like I care what people say about me anyways” Yoongi joked.

“That’s not funny though… I just don’t want to drag you somewhere you don’t want to. My family is the problem. If my family would have been ordinary, things would be so much easier.”

“Don’t worry about it. My parents are probably going to be happy if they find out eventually. As long as you’re by my side nothing bad will happen Jisoo. I promise” Yoongi replied. His words calmed her down a little, but she knew that trouble was ahead.

The next morning Jisoo felt uneasy. She felt bad for arguing with her parents, she felt bad for Yoongi trying to take off the burden and she didn’t know how the afternoon would go by. She had to face her friends and tell them the truth. They remained at Yoongi’s side after he told them his side of the story, Jisoo could only hope they would do the same for her. After she got ready for school she went downstairs to eat breakfast. Her parents were sitting at the table not saying much. Jisoo just ate peacefully. Right before she was ready to leave she made an announcement. “We’re not going to break up… ever. We’re going to pay more attention from now on. If it’s going to cause a problem for you I’ll just make it official.” Jisoo said and stood up. Her parents just looked at her perplexed. “Ok then” her dad said.

Just like that? Seriously? Just what was wrong with these people… Jisoo would never be able to understand their way of thinking. What was with the sudden change of heart? How come they just agreed? Honestly, Jisoo didn’t really care and just went to school. It bothered her the entire morning but there was nothing she could do to try to understand her parents’ motives. During lunch time Jisoo stayed in the classroom to study. She wasn’t hungry and she didn’t want to meet Jennie yet. It would be awkward enough later. After school Jisoo stayed at school for another hour. At first Yoongi wanted to pick her up from school but then they decided that it wasn’t a good idea if they had to keep their relationship a secret for as long as possible. Yoongi told her which bus stop she had to get off at what time, therefore Jisoo still had some time to finish up her homework. Even though she had been missing for another few days she could still keep up with the lessons. The other students took note of Jisoo being back but they didn’t care that much. For Jisoo this was fine, she didn’t want to deal with them anymore. She was so done with pretending to like these people that only cared about themselves. At the same time Jisoo knew that she was similar to them… she used to only care about herself. Now a lot of things have changed that made her realize that there are other people that needed care in her life as well. Even though she was still selfish enough to find something similar to happiness, she still wondered if she changed for the better or worse.

It was time for her to leave. She took the bus which took her into the direction of the practice hall of the boys. Looking at the map now, Jisoo didn’t even wonder why she couldn’t find it when she got out of the institution. It was still in Seoul but somewhere in the middle of nowhere. She was nervous, but at the same time she just wanted to get it over with. She arrived at the bus station where Yoongi was already waiting for her. He didn’t wear his school uniform but casual clothes. Jisoo felt a little uncomfortable in her uniform now. As soon as she got out of the bus Yoongi smiled at her. She was happy to see him as well. Just looking at him she felt as if she found her balance again. It was as if simply his presence calmed down her mind. Her heart however was jumping around like crazy. Jisoo approached him and put her arm around his neck without much thinking. She just wanted to rest her head on his shoulders for a little bit.

“You’re lucky there’s no one around” Yoongi joked. Saying that Jisoo realized that she should think before acting. If she wanted to protect Yoongi from the media she would have to learn to control herself. It was hard though, whenever Yoongi was around her brain just didn’t function right. She felt like an idiot but it felt nice to be one.

“Here” Yoongi said and put on a black baseball hat on Jisoo’s head. “You should also wear your facemask more often” he added. Just looking at him Jisoo’s cheeks blushed. Just thinking about it Yoongi was often wearing a cap or a beanie and his facemask was basically part of his everyday outfit. He was way better at hiding than Jisoo was. Looking at them now wearing the same cap made her heart flutter again. It seemed as if he bought it especially for her to match his. It made Jisoo smile like an idiot. Yoongi smiled back at her and took her hand. They slowly walked to the practice room. As they arrived Yoongi slowed down his steps until he came to a stop.

“Jisoo… let’s not tell them too much”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s not tell them about Seokjin’s feelings for you”

“I thought we wanted to tell them the truth though…” Jisoo said.

Yoongi turned sideways to look at her. “You wanted to tell them the truth, not me” he explained. “For me it would be fine if we just tell them everything was a misunderstanding and that we’re all good now”.

“That would be a lie though”

“Do you think it will make this entire situation easier on them if they know the entire story?”

“But if we don’t tell them, they might still think it was your fault”

“That’s fine Jisoo… I don’t want them to… to judge Seokjin in any way” he said and looked on the floor. “It’s still hard for me to accept what happened. Even if you say it wasn’t my fault I still believe that it partly is.”

“Then it’s both of our fault! It’s not like we can turn back time now” Jisoo argued. Looking at Yoongi all down like that made her sad as well. She tried so hard to take the burden off of him but he still thought he was the cause of her despair. It made her realize that both of them were selfish enough to ignore their guilt in order to find happiness.   “There’s nothing wrong with being happy” Jisoo told him. “That’s all Seokjin wanted for us”. Yoongi didn’t reply.

“If you want we can just leave it out. I’ll figure it out” she said and hugged him tightly. Yoongi eventually returned the embrace as well and buried his face in her hair. “As long as we both know the truth it’s enough. Let’s not burden everyone because of us. I think it’s best to just let them know what’s necessary for them to understand the situation. I want Seokjin to find peace”. Jisoo couldn’t believe his words… was he still trying to protect everyone else while sacrificing his own pride? Why would he try to convince everyone that Jisoo had nothing to do with it? At the same time Jisoo was glad that Yoongi tried to protect her brother’s image. She wanted Seokjin to remain as perfect as he was to her and no one should ever talk badly about him ever. Maybe Yoongi’s suggestion really was the right thing to do at the moment.