#np Jessica's Tonight

2018

I don’t know if I should feel happy or not. The man who I had been crushing on for so many years has been married to me. But I can’t be happy, not when he doesn’t feel the same way. His eyes were filled with solemnness since early in the morning, and they became worse when we were pronounced husband and wife not too long ago.

And our first kiss, it felt like sandpaper. Coarse and bitter.

He didn’t even look in my eyes, he just stared blankly at a spot behind me as our lips touched for a brief moment. And it hurt my heart like hell.

I know I’m being such a childish brat who couldn’t let go of the past. I want to get over him, but I can’t. I realize that my heart for him has never changed. Seeing him again after 8 years relights the feelings I that held onto him.

I still love him.

“So, we’re finally married…”

Those are his first words as soon as we entered our hotel room. He rubs the back of his neck and soon, he has his eyes around the spacious room. I don’t know what to say too, this feels so awkward.

“Let’s set things straight between us again. I… I think we should just act like we’re just acquaintances when we’re around each other. When we meet our parents or outside, let’s act like a couple. I won’t interfere in your life and you should also do the same. There are no strange feelings between us, right? So, let it stay that way. This marriage shouldn’t hinder any of us in doing anything that we want. Do you agree on that?”

My heart sinks when I heard his long remarks. It’s as if he’s telling straight to my face that he doesn’t have any feelings for me, at all. He doesn’t care about me, he wouldn’t meddle in my life affairs and I should also do the same.

Those facts hurt.

Suddenly, his phone rings. It sounds like work.

But I know I can’t stay here for any more minute. Tears are already pooling in my eyes. While Wonho’s talking to his colleague in his phone, I hastily rush outside the hotel room, bringing my phone and only clad in this skimpy wedding dress.

*

Jeju is surely pretty at night.

I wrap my arms around myself and inhale a deep breath. I know I shouldn’t cry, not over this matter but somehow, I just can’t help feeling sad over this pitiful one sided love for Wonho. The night’s so cold, that my lips are shivering but I can’t get back to the hotel room now.

It’s because I know I will break down and cry so badly in front of him as soon as I look into his eyes.

Just like how I am now.

“Oh, Kim Jiyeon-ssi?”

That deep voice… I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and try to coordinate my breaths. When I look up, I can see a black head, but I still remember that same warm eyes that I haven’t seen for quite a while.

“Taeil-ssi?”

My sight then