Chapter 1 - I will love you always and forever

Kim Jisoo - that was her name apparently. She didn’t know where she was. It felt like she was laying on a mattress somewhere. She could feel some sort of soft fabric on her, probably a blanket. It felt soft and warm. The place she was in didn’t have a smell though, almost as if the fragrance was out of the air on purpose. It felt as time had stopped. No fragrance in the air, no feelings in her body, no emotions left in her mind. She felt like an empty shell of a human being. Where was she? Why was she there? What had happened?

Jisoo didn’t see anything, as she had no strength to open her eyes, but she heard voices telling her to wake up. Wake up from what? Who were these people? The only thing she saw was darkness. Never ending darkness she seemed to be trapped in. Darkness she couldn’t escape from. The voice of a crying woman became louder and louder

               “Jisoo please wake up! Don’t leave your mom alone too!”, the woman cried.

               “Kim Jisoo! Listen to your mother…” a man’s voice added.

The voices were familiar, she knew them. These were her parents. Right… Kim Jisoo, that was her name. She remembered.

What she also remembered was her brother Kim Seokjin. The lovely and always happy Seokjin. Just thinking about his name made her feel all the pain again. She felt the devastation and the hopelessness. She remembered where she was and why. She was in a hospital in Seoul. Jisoo didn’t know what day exactly it was but the last thing she remembered was fainting in the hospital after hearing the news about her beloved brother.

That day Jisoo came to the hospital like she would every day. As she approached her brother’s room, his doctor stopped her in the hallway. Jisoo was prepared for everything but not for what the doctor was going to say next.

               “Ms. Kim. I have already informed your parents and they are on their way here. I’m very sorry for your loss. The hospital wants to express our condolences”.

Jisoo didn’t understand, she didn’t want to understand. She was afraid to ask the doctor anything and decided not to get too confused. This might as well just be a dream. She had these types of dreams in the past, where her brother died but afterwards she would always wake up and find him alive.

               “I’m going to see my brother now” Jisoo said, smiled at the doctor and entered Seokjin’s room.

               “Ms. Kim please wait” the doctor tried to stop her.

As Jisoo entered the room she expected Seokjin to be there like always, but the moment she entered the room he wasn’t there.

               “Ms. Kim” the doctor said, as he entered the room right behind her. “Your parents will be here soon, so please wait here. And… we found this on his nightstand. It’s addressed to you.” He gave Jisoo a letter with her name on it. She was sure, this was Seokjin’s handwriting.

“Please take your time. The nurses will be outside if you need anything”.

And just like that the doctor left. Jisoo looked at the letter and then at the bed in the room. This was a dream, right? Why would her brother not be here? What kind of a bad joke was this? Jisoo walked over to Seokjin’s bed and sat down. Her hands were trembling as she opened the letter. She was scared of the words she was about to read. One more time she prayed to God that this was only a bad nightmare she would wake up from every minute. She took out the paper with Seokjin’s handwriting on it.

Dear Jisoo,

If you read this letter it means I’m not here anymore. It means I wasn’t strong enough to stay by your side and for that I’m sorry.

You always said I’m your hero, but now it is time for you to move on and become a hero yourself. Being your brother and your hero made me prouder than you could ever imagine. The moment you entered my life was the biggest blessing for me. I watched you grow up into a strong, independent and beautiful woman.

I’m sorry I took this decision, but I couldn’t do this to you anymore. I couldn’t continue to live in this world that gives us no hope. I was nothing but a burden to our family and I didn’t want you to live your life for me. You need to find your own path and your own future.

The only hope I have left is that you won’t take the same decision. I beg you. You can blame me all you want but don’t do the same to our parents that I did to you. I know you’re stronger than me and if you ever feel like giving up, please think of me. Please live for me and make me even prouder, as I will be watching over you. I want you to enjoy every second of your life… make a lot of real friends, fall in love and show the world who you truly are and what you’re capable of. I didn’t have the strength to break out and to stop pretending, but I know you can do it… for the both of us.

I will love you always and forever,

Your Brother,

Seokjin

After reading the letter repeatedly Jisoo finally realized that this wasn’t a dream. Even after reading it so many times she just didn’t wake up. After some time, she stood up and walked to the window. As she looked outside of the window it began to rain heavily. Her eyesight became blurry only for her to notice that she was crying. She didn’t know how long she was standing there and how much she cried, but no one ever came. No one was there until her world turned black.